Jordan cursed under his breath. Damn it. He’d been a bigger fool than he even realized. He’d vowed to stay unmarried because of
this
woman, the one standing in front of him now. The one who he now realized had never been worthy of his love to begin with. Georgiana wasn’t his mate, she wasn’t his equal. She’d just been a pretty girl out to nab the most eligible bachelor of the Season five years ago, and he, like a complete fool, had turned off his emotions, his future, for
that
? For
her
? If it wasn’t so sad he could almost laugh.
Blast it. Annie had been right all along. He’d lived his life being too controlling, too controlled. What had it ever gotten him? Nothing. Staring at Georgiana, realizing she was offering him everything he’d thought he’d always wanted, he finally understood he didn’t want it at all. What he wanted was a love and a mess and a life with someone who had always truly loved him.
Annie
.
Georgiana blinked at him. “Please, Jordan, won’t you give me a second chance?”
Jordan shook his head, eyeing her with no emotion. “I never should have given you a first chance. You made your choice five years ago, Georgiana,” he ground out. “And now I’m making mine.”
Ignoring her look of shocked outrage, he turned on his heel and strode away.
CHAPTER 48
Jordan marched back into the house, but he wanted to run. Not to get away from Georgiana, but to find Annie. He had to find Annie, must find her right now.
A quick scan of the ballroom yielded no results and soon he was scouring the salons and corridors, searching for her. Nothing. Finally, he entered the ballroom again and questioned Lily, Devon, Frances. No one had seen her.
There was no help for it. Proprieties be damned, he’d have to check her bedchamber. He started up the grand staircase in the foyer, taking the marble stairs two at a time, when a sultry voice floated out of the shadows, stopping him.
“She’s not there.”
Jordan froze, his hand on the cherry balustrade. He turned to see Catherine Eversly slink out from a shadowy corner of the foyer.
“Who’s not there?” he asked, eyeing her warily.
“Why, Miss Andrews. That is who you’re searching for, is it not?”
Jordan turned around, his brow furrowed. “How did you know?”
Catherine shrugged. “Ah, let’s say I’ve found it exceedingly dull to be a matron and your little exploits of late have kept me entertained. Yours and Miss Andrews’s. She really is a very sweet young lady, you know?”
Jordan narrowed his eyes on her. “How do you know Annie is not upstairs?”
Catherine crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. “I know because I saw her leave.”
He vaulted down the stairs and came to stand directly in front of Catherine. “Where? Where did she go?” His voice was harsh.
Catherine’s eyes grew wide. “Don’t get angry at me, Ashbourne. I assure you, I did my best to try to stop her.”
He searched Catherine’s face, resisting the overwhelming urge to shake the woman until she told him what had happened to Annie. “Stop her from what?” His chest was in a vise.
“From leaving.” She shrugged. “But it was deuced difficult to convince her that what she’d overheard on the balcony was nothing more than Georgiana’s latest histrionics. Never did understand what you saw in that chit.”
Jordan clamped his hands on the top of Catherine’s arms and stared her directly in the eye. “What did Annie hear?”
Catherine smiled slowly. “Oh, my dear, until this very moment, I wasn’t entirely sure.”
“Sure of what?” Jordan growled.
“Why, that you’re in love, Ashbourne.”
Jordan released her arms immediately, as if he’d been burned. His voice was quiet. “What did Annie hear?”
Catherine tossed a hand in the air. “She heard that fool Georgiana say she wanted you back and then she heard you say you’d waited for years to hear it. Not the best timing, I must admit. It made me wince.”
“You were out there too?”
“Yes, but again, only with your best interests at heart, dear. I’d nearly convinced the girl to tell you how madly in love with you she is. I assumed you’d either send her away or say the same yourself, but either way you’d both be out of your misery. It’s been quite difficult to watch, actually.” She tugged absently at one of her gloves.
Jordan stalked past Catherine toward the back of the house. “Where did she go, Catherine? Tell me.”
Catherine fluttered her hand in the air. “I’m not sure how much good it will do. The girl is convinced this time.”
Jordan gritted his teeth. “Convinced of what?” He shook his head. “Tell. Me.”
