Sidelines (Wounded Hearts #1) (24 page)

Surprise, then a mock glare, crosses his face before he speaks up. “I pleaded the Fifth then, I’m pleading it now.”

His response actually makes me giggle. “How did you even know to do so at ten?”

“I quickly learned that whenever it came to whatever trouble my brother got us into, Pleading the Fifth was my only defense.”

“But the way I hear it, you couldn’t incriminate yourself because you had no clue it was wrong.”

He chuckles and rubs his chin. “I suppose that’s probably true. And I probably shouldn’t put all the blame on Drew, especially since it was Jared who told me that I got extra points for hitting the windows.” He shakes his head and stares out at the field with look that tells me he’s lost in simpler times. I take a second to appreciate his profile. His square jaw, high cheekbones, and strong nose all accentuate his lips. Those lips that came dangerously close to kissing my own last night.

“What about you? Spend anytime in lock-up?”

My memories of last night are blitzed by memories of my one night in jail. The cold from the cinder block walls seep beneath the sleeves of my shirt and send shivers down my spine.

“Just once. I…I got picked up behind Waldorf’s Pizzeria. Apparently dumpsters in alleys are not suitable places to sleep.”

Logan’s eyes widen to the point that I’m afraid they’re going to pop out of his head. “You’re kidding me.”

“I wish I were.” How much I wish I could just tell him I’m making up this bizarre story about a scared, runaway teen who was so messed up she couldn’t fathom people having arguments without a punch or two being thrown.  “I had a really crappy past. My mom had a revolving door of angry men and I promised myself when I left her house, I wouldn’t be a target for any person again. So when Maggie and Walt got into this huge fight over me, I left. The officer who found me was really nice and tried to take me to a foster home, but by the time she found me, Maggie and Walt were already at the station filing a runaway report. They were there explaining my situation when Officer Carol brought me in.”

Logan’s jaw locks and he gazes out at the sky that is turning darker by the second. I know if it were me, I’d have about a billion questions after that extremely vague explanation, so it doesn’t surprise me when he starts to ask. “So your mom…”

“Is no longer my problem.”

A surprised, hurt look flashes across his face as he turns back to me.

“You don’t have anything to do with her at all?”

“Why should I? She abandoned me long ago for whatever flavor of the week she could get her hands on. She left me to fend off the drunks she let in. She couldn’t care less if I ate or attended school; I was nothing but a mere inconvenience in her life. So I left.”

Logan rubs a hand over his face and exhales shakily. Thunder rumbles in the distance and I fear we’re going to spend another night in the safe room. “Allie.”

“Don’t, Logan. I got over it all long ago. My life is better now. If I hadn’t met Maggie and Walt…well, I wouldn’t be sitting across from you here, now.” I shrug like it’s no big deal, but really it is. “They believed in me, gave me a safe place to stay, put fresh, home-cooked food in front of me and made sure that I finished school. With honors. They invested so much in me I will never be able to repay them. Which is why what happened last night…it can’t happen again.”

The fire in his eyes is back, but behind it is exactly what I hate seeing from anyone I’ve shared my story with. He’ll never look at me the same again. Maybe that will make the line a whole lot easier from crossing.

“Please, don’t look at me like that.”

His features soften and the fire in his eyes turns down to a flame. “Like what.”

“Like you want to fix me, fix my head so that we can have whatever it is you want.”

He presses his lips together and glances down for just a moment. When he looks back up, determination is so etched in his soul I can practically read his thoughts before he says them out loud.

“I don’t want to fix you. But I do want you to know that—”

Lightning cracks not too far off and the clouds churn above as a gust of wind blows hair into my face.

“We should go in, but listen to me, Logan. I can’t say that deep down, I wouldn’t mind letting what was going to happen last night—”

“You mean you wouldn’t mind kissing me?”

My patience waning, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “No, Logan. I wouldn’t mind. But let’s be real about a few things. First, letting anything get between us would compromise the integrity of this article. We both have so much riding on it, neither of us can afford for that to happen. Second, even if we did let something get between us, and it grew, how would that work? Your life if here. The ranch, your family. You can’t and won’t leave them. My life is in San Jose, with Walt and the station. This would never work and I’ve already had enough people cash out on me to be unable to withstand anyone else doing the same. I’m sorry.”

