Seasons of the Heart (24 page)

“Doughnut?” she asked.

“No, thank you.”

“What is it?” she asked, noticing his stare. “A smudge on my nose already?”

“No,” he said gravely, “I was just thinking how beautiful you are, Anna.”

“Guido …”Ann said, shaking her head. Since that night at Hampton House, Guido’s behavior had been meticulously correct, and Ann was careful to avoid any subject that might incite him. Only occasionally had she surprised a wistful look on his face, but today she saw that his eyes were dark with yearning.

“What is it?” she asked, hoping to defuse his mood.

“Anna.” He reached across the table as if to take her hand, then stopped, letting his hand slowly fall an inch short of hers. “Anna, I must tell you something. I am getting married next month.”

“Guido! Married? Why—why that’s wonderful! To whom?”

“Maria. I think you’ve seen her around my uncle’s store. She works for him sometimes now. Dark hair, not very tall….”

Ann remembered a shy Italian girl she had seen at Verona’s recently, who spoke not a word of English. Maria just smiled and shrugged her shoulders helplessly when Ann asked her a question. She had a pretty face and an incredibly voluptuous body. Even Ann couldn’t help but notice. And she was young, magnificently young….

“Well—that’s wonderful,” Ann repeated, wondering why she suddenly felt bereft. She didn’t want Guido’s attentions, did she?

“Anna.” The word was like a caress. “I don’t love her, you know. I don’t think I could ever love someone else as I love you.”

“Guido, you must not say these things to me!”

“Why must I not? They are true.”

“Because—”

“I know, it is impossible. But you know in your heart that I will always love you.”

“Then why are you marrying this girl? Someday you’ll meet someone and really fall in love.”

Guido thought back to the evening, several weeks before, when he had told his uncle that he was remodeling Ann’s office. Something of what he felt for her must have shown in his tone of voice, the excitement in his eyes, for his uncle had said, “My nephew, I must tell you. This woman is not for you.”

“Giuseppe! You insult Mrs. Coulter!” Guido sprang to his feet. “There is nothing, nothing whatever, between us!”

“I know,” Guiseppe said heavily. “What I tell you now is, there will never be! You must find a wife for yourself. It is time. It is not good for a man to be twenty-six and have no wife. You need to get married, have some bambinos. Then you will be happy.”

Guido paced the room angrily. Guiseppe watched him for a moment, then said, “How about you go out with Maria Spinelli? She is young, beautiful, and she likes you.”

“Maria? No thank you, Guiseppe. Don’t worry about me. I will find a wife when I am ready. When I fall in love.”

“No, Guido. The best way is to get married
, then
fall in love. You want a woman to cook, clean, have your bambinos, share your life with you. Maria, she is Italian. She understands you. She will make you a good wife.”

“It’s not enough that she cooks and cleans! There is more than that to marriage.”

“Guido, never get married for
amore
. That way leads to unhappiness. It does not last.” Guiseppe had continued to argue and threaten until Guido shouted, “Okay. I will take Maria out once. Just to make you happy. But that will be it, do you understand?”

Maria was a traditional Italian girl, newly arrived from Milano. She was more than ready to fall in love with the handsome, successful Guido. On his part, he found it unexpectedly pleasant to have a girl who looked up to him with such adoration.

He took her home for a family dinner and she got along well with his relatives. She helped his Aunt Rosa make the pasta and ladle out steaming marinara sauce. Slowly, his resistance weakened. What did it matter? He could never have Ann Coulter anyway.

Looking across the table at her now, he said, “I must have someone,
cara mia
—and I cannot have you.”

There was still a question in his words, but Ann could not answer it. It was right that Guido marry Maria. Undoubtedly he would make a woman very happy. And he was going to be even more successful. Still, there was no denying that Guido’s unqualified admiration was something she would miss. He had stirred feelings that had long since disappeared from her marriage.

She and Phillip attended the nuptial Mass as well as the rollicking Italian reception in the church basement. The bride, flushed and happy, clung to Guido’s arm throughout the evening. There was only one moment, as Guido, darkly handsome in his tuxedo, turned away from the altar, when his eyes met Ann’s. It seemed in that moment that he was conveying to her all the hopes and dreams he was renouncing in taking Maria as his wife.