Catherine sighed. “If you must know, that fool Eggleston came with us from London. He insisted upon accompanying us, followed in his coach. He found Miss Andrews and promised her he had a vicar in town and a special license. Apparently the lad has finally grown a backbone. Took him long enough, I daresay. They’ve got nearly an hour on you, I’d say. Annie’s on her way back to London to marry Arthur Eggleston tonight.”
CHAPTER 49
Annie sat back hard against the cushions in Arthur’s coach. A dead weight settled in her stomach. Arthur sat across from her, a smile on his face and a determined look in his eye.
“I’m so pleased you agreed to accompany me, Anne. I was half afraid you wouldn’t, what with the way I bungled things the last time I saw you.”
“I must admit I was surprised to see you, Arthur.” She watched him closely. She’d been convinced that the sick feeling in her stomach would be alleviated the closer they got to London and the vicar, but it had been nearly half an hour and she still felt like she might retch.
Jordan was back at the house, talking to Georgiana. Were they kissing by now? Were they announcing their engagement? Oh, how she wished she could stop her brain from thinking. Stop the awful thoughts from invading her mind.
Arthur scrubbed his hand through his hair. “I know. I know. I’m so sorry for what happened at the inn. I was just so…” He straightened his shoulders. “I’ve finally realized that I’ve let other people dictate to me my entire life. I am a man now, graduated from university, and my life is my own to do with as I will.” He nodded resolutely, but Annie was left with the feeling that he was still trying to convince himself.
Annie watched him carefully. “What made your father change his mind?” All her words seemed to woodenly fall from her numb lips.
Arthur puffed up his chest. “I convinced him, that’s what happened. I was so miserable without you. It was like living with a bear with a sore paw, or so Theodosia said. Father finally realized how intent I was upon keeping my promise to you.”
Annie stared at Arthur as if seeing him for the very first time. Oh, she knew why she’d come away with him. When she’d nearly flown into his arms, it felt like such a safe refuge from the awfulness of knowing Jordan was out on the terrace declaring himself to the dowager Marchioness of Blakely.
She’d refused to listen to Lady Eversly too. Catherine had pleaded with her not to leave, but Arthur had appeared and this time he’d been the one to demand she marry him and it had all seemed so romantic and right for a few moments. It had been an escape, an escape from that house, and Jordan, and the knowledge that she’d never be good enough for him.
But now that she was sitting across from Arthur, staring at him, she knew without a doubt that she couldn’t marry him. No, Arthur might be willing to offer her love and marriage and children, but she could no longer offer him her love back. She didn’t love Arthur. She knew that now for sure. Perhaps she had once, she couldn’t be certain, but she didn’t now. And Arthur had never loved her. Arthur was weak. Jordan had tried to tell her that. She hadn’t wanted to listen. She’d accused Jordan of being that way. But now she realized, Jordan had simply been right, not controlling.
And the awful truth was that even if Jordan married Georgiana, even if Annie never saw him again, she loved him. She couldn’t help it, and even if it meant spending a life alone without children, she would do it before she married Arthur, whom she didn’t love, or before she married Jordan, who didn’t really want those same things.
Arthur smiled at her. “Oh, Anne, just think. We’ll be married before the night is through if all goes well. It’s what we’ve always dreamed of.”
Annie reached over and squeezed his hand. “Oh, Arthur, it’s what I used to dream of, not you. And the truth is, it’s not my dream any longer.”
Nothing she’d thought was her dream was really her dream any longer. She’d been chasing what she’d thought she should want for so long, she hadn’t even questioned it. To be an adult, make her own decisions, be respected by Lily and Devon and now … Jordan. But she hadn’t earned their respect. She realized that now. She’d behaved like a child and had been treated accordingly. It was nothing more than she deserved.
And she’d even gone so far as to try to turn herself into a different person, calling herself Anne instead of Annie. Annie was her name. It always had been. It was cute and fun and felt right. She didn’t need to prove herself to her sister, or Jordan, or Arthur. She was who she was and could finally accept that. The people who truly loved her would love her for who she really was.
