Seduction and Snacks (17 page)

George took a step towards me and I actually gulped. Regardless of how old his balls were, I was sure he could kick my ass. Or kill me and make it look like an accident.

"Dad," Claire said in warning.

Dad? Oh, fuck. I really 
am
 an asshole. I have Tourette's of the mouth. Claire never once mentioned his name when she talked about him. This was the man who punched someone in the face for calling him grandpa. And now I just told him he had old balls. He was going to straight up murder me.

"Shit. I didn't sleep with your wife. Total mistake."

He stopped walking towards me and if I had a brain I would have kept my mouth shut from that point on. Obviously I was drunk the day they were handing those things out.

"I got confused. I meant to say I slept with your daughter."

I heard Liz groan and saw Claire's mouth fall open.

"But it's not what you think," I continued quickly. "I mean, we were both really, really drunk and I didn't even know who she was until a minute ago."

Oh my God, stop. STOP!

One of his eyebrows cocked and I swear I heard him crack his knuckles.

"She smells like chocolate and I don't like to be spanked," I blurted in a panic.

"Jesus Christ..." George muttered, shaking his head.

I saw Claire smack Liz from behind George. Liz was snorting with laughter. Of course she found this funny.

"I don't like to be spanked either. How's come I don't have hair on my balls? Mommy, you aren't going to spank him are you?"

"Yes, Mommy, tell us. Are you going to spank Carter for being a bad boy?" Liz said in her best Marilyn Monroe voice. In the chaos of the shit storm that was happening, I never really got a good look at the kid Claire was holding. His back had been facing me up until a few seconds ago and I hadn’t been paying much attention when I caught him from running away outside. Claire had to shift him to her other arm so she could smack Liz. He was staring right at me now. He was a really good-looking kid. But that wasn't surprising since he looked just like her. But there was something about him...

I cocked my head to the side and he did the same. I realized no one was speaking but I couldn't take my eyes off of him. The edges of my vision started to turn black and I felt like I was going to pass out. He had my eyes. He had my fucking eyes! I quickly tried to do the math but my brain was a jumbled mess and I couldn’t remember what number comes after potato!

What the fuck is happening right now? This couldn't be real. My sperm betrayed me. I suddenly had a vision of my sperm swimming around and talking in Bruce Willis's voice like in Look Who's Talking. "Come on! Swim faster! This little shit has no idea we escaped from the condom! Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!"

My Bruce Willis sperm is bad ass and thinks he's John McClane from "Die Hard." That is the only explanation for this fuckery.

"Who are you?" I asked the kid with my eyes when I finally found my voice.

"I'm Gavin Morgan, who the hell are you?"

Oh fuck.

My dad was going to kill Carter before I even got a chance to tell him that he was a father. Although, I was pretty sure that ship has sailed. He's either mentally challenged or in shock. Or I completely missed the fact that he liked to shout about hairy balls and being spanked.

Gavin
did
like to talk about his balls all the time. Could be hereditary…

"Who are you?" Carter whispered, staring straight at Gavin like he was trying to figure out the square root of pi in his head.

"I'm Gavin Morgan, who the hell are you?"

"GAVIN!" we all scolded, except for Carter. He still looked like he might throw up.

Shit, this was so not how I saw this happening. I knew after all of our conversations and how much I’d gotten to know Carter that I was going to have to come clean soon. And I had planned on telling him today, easing him into it.

After I plied him with enough alcohol to choke a horse.

"This is one of mommy's friends, buddy," I told Gavin. "Friend" seemed better than "the father you never knew you had" or “the guy who knocked mommy up” at the moment. I could wait until he was a teenager to scar him with that information.

Gavin started to get bored with the lack of excitement in the room since everyone pretty much just stood there and waited for Carter’s brain to explode. Gavin had the attention span of a two-year-old with ADD on crack. He started to squirm in my arms so I put him down. I held my breath as he stalked right over and stood in front of Carter with his hands on his hips.

"You're Mommy's fwiend?" he questioned.

