She Loves You, She Loves You Not... (26 page)

He mumbles something under his breath, and I say, “What?”

He says louder, “I don’t. I never will.”

“I can’t change who I am, Dad.”

He doesn’t respond to that. And now, I think, this conversation is over.

I go to exit and see the Newton’s swing on his sideboard. I pull out two balls and release them as hard as possible, and the
opposite two balls go flying. The clacking of the balls still reverberates as I close the door behind me.

In the foyer I nearly collapse because my knees feel so weak. But a tiny spark of pride glints inside me. I did it. I came out to my father. He may never understand or accept me for who I am, but you know what? That’s his choice. I only hope I can accept him for who he is.

Tanith’s sitting out on the porch when I tiptoe downstairs in the morning. It’s early, and I don’t care to wake the sleeping monster. I curl into a wicker chair opposite her and say, “Do you want me to tell Paulie?”

She shakes her head. “It’s my responsibility.”

“I don’t mind. Maybe if he heard it from me…”

Tears overflow the rims of Tanith’s eyes, and I see she’s got a wadded-up Kleenex in her hand.

“It’s not your fault,” I tell her.

“I don’t know how he could turn his back on you like this. It’s just so cruel.” She dabs her eyes.

I go over to her and sit on the armrest, looping my arm around her shoulders. “I love you, you know.” She needs to hear that because it’s true. I’ve never told her how much I appreciate her. She’s always been there. Not a day went by when I didn’t know Tanith would be there to take care of me. “You’ve been more of a mother to me than my own mother. I’m sorry I’ve been such a pain in the ass.”

“Oh, Alyssa…”

Tanith leans into me, and I rub her arm. I feel bad for her, caught in the middle. She blows her nose and composes her
self. “I talked to Carly today and made all the arrangements.” Tanith tells me I’ll be living at Geena’s, house-sitting, until Carly and Geena return from their cruise. “Since you’re not eighteen, I told Carly you’d need a guardian.”

“I can take care of myself,” I say.

“You still need a legal guardian. She said she had someone in mind.”

Oh, great. I’ll be under the watchful eye of Mitchell, the cop.

“Are you packed? We should head out to the airport soon,” Tanith says, standing.

I embrace her. We stand for a long minute, hugging and rocking each other. I think we both wish we could make up for the past, but what’s done is done. We have to move forward.

She says, “I’m going up to tell Paulie now.”

“I’m going with you.”

She opens her mouth as if to protest but doesn’t. If he starts crying, I will too, and so will Tanith, and we’ll flood the house with tears.

We don’t have to tell Paulie. He’s standing at my bedroom door, staring at the suitcases packed with all my stuff. He turns slowly, his eyes moving up to meet mine. He gets that same look on his face that Dad cut me with and says, “I hate you.” He tries to storm past me, but I clench his wrist and he goes limp. Hanging his head, he bursts into tears.

I look to Tanith, and she squats down beside him. “Paulie, you’ll see Alyssa all the time. She’ll come home for holidays. Right?” She glances up at me.

“Absolutely,” I say.

“And I already have a trip to Colorado planned. I’ve been dying to learn how to ski. You want to ski, right?”

Paulie doesn’t reply.

“I’ll call you every week.” I tousle his hair. “We’ll e-mail.”

“It won’t be the same,” he says with a sob.

“No.” It won’t. But it’s what I have to do.

The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, claim my independence. Redefine my family. I envelop both of them in my arms and choke out, “I love you guys so much.”

I bend down to tie my new Nikes, ones I bought myself, and Carly says, “I hate leaving you here in Majestic all alone.”

“I’m not alone.” As if on cue, Boner groans from under the coffee table. “Everyone in town is my new best friend.”

Carly says, “That’s the truth. You’re like the town mascot.”

I think,
More like the adopted daughter
.

Carly’s sitting on Geena’s flowery sofa, paging through the pamphlet for her cruise.