I get up and gather my things, rushing into the house as if Logan and the storm were chasing me. I take my belongings to my room, taking as much time as possible in what little of a sanctuary I have here. Logan may be too much of a gentleman to not enter my room uninvited, but I become fair game just as soon as I step one toe out the door.

I hear him call for Hank, and a second later the telltale sounds of claws click-clacking across the wood floor tells me they retreated to the study. Oh, how I could use a good game to take my mind off everything right now. The storm. The almost-kiss. The past that just won’t seem to stay where it belongs.

Thunder rattles the windows as the storm creeps closer and closer. I try my best to ignore it as I pull up my laptop and check my email. I read through a couple of tips sent by various scouts about the different training camps they like to bunk out at and I suddenly wish I was sitting on rock-hard bleachers in the humid evening air, watching a bunch of smelly boys run drills and routes. Frustration hits me just as the first raindrops pelt the windows, so I close the laptop and decide to risk exposure for a soothing cup of tea. Or coffee. Not like I’m going to get to sleep tonight anyway.

Logan isn’t in the living room when I creep as quietly as I can into the kitchen. Lightning flashes and lights up the empty kitchen a moment before I reach for the light switch. The bright track and recessed lighting give off way too much light for this gloomy night, so I immediately turn them back off and opt for just the light over the breakfast nook before I move myself to the coffee bar. I find a box of green tea and a bottle of honey easily and make myself a cup before curling up in a chair to watch the storm rip through the countryside. The poor shrubs that make up the beautiful landscape outside the large picture window thrash around in the wind, and rain crashes around so violently I instinctively clutch the mug in my hand as if it will secure me in the downpour.

“You don’t have to sit in the dark.” I almost fall out of my seat when I hear Logan’s gentle voice. “Sorry.”

I shake off his apology and keep my eyes focused on the monsoon outside.

“It’s getting pretty nasty out there.”

Not ready to look at him, I keep my eyes focused on the ornamental apple tree between the house and the paved driveway.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Only if you’re willing to answer it yourself.” I finally turn to look at him, only to find him sitting in the seat across the table from me, his hands folded out in front of him, his elbows propped on the table.

A small smile pulls at the corner of his mouth. “Well, this question doesn’t really apply to me, but will you indulge me anyway?”

I turn my focus back to the rain and lightning outside, letting him determine if my staying gives him the permission he’s looking for or not.

“Do you really feel like everyone has cashed out on you?”

The warm mug has lost its magical touch in warming my insides. Wrapping my arms around me, I lift my chin and search for just the right words. “They have.”

“Not everyone, Allie.” He exhales, drawing my attention back to him. “You have Walt, who obviously cares deeply about you. And then I may be off here, but your producer seemed to have your back more so than any boss should.”

I nod. “So you got me. Two people out of everyone else I’ve ever known have been able to withstand the disaster that is my past.”

“I’m still here.”

Though his words warm my heart and send it to Cloud Nine, my head stays firmly planted on the ground in reality. He looks hurt when I chortle. “Because you’d feel guilty for kicking me out in the middle of another tornado.”

“There won’t be another tornado tonight. Rest assured.”

“Not my point, Logan.”

“And you’re missing mine, Allie. There are people out there who would love to have you in their lives, if you’d just let them.”

“Why? So when they realize who I really am and how I can’t benefit them, they can just up and abandon me too? That’s what my parents did. What Danny did. That’s what
God
did.”

Logan sits back, stunned, as if I’ve slapped him. “God did not abandon you, Allie. He promises to never leave us or forsake us and He’s faithful to his promises.”

“Sure He is. Is that why He took a perfectly healthy, faithful servant and gave her so much sickness her body couldn’t handle it? Or why He’s blowing another destructive storm through this town after it’s seen so much wreckage and heartache to last a lifetime.”

“Allie, I can’t tell you why God does what He does. But I can tell you His plan is perfect. He—”

“Perfect. That’s…that’s funny. You know, when I asked to be saved a long time ago, I thought God and I had an understanding. I would make choices that He thought were acceptable and pleasing and in exchange, He would keep me from ever experiencing the hurt and pain again. Then Maggie…” Just saying her name rips at my chest. “Maggie got so sick, Logan. So fast.” The tears sting as they pool around my eyes and a lump in my throat makes taking a deep breath so hard. “Did you know I didn’t even get to say goodbye to her? I had an exam and a deadline. I did everything I could to get to her as quickly as possible, but when I got to the hospital in Santa Cruz, she was…she was gone.

