Just as everyone began moving toward the living room, the doorbell rang again. Creigh said a silent prayer that it wasn’t Melinda and answered. Barry Stratton walked in carrying an arm load of flowers and said hello to everyone.
Cynthia demanded, “What the hell are you doing here?”
Barry strode over to her, handed her the flowers and answered, “My good friend Jessica invited me.” Then he sent Jessica a wink. When Barry discovered that Jessica was Cynthia’s sponsor at the club, he immediately called her to find out where Cynthia was staying. Jessica decided to invite him over to join their little party. After all, Cynthia deserved a happy ending too.
Barry said hello to Jilly and met her husband and kids. He greeted Lila’s parents and Libby and then he turned to Lila and held out his arms to her. “And look at you, Lila! WOW! I love you as a redhead!”
The entire entryway got so quiet that you would have thought someone farted in church. But before Lila had a chance to explain, the doorbell rang again. This time it was Melinda and she wasn’t alone. Melinda walked in with yet another one of their classmates. Jim Farrel smiled when he saw his old classmates, “Hi everyone. I didn’t know it was going to be a party.”
Jim saw Jilly and Jessica and greeted, “I didn’t think I’d see you guys until the reunion. He proceeded to give them both a warm hug and then he noticed Lila. “Holy Cow, Lila, you look hot as a redhead!”
All hell broke loose at that moment. Melinda screamed, “Jim, how do know these people?”
He answered, “They’re my friends from high school.” At the same time Bitsy looked at Lila and demanded, “Lila Elaine Montgomery, is that really you?”
Jilly, Jessica and Cynthia huddled around their friend and demanded answers as well. Cynthia didn’t go to the book signing so she had no idea she was standing in the presence of the great Jasmine Sheath. She just wanted to know why Lila was dressed the way she was.
Jilly and Jessica, on the other hand, knew that this was Jasmine and they couldn’t quite put two and two together and grasp that their friend was also their new favorite author. The men huddled together exchanging greetings and once again Melinda stood all by herself with no one paying any attention to her at all. Looking disheveled and drunk, the starlet screamed at the top of her lungs, “What in the hell is going on here?” Then she notice Jasmine and said, “And you! I can’t believe you signed my book like that. You don’t even know me!”
The buzzing noise of the entryway came to a slamming halt as Oscar approached Melinda and asked, “Who’s your friend, Melinda?”
Jim stepped forward and offered Oscar his hand, “Jim Farrel. I went to school with the girls and Barry.”
Oscar stopped to shake Jim’s hand and introduced himself as well. Then he said to Melinda, “You look like you’ve been sleeping in a gutter. Where have you been?”
Melinda screeched, “Oscar Solomon, is that anyway to talk to your fiancée?”
In shock, Jim asked Melinda, “You’re engaged? God Melinda, I would have hardly spent the afternoon in bed with you if I knew that.”
Libby quietly hustled the kids into the other room and Oscar declared, “You are such a slut. To think that I ever considered marrying you.”
Like a raving lunatic, Melinda threw her hands out in front of her like she was about to bust a kung fu move. She kept turning from one person to another looking for an ally when she finally realized that she was on her own.
In a ditch attempt to salvage something from the evening she looked to Cynthia and asked, “You’re still my agent, right?”
Cynthia replied, “I don’t think it’s going to work out between us, Melinda. I mean, sure it’s Hollywood, but I need to at least have a tiny bit of respect for my clients.”
Melinda pulled at her hair and screamed, “This is not over! Do you all hear me? This is not over!”
Jim stepped forward and took Melinda by the arm, “Come on Melinda, I’ll take you back to my place.” Then he looked at Lila and said, “My number’s in the book, Li. Call me and I’ll come over and pick up her stuff later.”
No one could quite figure why Jim was being so nice to Melinda, but they were greatly relieved when he finally dragged her out the front door. As soon as they were gone, everyone turned to look at Lila.
She awkwardly smiled at them, “Come on. Let’s go into the living room. I think I could use a drink before I explain.” Once she had a fortifying gin and tonic in hand, she announced, “I didn’t want to tell you guys like this. In fact, I didn’t want to tell you at all, but then the book got nominated for a RITA award and Josh found out and Creigh found out… and well, I just figured that too many people knew for me not to tell all of you.
