Sex & Mayhem 04 No Matter What (4 page)

Ghost:
It *will*
happen.

Ghost:
After
that, I will never let you go. We’ll work things out.

Ghost:
I’d do
anything to feel your lips on mine.

Zara:
What if
I’m not everything you expect?

Ghost:
Doesn’t
matter.

Zara:
What if I
changed since the photo?

Ghost:
I don’t
care ;) I just know I want you.

Ghost:
You might
turn out to not like me in real life.

Chapter 3

Luca’s arms
around him were like three hours of pure torment. There was nothing
dainty about them, nothing ‘Zara’ about them. Not to mention the
packed pants, which was hard not to notice with Luca’s hips pressed
against Ghost’s ass. If Luca changed his mind about the whole
thing, Ghost would let him go back to Mr. Limo, but maybe a breath
of fresh air would let Luca think straight.

The long ride,
nine hours in the morning, and now three hours, had Ghost tired
out, so as the sun was setting along the empty road, they parked by
the small clubhouse of the Pennsylvania chapter of the Coffin
Nails. The local guys had been informed about them passing through,
so paying them a friendly visit wouldn’t be a problem for Tooth,
the vice president of the mother chapter in Detroit.

Adrenaline was
still rushing through Ghost’s body after the sort-of-kidnapping. He
preferred to think of it as ‘saving’. Even with his heart broken,
Ghost couldn’t just leave the guy in danger. And Luca’s pretty face
had nothing to do with it.

The local
chapter was one of the smallest nationwide, and the size of the
clubhouse reflected that. Located among the fields, it was a good
place to protect when needed―with high fences around the main
building and a bar at the front. The latter was accessible to the
public, which meant that at least Ghost could somehow disappear in
the evening crowd and talk to Luca.

It was already
getting dark when Tooth gestured for them to pull over, and they
slowly parked in front of the bar, It seemed to be a full house
tonight, at least judging by the number of cars and bikes parked in
front of it. Loud rock music was streaming through the open
windows, but their arrival didn’t go unnoticed, and the doors
opened before they all managed to dismount.

Ghost took a
deep breath and avoided looking back at Luca. Now that it was quiet
enough to hear one another, he couldn’t avoid speaking to him
anymore. “I couldn’t wait till tomorrow,” he said, getting off the
bike.

Luca pulled off
the helmet and stared at him. “That was so risky,” he muttered,
massaging his forearms through his tailored leather jacket. The
thing looked classy, expensive, and too ‘old’ for a guy this
young.

The moment was
broken by Tooth, who called them over in a tone that didn’t take
‘no’ for an answer.

Ghost put his
hands in his pockets. In yesterday’s dreams, at this time he would
have been celebrating his engagement. “Everything all right?” he
asked Tooth, who stood in front of the bar with Milk and two men
Ghost didn’t know. Upon close inspection, it turned out they were
Cam, the president, and Fire, the redheaded vice president of the
chapter. They all had to go through obligatory introductions, but
minutes later, they were inside, each with a beer in hand. Milk and
Tooth sat with their hosts on a sofa close to a pool table where a
group of scantily-clad female hangarounds played. But no matter how
many hands he had to shake and how many people he had to
acknowledge, Ghost’s attention was always on the expressive dark
eyes, with eyelashes so long and thick they were fucking with
Ghost’s mind. He could almost feel them tickling his skin.

“So… um… how
about we go talk somewhere?” Ghost muttered as he leaned closer to
Luca to speak over the music.

Luca chewed on
his lip and nodded. He rushed toward the exit with the beer still
in hand, his thick hair moving with each step. Ghost gave Tooth one
more glance over the shoulder and followed Luca, trying not to let
his gaze slide down the trim back. To say that he was confused by
Luca’s presence and how it affected him would be an
understatement.

They went out
into the cool evening air, and walked along a narrow dirt road that
ran through the naked field, past a huge stack of baled straw.
There was hardly any wind, the only noise being the sounds of the
bar, dying out the farther they walked. There wasn’t even any wind
to fill the deathly silence that settled between them.

