“Sorry, I didn’t know.” Shifting into drive, she tapped the gas and eased out of the parking lot. “Please don’t change your mind about me living at the homestead.” When she looked at him, he was facing away, watching the passing shops out the window. She was losing her home, one she’d grown so attached to over the past couple days.
If she could only explain that he had nothing to worry about with her. “I was with a man in New York. We met when I was serving him and his friends drinks at a high-end bar on the Upper East Side. He’d just made partner at his law firm, and they were celebrating that night.”
“What’s his name?”
“Miles. He asked for my number, and I thought it was a joke. Why would a powerful man like that be interested in the wait staff, you know? So I refused, and he came the next night, and the next until I finally gave him a way to contact me. He didn’t call for weeks after that, and I didn’t really think anything about it. I’d predicted it was all about the chase for a man like him. But then, out of the blue, I get this call, and we talked for hours. Instant chemistry and all, and I thought,
this is it
. This is the man I’m going to marry. I was just so certain because that’s what my heart told me, and my heart couldn’t be wrong.”
She took a right at the fork in the road.
“I was with him for four years. We talked about marrying and starting a family. He wanted children so badly, and I wanted to give them to him someday. Every holiday I waited for a proposal because he talked about it so much, and we both knew that was where we were headed. We were it for each other. And then a few weeks ago I was feeling off. I took a test and found out I was pregnant, and God, I was so happy. I just knew,
knew
, he was going to be ecstatic, and suddenly it didn’t matter if we got married or not. We worked the way we were, and we’d be a family even without a ring or a piece of paper telling us so. Two days after I found out, I planned a big surprise dinner to tell him. Miles came to my apartment, and I was dressed up and had my hair done. I’d wrapped these little striped baby booties in a box for him and put them in my purse to give him at just the right moment. We walked down to one of our favorite restaurants, and I just couldn’t stop smiling.”
A tear spilled over and rolled down her cheek, and she dashed it away with the back of her hand.
“He was so quiet, and when the server brought our meal out, he said he needed to talk to me.” Inhaling sharply, she clamped her lips closed until she could get a hold of her emotions. “He was married. He and his wife had been married for ten years. For the entire four years I thought I was dating the man of my dreams, he’d been molding me into the other woman. His mistress. I’d had an affair, and all without my permission. I broke it off with him immediately and didn’t tell him about the baby. I felt disgusted. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror, and every special moment from our relationship suddenly felt like a lie. I felt so bad for what I’d done to his wife, and she didn’t even know about me.” She raked her gaze to his. “So you see, I’ll never be the other woman again. You don’t have to worry about me being unprofessional about our business arrangement. I’d never hurt Erin by going after you. Please don’t make me leave.”
“Is that why you came back to Cooper Landing?” Aanon’s voice sounded ragged, as if it was being ripped from his throat.
“No. I wasn’t running from the relationship. I moved back for my baby. Miles wanted a child so badly, and he and his wife have been trying for years. He’s a big powerful lawyer, and who am I? I’m a nobody. I was afraid he’d take the choice away from me. He’d take my child away from me.”
“Not all men are like that, you know. What he did to you? Not all men would do that, and someday you’ll find someone worthy of you. Don’t let what he’s done take that away from you. And you’re wrong.”
“About what?”
“You aren’t a nobody.”
The heat finally started working as she pulled the truck in front of the big house. She hadn’t spoken during the miles closest to home. Instead, much more pressing matters weighed on her, such as how in Hades she was going to tug her heartstrings from Aanon completely.
“Goodnight,” she said as she hurried toward the cattleman’s cabin.
Turning when she didn’t hear the passenger door shut, Aanon stood leaning on the open door, watching her, his expression lost in the night shadows.
Even standing fully clothed, he was a captivating man, and she jerked her gaze to the jangling cattlemen’s cabin keys in her hand. She would need to train her heart to ignore him. It was possible her survival depended on her ability to do so.
Luna whined from under the bed, and Farrah’s half-hearted attempts to pat her with sleepy fingers didn’t make any difference.
“Okay, girl. You need to go potty?”
Probably. With a roll and tumble out of bed, Farrah waited a few moments to make sure she wasn’t going to get sick. Her nausea had been easing over the last few days, and she lived in a constant state of suspicion that it would come back at any moment.
When nothing happened, she pulled her snow boots over her flannel pajamas and slid into her jacket.
Luna bounded off for the Chevy as soon as her door was open and rubbed her body against Aanon like an overgrown wolf-cat. He stood in front of the bed, shoving little gold bullets into a rifle. The crack of metal on metal filled the early morning air.
“What are you doing?” she asked as she approached.
“Doctor Jansen called,” he answered without turning around. His voice was as cold as the morning air. Thick pants covered his legs and he’d donned his heaviest jacket. A camouflage toboggan covered his head, and even in the early light, determination was written all over his stiff posture.
“And?”
“And you’re low on iron. Doc wants to switch vitamins on you, and we need to get more red meat into your diet.”
“So you’re going hunting?”
“For bear. It’s late in the season but I might catch one before he goes down to hibernate for the winter.”
