Shaken (12 page)

If not for the pain sliding underneath the words, Zip thought she might have been hurt by the admission, but she buried the idea—this wasn’t about her, but him. How could she be upset by his honesty? The corners of Tony’s eyes crinkled, his gaze seemingly on the past.

“I thought this girl, this could be the one. So I thought about all the consequences. What I needed to do right to date her, to give her the life she would need, to build a home and a family. I wanted what my parents had. ’Cause no matter how many hours they worked or how tired they were, when one of them walked into the room, the other one lit up. You knew they were together even when a hundred people were standing in between them. They worked, you know?”

He peeled back a layer on his soul, so how could she not respond? They sounded wonderful. Loving, giving, and smart people who’d given birth to an amazing son. Tony’s face gentled when he talked about them, adding a counterpoint to the bitterness peppering his words. “They met in high school and married the day after my mom graduated college. Dad wouldn’t marry her a day before then ’cause he wanted her to do with her life what she wanted to do. That sounded like a great plan, so, after six months, when Robin and I were getting serious, I sat down and made my plan.”

Tony shifted, adjusting his weight to cradle her more firmly. “I always wanted to have my own bar and be my own boss. I knew I wanted to go to business school, and I planned to study everything I could. I’d already been working in bars then to help pay for school. I studied with some of the best bartenders I knew, blue-collar and white. I worked my way up the chain. I knew, by the time I finished college, I was gonna go for a management position. I planned to marry Robin when we were twenty-five and open my bar a year later. That would give me time to finish my master’s degree and save up my stake. If I could come up with fifty percent of the opening costs, I knew I could get a loan.”

It didn’t sound like a bad plan at all. Zip understood enough about capital investment and business loans to know showing up at a bank with half the money a person needed was a solid step toward business solvency.

“I told Robin all about it, and she thought it was awesome. She wanted to help me save the money, but I told her she needed to finish her degree. It was art history, but, hey, if she wanted to teach or work in a museum, I wanted her to follow her dream, you know? My dad went into waste management because his dad worked in waste management and the union was strong. It offered good pay, and he didn’t have an interest in a career as much as he did in being there and providing for his family. Robin said that’s what she wanted, too.”

He swallowed and his throat convulsed. “Four years ago, about a year before we would have gotten married. Robin got pregnant. Totally floored me because we were always safe, but, you know, condoms rip, things happen. I still planned to marry her, but she didn’t want to. She kept saying we had to stay on the plan.” He paused and blew out a breath.

For a moment, Zip wondered if he would go on, but Tony gave her a small smile. “’Course, now I had to rethink the plan because babies are expensive. I had to work twice as hard, and I was lucky because I had insurance, so that paid for a lot. Then my daughter was born, and she’s beautiful…the most beautiful baby you ever saw. I fell in love with her from the first moment she stared up at me. I would kill for her, so I knew I’d do everything I needed to give her the life she deserved. I took most of my savings and bought Robin and Lindsey a house…it’s a good one. Two story, little backyard, close to a park, lots of kids in the neighborhood, and just a couple of blocks from my parents and three from my brother.”

Zip ran her hands up and down his spine. So much sorrow seemed to bubble in his joy. She didn’t know where the story headed, but she didn’t want him to stop until he got it all out. He needed to purge, and she wanted to be a good listener.

“Robin was pretty pissed, but she loved the house, and I had to take a second job when she wanted to stay home with the baby. But I figured it was best for our little girl, and, if that was what my girls wanted, that’s what I would do. So I restructured my plan. It would take five years to get the business started, but Robin and Lindsey came first, you know?”

She held her breath, not daring to say anything.

“Things were going great. I landed that gig at the Coveted, and it paid double what I was making before. I could drop the extra job, and I still had benefits. I told Robin that my sister-in-law could watch the kiddo if she wanted to work. You know, follow her dreams, but she didn’t want to. But I was home more, and we seemed to be fighting more. It was weird; I couldn’t put my finger on it, but things were tense and getting tenser. Then I told her we were about a year out from being able to make that first investment, and I wanted her to start checking out potential locations with me, to get her feedback…I wanted her to feel involved.” He stopped, his voice cracking on the last.