Luca held the
plastic cup in hand but hadn’t taken a single sip since they left
the clubhouse. Ghost didn’t drink either, but at least the bottle
gave him something to hold. With Zara, he had everything planned
out. He fantasized about the way he’d bring her breakfast to bed,
how she’d pull his head into her lap and lean over him with a soft
smile. Now, he was completely out of his depth.

“Why did you
lie to me?” Ghost finally muttered in the darkness.

Luca stopped
and slowly turned to face him. His face was so pretty it was hard
to think of him as a liar, not after they had sex online so many
times.

“I’m sorry. I
didn’t tell you I was a guy because I didn’t want to sound like
some weakling.” He looked away. “And then it just... it was too
late to tell you the truth.”

“You went with
it. You said… a lot of things.” Ghost took a deep breath and ran
his fingers through his hair. Here he was, thinking he could hide
in the closet all his life, and just go on like any average
straight guy. Fate had played a cruel joke on him.

Luca nodded.
“My gender’s the one thing I lied about. I just... never thought
we’d actually meet.” He raised his eyes, soft and lost all at once,
despite the firm jaw and stubble that wasn’t visible in the
darkness, but that Ghost knew was there. He’d felt it on his own
lips.

Ghost took a
deep breath and pulled out the little box with the engagement ring
from his pocket. “‘Meet’? I was about to propose today!” He pushed
the box into Luca’s hand.

Luca stared at
it before cradling it against his stomach. “Propose? To me?”

“Yes! For
fuck’s sake!” Ghost turned around not to see those big glistening
eyes. “You’re the closest person on earth to me,” he whispered and
rubbed his eyes. “You just get me. You were with me through my
worst.” Ghost barely managed to swallow, looking out into the empty
field, at the lights of a town far away.

“And you’re the
closest person to me. I wouldn’t
be
here if it wasn’t for
you. You know that,” said Luca, speaking louder with every
word.

“Yeah, ‘cause I
kidnapped you.” Ghost chuckled and grabbed the hair on the back of
his head. “What was I thinking?”

“No... when we
first started talking,” came in a whisper.

Ghost took a
deep breath to stop the itching in his eyes. “I didn’t do it to
chat you up. I saw you were upset. I wasn’t planning on all of
this.”
I wasn’t planning to fall in love with a guy.
Five
years ago he’d met Zara, a sixteen-year-old suicidal girl. He
couldn’t have just walked away.

“I know, but
you were there for me when no one else was, and I couldn’t just
tell you the truth afterward,” said Luca with his throat clearly
tight. He slowly lowered himself just enough to place the cup on
the ground. “You’d hate me.”

“You should
have thought about it before you told me you loved me.” Ghost
gritted his teeth so hard it hurt. The person he was imagining a
future with ended up being a mirage, and what was he to do now?

“But I do!”
Luca closed his hand around Ghost’s arm, eliciting all sorts of
tingles and butterflies. “I do... but I’m a guy, so it doesn’t
matter anymore. I’m so sorry...”

Ghost wished
his body didn’t react to Luca the way it did. He’d learned to
ignore his attraction to guys, and his love for Zara had only
helped him with that, but now? He was at loss. He couldn’t find the
will to push Luca away when he knew that deep down, Luca was the
person he fell in love with. “You said the issue with your
boyfriend isn’t a lie?” he mumbled, trying to change the topic.

Luca exhaled,
tightening his hand around Ghost’s arm, and his touch burned like
the best kind of liquor. “It’s true... though things aren’t exactly
as I described them.”

“What are they
like then?” Ghost frowned at Luca’s hand, his mind stalled. No
index finger. Luca had never told him about that. There was so much
he didn’t know about the person he loved it was driving him
nuts.

Luca responded
after a brief moment. “My parents are dead, so he’s not helping me
support them. But my father was indebted to him, and it was big
money. Frederico took me in after they passed away as a way of...
me paying back.”

Ghost squeezed
Luca’s hand and turned around to face him. “You can’t be held
responsible for your father’s debt. And this guy doesn’t need money
from you anyway, otherwise he wouldn’t be traveling the world and
eating at expensive places.”