Jilly was the first to find her voice and she declared, “Holy hell, Li. You’re a great writer. I can’t believe you didn’t tell us sooner.”
Jessica and Cynthia expressed their admiration as well. Then Lila looked to her mother expecting the worst. But Bitsy merely started to laugh her head off. Surprised by her reaction, Lila said, “Mom, I know this is a shock. Are you okay?”
With an enormous grin on his face, Will announced, “Well, I guess the apple doesn’t fall very far from the tree, does it?”
Lila looked at her dad, confused by his comment and asked, “What are you talking about?”
Bitsy still hadn’t regained her composure. In fact, tears were streaming down her face as she rounded the corner of nearly insane laughter. She made a gesture toward her husband to keep talking so Will said, “Jasmine Sheath, I’d like you to meet Bodacia Charms.”
Lila stared at her mother in shock. “But she’s my favorite author!” She stared at her mother and asked, “You’re Bodacia Charms?”
Bitsy finally calmed down enough to talk, “I sure am.”
Astonished, Lila asked, “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
Her mom answered, “Well, when you and your brother were little, there was no way that you could have known. And then there was your dad’s law practice. Wives of successful litigators don’t write smut, you know? And then when you grew up, you were so prudish I didn’t think you’d understand.”
Lila asked, “Prudish? I always thought you were the prude! I can’t believe you never told me.”
Bitsy answered, “Darling, I was sure the news would kill you if you ever found out. I was worried that you’d be ashamed of me.”
Lila declared, “But that’s why I didn’t tell you about Jasmine. I always thought you were such a lady that you’d be horrified to learn I wrote a steamy romance novel.” She briefly started to catalogue some of the work of Bodacia Charms and declared, “Mom, you write the filthiest stuff out there!”
Will smiled and put his arm around his wife, “She does, doesn’t she?”
Bitsy hugged her husband and announced, “You’ve been a wonderful inspiration, darling.”
Lila looked at Creigh and started to laugh, “I’m the daughter of Bodacia Charms! I don’t think this night could get any stranger.” Then she thought about what Mitzie would say when she heard this news and added, “Mitzie’s going to flip out when she hears this.”
Bitsy looked at her daughter and asked, “Don’t tell me that you’re repped by Mitzie Feinman?”
Lila asked, “Not you too?”
Her Mom answered, “Sweetheart, I’ve been with Mitzie for twenty-five years.”
Mother and daughter shared a moment as they both remembered how adamant their agent was that they let the world know who they really were. Mitzie knew all along that her two favorite clients were related.
After everyone got used to the idea of mother and daughter romance writers, it occurred to Lila she still didn’t know how Cynthia came to be there and why Jessica was acting so lovey dovey with Oscar Solomon. Everyone took turns explaining their part in Creigh’s plan and Lila smiled at her night in shining armor, “I really do love you, you know?”
He answered, “You’d better!” Then as an afterthought added, “We should get some of your mother’s books. I bet we might learn a thing or two.”
Lila giggled, “I think we might learn more than that.”
As the party came to an end, Lila couldn’t believe how well everything worked out. She could finally hold her head up high and be proud of her accomplishments.
M
elinda woke up the next morning feeling like someone had knitted little angora socks on her teeth. Her head was pounding and her mouth was drier than the Sahara Desert. As she opened her eyes and scanned the room around her, she realized that she had no idea where she was. She was expecting to find herself in Creigh’s green guest room, but instead discovered that she was on a ratty pull out sofa in a disgustingly dingy living room. She slowly closed her eyes and tried to think back to the last thing she could remember.
She remembered leaving Creigh’s house after the fight with Jessica. She remembered going to a bar and drinking a lot of fruity drinks. Then she remembered the bartender. Oh shit, she realized, she must still be in his apartment after he took her home from the bar. How was she going to explain her absence to Oscar? She had to get up and get back to Creigh’s before they realized she was missing.
When she opened her eyes again, Jim was standing over her asking, “Did you sleep well, beautiful?”
She mumbled, “Fine, thanks. Listen I had a really great time but I need to get back to the house where I’m staying. My fiancée is going to be worried about me.”
Shocked, Jim asked, “Don’t you remember what happened last night?”
