Authors: Ava Frost
I woke to the smell of bacon. One of the greatest smells to wake up to. I groggily threw myself out of the bed and shuffled to the bathroom. There, my reflection was blurry but coming to a lifelike stillness under the fluorescence. Brown hair, standing on ends, but fully and wavy. My lips were a little more round than typical for the average white man and all the better for kissing. Eyes, still as piercing gray as the day before. I inspected myself, from head to toe. This was another routine instilled in me but not willingly. I learned it in the army. Although I let my hair grow out, the army was still very present in the way I folded the covers and sheets down so tightly you could bounce a quarter off it and the anal way I kept my five o’clock shadow down to nothing.
“Breakfast is ready.” Damn that vampire hearing. I wasn’t ready to face the music yet. Perhaps I could make it through breakfast.
I turned the corner of my loft to behold two creamy and satin globes in the air. Sheila was bent over doing something in the oven and damn her if I didn’t want to do something to her ass again. Oh shit, I became excited noting my morning wood. Putting it up against her, I mumbled good morning.
“Well somebody is happy to see me,” She said, moving the tray of bacon to the cooling rack. More so happy to be awake, but let’s not tell her that.
“Bend over.” If the walls could talk, they would have praised her enthusiasm in following orders. No words were spoken. There was just me spitting in silence as I coated my hand, then my shaft and slowly penetrated that ass.
Everything was so tight. I wanted to wallow in the tightness but I wasn’t sure how long this woody was last. So I pretended it was the last seconds of the fourth quarter and rode her like I had nothing to lose. This is the true benefit of fucking a vampire, you can do so as hard as you like and they will never break. Lest I wielded a stake or silver. Sheila didn’t utter one word as she moaned encouragement and spread her hands flat on the floor for leverage. Then the nut that eluded me last night rose up through my toes and I shot all of it inside her beautiful ass. To show my gratitude, I smacked both cheeks hard. Hearing her yell and feeling her clenched on me, squeezing out the last of my cum made the last seconds even better. It was way faster than normal but a release nonetheless.
“Words fail my gratitude.”
She stood up, unashamed and smiled. “Happy to oblige. You want some orange juice.” I nodded, looking around for my cell phone and scrolling through the evening news.
“There’s scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, orange juice and a fruit salad.”
Although it wasn’t morning, she and I had both woken up. It was actually a little after 6 pm. The sun was down and she was about to go home. Although she may not have known it yet.
“I’ll have it all.” She made my plate in silence. It was golden.
“What are your plans tonight?” she asked, sipping on a glass of blood mixed a bit with orange juice. Where she pulled that bag from, I could not tell you because I made it my business to never stock for other entities. That gave the sense that I was hospitable when I was nothing of the sort.
“I plan to go where the night takes me.” It was a non-committal response that subtly said that I was leaving and, therefore, you should too.
“But I was hoping we could play a little more.” Her pouting was getting old.
“Sheila, it’s always hard to say goodbye but we must.”
“Goodbye?” She asked she seemed confused.
“Yes. Goodbye. You will find someone great one day but I am not him. It’s not you. It’s me. I have commitment issues. This has been fun and all that jazz. Say whatever makes you feel better about leaving.”
There was nothing but silence and perhaps I should have known to watch her instead of my phone. But, I was not as smart as I should have been so the now empty glass she was drinking from smashing against my head was a surprise.
“Damn you Gregory White the third. I hate you. You’re such an asshole.” She was moving at the speed of light dressing and collecting her belongings, I couldn’t have been happier. “I thought we had something. I heard you were a dick but I also heard you were hung like a horse but did I listen? No. Fuck you mister and your amazing dick too.” She screamed as she let herself out of my loft. If that wasn’t an amazing evacuation, I don’t know what to tell you. She let herself out and on the way complimented my dick. That’s a job well done my friend. It’s not like the glass hurt. If I wanted, I could leave the pieces on the floor. They would never break the skin, but I’m a neat freak, blame the army, so I had to clean it up.
