Say Yes (4 page)

            “And I’m gonna
stop you right there and move onto another topic.  So, when is your last gown
fitting?  I don’t know about you, but I might have a hard time fitting into my
bridesmaid dress after this dinner tonight,” Daisy said, effectively
distracting Violet.  Thank God for her.  It’s hard enough being here with Luke,
but it was even harder to not think about him when it seemed I was constantly
being reminded of him.  The last time I saw him, he was asleep. I was sneaking
out of the lake house before he woke up.  I wanted to avoid an awkward
goodbye.  And now, eleven years later, I was home again, in the same house with
him, and I suddenly had an overwhelming feeling of guilt.  At the time, I
didn’t let myself think about it.  I wanted to stay focused and start my life
away from Glenbrook.  I never even told him goodbye, and I robbed him of his
chance to say it.  For the sake of my sanity, I knew I had to apologize to him
before he left tonight.  I wouldn’t be able to take three weeks of
uncomfortable conversations if I didn’t.  We were both in Violet and Evan’s wedding,
and this was about them.  I walked over to the kitchen sink and began washing a
plate, listening to Violet and Daisy discuss the wedding plans.

            After the food
had all been put away and the last dish had been washed, I walked into the
living room.  Mama had finished before I did and was getting ready to read a
book, Violet was showing Daisy pictures out of a bridal magazine, and Daddy was
playfully arguing with Jack, Evan and Luke about the score of a football game. 
I thought, this was it.  If I was going to do this, it was now or never.  With
a burst of courage (and before I could talk myself out of it), I walked across
the living room.  I timidly walked up beside Daddy and said, “Hey boys, do you
mind if I borrow Luke for a minute?”

            Daddy smiled
warmly, and said, “Not at all.”  He gave me a tight squeeze around my
shoulders.

            Looking
confused, Luke extended his arm and said, “After you.”  I walked past him,
grabbed a shawl, and walked out the front door, feeling him behind me.  I heard
him shut the door, and I walked over to the porch swing.

            “Would you
like to sit?” I asked.

            He smiled at
me and said, “Sure.” We both sat next to each other.

After
a moment of uncomfortable silence, I decided to lighten the mood. “Well, this
isn’t awkward at
all
,” I said, and we both laughed.

“Of
course it’s not,” he laughed, more at ease.  “Look, I know that there is
obviously a reason you brought me out here, but before you say what you wanted
to say, I have to get this out…you really do look beautiful.”

I
had been hearing my family say this to me all afternoon, but hearing Luke say
it made me blush.  Thank God it was dark outside. “Thanks, Luke.  I should say
the same thing.  You look great too.  So…I don’t know, grown up and smart.” 
The minute I said that, I regretted it.  I did not know how to give this man a
compliment that didn’t make me sound stupid.

 “Uh,
yeah, I guess I am, thank you” he said, laughing.  Then, his tone turned
slightly serious.  “Lilly, I’m actually glad you wanted to talk to me.”

            “You are?”

            “Yes.  I know
it’s been a long time, but I feel like there are some things we should settle
between us and get out of the way now so we can both enjoy this wedding,” he
said, with a hint of and edge to his voice.  Suddenly, I felt overwhelmingly
nervous. 

            I cleared my
throat.  “Okay, but can I go first?”

            He half-smiled. 
“Sure.”

            I took a deep
breath, and looking down at my hands, I quietly said, “Luke, I’m so sorry.”

            He lifted my
chin with his index finger and said, “For what?”

            For what?  I
looked at him, a little confused.  “Um, for that last night before I left
town.  For sneaking out of your bed like a coward.  For not saying goodbye.” 
We sat in silence for a good two minutes.  I felt like was going crazy.

            Finally, he
spoke. “Lilly, I am not sorry for that night.  The only thing I was sorry for
was not telling you how I felt sooner.”  Okay, I didn’t think he was going to
say
that
.  “Was I crushed to wake up and find you gone?  Yes.  Did I
feel for a moment like you used me? Yes.  Was I hurt that after the spending
the night with the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, I didn’t even get to wake
up with you in my arms?  Absolutely.”  Maybe he is still mad.  What was I
thinking asking to come out here?  Now I feel like shit.  And a little slutty. 
“But, I only felt that way for a little while.  You know why?  Because I was a
kid, Lilly.  I’ve grown up since then.  I was a kid, and so were you.”

