Secret Nanny Club (16 page)

“Listen,” said Tanya, gazing at me with huge imploring
eyes. “I know you don’t know me and I’m forcing myself into your home here. But I heard you say last night that you don’t have childcare and that you need it. I am not looking for much money and I work very hard.”

I gulped. This had all come about so suddenly. “Well,
it is true that I –”

“Can you please give me a chance? I promise I won’t
let you down and I will keep your place so clean you will be able to eat off the floor. You can trust me to look after John safely when you are in work. I really need to stay here and learn English so I can be a translator and earn a good wage and be happy. I can’t afford to pay rent somewhere and I need to save money. Please consider me. If you hate me you can fire me after a week.”

I said nothing for a few seconds, waiting for all of this
to sink in. Tanya did seem like a nice girl and I had no doubt she was a hard worker. She seemed to have had a very rough time working for Joanne and her husband. To think people like them could get away with treating

a
poor foreign girl like that! I worried that if I took Tanya on it would be very awkward at the next book club meeting. The other ladies would be curious to know whether I had found the right au pair. I would probably have to choose between Tanya and the book club. I decided that I would cross that path when I came to it. I didn’t want to lie to anybody, especially not Joanne. I fiddled with the ring on my little finger. Okay, so what did I have to lose? Well, nothing really (except the book club). It was a bit of a no-brainer when I thought about it. After all, I was looking for somebody to mind John and Tanya was looking for a live-in au pair job. I had everything to gain, hadn’t I? I took a deep breath and then stood up.

“Okay, come on then, I’ll show you the spare room.
I hope you like it.”

CHAPTER
THIRTEEN

I found myself sitting in
Sheelagh’s homely kitchen the following morning having tea and a freshly baked muffin. I couldn’t wait to tell her all my news. Sheelagh was such a good listener and her house was so cosy, warm and welcoming. She was predictably shocked when I told her that Samira had left suddenly, and that I already had moved in a new au pair.

“That quickly?” she asked, all agog.

“Yes, I know! Can you believe it? Probably not. I can hardly get my own head around it myself. The whole thing is very surreal. You couldn’t make it up.”

“So what’s this new girl like then?”

“Okay, where do I start?” I was delighted to have somebody else to talk to. Sheelagh was in the same boat as myself being a single mum, and unless you’re one yourself it’s hard to imagine how difficult it is coping on your own. “Tanya is from the Ukraine and she is absolutely stunning. I don’t know why she wants to be an au pair to be honest. She should be on the screen. But she’s lovely and I’m sure she’ll be kind to John.”

“We must introduce her to Claudine.”

“Yes, I do hope they can meet up and become friends. It’s a shame that Claudine and Samira didn’t get to become friends, but hey, such is life . . .”

The door opened at that minute. In came Claudine
with little Lisa, who looked as cute as a button, in her arms. She came straight over to me and air-kissed both my cheeks.

“It is so nice to see you again,
Kaylah. Your hair is lovely. Did you get it done?”

Actually I had just got it blow-dried and I was
delighted that somebody had noticed. Now that Tanya was there I could start doing ‘me’ things again.

“Thanks for noticing, Claudine. I actually got it done
this morning to give me a bit of a lift. It’s not like I’m even going out anywhere to show off my blow-dry.”

Sheelagh
sighed and ran a hand through her own curly hair. “You’re making me feel guilty. I really should do something with my unruly locks. I might treat myself on my birthday.”

“When’s that?”

“Next Monday. Actually, speaking about my birthday, I was thinking of going out for a couple of drinks. Would you be interested in joining me?”

“Of course!”
I brightened. That sounded like a good idea. It seemed like ages since I’d gone out anywhere besides the book club.

“Excellent! I was thinking of Finnegan’s in
Dalkey? I haven’t been there in ages and it’s one of my favourite pubs. I’ll rope in a few of the girls. Does Saturday week suit?”

“Yes, that sounds great. I’ll need to ask my mum to
baby-sit though because I give Tanya the weekends off.”

Sheelagh
gave a little sigh. “You’re lucky to have your mum to help out.”

I found myself shifting a little uneasily in my seat. I
didn’t like to probe but I wondered if Sheelagh’s parents were still alive. She had never mentioned them.

“Mum’s okay,” I said, “and I’m very grateful for her
help.” I wasn’t about to tell her how I had to flee my mother’s house during my pregnancy after the ‘illegitimacy’ slur.

At this point Claudine excused herself, saying she felt
that Lisa could do with a nap. I accepted another cup of tea from Sheelagh and sank back into my cushioned seat.

“Were you always close to your mother?”
Sheelagh asked.

“Truthfully, no,” I admitted. “But I had a happy enough
childhood. My father lost his labouring job through injury when I was a kid and my mother got a nursing position in a hospital in another part of the city which meant we had to move and I had to leave the school that I attended. That was hard, you know, saying goodbye to all my friends. My parents sold our nice house and we rented another house near her work which wasn’t as nice, and myself and my sister found it quite difficult to make new friends in our new school. I just threw myself into my studies then and got enough points to study science at UCD.”

“Is your father still alive?”

“Sadly he passed away five years ago. I miss him every day. I chat to him late at night and I hope he’s up there listening to me. I believe that he is always looking out for me. I would have loved him to meet little John. John looks a bit like him. He has the same big brown eyes.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thanks . . . and how about you? Are your parents around?”

“I don’t know,” said
Sheelagh matter of factly. “I know that sounds strange but I haven’t had any contact with them for two years now. I presume somebody would have contacted me if they were dead, but I honestly don’t know where they are or what they’re doing. Nobody has been in touch and I’m an only child.”