As soon as he asked the question, all kinds of images began flooding into Melinda’s brain. She stared up at Jim and gasped, “You mean that wasn’t a dream? That all really happened?”
He answered, “Yep. Come on, let’s get you a cup of coffee. It’ll help clear your head.”
Melinda couldn’t seem to move, “You mean that Oscar really broke up with me? Oh my god, I bet he’s with that bitch Jessica, now!” She thought out loud, “Well then, that just opens the door for me and Creigh.”
Jim shook his head, “I don’t think so Melinda. Creighton Ashwood and Lila are an item.”
Melinda looked like she was about to scream, but all that came out of her mouth was, “And you went to school with those bitches.”
Jim replied, “I went to school with them, but they’re not bitches.”
Melinda cried, “But I was supposed to marry one of them!” Then she remembered Cynthia and burst into tears, “I don’t have an agent either.” Sobbing uncontrollably, she cried, “What am I going to do without an agent?”
Jim made Melinda eggs and continued to listen to her moan about her life. Never in a million years would he have thought that Melinda Forrester could be such a head trip. He had always thought those Hollywood types had it made. Here was this beautiful, rich, young movie star in his apartment and she was more of a mess than he was.
But that didn’t turn out to be the worst news. When Jim went out for bagels he picked up the latest edition of “The Countrywide Inquisitor.” He was so disgusted with Melinda’s theatrics, he opened it up and handed it to her. Melinda was astonished by what she read.
Monica Funk Goes Kerplunk!
Movie star, Melinda Forrester, a.k.a. Monica Funk, has added another notch to her bed post. Her latest conquest is Jim Farrel, bartender at The Chessie Bar and Grill in Bentley, Illinois. This brings Melinda’s two week total up to five men that we know of. There’s the janitor, the agent, the movie mogul, the lawyer and the bartender. You’ve got to give the girl credit. She’s an equal opportunity slut.
In a series of events that you would never believe, Melinda actually sat down and gave this reporter an exclusive interview yesterday at the same bar where she met her latest bedmate. After spending two hours with the actress, I can safely say that her life story is so trashy that even the garbage man wouldn’t pick it up. Melinda confessed to sleeping with more men than she could count but she estimated the total at over three hundred. At the mere age of twenty-six, I can assume this means she can’t have spent much time on her feet.
When asked if she avoids entanglements with married men, Forrester/Funk replied, “Why would I do that? Most of the men with clout in Hollywood are married. They’re the most important conquests to make.” Stay tuned, dear reader, as The Inquisitor is going to run the full Monica Funk story in a five part, tell all series. The fun begins Thursday, so make sure to pick up your copy, steaming hot off the presses!
It finally occurred to Melinda that the woman at the bar the day before must have actually been a tabloid reporter. She started to remember the stories she told the woman and she knew that when her series hit the newsstand, her career would be sunk. When the world found out the truth about Melinda Forrester, she would lucky to be hired to work on a soap opera. Melinda wasn’t sure what she could do, if anything, to rescue her career, but she did know one thing. She was going to get revenge against Lila Montgomery, if it was the last thing that she did.
L
ila, Jilly, Jessica and Barry decided to meet at the county club for dinner before the reunion. Creigh drove with Lila and Jilly and Bill picked up Jessica and Oscar. Cynthia didn’t really know how it happened, but not only did she get roped into going to a high school class reunion that wasn’t her own, but she was going as Barry’s date. She assured herself that this did not mean that she was the least bit attracted to him. She was merely going to spend a fun night with her friends.
Cyn couldn’t figure out which outfit to wear. She naturally wanted to look beautiful, but she did not want Barry to think she was doing it for him. She wouldn’t have had to worry about it if she hadn’t kissed him that day at the pool. But ever since then, Barry was convinced Cyn wanted him and he never passed up an opportunity to tell her so.
Cynthia finally put on a short black slip dress with matching shantung mules. While rubbing lotion into her legs she wondered why Barry couldn’t be a nice normal guy, like an accountant. After all, if he wasn’t a rich boy, she might actually be able to give him a chance.
Cyn hurried out the door of the guest cottage as it was her intention to meet her date in the driveway. She didn’t trust that he wouldn’t try to kiss her if given the opportunity. But just her luck, as she walked up the path in front of the house, she ran right into his arms making a “hrumph” sound as they collided.