Luca smirked.
“It’s about principles. He wanted me, so he took me. That’s how it
works in his world.” Luca’s incomplete hand squeezed around Ghost’s
fingers. For once, Ghost could hear the unstable, ragged breathing
coming from Luca. “When we first talked... it was the night when I
understood what kind of man he really was. That I was... trapped,”
whispered Luca, with his dark eyes staring into the ground.

Ghost slowly
put his arms around Luca and pulled him in, closing his eyes. He
tried to tell himself that anyone would do that in his position.
“That’s why I went back for you. You broke my heart, but you
deserve a clean start.”

Luca’s arms
squeezed around him with much more force than Ghost expected, and
when that fluffy hair brushed his nose, he inhaled its earthy yet
fresh scent with a hint of tobacco. “There’s no clean start. He’ll
find me. But I don’t care. It’s good to talk to you like this.”

“He won’t.”
Ghost pulled away to avoid kissing the dark, wavy hair that was so
tempting it physically hurt to resist. “You can go back to Detroit
with us, I’d help you get started.”

Luca shook his
head and chuckled. “I’m on a tourist visa, and I have little formal
education. It won’t work.” His thumb stroked the center of Ghost’s
palm, triggering a shiver that went all the way down his spine.

Ghost pulled
his hand away. “I don’t care! I will not spend a day more knowing
that this guy is abusing you!” He forced himself to face Luca.
“It’s like you’re looking for ways to go back to him. I’ll help you
find work. Don’t you want to be free?”

Luca’s Adam’s
apple bobbed as he looked up at Ghost. “Why are you so nice? I lied
to you.”

Ghost put his
hands in his pockets. “What am I supposed to do? Hit you?” he
groaned. “I lied as well. I’m not a doctor anymore.”

Luca blinked.
“What? Since when? How do you stop being a doctor?”

“I didn’t go on
a gap year two years ago, I was involved in an illegal operation
for the Coffin Nails motorcycle club. I got my licence revoked. I
didn’t know what to do with myself anymore. You helped me decide on
the voluntary work in Syria, but since I’ve been back, I can’t find
a place for myself. I’m not who I said I was either.”

Luca stared at
him as if he were a stranger. “But you
hate
violence and
guns.”

“My dad’s in
the club. They had a medical emergency, so they called me in. The
kid was all cut up, I had to act. I couldn’t have just waited for
emergency services. He was about to bleed to death. Problem is, I
came with them as they broke into the hospital, and there were
assaults involved. It all got messy, and I didn’t manage to crawl
out of it.” Ghost rubbed his forehead, getting a stomach ache from
even thinking about that. He’d spent so many years studying, only
to have everything he worked for taken away from him at the
beginning of his career.

Luca grabbed
his hands and squeezed them gently. In close contact, the lack of
the index finger stood out even more. It was a clean cut, the scar
smooth and discreet.

“I’m so sorry.
Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted to
impress you, I suppose.” Ghost shrugged. “Maybe I placed too much
hope in you. I don’t have a job, I live with my parents at the
moment. I thought I’d meet you, I’d come clean, and we’d live
happily ever after.” When he said it out loud, he knew he’d made a
fool out of himself.

Luca shook his
head and stepped closer. “Doesn’t matter. I love you. I’d love you
even if you hit me and left, because I know I deserve it. You’re a
good person, much better than anyone else I know. You saved
people’s lives in Syria, you saved mine... isn’t that impressive
enough?” he uttered, eyes open and vulnerable as he stared at
Ghost. Like Ghost really mattered, as if he were a much bigger man
than he actually was.

Ghost could
just kiss him now and pretend they were all alone in the world. But
they weren’t. He knew there was a part of him that could take a
step forward and kiss a man, but he’d always chosen not to
acknowledge it. Now here he was, with the love of his life staring
at him with so much need and affection it was crawling under his
skin already.

“Please stay.
Despite all this,” he pointed to Luca’s body, “I wouldn’t be able
to look myself in the eye if you went back to him.”

Luca covered
his eyes with his hand before letting it fall. “You have no idea
how much I want that. I don’t want to go back.”

Ghost took a
deep breath. “Let’s do that then. I don’t like to play games… Luca.
I need you in my life, I just don’t know how to make it work yet,
but, we’ll arrange something, okay?”
As I die of a broken
heart.