Saving Ever After (Ever After #4) (9 page)

I startled. I
hadn’t even noticed that with all of Leland’s activity, Derek had woken and was
now sitting up in his bed in nothing but a pair of boxers. I quickly grabbed
the sheet, covering my nakedness, feeling exposed and vulnerable and completely
mortified that Derek might have seen me. It still bothered me that he was here,
that Leland obviously didn’t think his presence was awkward or would make me
uncomfortable.

“Morning,” I
mumbled through my embarrassment, carefully maneuvering into a sitting position
and trying once again to locate my clothes and my purse. I didn’t even know if
it had made it back with us or where I’d left it.  My dress was strewn on the
floor beside the bed. I snatched it up and searched for my bra and panties,
feeling Derek’s eyes on me the whole time.

“You might
want to check under the bed.”

My eyes met
his, and I detected the barest hint of a grin on his face before he wiped it
away and stood, turning his back to me. I dropped down to the floor, still
wrapped in the sheet, and sure enough, my bra, underwear and my purse were all
shoved under there. I reached for them, only to find that my lacy underwear had
been torn. A lump formed in my throat, but I gathered everything in my lap and
then tried to figure out how I was going to dress with Derek in here. He saved
me the trouble by gathering his own clothes and a towel and leaving me alone in
the room without another word. I pulled on the bra and slid the dress over my
head, and then, tightly clutching my ripped underwear, let myself out.

Mia

I didn’t
bump into anyone I knew on the trip down one floor to my room, and for that I
was thankful. I was barely holding myself together, and as soon as I was behind
my closed door, all the shame and ugly thoughts I’d been trying to keep at bay,
flooded me and I sank down on my bed. Tears fell one by one, until they were
pouring from my eyes, but I didn’t make a sound. I just sat there and cried
silently. How did, what was supposed to be, such a good day, end with so much
regret?

It was bad
enough that I’d let myself get drunk enough not to remember the experience or
any of the whys, but what made it worse was the absolute conviction I held
inside of me that I had not wanted it, had not wanted him. Yet, I’d done it
anyway. I felt sick and disgusting, inside and outside. How could I be so weak,
and desperate and pathetic?

I pushed
myself up, hiccupping on the soft cries still leaving my body. I couldn’t get
out of my dress fast enough, throwing it to the floor, along with my bra.
Yesterday those things had made feel so good, so beautiful, and now I was
disgusted by them. I left them on the floor and headed for my shower, avoiding
the bathroom mirror. I couldn’t look at myself right now.

Under the
hot stream of water, more tears fell, until I had cried them all out, and my
skin was heated a dark pink. I shut off the water and then dropped my head
forward against the shower wall. I drew in a couple heavy breaths, trying to
gain control over the barrage of emotions assaulting me. I had to face my
decisions and accept that there was nothing I could do to change last night. No
matter how much I wished I could. I had to figure out how to move on from it.

At some
point that would mean talking to Leland, but right now I just needed to take my
mind off last night.

I dried and
dressed in my comfiest pajamas and located the text book I was supposed to be
reading for my lit class, on my desk. I hoped that analyzing the thematic
elements and cultural context of narratives from the eighteenth century would
provide enough distraction for my brain, but just as I’d curled myself onto the
sofa, I heard my phone ding inside my purse. I retrieved it and checked the six
unread text messages.

Three from
Jill. Two of those from last night, her checking on me when she realized I’d
left the party, and one from this morning after Leland or someone had informed
her that he’d gotten me home. She wanted to know how I was feeling.

I couldn’t
touch that right now, so I didn’t reply.

Two of the
messages were from Sadie, also checking on me. She wanted me to call her.

The last one
was from Leila.

Real
classy Mia. Way to hold up the family name last night. Guess it wouldn’t really
be a party though, if you weren’t doing something to embarrass the rest of us
and make everything about you. I’m sure it was a night Sadie won’t forget.

I hadn’t
thought it was possible to feel any worse. I was wrong. Even though I was
afraid to face Sadie, I owed her a serious apology and my guilt wouldn’t allow
me to put it off.

She answered
her phone after the first ring.

“Hey, Mia.”
I didn’t detect any of the anger or snippiness I’d expected to hear. She
sounded normal, not at all pissed at me.

“Hey,” I
said sheepishly.

“How are you
feeling?”

“Really
embarrassed and sorry. I know there’s no excuse for how I acted at your party,
but I swear I didn’t mean to get so out of hand. I really am sorry.”

“I know you
are,” she sighed. “Do you want to talk about whatever was going on with you
yesterday?”

Not
really.

