SEAL Of My Heart (26 page)

She watched her dip her head down and to the side, sliding out her next comment more carefully than her last one. “Kate, did you and Randy—did you have an active…you know, were you good together?”

Kate had to think about it for a bit. That part of her life seemed so far away now. In less than a week she could hardly remember what it had been like with Randy. And now she didn’t want to.

“I honestly don’t remember, Sheila. I’ve kind of moved on.”

“That good, huh?”

“Look,” Kate said as a new flock of guests entered the tasting room with their tour guide in tow. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m really not sure Randy was ever into me. Not the same way—”

The crowd was lined up at the pouring table like blackbirds on a telephone wire. Kate rolled her eyes at Sheila, who returned a giggle, holding her fingers across her lips.

“Sorry,” Sheila said.

They each proceeded to entertain the guests. Randy entered the showroom.

“Ladies and gentlemen! We have a very special guest today. The winemaker’s son is joining us here, Randy Heller.” Sheila’s voice glittered with bravado as she extended her fingers toward the ceiling in a flourish and then pointed to Randy, who beamed at the attention. Immediately he was flocked with a small cluster of tasters. He attempted to make eye contact with Kate several times, but she looked away just before they connected.

Randy’s smile was plastered on generously. Kate searched herself and could not find anything but compassion for him and his situation. Her guilt was knotting up her insides. She felt she’d let down a good friend, and her conscience was bruised.

She’d always known it would be impossible for her to love two men at the same time, but this bothered her. Shouldn’t she feel something other than pity, compassion for Randy? Surely there should be something there, some remnant of what they had before.

She could not find it.

Randy took the group on a private tour. Kate pulled up a chair behind the counter and sat down, pulling her cell out and checking for a message. There was none. Sheila watched her carefully.

“What is it, Sheila?”

“Kate, you’re way too sensitive. I know you better than anybody. You sure you know what you’re doing?”

“Sheila, I don’t even know how to answer that statement.”

“Just be honest, Kate.”

“I am being honest.” She was being backed into a corner, and she didn’t like it.

“Can I just level with you?”

Kate knew this was such a load of crap. It was her signal that she wouldn’t like the next thing Sheila was going to say. She held her breath and waited.

“I’m just going to say my piece, and then I’ll leave it to you.”

Kate nodded. “Okay, shoot.”

“It happened a lot during the war, World War II? Guys were being shipped out, and they wanted to get married so they had someone to come home to. But was it love? Was it planned, or was it just an urge, a sort of socially acceptable form of mass lust-fest where everyone went crazy for a few months, years even, and marriages were made that never should have happened. Babies born.”

“Hold it right there, Sheila. We’re not talking marriages and babies.”

“Oh, that comes after dinner then? Because the speed at which you two hooked up makes galaxy travel possible.”

Anger boiled up in her stomach. She’d been punched in her most vulnerable spot. There was a tiny part of her that doubted what she felt with Tyler was real, just because it had happened so fast.

“Stop it, Sheila.”

“What would you say to me if the roles were reversed, Kate?”

“I’d tell you to mind your own business.”

“Awfully touchy aren’t we?”

“Your comments are insulting, Sheila.”

“Insulting or honest?”

Kate untied her apron and threw it on the counter. “This is ridiculous. I don’t belong here.”

Sheila had a smug smile on her face which Kate longed to smack off with her apron.

Randy appeared out of the corner of her eye. He pulled Sheila aside by her elbow and stood in front of her, as if to shield her from Kate.

“Everyone’s saying the same thing, Kate. Sheila is only echoing what we’ve all been wondering. What did you expect?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. It’s no one’s business. I’m sorry this has been so public. That’s why I was surprised your father even wanted to keep me around.”

“Kate,” he whispered. He was going to take her in his arms!

“Stop it right there, Randy. I don’t want this.”

“Honey, I forgive you.”

Kate could not believe what she was hearing. She held her arms out in front, palms facing him. “Don’t do this.”

“Don’t you see, you
do
belong here? You are part of this winery. You are already part of my family. I
need
you, Kate.”

She inhaled and let it out quickly. “I can’t do this anymore. I thought I could. I just can’t be here.” It was feeling like the whole place had conspired against her.

Randy went towards her, and Sheila stopped him. “Let her go, Randy. She doesn’t deserve you.”

They left the tasting room together.

Kate couldn’t get a handle on how to feel about that scene. She was numb emotionally. The intensity was gone now, and in its place was a hollow core.

She checked her cell phone again for a text message and—dang, nothing again. She decided she wouldn’t check again until he called her or texted her back. Then she remembered Tyler’s letter, the one he’d given her this morning.

Glad she’d had enough brains to put it in her bag, she scrounged for it. Written on plain binder paper, she read over the notes, clutching the edges of the paper until it crackled. It was all of him she could hold right now. A fluttering, thin piece of paper he’d poured his heart out on. For her.

Several times she had to stop and compose herself. Her eyes ached like they wanted to tear up, but her eyes felt sticky and she couldn’t just let go and bawl like she had this morning. She examined the phone numbers in the letter and decided to call them both.

Linda Gray answered on the first ring.

“You don’t know me, but I’m Kate, and I—”

“Tyler told me about you and said you might be calling. Actually, I was getting ready to call you. Good timing.”

“How do you do it, I mean what do you do when he goes on these missions?”

A group of tourists poked their head through the door. “Are you still open?”

Kate realized it was after closing time. But she motioned to them to step forward.

“I do it with difficulty. Believe it or not, gets easier.”

The tour group had ponied up to the bar.

