Shipwrecked (8 page)

Anna bowed her
head in defeat, letting her feelings for Rowan rise to the surface, it was
impossible to deny them any longer.  Rowan kissed her on the forehead, and
exhaled slowly, trying to regain his shattered control.

“And, I’m scared
of you, Rowan,” she whispered, lowering her head to his chest, relishing the
feel of his strong arms around her as he held her close.  “I’m scared that
you’re going to break my heart.”

“I’m scared too,”
he admitted shakily, pulling her away from his chest and forcing her to look up
at him.  “Because I ken that yer heart’s no mine tae have.  I’m no meant tae
have ye, Anna,” Rowan said with a forlorn expression, caressing the side of her
face.  He forced himself to withdraw his hands from her body, and quickly
turned and walked down the hallway to the room he would share with his
brothers, leaving Anna standing alone with her fears in the hallway.

Chapter Five

Anna awoke just
after dawn, not having slept very well on account of the emotions reverberating
from her confrontation with Rowan in the hallway last night.  She fought to
push him from her thoughts, but was unsuccessful.  She wondered what she would
say when she saw him this morning, how awkward it would be between them.           Anna
pulled her dress on over her shift and quickly ran the brush through her hair,
opting to tie it back today to make traveling easier.  She closed the bedroom
door behind her, held her chin high, and went down the stairs to meet the Murray
brothers.

Malcolm and Rowan
were waiting impatiently for her by the front door of the inn, clearly eager to
get on the road.

“Good morning,
sleepyhead,” said Malcolm cheerily as he smiled at her and gave her a cold
biscuit for breakfast.  “Ye’ll have tae eat it on the road; we need tae go meet
Quinn straight away.”

Anna felt Rowan’s
eyes burn across her flesh, and she looked over at him, he was standing rigid
as a board in the doorway of the inn.  He held eye contact with her for a
moment longer than was comfortable, jaw clenched tightly, then walked out into
the street without speaking to her.  Anna had expected it to be uncomfortable
between them after what had happened last night, but she had not expected Rowan
to treat her so coldly.

She followed after
the brothers, who were walking briskly towards the North end of the village. 
It was difficult to keep up with them, and she had to jog twice to close the distance
that their hell bent strides had put between them.  She wasn’t sure what the
hurry was, but it was evident that the Murray’s were on a mission to meet
Quinn, whatever he had been up to.  They followed a primitive road to the
North, closeted on both sides by densely forested terrain. 

About a half mile
outside of the village, Quinn whistled, and stepped into the road from where he
had been concealed in the deep undergrowth of the forest.  Trailing obediently
behind him were two horses, their reins grasped tightly in Quinn’s right hand.

“Good mornin’ tae
ye,” Quinn said, eyes sparkling mischievously.

“Aye, it looks tae
be quite a good morning,” Rowan said, nodding in approval of his brother’s most
recent acquisition.  Quinn reached forward and handed the reins of a large
sorrel horse to Rowan, who took them handily, and reached his outstretched hand
up to the muzzle of the horse so that it could smell him.  “A canty lass, are
ye?” he spoke softly to the horse as she nuzzled him, stroking her velvety muzzle.

Anna watched as
Rowan introduced his smell and his touch to the mare.  It was clear that he
loved horses, and evident that he had a way with this animal that he had only
just acquired.  She watched as his large hand patted the mare approvingly on the
neck, and slid down her whither. 

She wished that
his beautiful and finely boned hands were touching her, and not the horse.  Her
heart began beating faster as she remembered how Rowan’s hands had felt on her
skin last night in the hallway.

“I think that ye’ll
need tae pray for me again today,” remarked Quinn haughtily, snapping Anna out
of the trance of watching Rowan gentle the horse.

“I’ll do that,”
she whispered, glancing up at Quinn as he pulled the larger black horse from
the forest and onto the primitive road.  In less than twenty-four hours the Murray’s
had both gambled and stolen horses.  Anna silently wondered what was next for
the Murray brothers.

“C’mon Malcolm,”
Quinn said, deftly mounting the black horse.  “Ye’ll have tae ride with me
today.  I could only find these two.”