            Well…I wasn’t
expecting him to say that. “Um…huh?”  That was all I could say.

            Luke smiled
reassuringly at me. “That night may have not ended like I wanted it to, but I
don’t regret it happening one bit.  How can I be sorry for getting the chance
to be with my first love?”  Wow, I was his first love.  I guess I knew that, but
hearing it out loud really made it sink in.  “It should happen that way for
everyone.  More or less,” said Luke, with a smile escaping his lips. 

            “I guess you
are right.  I’m not sorry it happened with you either,” I said, and I could see
a smile spread across his face.  “But you have to understand, I had no idea how
to handle that situation.  I had never, ever had a boyfriend, or hell, even a
first kiss up to that point.”

            Luke lightly
laughed and said, “Wow, a first kiss and first sexual experience all in the
span of two hours.  You always were a girl that knew what she wanted.”

            I playfully
shoved him.  “Hey now, easy.”

“Well,
I’m one to talk. That night was my first time too.” Wait,
what?
I was
his first? He told me he had been in love with me since seventh grade, but I
was truly shocked that we both each other’s first.  He was gorgeous, popular,
gorgeous, smart, charming…and gorgeous! How could he have staved off all that
attention just for me? Also, he was so confident and passionate and careful
with me that night, I would never have thought he hadn’t done that with anyone
else. He
really
knew what he was doing…how could he have been a virgin
too? Wow. Interrupting my thoughts, he said, “I’m happy for you Lilly.  Sounds
like you got everything you wanted,” Luke said.

            I lightly
nodded my head.  “It looks that way.  Apparently, so did you.  I can’t believe
you are a doctor now.  How did that happen?”

            “Well, I went
off to college that fall not knowing what I wanted to do.  But, my parents were
so adamant that I get an education, so I just started taking some core
classes.  It was halfway into my second semester of my freshman year that I had
decided to go into medicine,” Luke said.

            “And how did
you come to that decision?”

            His face
suddenly changed, and he looked sad. “Well, it was almost spring break, and I
decided to head to Florida with a couple friends.  I was in the middle of
packing…” he paused, waiting a few seconds before continuing, “when my cell
phone rang.”  He stopped speaking again, clearing his throat.  I patiently
waited for him to continue.  He took a deep breath, and went on.  “It was the
police. Turns out my mom and dad decided to drive up to school to surprise me
before I went on my first spring break without them.  They were almost here
when they were hit by a drunk driver.”

            I
instinctively placed my hand on top of his. “Oh, Luke, no.”

            After a
moment, he cleared his throat again and continued. “Dad was killed instantly. 
Mom was in a coma for three weeks after the accident, but her internal injuries
were too severe, and she was taken off life support. I never left her side the
whole time.”  He paused for a long moment, and I just sat there holding onto
his hand.  Eventually he spoke again.  “After that, I vowed to myself that I
would do whatever I could to save every life I could.  So that no person would
ever have to feel the pain that I felt. I chose pediatrics because in that
moment, when I lost my mom after I’d already lost my dad, I felt like a
helpless child.  I was scared and alone, and I knew that I didn’t want another
child to feel like I did.  I know that probably doesn’t make any sense and must
seem childish and silly, but-”

            “It’s not
childish or silly at all. Luke, I am so, so sorry,” I said. We sat in silence
for a moment, and I was stunned.  A single tear slid down my cheek. I can’t
believe Rob and Maggie were gone. They were such amazing people…my heart was
broken for Luke.  How did I not know this?  Why didn’t someone tell me?  “Why
didn’t you call me?”

            He sighed. 
“Lilly, you were out on your own.  This wasn’t your life anymore.  Besides,
honestly, at the time, if I’d seen you then I think it would have just added to
my pain.  I don’t mean to hurt your feelings by saying that, it’s just the
truth.”

            “Well, I would
have come anyway.  Despite what you might have wanted back then, I would have
been there for you because after all, you were still my friend if nothing
else.”