“I don’t
know, I just . . . I was so excited for you, and I wanted one night to feel
good and celebrate without thinking about classes, or studying, or Mom and Dad.
I was having so much fun with Bree, that I didn’t realize how carried away I
was getting.” It was only part of the truth, but I’d already let her down
enough. I couldn’t bring myself to admit the overwhelming jealousy Chris’
girlfriend ignited in me and how I’d felt like I didn’t belong at her party.

“I
understand, Mia, and I’m not mad, but you need to be more responsible. I know
partying is pretty typical for college kids, but with your history, you’ve got
to be careful.”

“I know, I
promise I will be. It was just one night, and it won’t happen again,” I was
adamant. “Is Ace really upset with me?”

“No, he isn’t.
He cares about you too. We were all just worried and wanted to make sure you’re
okay.”

I wondered
if I told her about what I’d done last night, if she would think I was okay.
Something told me she wouldn’t, which is why I couldn’t bring myself to confide
in her, even though I really wished I had someone I could talk to about it. I
needed to show Sadie that I had my shit together, and admitting to last night’s
mistake wasn’t going to convince her of that.

“I promise
I’m okay. I have a bit of a headache and I feel a little queasy still, but with
some rest and food, I’ll feel fine. I need to do some reading though for one of
my classes, so I better go.”

“Okay, feel
better. I love you and I’m here for you any time you want to talk about stuff.”

“I know.
Thank you. I love you too.”

I ended the
call and then settled in with the large volume on my lap. Any other day, I
required quiet to really focus, but today the quiet was not my friend, and no
matter how many times I read and re-read paragraphs, my concentration slipped
and my thoughts constantly returned to last night and how I’d woken up this
morning.

I kept
coming back to the same thoughts. I didn’t understand how I’d gotten so drunk.
I’d had fuzzy nights before, lost details here and there and done some stupid
shit, but I’d never blacked out an entire night. And having sex with a guy I
hadn’t even been able talk myself into liking in that way, despite how much he
flirted, definitely topped my list of stupid shit.

Weak.
Pathetic.

That was how
I felt for giving in.

He was my
friend though. He was fun and sweet and more than attractive. It wasn’t his
fault I was hung up on Chris. Maybe my drunk self had seen in Leland what I
couldn’t when I was obsessing over Chris. It could have been my subconscious
giving me the push I needed to move past Chris, and if I did have to move past
Chris, I could do so much worse than Leland.

It was going
to be alright, I told myself.

Leland was a
good guy. He deserved a chance.

I just
needed more time to develop feelings for him and get over the ones I had for
Chris. Things had moved so fast, but I could ask him if we could slow down,
take the time to go on a couple dates. I convinced myself that if I just gave
him a real chance without comparing him to Chris, it wouldn’t be so bad. With
that decision, came the barest hint of peace. The only bit I got all day.

I didn’t
hear from Leland. Eventually, I tried to text him, knowing I needed to face
last night. Two hours later I was still in that spot, pretending I was actually
accomplishing something because I had books opened around me, and he still
hadn’t replied. It was hard to know whether I was relieved or disappointed. I
think I was equally torn between the two, but I texted him again. The first
time I’d just asked how his game went. This time I asked him if he wanted to go
grab coffee later so we could talk. When another hour passed, still without a
response, a whole new set of worries took root inside of me.

 I’d felt
guilty for thinking I’d used Leland to escape last night. It never occurred to
me that he’d just been using me to get what he wanted.

Was he done
with me now?

Had this
been his intention from the beginning?

Was I really
that naïve? Again.

Or had last
night just been so terrible that he was going to avoid me now?

The last
thing I could handle was feeling more insecure, but I couldn’t ignore the voice
in my head that was berating me for being so reckless and stupid and not seeing
this coming. I couldn’t take anymore, so I slammed my book closed and, just for
the heck of it, dialed my father.

“Hello,” he
answered brusquely.

“Hey Daddy,
it’s Mia.”

“Oh, Mia,”
his voice softened. “What do you need sweetheart?”

“Nothing, I
just wanted to call and check in. I haven’t talked to you in a little while,
and I just wanted to make sure you’re still coming to Parents’ weekend.”

“Okay, let
me check my calendar again.” He was quiet for a moment “Oh, that’s next
weekend.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m afraid
something’s come up at work. I have to fly out to Germany on Thursday to take
care of a problem with one of our manufacturers there. I won’t be able to make
it back until Monday.”

“Oh.”

“I’m so
sorry, Mia. If there were any way I could postpone it or send someone else, I
would. I promise I’ll make it up to you. And Sadie for missing her engagement
party. You girls just pick another time and I’ll fly out and we can have our
own weekend. You can show me around the campus when it’s not crowded with so
many other families.”

“Okay, that
sounds nice.”

“Okay, then,
that’s settled. I really need to get back to work, but I’m glad we talked and I
look forward to coming out to Boston and spending some time with you and Sadie
soon. I love you Mia.”

“Love you
too, Dad,” I mumbled and then ended the call.