And her looks were perfectly acceptable. Jordan had shown her that. When he looked at her, she actually believed she was beautiful. But even that didn’t matter. Being herself, accepting herself, those were the things that mattered. And she liked who she was, or who she intended to be from now on. She liked her very much.
Arthur searched her face. “Anne, I don’t understand.”
“Arthur, you can’t honestly say you ever really wanted me that much. I thought I was in love with you and you were kind to me. I’d never had a beau before and it was thrilling for me. But we’ve tried to marry what feels like half a dozen times and it has never worked.” Jordan’s words came back to haunt her. “If you really wanted me, Arthur, you would have made me yours long ago.”
Arthur shook his head. “But … I’m doing the right thing. I promised to marry you.”
She nodded. “And that is part of the problem. I don’t want a husband who is only marrying me because of a promise, because he’s
doing the right thing
. I want a man who loves me desperately and cannot live without me. You cannot honestly say you feel that way about me, can you, Arthur?”
His brow was furrowed. He bowed his head. “I don’t understand, Anne. I thought we were supposed to marry.”
Annie smiled and squeezed his hand again. “I know you don’t understand. I’ll try to explain. But first, you must turn the coach around. I must get back home immediately.”
CHAPTER 50
Jordan raced into Devon’s stables. “Find me your strongest, fastest mount, posthaste, boy.” He clapped his hands at the startled groom who rushed off to do his bidding.
Jordan turned to follow the lad, to help him himself if it would get him on his way faster, when he nearly ran into Lord Medford, who was holding up a wooden stable post with his shoulder, his legs crossed casually at the ankles, a cheroot firmly in his mouth.
Jordan stopped short. “Good God, Medford. I didn’t see you there. I swear you’ve turned into a bloody ghost. Seems you appear everywhere lately.”
Medford pulled the cheroot from his lips and smiled. “Catherine told me you’d be out here. It was only a matter of time.”
Jordan shook his head. “Between you and Catherine, you appear to know everything lately. It’s a wonder you have time to manage your own affairs what with the amount of time you spend attempting to manage mine.”
Medford pushed his back off the column and strode forward. “You really don’t know the half of it and I should very much like to go back to managing my own affairs, but since you keep bungling yours, I’m stuck with you.”
“What the bloody hell are you talking about?” Jordan glanced down the corridor. “Where did that blasted groom get to?”
Medford paced behind him and took a pull on the cheroot. “I nearly handed Annie over to you on a silver platter the other night and now I find you chasing her down to fetch her from that clod Eggleston yet again. It’s amazing, truly mind-boggling.”
Jordan looked twice. “Handed her to me on a what?”
“The night we had our little drinking contest. Remember?”
Jordan slapped his hand to his forehead. “What do you mean?”
“You’re really going to pretend you don’t remember? The gin, the room keys? Coming back to you now?”
Jordan shook his head. “You set me up?”
“Of course I set you up. You really didn’t think I would seriously challenge you to a drinking contest, did you? You’re a drunkard.”
Jordan clenched his fist. “Why? Why would you do that?”
“For someone so intelligent, Ashbourne, you can be extremely dense. It was clear to me from the moment I first saw you and Annie together that you were perfectly matched. If only the two of you weren’t so stubborn, you might have enjoyed a nice, normal little courtship months ago and spared all of us this infernal drama.”
Jordan shook his head and eyed Medford. “Now I
know
you’ve gone mad.”
“Nothing of the sort. I always believed you would be a good man for Annie. That’s why I left the two of you alone together more than I should.”
The groom returned then with a large chestnut stallion. “He’s our fastest rider, my lord,” the young man said, gesturing to the horse.
Jordan tossed the lad a guinea and thanked him. He stalked over and took the reins, then swung himself up on the large horse’s back and glanced down at Medford.
“I’ll never understand you, Medford. I’ve long since given up trying, but I’m not about to argue with you tonight. I’m going after Annie.” He whirled the stallion toward the open stable door.
Medford’s voice followed him. “That’s right. Go fetch our little runaway bride, and do me a favor, don’t come back with her until after you’ve asked for her hand.”
Jordan stopped and looked back over his shoulder at Medford. He shook his head. “Annie’s said time and time again she doesn’t want that.”