Seeing Your Face Again (4 page)

W
hen the prayer was finished some minutes later, the spoken words directed toward heaven had produced a momentary hush around the supper table. The silence didn't last long though. Bishop Beiler spoke up. “It looks like another bad storm is moving in tonight.”

“Well,
Daett
, I've got something that will help us forget this gloomy weather and all our troubles!” Lois said. “But you'll have to wait until you've cleaned your plate.”

The bishop's eyes twinkled. “I'll clean my plate all right, but judging from what I smell coming from the oven, I'd better not take seconds.”

“What is it?” Emery asked. “Cobbler? Apple Brown Betty?”

“Never you mind!” Lois said. “Just clean your plate.”

Everyone laughed and seemed to eat a little faster than usual. Finally, Lois jumped to her feet to bring her prize accomplishment of the day from the oven. She slid the dish on the table, where it lay in all its delicious glory. “We have cherry pie tonight!”

Debbie smiled at Lois's antics, but they weren't without justification. Lois was the household's best cook. Her pie crusts were so moist and crumbly they melted in your mouth.

“There's no one like my Lois for cherry pie.” Bishop Beiler beamed. “What will I do when
Mamm
and I are in our
dawdy haus,
and Lois is running her own household of
bopplis
. Will we still have your pies to make us fat and happy?”

“Daett!”
Lois chided. “I don't even have a man bringing me home yet! And you know I'll always be baking pies for you.”

Saloma spoke up. “
Daett
's way too spoiled already. My pies will be just fine in our old age.”

Bishop Beiler laughed, obviously enjoying the easy banter. He looked over at Lois. “Didn't I see Joe's cousin Roy making eyes at you the other Sunday, Lois? I hope you're seeing what I'm seeing.”

“
Daett
…” Lois's face was flushed now.

“I want to let you know that Roy's a decent man. I have no objections about him.”

Lois took a slice of cherry pie and put it on her plate before she looked at her father. “What's changing your tune,
Daett
? You used to chase most men off when they came anywhere close to your daughters. Has it been Verna's happy marriage or is there something else?”

The bishop thought for a moment before he answered. “Well, I'm always interested in my daughters' boyfriends, but perhaps Verna and Joe have mellowed me a bit.”

Lois didn't look that convinced.

Ida quickly changed the subject. “There's a young folks gathering at the Wagler place this week. They might even have an indoor volleyball game in their barn.”

Saloma didn't waste any time before speaking up. “I think that will be just the thing for these winter blahs. Do you think the Wagler barn will be large enough?”

“Of course the Waglers have room,” Lois said. “They're the Waglers.”

“The Waglers are decent and upstanding members of the community,” Bishop Beiler said, having caught Lois's sarcastic tone.

Lois went on. “Speaking of upstanding church members, why has Deacon Mast been hanging around our place lately? Seems like I saw him here yesterday and today.”

“Lois!” Saloma's voice had a warning in it. “You know not to ask questions about church work. The bishop's daughters will be told what they need to know just like the rest of the community.”

Lois puckered her lip but offered nothing more.

Ida ventured a further question. “It's not something serious, is it,
Daett
?”

The family's drama with Verna and Joe last year had left them all on edge. This also explained the sympathetic look crossing Bishop Beiler's face as he answered. “
Yah
, it is something serious, Ida. But all church work is serious. Right now we're working through what needs to be done.”

“Trouble, trouble. It seems like there's always trouble happening with someone or other,” Lois muttered before taking a bite of her pie.

The bishop seemed lost in thought, his hand holding his fork suspended halfway to the plate. Finally he sighed. “Perhaps it's best if I do tell you. You'll know soon enough—probably at the first youth gathering you go to. In fact, I'm surprised you haven't heard already.”

They all looked at him. Bishop Beiler took his time before he spoke again. “On Monday morning Alvin Knepp left for the
Englisha
world. He didn't run away, thankfully, so perhaps there is hope for him. His
daett
told Deacon Mast Alvin came home from the hymn singing on Sunday night, told them he was leaving in the morning, and packed his bags.”

Shocked silence fell over the room. Debbie's spoon clanked against her plate. She looked away, trying to appear nonchalant.

“Did he say where he was going?” Emery asked.

The bishop nodded. “
Yah.
To Philadelphia. I don't know why that makes any difference. It's all the same out there—wherever you go.”

“But how did this happen?” Saloma clutched her husband's shirt sleeve.

Bishop Beiler stared at Saloma's hand blankly for a long moment. “I wish I knew, Saloma. That's always the question we ask as a ministry, and I'm afraid we don't always find the answer. Alvin was the last person I would have expected to pull something like this.”

Debbie's ears buzzed as the family's conversation continued around her. She heard the questions and speculations through a haze. Even her arms were numb from shock. How could this have happened? Alvin had left for her world? One of the Knepps—the family known for never breaking the
Ordnung—
was going
Englisha
? He'd never shown the slightest inclination of such a choice…or had she missed something?

What about his interest in her? Did that mean nothing? Why hadn't she made an effort sooner to contact Alvin through Verna? She should have after all the silence these past months. Had Alvin interpreted her intentions incorrectly? Maybe he thought she wanted him to stay away. But how could he think that after the plain words she'd spoken to him at Verna's wedding?

Lois's words cut through Debbie's fog. “It sounds like a broken heart to me. That's the only thing that might cause a Knepp to stir himself to such effort. And to break the
Ordnung
on top of it.”