“Well, I better get going. If I’m one minute late, Arlo has a hissy fit.”

“Oh, did I tell you? He’s agreed to be your guardian.”

“What?” I wasn’t going to mention the guardian thing, in case Carly had forgotten. Arlo. Hmm. That is going to be interesting.

“Alyssa?” Carly glances up and meets my eyes. “I just want you to be happy. That’s all I ever wanted for you. I figured leaving you with your dad was the best I could do for you at the time. Who knew he’d turn out to be such an asshole?”

Yeah, who knew? “I want you to be happy too.” Everyone
should just be happy. “I’ll see you later,” I say, but Carly’s already refocused on her cruise.

After being closed for repairs the last week, the Egg Drop-In is back to normal. In fact, with a clean coat of paint and new linoleum, the place is all spruced up.

I grab my cap off the rack and hear Arlo say, “Unload the supplies before you put out the pastries.”

“Good morning to you too.” I skirt the counter and almost collide with her. I can’t speak, can’t breathe.

Finn says, “Hi.”

I look from her to the swinging café doors and then back to her. “What are you doing here?” I ask.

Arlo yells, “Did you hear me, Finn?”

She shouts, “They heard you in Frisco.” To me, she says, “Working.”

“Since when?”

“Since I came back. Since I heard you—”

“Alyssa. I need you to help me prep,” Arlo barks. “Get those damn supplies unloaded, Finn.”

“In a minute.” I raise my voice at Arlo. He must feel the static in the room because he says, “Well, whenever you girls can spare an hour or two. You know we’ve got all day.”

Finn holds my eyes, and all the feelings come rushing back. The love and longing and pain of her leaving. I turn to go and she says, “Do you have my dog?”

I turn back. “Is that why you’re here?”

She walks toward me and I take a step back, but she grips my arm and pulls me into her, into a kiss. My legs give out, and she holds me up, pressing me so close I feel every beat of
her heart and mine in sync. We’re both breathing hard, and I swell with her sensuality. She places her hands gently on both sides of my face and says softly, “You got me involved.”

A smile curls my lips. “Who, me?”

She kisses me again. And again. Or continuously.

“No no no no no.” Arlo rolls up behind us. “Not here. Not now. For God’s sake, this is a public establishment.”

In our kiss, Finn and I both start laughing.

Arlo says, “I can’t have this, Alyssa. Stop it right now.”

I cock my head at Arlo. “Or what? You’ll ground me?” I tell Finn, “Arlo’s my legal guardian.”

She lets out a laugh.

I smile. “I know, huh?”

He crashes through the swinging doors, and my eyes fix on Finn again. I ask her the question: “How long are you staying this time?”

She doesn’t take her eyes off me. “I’ve gotten real attached to this place.
Real
attached.”

The heat between us flames again.

“Could we
please
get ready to open?” Arlo hollers.

It’s almost impossible to break away, but duty calls. I spy Rufus out front, peering in through the window, and something else.

I walk toward the door, holding up two fingers at Rufus to let him know we’re almost ready. The shape in the street materializes. Finn’s Concours.

On the front, between the handlebars, she’s posted a sign:
FOR SALE. MAKE ME AN OFFER I CAN’T REFUSE
.

1. What pressures (external or internal) are placed on Sarah and Alyssa through their relationship?

2. Discuss the use of money and gifts to express affection. Why does Alyssa feel the need to give gifts to Sarah and Finn to express her feelings? Is she “buying” their affection? How does Carly begin to express her affection for Alyssa through gifts?

3. How does the town or community play a role in this story? Discuss the differences between Alyssa’s environments in Virginia and Colorado. Is one community more or less accepting than the other?