Anna panicked,
realizing that if Malcolm rode with Quinn, she would have to ride with Rowan. 
She glanced wildly in Rowan’s direction, and it was clear from the way that he
gritted his teeth together and glared in her direction that he had reached the
same conclusion.

“Actually, I think
I’ll ride with Quinn today,” Anna offered cheerily.  “We haven’t had much time
to get to know each other,” she said, walking briskly towards the large black
horse and raising up her hand so that Quinn could help her up onto the horse.

“Suit yerself,” he
said, taking her hand and pulling her up onto his lap.  She settled her skirts
around herself and leaned back against Quinn.  “Ready?” he asked, putting his
left arm about her middle.  “Hold on!” was the only warning that she got before
he spurred the horse into motion and they took off like lightning down the
road, leaving Rowan and Malcolm standing in the road.

They rode hard
until the sun was high above them in the sky, seeking to put distance between
themselves and the unlucky previous owners of the horses. 

Quinn slowed the
horse to a walk when he gauged that they had covered sufficient distance,
deciding to give the horses a break from the hard pace that they had kept this
morning.  The stallion was lathered and sweaty, and snorted loudly in
appreciation as Quinn let the reins go slack, allowing him to amble along
slowly. 

Following suit,
Rowan reined his mare to a stop and allowed Malcolm to slide down off the back
of the horse.  Malcolm walked next to Rowan who still sat astride the mare,
stretching his legs and giving her a respite from the burden of carrying two. 
Moments later, Rowan slid down from the mare and slowed his pace, lagging
behind Quinn and Anna as he walked next to his youngest brother.

“What happened to
you?” Anna said boldly, breaking the silence and seizing her opportunity alone
with Quinn.  His unusual manner and tormented eyes had perplexed her.

“What do ye mean?”
Quinn responded, pretending not to understand what Anna was asking about.  His
body went rigid with tension beneath Anna, and she knew that she had struck a
cord.

“You know what I’m
talking about,” she prodded, placing her hand atop his on the pommel of the
saddle.  She patted his hand and continued, “It’s alright if you don’t want to
talk about it, I should have never asked.”  Anna pulled her hand away from
Quinn’s and looked into the forest, collecting her thoughts.  “It’s just that
you aren’t like them, your brothers I mean.  You seem broken…” she trailed off,
unable to find the right words.

There was a long
silence which caused Anna to regret having brought the topic up.  She wondered
how long it would take her before all three Murray brothers refused to talk to
her.

“That’s because I
am
broken,” Quinn whispered, adjusting the reins in his right hand, astonished
that Anna had seen right through his rouse of normalcy and straight into his
soul. 

“What happened?”
asked Anna softly, again placing her hand atop Quinn’s, and gently stroking the
back of his hand with her thumb.  She wanted to somehow ease his pain.  She
felt Quinn’s muscles relax beneath her, and he began to talk.

“Her name was Mairi,”
he said, clearing his throat.  The pain of speaking her name aloud reverberated
through his body, and Anna felt him go tense beneath her once again.  “And
since they killed her, I’m just the leftover shell of a man.  I doona think
that it will do ye much good tae pray for my soul Anna, because it’s long
gone.” 

Pain was heavy in
Quinn’s voice, and Anna knew that whatever had happened to Mairi had caused him
to retreat into the solace her found in being quietly controlled, angry with
life, not really living.

“She grew up on
the farm next tae ours, and I spent all of the years when I was about Malcolm’s
age chasin’ after her, trying tae get her tae notice me,” Quinn said, chuckling
softly as he remembered how hard he had worked to capture Mairi’s attention. 
“All the lads wanted her, she was beautiful…her hair was as black as the night
sky, and she had these grey eyes that could look right intae yer soul.

Anna leaned back
against Quinn and listened quietly, allowing him to talk.  She could tell from
the way that that his words spilled forth that he was now lost in his memories
of her.

“I don’t ken what
she finally saw in me, but when she gave me her heart she gave me the whole
damn thing.  Her love was like fire, it consumed me.  With just one look of
those gray eyes she could get me tae do anything for her,” Quinn smiled,
remembering how it had felt to be loved so completely.  “She was my best
friend, we were inseparable.”