His hand reaches across the table for mine, but I hug myself tighter and shake my head.

“I’ve worked so, so hard to get to a point where I can be okay with everything. I have put everything I am into my job and taking care of Walt and that has to be my priority.”

When I finally meet Logan’s eyes, the determination is gone and something I can’t even begin to explain has taken its place. Whatever it is, he’s giving up. On me or this conversation, I’m not sure which, but right now, I don’t care.

“We’re not under any tornado warnings or anything?” I stand and pick up my mug, waiting for him to answer as I wipe the tears from my eyes.

“No, just a thunderstorm.”

“Okay, I’m going to bed then. Good night, Logan.”

I turn and cross the kitchen quickly, placing my mug in the sink on my way out.

“Good night, Allie.”

Chapter Twenty-One

Branches and twigs lay haphazardly all over the patio and yard the next morning when I take my coffee outside. I missed the boys and Logan for breakfast intentionally, not ready to see him after our conversation last night and worked so hard in the gym that I’m sure I’ll be sore soon. Logan’s words won’t stop playing on a loop in my brain and I desperately need to get my bearings for this crazy day.

My phone pings a message and I can’t help but get a little excited. The last couple of days have really played hard on my heart and seeing a familiar face has me more excited than a rookie starting in his first pro game. A few moments later, my arms wrap around Alec who returns my hug in full force.

“You look good, girl. The country agrees with you.” Alec leans back and squints in the harsh morning sun.

“I’ve gotten some down time. It’s been…nice.”

“Hmmm…you don’t sound like you’re really enjoying your time here. What’s wrong?” He lifts the hatch to his rental and starts pulling out equipment and handing it to me.

“Nothing’s really wrong, just…” At that moment, Logan appears out of the corner of my eye and I can’t help the sigh that escapes.

“Oh, Allie.” Alec’s tender reprimand tells me that we’ve worked too long together for me to successfully hide anything from him. “Please tell me you’re not falling for your subject.” I can’t tell if Logan heard him or not, but he’s approaching us so quickly that I know he’d hear my response, so instead of answering, I plaster on a strained smile and introduce the two men to each other.

“We met, actually. Your interview at the studio.” Alec pumps Logan’s hand exuberantly.

“I remember. It’s good to see you again.” Logan’s polite manners grind on my raw nerves this morning. I clearly haven’t consumed enough coffee yet.

“Oh, Allie. Before I forget!” Alec spins with his camera bag in one hand and reaches for the passenger door. When he pulls out a beautiful arrangement of the brightest color of daisies, my heart breaks wide open. “I’m supposed to tell you that he’s sorry for being early, but it was the only way he knew to get them to you.”

I take the arrangement and feel a tear slip down my cheek. Walt has been sending me a different bouquet of flowers for my birthday every year since I moved in with them. I’m always so busy that even I forget that my birthday is coming up, but he never does.

“They’re pretty,” Logan states quietly, a hint of curiosity and maybe some concern in there somewhere.

“He had me pick them up this morning from a shop in town. Great service you guys have here,” Alec continues vaguely. Logan nods with a tight smile, but those prying eyes give him away.

“They’re from Walt. Tomorrow’s my birthday. He always sends me flowers for my birthday.” Relief floods over Logan and I’m not the only one who notices it. Alec glances between us, putting two and two together and getting a higher sum that what is really there.

Trying to distract him, I turn him toward the house and loop my arm through his. “Come on. I have some great ideas for this shoot.”

***

Three hours and about four wardrobe changes later, what little patience Logan might have had for Alec and me is starting to wane. Emma showed up shortly after we got started, claiming that as his future publicist she needs to be around for such things to ensure Logan is putting his best foot forward. But really, I can’t decide if she came to watch her brother get bossed around by Alec and me and have his picture taken two million times, or if she came to make sure this shoot goes better than the interview. Either way, I’m glad she’s here to help keep me distracted.