4. Is Carly a good mother? Why or why not? What about Tanith? Why or why not?

5. Can you sympathize with Sarah’s and Ben’s confusion about their sexuality? Why or why not?

6. What is Finn’s role in Alyssa’s healing process? How does Finn’s character change over the course of the story?

7. Do you think Alyssa’s father will ever understand and accept her? Is any of his anger justified? Why or why not?

8. Discuss the role of friendship. Which characters are loyal and dependable friends: M’Chelle? Ben? Geena? Arlo?

9. How do different characters run away or hide parts of themselves: Carly? Finn? Sarah? Do you understand their actions? Why or why not?

10. What do you think the future holds for Alyssa? Finn? What about Ben and Sarah?

A compelling new story about
friendship, love, and the trials of
planning an alternative prom—
turn the page for a sneak peek!

There must be an epidemic of flu or cold virus going around, because when I walk into my last class I see Mr. What’s-His-Sub, the same guy I had in third period. He says, “Your teacher didn’t leave any lesson plans, so you can use this time as a study hour.” Good idea. I pull out my cell and scroll through my pics from Friday night.

We made our usual entrance to the theater, walking down the side aisle all the way to the front. As we crossed the curtain, Luke and I waved to people in the audience, while Radhika shielded her eyes as if she didn’t know us. People turned to see who we were waving to, which was hilarious because we didn’t know anyone. Then the three of us climbed the steps to the back row and scooted in with our tub of popcorn and supersized Icee to share. Luke plopped down next to Radhika, so I stepped over them to sit on the other side of her. I still remember the first whiff of her jasmine-scented shampoo, and how my breath caught.

Luke started pitching popcorn in the air and catching it in his mouth. “Radhika,” he said, tossing a kernel to her. She stuck out her tongue, but missed. Luke grabbed a fistful of popcorn and threw it high in the air, all of us opening our mouths like hungry chicks, and laughing when most of the popcorn landed on our laps or the floor. I picked out a kernel from Radhika’s hair and ate it. She turned and smiled.

That’s the first picture I snapped on my cell. I study it and imagine her lips on mine. Shiver.

The next pics are a series with the three of us, heads together, making silly faces, or sipping from the Icee. Me, Radhika, and Luke.

How long had it been since the three of us had gone out together to a movie? Too long. I missed “us.”

I’m so engrossed in scrolling through the pictures over and over that when the bell buzzes, I’m startled back to the present.

“Get a lot of homework done, did you?” the sub says to me on my way out.

I turn slowly. “Yeah,” I go. “I read
War and Peace
on my iPhone.”

“I’ve been waiting for you.” Mr. Gerardi, the principal, ambushes me as I shut my locker door. “Follow me.” He turns and lumbers down the hall of doom toward his office.

I grimace. Last week Luke and I had the bright idea to superglue
UNISEX
over the faculty restroom sign. It seemed
only right; the Diversity Club has been campaigning for a unisex bathroom for the last three years. Now we have one.

We get to his office and Mr. Gerardi says, “Sit down, please,” as he circles his desk. He folds his hands on top and smiles one of those smiles that looks like it hurts every muscle in his face. “I have a proposition, Azure,” he says.

Uh-oh. When my dad says that, it means do or die.

“Is this going to take long?” I ask. “Because my ride’s waiting.”

“It might,” he answers. “Do you have another way home?”

“Let me make a call.” My heart thrums in my chest as I text Luke:

In deep shit. Go ahead w/out me. Blame you later.

After I drop my cell in my bag, Mr. Gerardi says, “Do you remember how last year you circulated the petition to eliminate prom?”

“It wasn’t just me.”

“But you started it.”

Did I? Luke was the one who got all the signatures. I’m about as popular as herpes.

“If I recall correctly, your complaint was that prom wasn’t inclusive.”

“Because it’s not,” I say.

His smile is stuck in place and it’s creeping me out. “Apparently, one of the board members got hold of the petition and agrees with you. Prom should be an event for
every student in school. Although I don’t see how it’s not inclusive—”

“It’s elitist.” I edge forward in my chair. “It’s so expensive only the richie rich can afford it, then the populars are the only people who go, so they can be seen. You have to take a date or you’re labeled a loser.”