Ann too felt the loss of inchoate hopes and dreams. But later, when she thought about it more logically, she knew that there never could have been anything between the two of them. It had been just a silly romantic yearning.

When she opened her office four weeks later, Ann had no time left for dreams. She barely had time even to enjoy the room she had decorated to please herself. The walls were robin’s-egg blue, the woodwork a pristine white. The carpeting was a deeper shade of blue, setting off shiny black lacquered desks and comfortable modern chairs upholstered in glove-soft leather. On the back wall was a spectacular papered mural of San Francisco, showing a cable car climbing a hill.

The only trouble was that she had so many clients that she was out showing houses almost all day.

O
N THE SURFACE, LIFE
continued pleasantly at the Coulters’ after the opening of Ann’s office. Phillip tried to pretend things were no different than when his wife was working for Violet, and Ann still tried to have dinner on the table when he got home. A major worry was that Simon was becoming crippled with arthritis. Several times lately he had been unable to manage to pick Evie up at school, and the little girl had had to walk home alone.

Evie was independent, but Ann found herself nervously glancing at her watch these days around three, knowing that her daughter was getting out of school and hoping Simon had been able to make it. In the end she hired a young Mexican girl, Consuela, to come in around one, do a little cleaning, and pick up Evie if Simon wasn’t feeling well.

One morning Ann woke up to one of those days when everything went wrong. First, she had a flat tire and by the time the AAA came and fixed it, she was already late for her first meeting. Then, just as she was ready to dash out the door, Consuela phoned to say she couldn’t come in. Simon had a bad cold, so as Ann hustled Evie out of the car in front of her school she said, “Listen, honey, I’ll pick you up today, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy,” she agreed, giving her mother a hug.

Ann drove off, hoping to salvage what was left of her early appointment. It would be tough to get away from the office that afternoon, but she couldn’t think about that right now. She had so much to do. She was so rushed all day that she skipped lunch and never noticed the dark clouds that had blown up as she raced to see her two o’clock client. A moment after she arrived at the house she was closing, an icy, driving rain began. The closing was a tricky one, but she couldn’t concentrate. She knew that it must be near three, and, breaking off for a moment, she asked to use the phone, which was luckily still hooked up. It seemed an eternity before anyone at the school answered. “Hello?”

“Hello. This is Mrs. Coulter—Evie’s mother. Could you please tell her to wait? I’ll be a little late, but I’ll pick her up.”

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Coulter,” came the reply. “All the children have already left.”

“But I told Evie to wait for me.”

“We had an assembly today, and school let out at two-thirty. We sent a notice home with the children Monday.”

Ann had forgotten all about the crumpled slip of paper. “I see. Well, do you think you could just check and see if Evie’s sitting out in front?”

“I was just outside, Mrs. Coulter. Evie’s not there.”

“I see. Thank you.”

Ann hung up, on the verge of tears. That meant that Evie must be caught in the storm.

Quickly she phoned home, and as she listened to the steady ringing, admonished herself,
Don’t be nervous. Evie’s probably there already.

Finally Simon answered, his voice wheezing with congestion.

“Dad … is Evie home?”

“No, Ann. I thought you were going to pick her up.”

“I was—but I got a little mixed up on the time. How’s the cold?”

“Fine, honey.”

He didn’t sound fine at all, Ann thought. Oh, Lord, what a day. There was really nothing to do. Evie had no doubt gotten tired of waiting for her, and realized that Mommy had forgotten about Assembly Day. She shouldn’t have walked in that rain, but Ann hoped she would have enough sense to come straight home and then dry off.

She went back to the living room, saying forcefully, “I think this is the best price you’re going to get. Doesn’t it seem a little foolish to quibble about a few thousand dollars over the long haul?”

She ended up making the deal, but she was so worried about Evie that she barely knew what she was doing. As soon as she could, she rushed to her car and carefully followed the route Evie took from school. That way, if, God forbid, she were still on the street, Ann would see her.

At last she turned into her own driveway, switched off the ignition, and ran up the steps.

“Evie? Evie, are you here?” she called as she slammed the front door behind her.