Chapter 6
Finally, in silence, I pondered my predicament. Something is wrong with my mojo as I never, even occasionally suffer from a flaccid dick. I called my free therapist, otherwise known as my best friend, Thaddeus.
“Talk to me.” A deep baritone voice said.
“Thad. I got a problem.” I responded as I swept up the glass.
Unlike me, Thaddeus was a dragon. Yup. In his human form, he was about 6’7, complexion resembling something Latino, and covered in a large dragon tattoo that started at his lower back and trailed in a zig-zagg up his entire back and down his front all the way down to his dick. It has been rumored the dragon head of his tattoo is supposed to be eating his dick. Others have said his dick is centered to be the dragon’s tongue. As I have no interest in his dick, I cannot tell you. However, I like him. Being a dragon means he has lived for several years and, as a result, knows his shit.
“Let me guess. You banged a stripper and now she’s convinced she’s in love with you and can’t get you out of her mind.” He joked.
“No, you idiot, though you aren’t too far from the truth. This morning, I had a clinger. But that was easy in comparison to my real issue.”
“Talk to me.” He was very serious when it came to problems amongst his friends. Apparently dragons were very clingy with things they deemed as theirs. Something I had no trouble imagining as dragons in their animal state have caves of things they horde and protect.
“I can’t get it up,” I said.
He laughed. I don’t know what I was expecting but laughing wasn’t it.
“Nice try funny guy. But if I’m betting money on who can’t get it up, my money’s on John.”
John was the third in our paranormal trio. He was a zombie. Now let’s get some things clear as people like to typecast my friend. John is a zombie, not a ghoul. Zombies are reanimated dead bodies, that’s it. Ghouls are demonic like things that eat human beings and can’t be stopped unless beheaded. John is a nice guy. I can’t tell you how many people stereotype him because of those awful human movies. Well except The Walking Dead, that’s a great TV show. I just can’t knock it.
“I’m serious T. I’ve lost my mojo.” I’m sure my voice portrayed my dismay.
“What exactly do you mean?”
“I mean this fine girl was sucking me so good, I could have whispered a prayer and nothing. Not one rise for the occasion.”
“Maybe she wasn’t as good as you thought.”
“What? I been banging chicks on a daily for about 300 years and you know this Thad. She was top shelf, quality head. She even swallowed my balls at one point.”
“Well damn.” He was quiet for a moment. “Then what the hell has gotten into you?”
I shrugged as if he could see me. “I don’t know.”
“Has anything changed in the last couple of weeks? What were you doing the day your dick was rebelling against spectacular head?”
I thought on his words. Nothing had changed for me. I went to work, where I was the head of a glass manufacturing company. We manufactured special glass that protected vampires from the sun. It didn’t mean they could go outside but it was less dangerous sleeping in your home or driving in your car. It was a very lucrative business. Having started my company from scratch but been running it for centuries, I had amassed serious wealth. I spent most of my days traveling to new places and trying new things. So in short, nothing was different.
“Bro, nothing has changed.” Again, he went quiet.
“I think I know what it is and you’re not going to like it.” Aw hell, when your friend of 300 years says to you, I’ve got an idea but you’re not going to like it, rest assured, you’re not going to like it.
“Tell me.” It’s like a Band-Aid, best to just rip it off.
“I have heard of shapeshifters being rewired for when they were close to finding their true love.”
“What?!” I yelled at my friend. I try hard not to yell, yelling never resolves things and yet here I was, yelling. “Do you mean to tell me, my dick is taking a vacay until I lay my eyes on my true love?” I asked with skepticism.
“Yup. I have heard it happen in past millenniums.”
“And why am I just now hearing about this? Why have you never mentioned this before? I asked, ready to rebuff his solution.
“Because you do not believe in love,” He said it so simply as if this was all my fault. This was not my fault. “Why mention to someone about something they do not believe? Would that change how you feel? You would have wanted proof and I had none. Now you do. Here lies your proof.” His emphatic ending did not comfort me.