I was completely stunned by her answer. I looked at
her and suddenly she looked different. The bubbly smile had disappeared and I could see the sadness etched in her eyes.

“Sorry,” she said. “I’m sure you find that shocking,
but I was left with no choice. My mother abused me all her life and my father was an enabler. I was fond of my dad like you were of yours but he turned a blind eye to the abuse and he’s devoted to my mum so when I went no-contact on her, I had to include him too. Sad, I suppose, but I’ve moved on now.”

“No contact at all?” I said in a small voice as I tried
to imagine no contact whatsoever with my mother. For all the friction there was often between us, I think I would be lost!

“No contact at all. No birthday cards, Christmas
cards, phone calls or texts. No nothing. I never even told her that she has a granddaughter.”

“That’s very sad.”

“It’s sad but you reap what you sow. She beat me every day of my childhood so she can’t expect me to forgive and forget. It’s not simple to just banish painful memories like that. The beatings stopped when I was sixteen but the verbal abuse, the constant put-downs and

the
belittling comments continued right up until my mid-thirties. But I’m in therapy now and things are getting better.”

I sipped my tea.
Sheelagh had knocked me for six. For such a bright, friendly woman, she seemed to have endured a rotten past. You never knew with people, did you?

“My friend, Sally, once went no-contact with an ex of
hers,” I said. “He dumped her on a whim and instead of trying to win him back or get answers from him or obsessing over him like she’d done with other boyfriends, she just deleted his number, and blanked him every time she saw him. She wouldn’t respond to any form of contact with him and even blocked him on Facebook. It really worked I have to say. He came crawling back.”

Sheelagh
grimaced. “But I’m not doing this to win my mother back or to have her crawling back or whatever. This isn’t a game unfortunately. I don’t want her in my life telling me I’m not a good mother and that I couldn’t hold onto my husband, because that’s exactly what she would say. I was never good enough and I wasn’t allowed have an opinion of my own. My feelings were always simply dismissed. I had to let her go, to save myself. You can never change a narcissist and it’s a waste of time to even try.”

“Wow, and I thought
I
had an overbearing mother. I mean, mine can be an awful pain and downright nasty sometimes but I couldn’t imagine just shutting her out of my life like that. My sister, Ger, doesn’t have much to do with my mum though – she just gets on with her own life.”

There was a pause for a while. Not a prolonged pause,
but a pause as we both dwelled on our own thoughts. Then Sheelagh spoke up again. “You know, I’m sure most people couldn’t imagine just cutting a family member completely out of their life, but it is an awful shock when you finally realise your mother doesn’t love you and never did.” She said this with no kind of bitterness whatsoever. There was just a resigned acceptance about her situation.

“However, I decided a while ago not to continue being a
victim. I didn’t have a childhood but I want to enjoy my life from now on. My aim for the future is to be the best mother I can be to Lisa and not let the destructive cycle continue.”

A lot of what
Sheelagh was saying was making sense. I admired her strength. Here she was in strange country with no contact from her parents and an estranged husband, and in spite of her harrowing childhood she was so fantastically strong. Her outlook was so positive and she radiated goodness.

“By the way,” she brightened suddenly, “you’ll be
glad to know that on your excellent advice I contacted three local shops to see if they would take a small order from me to try my cakes out, and guess what?”

“What?”

“Two of them agreed! I’m over the moon about it!”

“Oh my God, that’s fantastic news,
Sheelagh. Well done, you!”

“Well, I might not have done it if you hadn’t suggested
it. Now the orders are very small – just some cupcakes, scones and muffins, but if they sell the shops have promised to re-order so that’s exciting.”

Her enthusiasm was intoxicating. I was so delighted
for her. She deserved the business and I was sure it would take off. Sheelagh’s baking was to die for.

Claudine was back in the room. “Are we celebrating
Sheelagh’s good news?” she asked with good humour.

“Yes, isn’t it exciting?”

Sheelagh smiled. “I couldn’t do it if I didn’t have Claudine to help me with Lisa. You know what it’s like trying to do everything yourself.”

“I do indeed,” I nodded. “It was so hard before I got
Tanya. When Samira left us suddenly I was rightly stuck. But what could I do? She was homesick and wanted to go home so that was that.”

Claudine turned to me with a look of surprise on her
face. “But Samira didn’t go home,” she said. “She’s still in Ireland, working for another family. I’m in touch with her on Facebook.”

She could have knocked me down with a feather with
this startling news. I was dumbfounded. Samira hadn’t gone home to Bosnia? She was still here? God Almighty,

I felt like a right fool.

“I had no idea that she went to another family,” I said in a small voice. “Wow, okay. That’s a revelation.” I was stumped. “But no worries, I hope she’s happy where she is now. It might have suited her to work with older children.”

“Yeah, maybe,” said Claudine, blushing slightly. “I’m
sorry. I thought you knew. She met a lady at the mummy and baby yoga classes who offered her a job and promised to pay her a little more than you.”

Sheelagh
gasped. “Oh my, I can’t believe somebody went and poached your au pair! How brazen of them! And it’s all my fault for recommending the damn yoga classes.”

“No,
it’s fine, honestly, it’s just fine. Nobody is to blame. She wasn’t right for us and Tanya’s with us now so it’s all worked out fine for everyone.”

I forced a smile but deep down I was stung. Samira
had made me look like an idiot. Why couldn’t she just have been honest and say she was going to another family instead of feeding me that complete bull about homesickness?