“In here, Mommy,” came the blessed reply.

Ann threw off her coat and started toward Evie’s bedroom when, to her surprise, Phillip came out.

“Where the hell have you been?” he shouted.

“I forgot that Evie got off school early today,” Ann said, fighting to control her temper. “And what, if I may ask, are you doing home?”

“Dad telephoned me at the office,” Phillip told her. “He said that you had called, asking if Evie had come home. He was worried, so I went to look for her. Okay?”

“Well, obviously you found her. Is she all right?”

“She’s home, at least—no thanks to you.” He wondered if Ann had any idea what he’d been through.

When he’d called her office, he’d merely been told that Ann was seeing a client and they couldn’t reach her. They had no idea if she was on her way to Evie’s school. Looking out at the storm, Phillip had decided to see if he could find Evie himself. It had been half an hour before he spotted his daughter, huddled miserably, almost out of sight, in a doorway. By that time he was half crazed with worry.

Seeing Ann standing calmly before him, omnipresent briefcase still in hand, he exploded. “Goddamn it, Ann! Don’t you care at all about Evie? Is your career so important to you that you’re willing to risk your child’s safety?”

Ann couldn’t have been more shocked had Phillip hit her between the eyes. Usually she tried not to react to his snide remarks about her career, but today she had been just as frightened about Evie as he had. And she was tired of apologizing for her work.

“Just who the hell do you think I’m working for if not for your daughter and your father? What luxuries do I ever buy for myself? I drive an old heap of a Chevrolet and I don’t buy fancy clothes. I never eat out. I don’t take vacations. And I’ve had enough of your sniping. There was a time when you were going to take care of me, remember? You wouldn’t even have your little clerking job with Kenny if it weren’t for me!” The moment the words were out of her mouth, Ann would have sold her soul to have recalled them. She wasn’t afraid of Phillip’s anger, but she couldn’t bear to see the pain she had inflicted so clearly etched on his face.

Phillip was stunned. So Ann had been responsible for the unexpected job offer from Kenny. He had always wondered why it had come so out of the blue.

“So you persuaded Kenny to give me a job….”

Ann couldn’t reply. She heard Evie cough and said, “I have to go in to see her. She needs me.”

“She
needed
you an hour ago. Too bad you didn’t think of her then. She’s okay now. I’ve already toweled her off and put her to bed.”

Ann no longer was listening. She walked down the hall and locked herself in the bathroom. Without turning on the light, she stumbled to the washbasin and braced her hands against the edge to stop the trembling. Hot tears streamed down her face.
Stop it, she told herself. You don’t have to cry. You’ve got to work things out with Phillip. And you certainly can’t let Evie know anything is wrong.

With that, she washed her face and applied a little lipstick. It wasn’t going to be easy to pretend to Evie, but when Ann peered in her daughter’s door, the little girl was all smiles.

“Hi, Mommy!”

“Honey, why didn’t you wait at school as I told you?”

“I waited and waited and you didn’t come. So I thought that maybe you had forgotten.”

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Ann smoothed a lock of Evie’s hair off her forehead. It was still damp.

Poor little thing. Phillip’s harsh words still resounded in Ann’s ears. Evie had a mother who forgot her promises.
You deserve better, kiddo
, she thought bitterly, knowing that there was a modicum of truth to what Phillip had said.

“I forgot you were getting out at two-thirty. I’m sorry.”

“Well, I got all wet and kind of scared, but it’s okay. Daddy came and got me.”

Evie didn’t mention the fact that at first she had thought it a great adventure to walk home in the rain. The puddles were enormous, the one at the corner of Gough and Lombard like a small lake, and Evie hadn’t missed one of them, blithely ignoring the water sloshing in over the tops of her boots. But then it had grown windier, and she had felt so cold.

“I took my clothes off and put them in the hamper in the bathroom.”

“That’s a good girl, Evie. Well, stay in bed and keep warm. I’m not going back to the office today.”

“That’s nice. Daddy and I are going to play a game of cards.”

“Great, honey. Let me talk to Grandpa for a moment and then I’ll make us all some hot chocolate. How does that sound?”

“That’s okay, Mommy. Daddy already made me some.”