“You’re a dick.” I was fucked and my answer said how I felt about his giving of truth.
“As are you, my friend. As are you.” He said before hanging up.
There was nothing left to be said. There was, however, one thing I could do. I would do the one thing I have been doing my entire life and would continue doing: proving them, whoever the fuck
they
are, wrong.
Chapter 7
I thought of my plan of attack for several days and decide the best way to get over this minor annoyance would be to date aka have sex with as many women as possible. At that rate, one of them was bound to get my little man up, thereby proving Thaddeus wrong and the Mac would be back. Just like that. It sounded very simple in my head. I googled supernatural + dating and would you believe there is a dating site called Super Natural Dating. I assumed it was made for people like me and signed up right away.
Name: Gregory Kane White III
Email: [email protected] (I was among the first into the internet age and have never gotten rid of my AOL account though it has lost its luster)
Age: (I assumed I wasn’t supposed to out myself by putting 348) 32
Astrological Sign: Leo
Favorite Color: Dark Green
Favorite Book: The Four Agreements
Perfect date: Champagne and relaxation
Perfect day: any day I’m alive
Define your perfect woman: A confident, beautiful creature willing to laugh at my jokes and give me her time
Thank you so much for inviting Super Natural Dating to mediate the meeting of the love of your life. Check your email to confirm your account and the women tab to look for something you like. Send a wink for interest and a heart to ask for a date. Your happiness is our top priority so you’ll be matched in 24 hours. Happy love finding.
The faster I get through these dates the better. So I liked and winked at every single woman in the first three pages. Whoever responded first was going to get this D. Date one was a hot mess I’d rather do you a favor and summarize. She was an imp demon with an angelic face and even when she was naked and writhing beneath me, I couldn’t get it up. That didn’t end well, for me or my couch. The second date is tonight and I have to admit I’m not looking forward to it. We’re supposed to go to dinner and then who knows, play it by ear. I dressed as casual as possible, jeans and a dark green button up. In truth, being casual meant the clothes were easy to pull off. After all, I’m not here to find true love, this is all about getting my mojo back. Moe’s was a great rib shack that I found about 5 years ago. I have been going once every couple of months faithfully. You want to see if a girl really wants you, take her somewhere she can’t eat proper or order a salad. I sat at my favorite table, along the back right-hand side, waiting for my beauty in red. She told me she would be wearing a red dress. The door jingled as a tall and very curvy woman pushed it open. She was wearing a red dress but from here, I could smell she was human. I was on my way to being disappointed when I felt it. This “it” was something part horror, part enticement, and part magic. I felt, my inner lion begin to prowl. Seriously, the magic that turns us all, riled and wriggled under my skin. I felt bigger, I felt stronger and I felt the need to hunt. I almost felt bad for the sexy thing walking toward my table, she had no idea what was about to hit her. Everything about her was screaming touch me. Or maybe I just wanted an excuse to do so. So I did. I stood, grabbed her hand and kissed it, lingering longer than I should have. She gasped and everything inside of me wanted to make her make that sound again. “Veronica, nice to meet you.” She smiled demurely, taking in the way my shirt clung to my arms and my physique. “Nice to meet you too,” she paused and I thought she might have forgotten but she didn’t. “Gregory.”
I do believe my name sounded like heaven on her lips. I was beginning to hyperventilate thinking of me on her tongue. I sat, eager to get out of here. “Did you find the place alright?” I asked, taking the hand resting on the table top into mine. I could feel her pulse racing. Was she feeling the same way I was?
Fuck it
I thought, leaning over as far as the table would let me go. “I think you are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on and if you will pardon my frankness, I would really like to see if you taste as sweet as you look.” Her ebony skin glistened and I watched her breasts move with each panted breath. “Do you live nearby?” I took that question as a yes and yanked her to standing with me.