Carter just nodded with his mouth open and no sound coming out. I’m pretty sure he didn’t even hear Gavin. Someone could have asked him if he liked to watch gay porn while painting pictures of kittens and he would have nodded his head.

Before anyone could react, Gavin pulled back one of his little fists of fury and slammed it right into Carters manhood. He immediately bent over at the waist, clutching his hands between his legs and gasping for breath.

"Oh my God! Gavin!" I yelled, as I scrambled over to him, bent down and turned him around to face me while my dad and Liz laughed like hyenas behind me.

"What is wrong with you? We don't hit people. EVER," I scolded.

While Carter tried to breathe again, my dad managed to stop laughing long enough to apologize.

"Sorry, Claire, that's probably my fault. I let Gavin watch "Fight Club" with me last night."

I am Claire’s complete mortification.

"Your fwiends got you sick the other night. You said he was your fwiend," Gavin explained, like it made all the sense in the world.

This just made my dad laugh even louder.

"Not helping, Dad," I growled through clenched teeth.

"You don't make my mommy sick, dicky-punk!" Gavin yelled at Carter, putting his two little fingers up by his eyes, and then pointing them right at Carter just like Liz had done to him earlier.

"Jesus Christ," Carter wheezed. "Did he just threaten me?"

"Jesus Cwist!" Gavin repeated back.

Liz scurried over then and scooped Gavin up into her arms.

"Okay, little man, how about me, you and Papa go for a walk and talk about big-people words?" she asked him as she walked over to my dad and grabbed him around the elbow.

I stood up and shot her a look of thanks. She just smiled and dragged my dad out the door with Gavin talking her ear off about something he saw on Spongebob.

When Carter and I were finally alone, I chanced a look at him. He didn't look pissed. He didn't look sad. He just looked like he had no idea where he was or what day it was. We stood there looking at each other for several minutes until the silence finally got to me.

"Would you please say something?" I begged.

Just moments ago I was blissfully happy that he finally figured out who I was. He held me close and he was going to kiss me. Now everything was ruined and it was my fault for not telling him sooner.

Carter shook his head as if trying to clear it.

"That was a kid," he stated. "I don't like kids."

I bit my tongue. He was still in shock. I couldn't just go off on him because he said something like that. Hell, I don't even like kids and I live with one. I love my kid, but that doesn’t mean I like him all the time.

"I used a condom. I know I used a condom," he said in an accusatory tone, shooting me a panicked look.

Okay, that was it for the tongue biting. The pleasure I’d felt earlier when he’d had his body pressed up against mine and his lips on my neck flew right out the window.

"Really? You can actually remember that? Because I'm pretty sure up until about twenty minutes ago you had no fucking idea who I even was. You're right though, you did use a condom. You put it on three thrusts
after
you took my virginity. But let me clear something up for you there Einstein, they aren't one-hundred percent effective, especially when they aren’t used properly," I fumed.

"I dry heave whenever anyone pukes. And I don't know how to change a diaper," he said in horror.

"Carter, he's four. He doesn't wear diapers. And he's not Linda Blair from the Exorcist. He's doesn't walk around spewing vomit all day," I said with a roll of my eyes.

"My wiener hurts. I need a drink," he muttered before turning and walking out the door.

***

By the time Liz and my dad came back to the store with Gavin, I was in no mood to talk to either one of them. I put Gavin in the car and went home without saying a word. I was probably acting like a big baby, but I didn't care. I was mad at them for thinking this whole thing was funny, I was mad at myself for not telling Carter as soon as I saw him, and I was mad that I was mad about all this.

Who cares that he freaked out and would probably never talk to us again? It wasn't like we were missing out on anything. Gavin had no idea who he was. How could you miss something you never had?

But I
did
have him. Literally. And even thought I was fucked up at the time, I know what I’m missing. For two weeks he opened up to me and I knew so much more about him than I did before. I know he loves his family and wants more than anything to have one of his own some day. I know he’s a hard worker and would do anything for those he loved. For just a moment, it was nice to have him here. To be in the same room with him, to see him smile and hear him laugh, to feel his arms around me and know I wasn’t alone in this crazy parenthood thing.

