Silver Linings (8 page)

The doorbell chimed and I glanced at my watch. I wasn't sure who it might be. The two women I'd been expecting had arrived and had already registered. They'd let me know how much they liked their rooms. I'd left them fresh flowers from my garden, and the windows were open so a cool breeze came through. September really was a lovely time of the year in the Pacific Northwest. I rolled my shoulders, resolving to set aside my concerns and worries over Mark, planted a welcoming smile on my face, and headed to the front door.

Rover beat me there and sat on his haunches, ready to greet whoever had stopped by.

It was Mark.

He rarely bothered to ring the doorbell. He held the empty glass and the plate in his hands. “Thanks,” he said.

I opened the door wider, took the glass and plate, and set them aside, waiting for him to come in. He remained standing on the other side of the threshold.

“I've about finished with the painting,” he said, and reached inside his hip pocket and removed a folded slip of paper.

My gaze fell on it. The bill.

“But you aren't finished.”

“Close enough, Jo Marie.”

Reluctantly, I took the paper out of his hand and lowered my gaze. I didn't want him to know how difficult I found this moment to be.

After Coco unpacked her suitcase she sat on the edge of the bed and looked out the window of her room onto the cove below. Sailboats bobbed on the waters of the marina and the Olympic mountains framed the background. Coco had forgotten how beautiful the view was from the cove. Next, her gaze drifted to the high school set on a hill in view of the inn. Almost against her will, her attention lingered there.

Now that she was back in Cedar Cove, she couldn't stop thinking of those first few weeks when Ryan paid her attention. After the school dance that Friday night in which Ryan had made it clear he was interested in her, Coco had been on an emotional high that lasted the entire weekend. Overnight she'd gone from a girl who others viewed as quirky and eccentric to something of a sensation. Everyone, it seemed, wanted to talk to her about what was happening between her and Ryan. As if she knew. One day she was just another girl on the drill team and the next she was being sought after by the most popular boy in school.

Coco didn't know what to tell those who were curious. She couldn't explain why Ryan was pursuing her. As far as she knew, she hadn't even been on his radar. And yet it was the most exciting thing to happen to her in her four-year high school career. Perhaps she should have stopped then and reasoned it out. If she had, then the events that followed might have been avoided.

By Monday morning when Coco arrived at school, the subject of her and Ryan had spread like a California wildfire.

He fanned the flames by seeking her out in the cafeteria at lunchtime. Despite the fact that she was surrounded by friends, he made a point of asking her to join him outside. Coco numbly nodded and followed.

“You look great in that skirt,” he said, admiration in his voice.

“This old thing?” she joked. It
was
old. She'd picked it up at a secondhand store and worked her magic. Taking something discarded and giving it new life was her gift.

He smiled and Coco swore the sun grew brighter. This guy was drop-dead gorgeous and he was paying attention to her. To her! As they sat eating their lunch together on the grass with no one else around, Ryan mentioned Homecoming. The school hallways were lined with posters about the dance.

“Are you going?” he asked.

Her heart started to pound with such an erratic beat for a moment she feared that she might actually faint. “I…I don't know yet.”

“Has anyone asked you?”

“No,” she whispered, afraid to meet his look for fear he would notice how shallow her breathing had become. It was a half-lie. Hudson Hamilton, one of the nerdiest guys in their class, had made a bumbling effort to ask her but hadn't been able to get the words out. Even before he finished she'd told him she wasn't interested. She hadn't meant to be rude, but in retrospect it had probably come out that way. The truth of it was she'd rather sit home and watch reruns of
Lizzy McGuire
than attend Homecoming with Hudson. She doubted he'd ever kissed a girl and she could only imagine what it would be like to dance with him. It didn't take much imagination to know Hudson on a dance floor was a disaster waiting to happen.

“Would you like to go with me?” Ryan asked.

Coco had been too stunned to respond. It didn't seem possible that Ryan Temple had just asked her to attend Homecoming with him. A date with Ryan, who was sure to be nominated for Homecoming king, was beyond the realm of possibility. For what seemed like an eternity, all she could manage was to stare openmouthed at him, hardly able to believe she'd heard him correctly.

“Coco?”

She pressed her hand over her chest. “Okay,” she squeaked. The lone word robbed her of oxygen and she gasped for air. In an effort to appear as nonchalant as possible, she smiled and added, “That would be great.”

His face broke into a huge smile. “Perfect. What color is your dress? I want to be sure the corsage will match.”

Flowers? Dress?
She hadn't given the matter of the dance, let alone a dress, more than a wayward thought.

From that time forward, Coco's world had gone into a whirlwind of activity and excitement. Ryan Temple had asked her to Homecoming. She was going to be his date! The entire school knew Ryan had asked her. It was as if it'd been announced over the school intercom.

By the time Homecoming rolled around, Coco swore there was less fuss made over a royal wedding. The week preceding the dance had been crazy. Though she wanted to find something secondhand and fix it up, her mother insisted that Coco buy a new dress, and so they had begun a shopping expedition to find the perfect one, along with shoes and other accessories. She had her hair and nails styled at the priciest salon in Cedar Cove. Her mother said Coco looked positively stunning. Her father took pictures.

The night of the dance, when Ryan came to pick her up in his father's car, it felt like something out of a fairy tale. He'd talked to her parents for a few minutes until she appeared. When Coco stepped into the room, he slowly came to his feet as if she were an angel who'd made a visitation to earth. Her beauty left him speechless, or at least that was the impression he wanted to make, and naturally she fell for it.

On the ride to the dance Ryan repeatedly told her how beautiful she looked and how it was hard for him to take his eyes off her to drive. Oh, how foolish she'd been. Once they arrived they danced to every song. Just as she expected, Ryan was named Homecoming king, but he wouldn't hear of her dancing with anyone but him. She was the entire focus of his attention. He acted as if he'd fallen head over heels in love with her.