“Yeah, but I know for a fact we have hamburger in the freezer on the back porch. I checked the other day. Couldn’t I just eat that?”
He spun and hoisted the rifle over his shoulder. “And then what? What happens when we run out of hamburger in the middle of winter, Farrah? You can’t just eat enough iron for a little while. You’re growing a human being who isn’t getting enough of something.”
She couldn’t find her voice until he’d loaded the gun on the rack at the front of the biggest four-wheeler. He wasn’t the same gentle man he’d been last night. In fact, he was doing his best to ignore her completely as he pulled an orange backpack over his shoulders.
“What did I do wrong?” she asked.
“I have to travel a ways to get where the bears are. Won’t be back until after dark.”
The engine of the ATV was deafening in the silence, and he pulled away before she could even mutter, “Be careful.”
She would’ve gone if he’d just asked.
The day turned out to be the longest one of her life. Confusion consumed her thoughts as she went about her duties around the homestead. Maybe he was mad that he had to hunt for her, but she hadn’t asked him to. And why did Doctor Jansen call Aanon with her test results and not even ask to talk to her? Sure, Aanon was the one with the cell phone, but still. He could’ve left a message to come by the office or something.
Perhaps Aanon was still mad about the moment they’d shared in the truck last night. Her fingers itched to press against his chest again, to feel the racing heartbeat of such a capable man and know that she’d caused it.
Okay, if he was mad that he had to leave the homestead, she’d just make sure he had as little to do as possible when he got home that night. And so she threw herself into taking care of everything she could before her shift at Briney’s.
****
After a long shift, Farrah came home that night to see the ATV out by the barn with its lights on. The shift had been slow, and she’d had too much time to think, so she’d thoroughly convinced herself Aanon needed a stern talking to.
Aanon was finishing the last few cuts of bear roast on a meat saw. He wrapped them deftly in thick brown paper and sealed it with a sticker before writing the cut of meat onto the package with a sharpie. He had to have known she was there, but he kept working without missing a beat.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.
“No.”
She crossed her arms and nodded. “Fine.” Turning back at the door, she said over her shoulder, “I’m glad you’re back safe.”
“Wait.” He stood in the shelter of the barn, illuminated by the ATV lights with his sleeves rolled up and his hands covered in red. The sharpie thunked against the table as he tossed it, pulled his hat off, and threw it against the wall. “I don’t know how to do this. I’ve never had a friend that was a girl, and I worry about your damned pregnancy more than I ought to. When I got the call from Doc Jansen this morning I panicked. It’s on me to make sure you’re okay through the winter. It’s a lot of pressure. Two weeks ago, all I had to worry about was myself, and now it’s like I have this instant family to provide for, and I’m barely treading water in my own life, Farrah.”
His throat worked as he swallowed, and his piercing blue eyes held hers frozen.
“Okay.” Farrah sank onto an old bench against the wall. “Okay,” she repeated, unsure how to tackle his fears. “You haven’t had a friend that was a girl before, and that’s okay. I’ll carry that part for us, all right? I’ve had boys that were friends, and we never had an intimate relationship. The only benefit we got from each other was friendship. The biggest problem with what you’re going through is that you are taking it upon yourself to provide for me, but you’re failing to give me any credit. You haven’t had to do as much around her lately, right?”
Inhaling a steadying breath, he nodded.
“Okay, that’s because I’m helping. We’re a team, not a family. You aren’t responsible for me or my baby. If you feel pressure to hunt, fine. Take me with you. Let me help or teach me how to do it on my own. I would’ve gone with you this morning if you would’ve let me.”
Hands resting on hips, he cocked his head. “You would’ve?”
“Yes. I’m from here, remember? I have experience with Alaskan winters, and trust me when I say, I’ve gone hungry. I don’t want to do that ever again. And I don’t want to take your food, Aanon. Tell me what to do, and I’ll learn it. I’ll do it.”
“We’re a team,” he said, more statement than question.
“Yes, and I can tell you what doesn’t work in a friendship. Ignoring a problem and letting it fester when we could just talk and sort it out. This morning? You tore out of here, pissed off at me for something I had no guess at, and you didn’t even tell me where you’d be hunting. If you didn’t come back tonight, I wouldn’t even have a clue where to send a search team. There is a difference between having to answer to someone and thinking about safety.”
He worried a dark spot on the wooden floors with the toe of his boot and looked up with an irritating grin. “You were worried about me.”
“Yeah, you idiot. You went hunting freaking bears.”
“Yeah, but it was black bear, not brown bear.”
“All I hear is bear.” Standing, she wiped the seat of her pants until the dust had rattled loose. “Congratulations on a successful hunt. I’m going to go wash the smell of beer and desperation off of me and go to bed.”
“Desperation?” he called. “Was Ben at Briney’s tonight?”
“Yep. I told him I’d go out with him for coffee tomorrow if he swore to back off with the Dweeb apologies.”
“Wait. You’re going out with him?”
“For coffee in the middle of the day. I’m not exactly getting laid, Falk.” Over her shoulder she said, “Friends can say that kind of stuff by the way,” and shut her door behind her.