“Why didn’t you tell us your birthday is tomorrow?” she berates me for the tenth time as her fingers fly over the keyboard of her phone.

“Because even I forgot.” She gives me a stunned look, stopping her seemingly important conversation with whoever she’s been texting.

“How do you forget your birthday? I’m dropping gift hints and party ideas to Owen and Lucy a full month in advance. They both need it. They’re terrible party planners.”

Although her comment makes me smile, it still stings. “Well, I don’t really celebrate my birthday much.”

“Like at all?” We follow Alec and Logan back inside to get a few shots of him making one of his horrendous looking smoothies. When Logan’s head tilts just the slightest toward us, I know he’s started eavesdropping on our conversation. Alec must have too because he laughs out loud.

“Allie never celebrates anything. She’s like a machine.”

Normally, I’d take praise like that for what it’s worth, but today, today I just resent it.

“I’m not a machine. I just don’t normally have any reason to celebrate.”

“Um, how about your existence! We’re celebrating,” Emma states matter-of-factly, as if I have no say whatsoever.

“We don’t need to celebrate. Logan and I are leaving for San Antonio in a couple of nights and I need to get more of the article put together. I need to get quotes from the rest of your family and once Alec gets done editing these photos, I have to start the layout. I have so much work to do and not much time left here. We don’t need to celebrate.”

Alec gives Logan an “I told you so” look and Emma scoffs at me as if I just told her I don’t like puppies and ice cream. She turns her gaping look to Logan, who subtly nods at her and before I can protest his assent, she scurries off on a mission.

“Please don’t—” I start to protest, but Logan cuts me off.

“I’m kind of in the middle of something, Allie. We can discuss this later, if you’d like.” He turns back to the bunch of bananas in front of him and peels one.  “Is she always this stubborn?” he asks Alec, a complacent look plastered over his face.

“You have no idea.” Alec’s nonchalant comment makes Logan smile a full mega-watt smile and the homesickness comes rushing back to me.

I leave the two boys to finish making Logan’s gross concoction while I make a quick call to Walt.

“Hey, kid,” he answers almost immediately. “Did you get my flowers?”

“I did. They’re really pretty, Walt. Thank you.”

“For you, anything. How is the shoot going?” His words start to strain and before the last one is out of his mouth, he breaks out in to a coughing fit. Worried, I wait to answer until he’s calmed back down.

“It’s going. Are you okay? That sounds like an awfully nasty cough.”

“Aw, I’m fine, Allie Cat. Just got a little tickle in my throat.” Another round of hacking up a lung and I’m not so convinced.

“Walt, I know what I want for my birthday.”

“Really? What is it?”

“For you to go see the doctor. I don’t like the sound of that cough and I would feel better knowing Dr. Estes has had a look at you.”

“Aw, Allie, I told you. I’m fine.”

“And I don’t believe you. Please. For me?”

“Alright. I’ll put a call in to his office in a bit. Sound good?”

“Sounds great. I love you, Walt.”

“I love you too, kid. That Logan got anything good planned for you tonight and tomorrow?”

I turn around and see Logan and Alec cracking up about something, Logan’s earlier irritation long gone. When Logan’s dancing eyes find mine, a contented smile settles on his face.

“I don’t know, Walt. I’m not sure I’d be up for celebrating even if he did though.”

“Allie, I’m only going to say this once this year, so listen up, kid. You’re not ancient like me. You’re not dying and you’re not some leper who needs to be quarantined. Go out. Have some fun and live a little. Lord knows you deserve it.”

Yeah, well Lord knows Maggie didn’t deserve what she got, so I think we can all agree Lord’s not always fair.

“Yeah, okay, Walt. I gotta go. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Sounds good, Allie Cat. Have a great birthday, kid. Can’t wait to see your pretty face again.”

“Thanks. I’ll be home in a week and a half. And you better believe that if you haven’t seen the doc by then, I’ll be more than happy to let the cute nurses at the hospital inject all necessary medication into your pasty old butt.”

“Yeah, yeah. Can’t you cut an old guy a break, kid?”

“Not when it comes to your health.”

“Oh, Allie. I’m not going anywhere, honey.”

“You don’t know that. Just promise me you’ll take care of yourself, please.”