Silence fell
between them again, and Anna began to understand why Quinn acted the way that
he did, quietly withdrawn, distant.  He was thinking of Mairi. 

Anna focused on
the steady, rolling gait of the horse beneath them, and waited for Quinn to
continue.  She felt guilty for bringing up the topic, for asking for Quinn to
relive these painful memories.  She wished that she could retract her naïve
question, but now that Quinn was talking, bearing his soul to her, she felt
committed and knew that she had no choice but to allow him to continue.

“Her father went
with ours, they had been friends forever, and they never returned from the
Rising.”

“I’m so sorry,”
Anna whispered, intimately knowing the pain of losing a parent.  “Quinn, you
don’t need to tell me about this.  I can see that it’s difficult, and I’m sorry
that I brought it up,” Anna protested, wringing her hands together in her lap.

“I’ve not spoken
of it since it happened, and now that I’ve started, it feels right tae let it
out,” Quinn confided, speaking softly.  “And ye seem tae be a good listener.”

“Just know that
you can stop, I won’t press you further,” Anna insisted, feeling another pang
of guilt as Quinn continued with his story.

“Before her Da
left, he asked me tae take care of her, and I asked for his blessing for our
marriage.  I should have marrit her right then, found a priest and…” his words
were wrought with emotion.

“You couldn’t have
known, Quinn,” Anna whispered softly, knowing how miserable memories could be
when you wished that you had done something differently.

“But I told him
that I would take care of her, and I failed,” Quinn said, tears now threatening
to flow from his eyes as he grieved Mairi’s loss again.  “Rowan wanted tae go along
with Da, he wanted tae fight with the Clansmen in the Rising, wanted tae help
defeat the English.  Da wouldna allow it, and forced Rowan tae stay behind so
that he could help me protect Mairi and raise Malcolm.  Da probably saved
Rowan’s life…he’s always been hot headed, probably would have gotten himself
killed tryin’ tae do something heroic in battle.”

Anna began to
understand the challenges and struggles that the Murray’s had suffered in their
short lives.  Her heart went out to the brothers; losing both of their parents
must have been so hard.  Anna felt a pang of guilt as she realized that her
financial problems were not so bad.  Her problems paled in comparison to the
hardships that the Murray’s had endured.

“Mairi left her
parent’s farm and moved in with us, she took up in Mam and Da’s bedroom.  We
had a couple of months of happiness, those were the best weeks of my life, havin’
here there by my side, working on the farm and having her tae come home tae at
night,” Quinn said, swallowing hard and trying to prevent further tears of
weakness from falling.  “I can remember so clearly how it felt tae kiss her,
tae touch her…”

“I’m so sorry,
Quinn,” Anna said, unable to find any words that might be of comfort to him. 
“I’m sorry that I brought this up…you don’t need to tell me anymore, I can see
that it’s difficult…” she stammered.

“I ken that I
don’t have tae tell ye this, I wouldna if I didna want tae,” Quinn said
frankly.  “It feels right tae let it out now, tae tell someone,” Quinn
whispered, clearing his throat.

“Thank you for
trusting me,” Anna whispered.

“Yer a good
listener,” Quinn confided before clearing his throat again and continuing.  “I
was out working in the field when the English showed up at our farm, Malcolm
came running from the house, eyes wild with fear and told me that they were
holding Mairi in the house.  I’ve never felt such fear, such rage in all of my
life,” his voice was thick, muscles stiff as he recounted his emotions.  “There
were just sae many of them, it was a whole company of English soldiers sent tae
clear out the Highlands, trying tae rid the land of any further uprising
against their King.  We had done nothing wrong,” Quinn said angrily, controlled
rage ringing heavy in his voice.

“When I got tae
the house, they grabbed me, it took at least three of them tae restrain me from
getting tae her.  Rowan was knocked out on the floor by the hearth, I wasn’t
even sure if he was alive at that point.  He had fought mightily tae protect
her, but there were just tae damn many of them.  They beat him within an inch
of his life.”

Anna swallowed
hard.  She was English.