Something crashed in the barn, but when she looked out the window, Aanon was walking back to the big house like nothing was amiss.
****
It took an act of congress to get the water heated up to wash dishes. There were a few things that living off the grid made irritating, and generators and tiny hot water heaters were one of them.
And when the water did turn hot, it was like instant lava. “Ow,” Aanon hissed, shaking his fingers to cool them.
Setting his plate in the suds, he looked up and froze.
Farrah had fastened fabric in front of the windows to shield her bath. The fabric, however, wasn’t nearly thick enough. A perfect silhouette danced across the large front windows.
Dammit, this was the part where he was supposed to be honorable and look away. Avert his eyes or turn around or bury his face in a pillow, or for God’s sake, take the truck into town and drown the beautiful image assaulting his eyes with cheap whiskey. But no. He sat there staring like some middle school peeping tom.
Petit and slim, the outline of perfect perky breasts bobbed as she tested the warmth of the water in the tub. The curve of her back was enough to make him want to bite and kiss every square inch of her flesh. Adjusting the discomfort that pressed against the seam of his pants, he leaned forward and squeezed his eyes closed. What was he doing?
She was his friend. “Teammate, teammate, teammate,” he chanted as he waited for the strain of his arousal to go down. It didn’t help. It had been so long since a woman had affected him so thoroughly.
Turning his back to the window, he gripped the sink behind him and leaned back on locked elbows. “Good God,” he groaned. How was he supposed to dip back into the friend zone with such an erotic image of her in his mind? Something about the way she moved. She was so damned sexy, and she didn’t even know it. Even the tiny swell of her stomach made him want to bury himself inside her.
Monster. Farrah would be embarrassed if she knew he had seen her. And there was Erin. Squatting down on the tile, he locked his fingers behind his head. He had to make things with Erin work, or he would lose everything that was important to him.
Maybe it would be best if Farrah started dating Ben.
He wanted to throw the shovel against the barn wall all over again. Ben was a nice guy, but he was a lady killer. He’d chew Farrah up and spit her out like nothing. He wouldn’t care that she was hurt by what that a-hole Miles had done to her. Hell, Ben would probably do the same thing in Miles’s place. He wouldn’t care that by hurting Farrah, he’d hurt her baby. Hurt their chance at a real family. She’d hate men even more after Ben was done with her.
But…
If she dated him, she’d be off limits, and maybe he could get control of his emotions again. He could stop comparing the life he could have with Farrah against the life he’d had with Erin. He could quit feeling sorry for the choices he’d made and man up. Take care of his business. Keep his head down and earn the money he needed to dig himself out of the hole he’d fallen face first into three years ago. That was still the most important thing.
Going insane over a woman wasn’t in the plan to get his life back.
****
Farrah went into town to get her blood retested by Doctor Jansen, and when she returned, the cattleman’s cabin had been tampered with.
Unless thieves were interested in installing curtains and blinds, Aanon had been doing some home improvements. Astonished, she lifted the forest green curtains away from the blinds. When she opened those, she frowned at the thick poster board he’d taped to the window panes. “What on earth?”
The door still stood open, and she stood near the frame, studying the big house. The kitchen windows faced her place. She’d nailed up cotton sheets to shield her activities inside. So why would he care about plastering three layers onto the windows?
Unless—
What had she done last night? Yep, she’d totally bathed in front of the window, thinking she’d taken the right measures to shield herself. Heat that could rival flame shot up her neck and landed in her cheeks. He’d seen her naked. Or if he hadn’t seen her skin, he’d at least seen her silhouette.
“Oh, my gosh,” she whispered, slumping onto a crude bench on the front porch. How was this not going to be awkward next time she saw him? Dropping her chin to her chest, she searched for the tiny baby bump that she’d noticed in the mirror the day before. Another round of nausea worked its way from her stomach to her throat. He was probably grossed out and never wanted to see her like that again.
“Stop it,” Aanon called from the porch of the big house.
How long had he been standing there, leaned up against a wooden column like he hadn’t a care in the world?
Swallowing the queasiness down, she asked, “Stop what?”
“Overthinking it. You looked hot. I can take the curtains down if you want.”
“Har har. They’re fine where they are. Sorry about the eyeful.”
He took a drag of coffee from his steaming mug and gave her a wicked smile over the rim. “I’m not.”
She couldn’t tell whether she wanted to kiss him for the compliment or throw a snowball in his coffee, but he’d succeeded in easing the tension of what could’ve been a really embarrassing situation.
Without his toboggan, his chin length blond hair lifted in the breeze. The black thermal shirt that clung to his chest like a second skin did wonders for his shape, and the divot between his defined pecs peeked out through two forgotten buttons. His jeans were worn and hung low on his tapered hips, and the gold in his two day scruff shone as the sun reflected off the snow. His eyes were so pale in the morning light. Surely, he knew how good he looked, sipping his coffee and wrecking her hormones. The oaf. He smiled like he could tell what she was thinking.
“What time is your date with Ben?” he asked through a cocky, crooked grin.
“It isn’t a date. It’s coffee. And I should probably leave for town in two hours.”
“You want to come with me to repair some fences?”