“Listen, I was just about to close down the tasting room, but now I have some last-minute customers,” she smiled at the guests so they didn’t feel they had to leave her some privacy on the phone, “so I was wondering if I could call you back later tonight?”

“That works. You hear from him yet?”

“Nope.”

“You will. I have a feeling you’re the one who will be telling me about his deployment, instead of the other way around. I’m just here writing this evening, so I’ll keep the phone with me.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. It will be nice to have someone more my age to discuss these things with. Looking forward to speaking with you, Kate.”

“Likewise.”

She took care of the customers and then closed down the tasting room. She decided it had been a good idea to call Linda. She’d stop by the deli and pick up something nice for dinner, take a shower, put on her favorite pajamas, and give Linda a call.

Then she’d dig Linda’s book back out and drool over the cover. Funny how she didn’t have a photograph of the new man in her life except on the cover of a romance novel!

On her way to the deli she called Devon Dunn’s cell, but had to leave a message.

Then she called her mom.

“He left this morning, Mom,” was how she started her conversation, eager to get it all out.

Her mother sighed. “He’ll be okay, but I know that doesn’t ease your worry.”

“No it doesn’t. I’m trying. Really trying.” Her eyes stung, and then the tears rolled down her cheeks. The golden sun reflected off windshields and storefronts. The cloudless blue sky and the distant vineyards on the hill across the valley were beautiful reminders that she lived in paradise, but it didn’t feel like paradise today. She sniffled.

“Ah, sweetie. You need to go to bed early. Have a nice bath and just relax. You have someone you can call? Sheila perhaps?”

God, what an awful thought.

“Sheila and I have…well, we’ve sort of gone our separate ways. She’s angry with me about the whole wedding thing.”

“That’s funny. I always got the vibe she liked Randy. I’d think she might figure she had a chance now. She didn’t before. You knew she liked him, didn’t you?”

All that seemed so long ago. Sheila had been someone she met after she started working at the tasting room. She was the bookkeeper, but also helped Kate out with the guests whenever it was needed. It didn’t take long before Kate had found her a useful confidant. They’d spent time together often enough that Kate had considered her a good friend. When she first started, she’d thought there was some attraction going on between Sheila and Randy even though later he denied it vehemently.

“I guess I wasn’t paying much attention. Really, it never occurred to me to be concerned.”

“That’s something everyone likes about you, Kate. Not a jealous bone in your body. Loyal, always seeing the good in everybody. I always thought you were too good for that family, since we’re baring our souls here.”

“They’re good to me.”

“I’m sure they were.”

“Are. I’m still working there.”

“My mistake. Look, Kate, take care of yourself tonight.”

“I’m going to. Got a great book I’m going to start.”

“Oh? Boy, I could use one of those.”

“You should read it to Dad.”

“That would be something, wouldn’t it? Tell me if the book is any good and I’ll borrow it from you.”

“Will do. Tyler is on the cover.”

“Excuse me?”

“His sister is a romance novelist. I spoke to her today for the first time. Sounds really nice. She uses him for her covers.”

“I can see how his picture would sell books.” After an awkward pause, “Kate, in spite of everything I’ve said to you before, you looked really happy last night. Your dad and I both thought so. And you sound happy today, even though I know you’re missing him. You’ve found something not very many people get to experience in their lifetimes.”

“You found it.”

“Yes, I did.”

“I’m glad.”

“You should be. You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t so. Okay, I’m signing off to get dinner ready for your dad. Be gentle with yourself. And enjoy that book.”

“Thanks. I intend to.”

Just as she was hanging up, she got a call from Devon Dunn.

“So glad Tyler has found someone here in Sonoma County. I feel pretty isolated up here sometimes.”

“I was hoping you could help walk me through everything.”

“Everything?”

“What do you do when he goes overseas?”

“I go on. It gets easier with time. This one, this first one, that’s the toughest. I guess they all got there okay and now they’re taking off again.”

Kate hadn’t gotten that memo.

“I haven’t heard a thing from him.”

“He went over with the other group, with Coop and Fredo, I think.”

“I don’t know those names. See? These people are all strangers to me.”

Devon paused. “Kate, you had dinner yet?”

“No, I was just going to heat up something from the deli.”

“Let’s go to dinner, then. We’ll have a little girl talk, some wine, and I’ll tell you everything I know about them. These guys are easy to figure out, but hard to live with sometimes. What they
do
is hard to live with, I should say.”

“I’d like that, Devon. I can get us right in for dinner anywhere in Healdsburg. I help manage the tasting room at Heller Vineyards.”

“Ah! Very good. I’ve wanted to eat at the Sisterhood Café on the square for ages. Can you get us in there?”

“Absolutely I can. What time.”

“Say six, six thirty? I’m an early riser and I’ve got a lot to do tomorrow.”

“Works for me. How about I meet you there at six thirty, then?”

At home she
found her mail scattered all over the floor. She found a letter from Tyler, and despite her need to hurry and get ready, couldn’t wait to read his words and hold something he’d held in his hands. He’d written it before he came up from San Diego.

Afterwards, she tucked it inside the paperback, noting he’d given her his military address on the outside of the envelope, the one thing she hadn’t had until now.

Turning on the shower, she began to shampoo her hair, sad that the kisses he’d placed on her body were now washing down the drain.

‡

W
hen Kate stepped
out of the shower she saw the text message from Tyler. She realized then that sometimes she’d learn things from others before she’d hear it from him. She now understood what happens with families being separated for long periods of time and in situations where the communication can suffer.