“And then she told me she wanted me to move out. It was like out of the blue, just…she didn’t want to look at bars, she didn’t want to own a bar, and she didn’t want to be there anymore. I told her I knew it was hard, and maybe we’d been growing apart, we were kind of young. Lindsey was just two-and-a-half, but I was willing to work on it for my girls. Robin didn’t want to hear it.” His jaw flexed.

“She just changed, or maybe I saw her right for the first time, I don’t know. Then she dropped a bomb on me. I came home and all my stuff is packed on the porch, and there’s this note from her—she’s gone to her mother’s in Montauk for the week, Lindsey’s not my kid, and she would get a restraining order if I didn’t leave them alone.”

Zip’s heart broke as a cool rage blew through her. What the hell kind of woman did that to someone she was supposed to love?

“I thought she was just pissed, and I was pretty pissed. I must have called fifty times, but she didn’t answer. Then a lawyer showed up, and I got served. I was pretty trashed for a day or two before my mom and dad kicked me soundly. My best friend from college had just finished law school; he’s an associate in Midtown. He took my case.”

“You’re suing for custody?” It was the first question she dared ask.

“I don’t want to take her away from Robin; I just want to see my little girl. She wouldn’t even let me near her and tried to use the fact that I’m not her biological father to do it.”

Her gut clenched. The situation was tough—tougher than she’d imagined. “Tony, I’m sorry….”

“Wait. I made my peace with that already. I don’t care that it isn’t my blood running through her veins. She’s my little girl in every way that counts. I was there the day she was born, when she said her first word and took her first step. I adore that little girl, and I’m gonna love her ’til the day I die. I don’t care whose last name she has. It takes a lot more than biology to make someone a dad.”

Yes, it did. Zip’s father had died when she was little, but her mother’s boss, Big Bill, played the part of adopted dad and showed up at every school event she’d ever had. Hell, he’d even danced with her during the father-daughter dances at weddings.

“Okay,” she whispered.

“Really?” He exhaled a long breath, the worry in his eyes turning to wonder. “That’s it? Just okay?”

“She’s your little girl, Tony. You’re right—biology doesn’t make a dad, and, if you want to be a part of her life, I want that for you.”

He relaxed and hugged her, obviously worried about telling her this truth. But she wasn’t going anywhere. “I told you—my parents would love you.” The muffled words had her rolling her eyes, but she didn’t complain. “And, hey, there are perks to going to their house to meet them.” He settled her into the cradle of his thighs.

“I’ll bite.” And she had to giggle when he grazed her ear with his teeth, putting action to her words. “What perks?”

“I have a bedroom at their house.” He slid his hand under her robe and stroked her bare side. “And the door locks….”

Oh. And, just like that, her body flamed for him again. Tony Giordano was the definition of a passionate distraction. When his hand continued south and closed over the curve of her hip, she opened her mouth to welcome his kiss and sighed.

One hell of a passionate distraction.

Chapter Nine

Thursday

Tony loosened and tightened the noose of his tie for what felt like the hundredth time since he and Derek had been let into the small conference room to wait. The judge had requested all parties to the courthouse for questioning. But, instead of the courtroom, Robin and her attorney were in with the judge while Tony and his attorney cooled their heels.

“Sit down and take a breather,” Derek advised. He sat in one of the conference room’s black leather chairs, his briefcase unopened on the table next to him and his eyes half-closed as though he wanted to take a nap.

Anxiety knotted Tony’s neck muscles, and his blood ran hot, then cold, then hot again. He’d left Zip’s the morning before, riding with her to Midtown before diverting to his apartment with every intention of meeting her at her place that night. Unfortunately, Derek called with a meet request from Robin and her attorney.

A meeting, as it turned out, that proved more fruitless than any others when Robin’s attorney put in an appearance—but no Robin. To add insult to injury, by the time they’d left the meeting, Zip had sent a text to say she’d tried to stay awake, but exhaustion and five nights of nearly no sleep had caught up to her.