            He smiled at
me. “I know you would have.  You always were a stubborn girl.  And a good
friend.”  We sat there on the porch swing for a moment, just looking at each
other.  Just then, Luke seemed to realize that I had touched his hand, and he
turned his over to lock his fingers with mine.  I felt like I had been mildly
electrocuted; I could feel the electricity shooting through me down to my
fingertips.  With the thumb of his other hand, he began to lightly trace the
back of my hand that he was holding.  I felt my pulse begin to race, and it
suddenly felt very warm to me again.  And we were sitting outside, in December.
In my mind, I felt embarrassed at how my body was reacting to him.  How can
this man do this to me after all this time?  I felt as nervous as I did that
night, and we were only sitting side by side.  Just then, Luke’s pager beeped. 
He reluctantly took his eyes off mine, and looked at his beeper.  “That’s the
hospital.  I have to return this call, would you excuse me?”

            “Oh sure, no
problem,” I said, and he quickly got out his cell phone and dialed the number
on his pager. I wiped my tear stained cheeks with my hands, and I took a deep
relaxing breath.  Come on Lilly, I thought, get it together.  I was so
surprised that someone I hadn’t thought of in a long time could still make my
blood race like this. My body was betraying me, and I hated it.  Of course I could
never forget Luke, but I was just so wrapped up in my life and what I wanted
that I just didn’t want to stop and think about him.  I wouldn’t let myself. 
If I had gone down that road mentally I was afraid I might second guess myself
or the choices I had made.  I don’t regret any of my decisions since leaving
home because they have made me the woman I am today.  I just wish that after
eleven years of thinking of myself as a self sufficient and independent woman,
I wouldn’t
immediately
start to get weak in the knees around the only
man I have ever really been attracted to.  I still get goose bumps when I think
of that night at the lake house.  I know my love life since has been pretty
empty, but I don’t imagine sex being better than that. 

            Thankfully,
before my mind could further wander, I heard his voice in the distance.  “Yes,
go ahead and administer another round of antibiotics, he should be due for
another dose.  Yes, and how are his vitals?  Excellent.  No, don’t worry about
it, thank you for calling me.  If anything else happens, even if you think its
minor, call me.  I don’t care what time.  Okay, thanks again for letting me
know.  Tell his parents I am going to stop in tonight to check on him, and give
him a high five for me.  Okay, thanks Leticia, you have a good night, goodbye,”
he said, hanging up his phone.

            “Everything all
right?” I asked, feeling a chill shiver down my spine.  I definitely knew it
wasn’t from the chilly air.

            “Oh yes, that
was one of the nurses taking care of my patient,” said Luke, walking back to
the porch swing and taking his seat next to me again.

            “Is he okay?”

            “Yes, he’s
already awake and talking.  She was calling with a dietary question.  Seems the
little guy already wants ice cream,” he said, chuckling.

            “Aw, that’s
great.  Kids are resilient, that’s for sure. I’m happy for you, you look
relieved.” I said.

            “I am.  It’s
still early, but I think that he’s going to be okay.”

            “He must be if
he already wants junk food. Typical boy,” I said, laughing.  “So, did you let
him have some?”

            “Well, he did
just get out of surgery, so I think his stomach needs to take it easy for one
night.  He gets to have some for breakfast.”

            “That’s nice,”
I said. “Luke, you are just amazing.  Just seeing you smile talking about your
patients…I just know your parents are proud of you.  I must admit I am.”

            He inched a
little closer to me. “You are?”

            I cleared my
throat. “You know, I am in the way a friend is for another friend, you know
what I mean.”

            His mouth
turned up at one corner. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”  Just then, he glanced
down at his watch.  “You know, it’s getting late, and I have an alert little
boy to check on. I should probably go.” He said, standing up.

            “I guess it is
getting late.  I must have lost track of time,” I said, standing up as well.  I
suddenly felt nervous again.  I didn’t want him to go.  Out of nowhere, I
blurted out loudly in a squeaky voice, “Hey, you want to hang out tomorrow?” 
Oh. My. GOD.  I must have gotten a sudden case of word vomit.

            “Um, yeah
sure,” he said, laughing.  “Yeah, I’d like that.  Do you want to maybe meet for
lunch?”

“Lunch
sounds great.”

“Can
I get your number, and I’ll call you in the morning about a time?”

            “Sure, it’s
three seven eight, four eight three two,” I said.  “Should I write it down?”