Secrets of a Former Fat Girl (24 page)

Comfort used to be what you looked for, but now it's your enemy. You will start seeing challenges all around you, little things like speaking up at a meeting, initiating a conversation at a party or on a plane, or confronting an issue face-to-face rather than via e-mail. Situations you would have been oblivious to before will become hurdles you are driven to jump. And the funny thing is, if you don't jump them—if you break step and go around—you'll feel weird. You'll feel like you wimped out. And wimping out was normal—until now.

When that happens—when you wimp out and a little voice inside your head calls you on it—that's when you know you're truly living the Former Fat Girl way. You'll hear it when you stifle the question you're dying to ask. You'll hear it when you say, “That's okay,” when it's really not. You'll hear it, too, when you skip your workout for no good reason or eat something you don't even like all that much just because it's there. That's how the pounds will come off.

From where you sit, it might be hard to believe you'll ever get there. I know it can happen, though. Some of it will come naturally when you begin to feel better about who you are, when you come into your own as a Former Fat Girl. But there are steps you can take to help nudge you into the Uncomfort Zone now, easy things you can do to push yourself to new limits.

The Obstacle: How to Get Over the Fear of the Uncomfortable

Isn't it funny how things can be scary and exciting at the same time? Rickety wooden roller coasters. The King Kong remake. Billy Bob Thornton (well, maybe he's just scary). That's kind of how it is in the Uncomfort Zone. There's got to be a smidgen of fear with every thrill, but taking on something too scary could be counterproductive and drive you right back into the loving arms of Ben & Jerry's. You can ease into the Uncomfort Zone with these fixes.

Former Fat Girl Fixes

Swap stalls.

Every woman I know does it—finds that bathroom stall she can call her own (at work I've got dibs on stall two). Swapping stalls is just a little thing, but even the babiest of baby steps into the Uncomfort Zone can get you used to the idea of making changes, being more flexible, and being out of your routine. Try making a vow to do one little thing differently each week. Instead of going to the same Starbucks every morning, try the one down the block (because unless you live in North Dakota, there's at least one on every block). Or swap your usual latte for a chai. Or grab a takeout dinner for the family and have a picnic at the park—on a weeknight. Mundane? Maybe. Consider this stuff a warm-up for more uncomfortable stuff to come.

Tweak the familiar.

Don't go declaring yourself a vegan if you can't imagine life without cheese, and don't ditch your walking routine in favor of yogarobics (or some equally strange-sounding fitness fusion). Instead, start inching into the Uncomfort Zone with slimmer versions of the foods you know and love and by tweaking (not abandoning) the fitness routine you've worked so hard to establish. Look for lighter versions of your favorite recipes, like I did, or play around in the kitchen yourself (find my tips on Chapter 7). Try a new walking route, add a few hills, or use a toy such as a pedometer to track your miles or a watch to keep time. Give yourself a chance to get used to that uncomfortable feeling instead of shocking your system with things that are completely foreign to you.

Try on your new life: Visit a spa.

I know what you're thinking:
What are you trying to do, torture me? Throw me to the beautiful people so I can relive my years as the designated high school outcast?
Hear me out: Not everyone who goes to spas is chic, fit, and all-around perfect-looking. There are loads of women like you there, particularly at the Former Fat Girl–approved spas I've listed on Chapter 7. Yep, a spa stay is pricey but worth it. Talk about immersing yourself in your new life: Spas are the perfect combination of good, healthy food, fabulous fitness experiences, and ultimate relaxation. A spa is like a controlled environment for a budding Former Fat Girl. It gives you a chance to try on your new life. You can take advantage of all kinds of fitness classes and activities, you get to experience indulgent yet healthy food, and you get a whole lot of TLC, besides. A good spa can show you how pleasurable living the Former Fat Girl life can be. Any trip can be life-changing, but for future Former Fat Girls, a spa stay can be the perfect jump-start. Plus, no one there will know your Fat Girl history.

Don't think about it too much.

If you start focusing on how scary something is, how “not normal” it is, you're going to talk yourself out of it—take, for example, that magazine job I applied for. If I had known that there were 13 million loyal readers with their eyes all over every issue of that magazine, there's no way I would have sent in my resume. What could I possibly write that 13 million people needed to read? That little piece of information would have had the same effect on me as a cold shower on a man in the mood: I would have gone from fired-up to flaccid in a flash.

Let go of the outcome.

I want you to see that you can expect more of yourself than your Fat Girl programming has previously allowed—and succeed. Both parts of that equation are important: As you become more and more confident and more and more comfortable with the feeling of being uncomfortable, you don't want to reach so far out of the range of reality that you start feeling like a failure and wondering why you even tried. The hard thing is knowing what you're really capable of because you've been blinded to some of your own talents for so long. How to deal? Make it your goal to try, simply to act. Measure your success by the chances you take, not by what happens after you take them. Most of us have little control over the outcome of any situation we're in anyway. I had no idea who would be tearing open that envelope containing my resume or how many other applicants were kissing up to him or whether his dog had barfed on his shoes that morning or if he had something against women from Texas whose last name began with D. All I could do was make sure I put the right amount of postage on the letter and get it in the mail. That was a victory in itself. You are a winner every time you do something uncomfortable, no matter how it all turns out. Remember that, and it will be easier, I promise, to give fear the boot.

Think: What Would a Former Fat Girl Do?

In those times of doubt when you're afraid to take that risk or go one more step, tap into that Former Fat Girl mind-set by asking yourself, WWFFGD? It's hard to work against that old Fat Girl programming 24-7, but modeling the behavior of your role models can help. It sounds a little goofy, but this tactic helped keep me from bailing when I was going through the three-or-so-month process of getting that senior editor job. Every time I thought,
Who the hell am I to think they'll hire me?
I called on this confident, assertive persona to keep my insecurities from getting the best of me.

I still do, all these years later. This is the way I live my life—try to, anyway: by the secrets in this book. I'm a lifetime member of Weight Watchers, having stayed at a weight of 117 pounds, give or take, for about twenty years now (not counting my pregnant and post-pregnant years). I got that job as a senior editor, moved away from Austin, and hammered out a career in journalism writing about, among other things, health, fitness, and weight loss, helping other women transform their lives the way I did. After a couple of dry runs (one of which lasted about four years), I found a man who loves me (
not
like a buddy), and now I have a son who makes me laugh and runs me ragged every single day. He knows his mommy as someone who stands up for herself, who isn't afraid to make a silly joke, who looks at life as one big, uncomfortable adventure. I wouldn't have any of this—my husband, my son, or my career—if I hadn't made good on that vow I took the day of my ice cream OD so long ago.