“Done deal, kid. I love you.”

“Love you too. Thanks again for my flowers.”

“Any time. Bye.”

Once the line disconnects, my heart continues to slowly fall. I’d give anything to have another birthday dinner at home where Maggie makes me a plate of her famous eggplant parmesan and a delicious pan of brownies. But she’s no longer around to whip up  a delicious dinner, and work once again comes first, Allie second.

“Allie!” Emma’s svelte figure steps out of the foyer and into the living room, her phone stuck to her ear, an excited air about her that makes her eyes sparkle. “Chocolate cake with chocolate icing or strawberry cheesecake.”

“Seriously, you don’t have to do this.”

“Chocolate cake, Mom…No, I’ll check with Logan though…Okay. I’ll call you back.”

“Your mother does not need to make me a chocolate cake,” I tell a beaming Emma. She’s in her element but all the attention on me makes me want to curl up in my room and hide for the next 36 hours.

“Stop fussing about it, Allie, and embrace it. Look forward to it. Her cakes are to die for.” I follow her back into the kitchen to find Alec packing up his equipment, a smug look on his face.

“I have half a mind to make you stay and endure all this with me.” Crossing my arms, I lean against the counter beside him while he chuckles.

“You know I’d love to, but I’m supposed to be in Montreal by this time tomorrow. I’ll have the edited shot to you by end of day tomorrow though.”

“No rush. Apparently we’re celebrating my existence tomorrow.” Alec watches Logan and his sister over my shoulder and shakes his head in pleasant disbelief.

“Allie, listen to me. Logan’s a good guy. One of the best I’ve ever met. But you need to be careful here. Everyone is excited about Logan’s story and rumors are already starting to fly around why he chose
you
to write it. Just…just promise me you’re being careful.” The strained look on Alec’s face reminds me that regardless of how I might feel, I have a professional image to keep. It’s just the reminder I need to keep my head in the game.

“I promise, Alec. Nothing is going on, regardless of any impressions he or I may have given you.”

He chokes on his laugh. “Oh, Allie, darling, there is most definitely something going on. Anyone can see that. Just make sure that you’re prepared for the consequences. Because no matter how hard we try to fight it, what will happen will happen and all we can do is sit back and enjoy the ride.”

***

“I really don’t need a party or anything,” I tell Logan after he sees his sister off. A small smile tugs at his face as he washes his hands and starts pulling out stuff to make sandwiches.

“I know you don’t need one, but my sister would like to put one together for you.” He doesn’t need to turn around to face me for the guilt to start piling on.

“But if you asked her not to—”

“Allie. Let her do this. You’ve made quite the impression on my family and they’d be heartbroken if you didn’t allow them to do this for you.”

I want to continue to fight him but I know I’ll just lose, so I decide to move on to another topic.

“So, I’m getting a tour of the ranch this afternoon. I got my jeans and my shnazzy new boots on. Anything else you require before I venture out onto the last frontier?”

He rolls his eyes and offers me the sandwich he just constructed. I take it and watch as he immediately starts putting everything away. “Aren’t you going to eat as well?”

“I had a smoothie. And no, you’re good. Question, though. Have you ever ridden on a horse before?”

“Um, no.” I take a bite of the sandwich, flattered that he went through the effort to make it for me specifically. He finishes putting the last of the ingredients away and leans against the counter next to the stove, his bulky arms folding over the vintage style Rattlers shirt Alec had him change into last.

“Okay, we’ll take the four-wheeler then,” he states casually, but my insides pick up in excitement.

“A four-wheeler! You didn’t tell me you had a four-wheeler.” His amusement at my excitement makes him look way too cute for his own good.

“I take it you like four-wheeling.”

“I haven’t gone since Danny took me to meet his family, but yeah. I loved it.” The mention of Danny makes the muscles in Logan’s jaw spasm. “Do I get my own?”

Logan’s eyes narrow. “No.”

“Do I get to at least drive then?”

“No.”

“What if I play the birthday card?”

Logan’s serious look slips for just a second. “Only if you let my sister throw you a birthday party.”

The decision is a tough one, but I feel the tug of freedom to roam a wide open space with the wind in my face and all the drama of the last few days behind me, and I can’t help but immediately give in.