“Lois!”
Mamm
scolded, but Debbie knew they were all looking at her, no doubt thinking she was the cause of this.

“But…I…” More words wouldn't come so Debbie lowered her gaze and stared at the table.

She could feel everyone staring at her.

The bishop spoke. His voice was kind, but the words cut to her heart. “Have you been toying with Alvin's heart, Debbie?”

Debbie shook her head. She didn't trust her voice at the moment. How could they think this of her? She wanted to spill out words in her defense, to tell them of the efforts Verna and she had made at the wedding. How they'd invited Alvin to be a table waiter with her.
How she'd spoken to Alvin afterward and tried to assure him that Paul Wagler meant nothing to her.

“Please,
Daett
.” Saloma placed her hand on her husband's arm again. “Debbie isn't to blame for whatever Alvin is up to.”

The bishop pressed on. “I could declare I heard someone say that Paul Wagler said something about…” Bishop Beiler paused.

Debbie waited a second before prompting, “Paul said what?”

Bishop Beiler took a quick glance around the supper table. “It might be best not to speak of such things here.”

Lois snorted. “Come on,
Daett
. What you have to say can't be worse than what Paul says in public for all to hear.”

“
Yah
, I suppose,” Bishop Beiler allowed. “None of the Waglers can keep their mouths shut for the most part. And Paul is the worst. Word has it that he let on to Alvin that he wouldn't stand a chance with Debbie.”

“He was speaking this around?” Saloma appeared horrified. “Debbie had nothing to do with this, I'm sure.”

They all looked at her again. Debbie's mind spun. She was still an
Englisha
girl to them, and she couldn't blame the Beilers for being uncertain about her. What should she say? If Verna were only here, she'd know. But right now her silence convinced no one, so she blurted out, “I care for Alvin Knepp, and I wouldn't have turned down his interest. In fact, I would have welcomed it! I have no interest in Paul, and he is only saying such things to mess things up between Alvin and me.”

“Are you sure about this, Debbie?” Bishop Beiler regarded her steadily. “It sounds to me like two of our boys are fighting over the
Englisha
girl among us. Is this at the bottom of Alvin fleeing the community?”

Debbie was sure she'd pass out any second. Bishop Beiler had never referred to her as “the
Englisha
girl” before. She'd always felt welcome in his home, even if she still drove a car every day. And hadn't she helped keep Lois from bolting into the
Englisha
world?
And what about all the help she'd given Joe and Verna? Was the bishop forgetting all that? She met his gaze and allowed her plea for understanding to show.

Bishop Beiler gave a little nod. “You've always been a blessing in our lives, Debbie. I wouldn't wish that to change. But losing a church member to the world is not something we can ignore—or any cause that might lie behind it.”

Lois waved her hand around. “I'm sorry I brought up the subject. I shouldn't have been so quick to speak. And wake up,
Daett
. What's new about boys fighting over girls? I'm sure you had your competition for
Mamm
.”

Debbie saw Saloma's hand reach over and squeeze the bishop's arm and caught a slight smile spring onto the bishop's face.

“I suppose that's true enough, Lois. But I'd still like to get to the bottom of this. My pursuit of your
mamm
didn't result in another man leaving for the
Englisha
world.”

Silence fell. They were obviously waiting for her to say something. But how was she supposed to speak of things so close to her heart? Let alone in front of Ida since they concerned Paul Wagler. Ida must already be mortified and hurt beyond words to hear what Paul had been saying. Debbie stole a quick glance at Ida's face. The steady stream of silent tears that flowed down her face said all she needed to know.

Bishop Beiler was still looking at her, so Debbie felt she needed to answer him. She couldn't remain silent if she wished to remain in the Beiler home. Debbie clutched the edge of the table. “Verna and I did arrange for Alvin to be a table waiter with me, and I did make a point of speaking with him at the wedding. I told him there was nothing between Paul Wagler and myself. Alvin gave me the impression he would ask me home after a hymn singing before too long.” She stole a quick glance around. No one looked too horrified, and Ida had at least stopped her tears.

The bishop cleared his throat. “Paul's claim does sound unlikely
if you and Verna took such measures. But you know that it's best if a woman waits for a man to come to her and not indulge in the
Englisha
way, where the woman pursues the man. That's not the way of our people.”

Debbie nodded at once. This wasn't something she was ignorant of, but still the words stung. Had she in fact been wrong in her approach with Alvin? Perhaps the sad results spoke the answer. Alvin was gone.

Downing his last bites of pie, the bishop was quiet, and silence settled over the table.

Saloma spoke up first. “Then the matter's cleared on Debbie's end. She might have shown herself a little forward in speaking with Alvin, but she can't be blamed for what Alvin has done.”

Bishop Beiler nodded as he used his napkin to wipe his mouth.

Debbie glanced his way and decided he didn't look convinced. But there was nothing more she could say. The Amish formed their opinions based on the end result of actions as much as the original intent. And her actions, however innocent, might have contributed to an Amish boy's dash into the
Englisha
world. So she was suspect no matter how much Saloma or anyone else tried to cover for her. In the meantime, her heart throbbed with the pain of Alvin's unexpected departure. And now, on top of that, her welcome in the community would be reevaluated and seen in a whole new light. How had this all happened? Suddenly the depths of this cold winter entered her heart.

“Let's give thanks for the food,” Bishop Beiler said in his best Sunday-sermon voice. Debbie noticed that her hands shook as they all bowed their heads and Bishop Beiler led out in prayer again.

Four