Shit
.
I was good and fucked. I
did
care. I wanted him in my life; in Gavin’s life. I wanted Gavin to know his father and I wanted Carter to know what kind of an awesome little person he helped to create. I want to spend more time with him and I want him to know me. Not the partial version I gave him on the phone for fear of slipping up about Gavin or the chocolate-scented fantasy version he held onto all these years, the
real
me. The one who put her dreams on hold to raise his son, the one who would do it all over again in a minute if it meant she got to have Gavin in her life, the not so perfect crazy me who jumps to conclusions and freaks out about the most mundane things and who would give anything to go back to that morning five years ago and stay curled up in that boy’s arms who smelled like sweet cinnamon and whose kisses were hotter than an inferno.

I spent the rest of the day cleaning the house from top to bottom. This was a sure sign I was agitated. I hate cleaning.

I was on my hands and knees pulling shit out from under the couch. A pop-tart wrapper, a sucker stick and a sippy cup with something chunky in it that was probably milk at one time.

Jesus, Gavin hasn't used sippy cups in over a year.

"Mommy, are we havin' people over for a party?"

"No, we're not having a party, why?" I asked him as I picked up two pennies, a nickel and four empty fruit snack wrappers.

"Cuz you're cleanin'. You only clean when people are comin' over."

I pulled my head out from under the couch and sat back on my feet.

"I do not only clean when people are coming over," I argued.

"Do too."

"No I don't."

"Uh-huh."

"Do not."

"Do too."

Gaaaaah! I'm arguing with a four-year old.

"Gavin, enough!" I yelled. "Go clean your room."

"Freakin' hell," he mumbled.

"What did you just say?" I asked him with a stern voice.

"I love you mommy," he said with a smile before he threw his arms around me and squeezed.

God dammit. I am way too easy.

I ignored three calls from Liz throughout the day and one from my dad. Liz’s voicemails weren't surprising.

"Stop being a dick. Call me."

"Did you pull the stick out of your ass yet?"

"…..OH YES! Harder Jim! Oh fuck yes…"

That bitch actually butt-dialed me while she had sex with Jim.

My dad's voicemail showed just how concerned he was for my well-being.

"Did I leave my Budweiser hat at your house last week?"

As the day wore on, I started to feel sorry for Carter. I mean really, he did kind of get blindsided. One minute he was leaning in to kiss me and the next he found out he was the father of a four-year-old.

Good God, he almost kissed me.

My hand paused in the process of putting our plates from dinner into the dishwasher, and I stared off into space as I remembered what happened between us before everything went to shit. I should be trying to think of what I was going to say to Carter when we spoke again, but the memory of this morning was too fresh in my mind and it had been too long since I let a man get that close to me. My body was starved for affection. And even
I
couldn't deny that some small part of me had always dreamed about being with Carter again. Completely sober this time so I could remember every single detail. I was embarrassed to admit that he had always been the star in my spank bank reel. Except it was always made-up things since not much about our first encounter could be used as masturbation material aside from the kisses and how hot he looked. I had real life facts to use now. His lips had been soft and warm on the sensitive skin of my neck. I felt the tip of his tongue sneak out and taste me and I wanted more. His breath against my cheek made my heart speed up and warmth explode between my legs. When his firm hands and strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me up against him, I felt every inch of his body, including how much he wanted me. I had been on a small handful of dates over the years that never went much beyond kissing. None of those men ever made me feel even a tiny bit of what Carter did. I never craved more with any of them; I never daydreamed about what it would be like to feel their lips and tongues moving over every inch of my naked body. What would it be like to be with him without the haze of alcohol? Would he take his time? Would his hands be strong and demanding on my body, or soft and gentle? The beep of a new text message on my phone startled me from my fantasies, and I almost dropped the plate I was holding. I shoved it into the dishwasher and shut the door before walking over to the table and snatching up my cell.