He had to
work. It wasn’t his fault. He couldn’t control his work.

Those
excuses did little to quell the disappointment.

I must have
really been craving more. That’s the only explanation I had for why I called my
mother next. It had to have been the tenth time in the last month that I’d
tried, and just like all the other times it went to voicemail.

“Hey Mom,
it’s Mia. Haven’t heard from you in a while. Guess you must be really busy. I
just wanted to see if you wanted to come to parents’ weekend this Saturday and
Sunday. Dad’s really busy with work and can’t make it, so I thought it would be
a good opportunity for you and me to spend some time together and maybe talk a
little. Well, let me know if you can make it. Hope to talk to you soon.” I
exhaled a deep breath. “I love you, Mom.”

Chris

“What time will you guys
get back in on Monday?” I asked Ace as he carried two large suitcases to the
door and set them down. He and Sadie were flying out to Seattle for the weekend
to look at venues and take care of wedding planning shit.

“I think we’re scheduled
to leave Seattle around eight in the morning. That’s
if
all goes well
and we settle on a place. Sadie’s talked to most of them over the phone and
thinks she has it narrowed down to four, but we’ll see.”

“Don’t say it like
that.” Sadie appeared with one smaller bag in her hands. “You make it sound
like I’m incapable of making up my mind.”

Ace just chuckled,
“Well, babe . . .”

She narrowed her eyes at
him and shoved her bag into his chest. He let out a soft oomph and laughed
again.

“Just for that, I think
I’ll make you look at the fifth place I thought I ruled out. I might have
missed something online, and I’m sure I need to see it in person to really make
an informed decision.”

“You can drag me to
fifty places if that’s what it takes for you to find the one that’s going to
make you the happiest,” he told her. Her face softened and she leaned into him
to place a light kiss on his lips.

“I don’t think I really
need to look at that fifth place,” she whispered against his mouth and then
kissed him again before pulling back and sighing, “I just want our wedding to
be . . .”

“Perfect,” he finished
for her.

“Yeah, is that silly?”

“Not at all. I want to
give you whatever you want.”

“As long as I’m marrying
you, then I’ve got it,” she replied. “But we better get going, or we’ll be late
for our flight.”

Ace looked at me, “You
know where Ivy’s food is. Remember, just one scoop in the mornings and one in
the evenings or she’ll get fat. And don’t feed her too late, and thanks man for
taking care of her.”

“No problem,” I told
him. “Have a good trip and I’ll see you guys when you get back.”

“And make sure you take
her outside and play with her,” Sadie added before Ace dragged her out the
door.

“I will,” I called after
them and then shut the door. Ivy was lying on the floor, big, sad eyes fixed on
the door her Mom and Dad just walked out. It was like she could sense when they
were leaving for more than a couple hours, and she let out a soft whine.

“They’ll be back girl,”
I said. “But it’s just you and me this weekend. Come on,” I smacked my hand
against my leg to call her after me as I made my way into the living room. She
followed and then plopped down at my feet when I settled onto the couch and
flipped the Tv on.

I was actually looking
forward to a quiet weekend and the house all to myself. Katrina was in
California doing a photo shoot, which meant I was probably just going to kick
back with a couple beers, whatever junk food I could find in the house and
watch movies and play video games most of the weekend. I shot Spade a text, asking
if he wanted in, but he replied that he was going to visit his sister for the
weekend.

More beer for me.

Ivy gave a little whine
and stared up at me like she’d already figured out my plan and wasn’t
impressed.

I sighed, “Okay girl,
then what do you think of going for a hike tomorrow?” Even though fall was in
full swing, the temperatures were still warm enough that it would be a good
weekend to spend some time outdoors. She continued to look up at me for a
minute before dropping her head to rest on her paws. I took that as a yes. I
kicked back, grabbing my controller, and powered on the X-box.

I’d just lined my gun up
for the final head shot to end the match, when Beyonce started singing through
my phone. I told Katrina not to set that damn ringtone, but she’d done it
anyway. The distraction was just enough to cause me to lose the shot. I
actually debated letting it ring and calling her back after I’d won, but then I
sighed, pausing the game, and I reached for the phone.

“Babe, your timing
sucks,” I answered.

“Oh please, don’t tell
me you were in the middle of some video game.”

I just chuckled, but
that was answer enough for her.

“You better not just sit
around playing video games all weekend, Christian.” Her tone was somewhere in
between annoyed and amused.

“That’s exactly what I
plan on doing,” I informed her. She was probably able to hear me smiling.

“You’re pathetic,” she
laughed. “I just called to tell you my flight made it and I checked into my
hotel.”

I looked at my watch
doing the math and figuring that it was three in the afternoon in California.
“What do you have planned for the rest of the day?” I asked her.