He’d gone to his apartment alone rather than try to wake her. She had late meetings on Thursday, so he wouldn’t see her until her Friday night with the girls and he was on tap at the bar all weekend. A pulse beat behind his eyes.

What the hell are they saying in there?

Leaving his tie alone, he paced the room. Nervous energy pumped in time with the rapid race of his pulse. Robin asked for a meeting and then skipped out on it. While her attorney had tried to cover, it hadn’t taken Tony long to figure out he had no idea why she wasn’t there, either. First the no-show, then the sudden eleventh-hour summons to the courthouse.

“Tony.” Derek’s voice snapped him out of his internal rant. “Sit. Down.”

“I can’t.” He braced his fists, knuckles on the tabletop. He should have talked to Zip—hell he wanted to talk to her about it. But their relationship was in its infancy and the whole custody issue non-negotiable for him. And what if the last thing she wants is a boyfriend with a kid? Yes, his mind went there. He really hated sleeping without her sprawled against him. Odd how quickly he’d gotten used to the feel of her curves and the automatic way she cuddled when he wrapped an arm around her. “I want to know what the hell is going on in there.”

Are they still going to let me be a dad when I walk out of this place? At the center of his gut-churning fear lay the reality that, if Robin proved successful, Tony would lose Lindsey. He missed his little girl.

Missed her like hell. Missed her. Adding Zip to the equation turned him inside out. He wanted to introduce his little girl to the woman he was rapidly falling in love with. If he’d had any doubts, meeting her mother had put that to rest. On his to-do list was impress Anne Collins because, despite Zip’s protests, he’d seen the value she put on her mother’s opinion. Better to have Mom as his ally rather than an opponent.

“Okay, focus for a minute. You can’t walk in there this wound up if the judge calls us in, which he very well might because he said he had questions. Questions for Robin and questions for you. You need to have it together when you walk in those doors. Freaking out is not helping your case.” Cool and rational advice, and it only made Tony want to punch him.

Blowing out a breath, he bowed his head. “I know. I’m trying. You know I thought the scariest moment in the world was when Robin told me she was pregnant—and then when she went into labor—fucked me up. I had this running litany in my head the whole time of everything that could go wrong. You know—defects they didn’t catch, bad delivery, oxygen deprivation, Robin stroking out. A thousand tiny things could go wrong, and I thought it couldn’t ever be worse than those two times. The fear: it ate at me. And then they put Lindsey in my arms, and I was toast.”

Scrubbing a hand over his face, he scowled at his own emotionalism. He could have called his mom. His parents supported his efforts to hang onto their grandchild, and they’d even written up affidavits of support. His siblings would have been there, too. But he hadn’t called anyone.

Because he was scared.

“Derek, if they take her away from me….” It would gut him. The fear of losing Lindsey trumped all those other times.

“Sit down, shut up, and listen.” Derek straightened and gave him a hard look. The unflinching order in his tone demanded Tony pay attention, so he dragged a chair out and sat. “This has been a crappy few months for you, I get it. Robin screwing you over and playing head games. It’s been shit. You miss your kid, you’re busting your ass at work, and you’re dating the girl of your dreams. You want everything, and you’re terrified you’re going to get nothing.”

“As pep talks go—I’m not really feeling this one.” Tony’s gut continued to churn, and acid burned the back of his throat. He hadn’t bothered with breakfast, having only enough time to grab a sketchy shower and pull on his suit before getting his ass to court in time to wait.

“You don’t need a pep talk. You need to chill out and be patient. We’re in a good place, man. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but we are. The judge is taking some seriously long looks at this case. He hasn’t dismissed it, he hasn’t ruled in her favor—”

“He hasn’t ruled in mine, either.” Tony got it. Everyone said he was crazy to pursue the case, but that didn’t change things for him.

“Which means we have time, and time is on our side.” Derek tapped his briefcase. “As long as the judge is thinking about it, it means he thinks your case has merit. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t bother with a thorough investigation of the facts.”

“What if he has made his decision, and that’s why we’re here?” That possibility had gnawed at him since they’d walked in. What if the judge dropped the boom on him the moment he walked into his chambers?