After the dance, Ryan suggested they drive around for a while and she'd agreed. Most every other couple she knew were going to one of the after-parties. For her part Coco was caught in this magical fantasy, and if Ryan wanted to spend time alone with her, then that was what she wanted, too. Her head swam with joy.

After a short while, Ryan parked the car in a dark area that overlooked the cove. Lights from the navy shipyard sparkled in the distance. It was romantic and perfect in every way. It grew even more wonderful when Ryan kissed her.

Eagerly, Coco came into his arms, loving the taste and the feel of him. She didn't know how long they kissed before he groped for the zipper at the back of her dress and lowered it enough to gain access to her breasts. Coco wasn't completely naïve and she knew matters were advancing far too quickly. She broke off the kiss and drew in several breaths in the hope of clearing her head before things grew any more serious.

Ryan paused. But then he brought his mouth back to hers, seducing her with his tongue, whispering how much he loved and needed her, until her head was swimming. This was his night. He'd been crowned king and she was his queen. His beautiful queen. When he started fondling her breasts she let him. It felt so right and so good, and the endearments he whispered were as heady as any aphrodisiac. A little while later he slid his hand up her dress. Again, she stopped him, only it was far more difficult this time. She liked what he did to her, enjoyed this sensation of feeling desirable. Oh, how he wanted her. He was desperate for her, he claimed, his need so great that he was in pain.

“Ryan,” she whispered, having trouble speaking. She drew in deep breaths in a valiant effort to end the lovemaking while she could. She held on to his wrist. “This is our first date…I think we should stop.”

“Okay,” he whispered, kissing her again. “Anything you say.”

His hands continued to work their magic, and as much as she wanted him to stop, she couldn't make herself say the words. It was all so new and wonderful. She had some experience, but nothing like this.

Coco had been a full participant of what happened next. He'd been gentle with her, and while they'd made love in the backseat of his father's Mercedes, it hadn't felt cheap or demeaning. He'd held and kissed her afterward and thanked her for giving herself to him, for letting him be the first.

Later, once she was home, Coco hadn't been able to sleep. She was blissfully in love, floating on a dream, rationalizing what had happened. Losing one's virginity was a rite of passage, and a lot of the girls in her class had already given up their V-card. Ryan had made it as perfect as possible, and she loved him with all her heart. He'd made her feel like a queen just the way he claimed she was.

Sunday in church she felt the first stirrings of regret, but she managed to convince herself that once she talked to Ryan any unease she felt would go away.

She waited all day for him to call. When she hadn't heard from him by late afternoon, she sent him a text, but he didn't reply. He was busy…she was sure she remembered him saying something about being with his grandparents or his aunt or something and that he would be out of touch. He had said that, hadn't he?

Coco was busy herself, chatting with friends, reliving every minute of the dance, explaining that it'd been the most romantic night of her life. The big question she got was where she and Ryan had disappeared to following the dance. They'd received any number of invitations to parties and hadn't made a showing at a single one. Coco was able to sidestep the questions, although she wished she had discussed with Ryan how best to answer. What happened with them was private and beautiful and something she didn't want spread around school.

Monday morning, she waited for him in the school parking lot. She felt a deep sense of relief when she saw him. He was with three of his friends. They laughed when they saw her.

Laughed.

Ryan gave a high five to each one as they strolled past her as if she were invisible.

“Ryan?” she called, and raced after him. He ignored her completely. It was as if he hadn't heard or seen her. And so she tried again. “Ryan.” She stood directly in front of him so that the only way to get around was to sidestep her.

“What?” he demanded.

Coco swallowed hard and didn't know what to say. “I waited for you.”

“So?”

“I thought…”

“I've got class,” he said, and left her standing on the steps leading up to the school, numb with shock and disbelief.

Only later did she learn the awful truth. Having sex with her had been a bet, a challenge. She'd been known as a “good girl,” and when Ryan had boasted that he could have sex with any girl he wanted, his friends had dared him to try to get her in bed. All it took was a bit of attention and one date.

Ryan and his sick friends acted as if they'd conquered Rome. Within a matter of minutes, Coco was convinced the entire school had heard about Ryan's game. He'd claimed he could have any girl he wanted and he'd proved it with her. Any girl—and Coco had been an easy conquest. Next time, he bragged, he'd look for a real challenge.

As soon as she learned the truth, Coco went home and didn't return to school for nearly a week. It was easy enough to convince her mother she had the flu, seeing that it wasn't far from the truth. She was sick to her stomach and even sicker at heart, spending her time in bed, unable to face her friends.

In the ten years since, the humiliation of what Ryan had done had never completely left her.

While she was home she heard that someone had slashed Ryan's tires. Suspicion quickly fell on her, though, needless to say, such a thing would never have even occurred to her. Coco never learned who was responsible, though whoever did it was a hero in her eyes.

When word got out that Ryan had slept with Coco, her friends had been sympathetic, but none more than Katie. Although a new friend, Katie had stopped by the house every afternoon with a list of homework assignments from Coco's classes. Katie didn't mention Coco's humiliation. She'd been kind and thoughtful and gentle.

The girls in drill team were less so. They said Ryan was a pig, but Coco knew that if he were to ask any of them out, they'd leap at the chance the same way she had.

Returning to school took courage. But at some point, hiding away in her bedroom and licking her wounds was no longer an option. The only way she could think to deal with Ryan and his friends or anyone else who brought up the subject was to pretend what he'd done didn't matter. And so she showed complete indifference to him and shrugged it off as no big deal. Who was to say she wasn't a virgin, anyway? Ryan could claim what he wanted, but no one would ever know for sure.