Send (25 page)

I rolled my eyes. “Mom.”

“I know. I know. It's just…California is so far.”

That was the whole idea. Pop said I was still running. Guess he was right. “I'll take the meds. Dr. Philips already found me a new shrink. I'll be fine.”

She ran a hand over my hair, unconvinced. “Why don't you go out for a run? I can't remember the last time you ran. You haven't even been out of the house in days.”

“I'm good, Mom.” I turned back to the computer screen. A few seconds later, she sighed and walked back into the kitchen.

I scanned the email list. Brandon had been sending me a message every day since that day on the beach. I think he visited me in the hospital a few times, but I couldn't remember. He was bringing a new Xbox game over later. I even got a long apology from Jeff. Paul and Lisa emailed prom pictures. They went together. I missed that too. I would have taken Julie.

Julie.

My chest ached, a dull throb whenever I thought about her. My fingers drifted to the medallion I still wore around my neck. I waited for Kenny to say something snarky. But my head was so quiet that my thoughts echoed. I took a quick peek into his room. He was there on the bed, eyes closed, hands under his head, legs stacked one on top of the other.

Silent.

I opened a new email message and started writing.

Dear Julie,

I know you said to stay away, but it's so hard. I miss you all the time. I am so sorry—for everything. I know that doesn't fix anything, but it's the truth.

I drummed my fingers on the desk, thinking of everything I had to say. It all felt so…inadequate now.

I just got an email from Brandon. He said he's doing really well and that he and Jeff are cool. And Lisa and Paul went to the prom together. I got my room assignment from USC. I leave in, like, three weeks.

I slouched in the chair and blew my hair out of my eyes. This was lame. Fuck it. Time to lay it all on the table.

I am so, so sorry. I don't want to lose you. Not now, not after everything that happened. I'm getting help. We'll find a way to get past everything. You forgave me once. Please. Please let me see you before I leave, just once.

I love you, Julie. I always will.

Well, what do you think? I prodded Kenny, lying still on the bed in his room deep inside my mind.

I waited for myself to answer, my finger on the Send button.

Questions about
Send
:

1
. The character of Kenny plays an important role in Dan's story. Why do you think Kenny exists? Do you think Dan loves Kenny?

2
. Throughout the story, Dan acts to protect others. First, he protects Brandon from getting beaten up. Later, he aids an injured baby. Why do you think Dan does nothing to protect Kenny from Jack Murphy at the end of the story?

3
. Laws are only now being written to address cyberbullying. Because no law existed for what Dan did, he was found guilty of distributing child pornography, sentenced to time in juvenile detention, and forced to register as a sex offender. Do you think his sentence was a fair and appropriate response to his crime? What would you have done if you were Dan's judge? How would you rewrite laws to address cyber-bullying?

4
. Discuss the role Dan's family—Mom, Dad, and Pop—play in this story. How have they influenced Dan's decisions? How do they support him?

5
. Discuss the old saying “Forgive and forget.” Do you believe the key people in Dan's life truly forgave him? Whose forgiveness does Dan need the most?

6
. Dan says often that he killed Liam Murphy, but his therapist suggests that Liam was deeply troubled and Dan's Internet picture added to his burden. What do you think led to Liam's suicide? Could it have been prevented?

7
. Do you think Dan and Julie reunite after the book ended? Would it be possible for them to leave the past in the past?

Questions about
You
:

1
.
Send
opens with Dan facing a difficult choice—risk calling attention to himself to protect a stranger or walk away. What would you do in Dan's situation?

2
. Can you describe a time in your life when you felt like you were unfairly judged? What skills did you use to cope?

3
. Technology—and its dangers—is one of
Send
's major themes. Consider the role of technology in your life. How does it help? How does it hurt?

4
. Another important theme in
Send
is forgiveness. Is it possible for someone you love to do something truly
bad
and still be forgiven? Why or why not?

5
. When someone is being bullied, who is more at fault—the bully or the observers who watch but do nothing?

6
. Consider a time when someone called you a name. How did it affect you? Several times throughout the story, Dan says he feels like he's been branded. Compare your experience to Dan's. How do the various names he uses to describe himself affect him?

Writing may be a solo activity, but Dan and I have never been alone on this journey. Big hugs and kisses to all of my friends and family for putting up with my obsession, especially my guys, Fred, Robert, and Christopher. Thank you for enduring all the hours of nagging (“What do you think of this idea?”), for playing what-if games with me, for reading draft after draft of the manuscript, and for not rolling your eyes every time I said things like, “Julie would totally love this bag.” You've cheered with me after every up and cheered me up after every down. I love you all so very much.

To my day job colleagues, thanks for the wealth of material you give me each day. (Yes, I do take notes.) Extra helping of thanks to Don K., whose directive to incorporate social networking into my work planted the story seeds for what eventually became
Send
. Thanks also to Kristen Deutsch and Andrea Leelike for your feedback on that first draft.

Galactic thanks to Aubrey Poole and the entire Sourcebooks team for believing in
Send
enough to take this chance on me and for truly getting Kenny! Enormous thanks to Evan Gregory, my agent, for your wisdom, your humor, and especially your patience while you guided me through the publication process. You rock!

To all the incredibly talented members of my local RWA chapter, Long Island Romance Writers, thank you for all that you do, especially Jeannie Moon, who invited me to my first meeting. Sincerest thanks to Mrs. Kliphuis and the faculty at Smithtown High School East for organizing the best and brightest group of teen beta readers an author ever had. Maria Zollo, Demetrius Colaites, Casey Saslawsky, and Brianna Muschitiello as well as Jillian Buckley, your candor and detailed feedback—with color coding!—helped Dan find his voice. XOXO.

Tons of chocolate kisses to my Twitter, YAlitchat, and Book Hungry pals for your guidance, support, and advice. From you, I learned everything from how to write a query letter to what it feels like to be kicked in the nether regions. (Matt Delman and Julio Vazquez, I'm looking at you.) A bottle of whiskey-soaked thanks (and rainbow cookies!) to author Jeff Somers for the laughs, support, and especially, your encouragement—and to Sean Ferrell for the wisdom you shared. Colossal thanks to author Bill Cameron for reading an early draft and patiently helping me tackle the flaws that led to a
yes!
Bill, it is my fondest wish to thank you in person one day soon. I will bring bacon.

Send
literally would not have happened without Kelly Breakey. In a dark moment of profound insecurity, with my finger hovering over the Delete key, you said, “Patty, this is good.” Because you were the first person not related to me to say that, I said, “Surely you're not serious,” to which you responded, “I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.” *giggles* To you, I send a bottomless well of gratitude for being the light that guided me down off the metaphorical ledge. Dan sends his own thanks for shifting my finger off the Delete key and onto Send. *big, big grin*

Last but never least, I send deep and heartfelt sympathies to all who have lost a Liam of their own.

Native New Yorker Patty Blount writes software instructions by day and novels by night. On a dare by her oldest son, Patty wrote her first novel in an ice rink during his hockey practice. Though never published, the
Penalty
Killer
manuscript was the subject of so many seventh-grade book reports, the English teacher requested a copy and later returned it, covered in red ink. Powered by a serious chocolate obsession, Patty is always looking for great story ideas. Her boss suggested she learn about social media, so Patty began researching Twitter, LinkedIn, and other networks, and she had bad dreams about pictures going viral. She wrote her debut novel,
Send
, when she woke up. (Okay, not really.)

Patty lives on Long Island with her family, a fish, and lots of books. Visit
www.pattyblount.com
for more information.