“I’m meeting the people
in charge of the shoot for dinner, so I’ll probably grab a shower and maybe a
quick nap before then, but I won’t be out late. I have an early morning, and
the shoot will likely go all day tomorrow and Sunday. I’ll try to call you when
I have breaks, but don’t worry if you don’t hear from me. Chances are, I’ll be
passed out in my room from exhaustion.”

“Nice try, I know you’ll
spend the whole weekend lounging around in the sun by the pool. You’re not
fooling me,” I teased her.

“I wish.”

I laughed. “Well don’t
work too hard, get a little sunshine while you’re there and have fun trying to
keep a bunch of models in line,” I told her.

She groaned, “Thanks.”

“I’ll see you when you
get back on Monday, babe.”

“I’m serious about the
video games, Chris.”

“What was that? Couldn’t
hear you very well, are you going through a tunnel?”

“Very funny. I’ll talk
to you tomorrow.”

I ended the call
grinning, and picked my controller back up. This time when I had my target
lined up in my sights, I took the shot and the win.

Two beers and three
victories later, I heard someone coming in the front door. Ivy immediately
bolted into the entryway, barking her greeting. I wondered if Spade had changed
his mind about joining me for the weekend. He still had his key from before he
moved out, and he was the only person I could think of who would just show up. I
watched the doorway of the living room, waiting for him to appear, and was
surprised when it was Mia’s much smaller frame that stepped into view. She saw
me and froze.

“Oh, sorry for just
letting myself in, I didn’t realize anyone would be here,” she said.

“I live here,” I
reminded her.

“Sadie told me you live
with your girlfriend,” she said, almost defensively. I hadn’t seen Mia since
the night of the engagement party, and I could tell she wasn’t thrilled to see
me here.

“I stay there
occasionally, but she’s out of town for the weekend and I’m taking care of Ivy
while Ace and your sister are gone. What about you? What are you doing here if
you thought everyone was going to be gone?” I eyed the small suitcase sitting
beside her. She obviously meant to stay, but why? What did she have planned,
and better question, did I even really want to know?

“Sadie gave me a key a
while ago and said I was welcome whenever,” she explained, avoiding answering
my question.

“I didn’t ask how you
got in, Mia. I have no doubt your sister gave you a key. I asked why you’re
here, instead of at your dorm.”

“Oh, well I just wanted
to get away for the weekend. I have a couple tests coming up and thought this
would be a good, quiet place to study without distraction. If you want me to
go, I can.” I wasn’t sure if I bought her excuse, but she looked so crestfallen
at the idea of having to leave.

“No, your sister said
you’re welcome here and you are. Make yourself at home,” I sighed, thinking
about the turn my weekend had just taken. Having Mia here meant no walking
around the house in my boxers, and I doubted she would appreciate me blasting
my music and monopolizing the Tv with my video games. I was also rethinking
stocking the fridge full of beer. The last thing she needed was any temptation
and I didn’t want to deal with another drunken Mia.

“Okay, then I guess I’ll
go take my stuff to one of the guest rooms.” She moved toward the back of the
house and I noticed she only had the one small bag with her. It didn’t look
like it could hold much more than a few items of clothing, which meant it was
doubtful that she had any text books or even a computer in there. It was
possible she had another bag in her car. I turned my attention back to my game,
readying for another match.

An hour passed and I
hadn’t seen or heard from Mia since she disappeared down the hall. Maybe it
wouldn’t be so bad having her here if she stayed shut up in the room studying
the whole time. Although, I still had my doubts about the excuse she’d given
for being here.

I got up to go raid the
kitchen for food, and found a couple of pizzas in the freezer. I started to
take one out and then realized Mia might be hungry as well. I went looking for
her to ask, and found her in the same guest room she’d occupied the very first
time she’d stayed here.

It was the room across
from mine and for some reason that I couldn’t even explain, it bothered me that
she would be sleeping just across the hall from me. I would have preferred if
she’d claimed one of the rooms upstairs. It would be so much easier to ignore
her presence if she wasn’t right across the hall from me, and everything in me
was telling me to keep my distance from her.

The door to her room
wasn’t shut all the way, so when I rapped my knuckles against the wood, it fell
open, exposing Mia sitting on the bed, seemingly just staring at the wall until
she looked over at me. There were no books spread out on the bed, no computer
open on the desk, nothing to indicate that she’d been doing . . . well
anything. The small suitcase lay empty at the foot of the bed, so I knew she’d
already put away its contents.

“You don’t have a
backpack,” I said.

“Huh?”

“How are you supposed to
study if you didn’t bring any books or a computer?”

“Maybe I planned to use
the computer in the media room, or maybe I’m taking philosophy and I’m just
supposed to be thinking about the meaning of life.”

“Are you taking
philosophy, Mia?”

“No,” she answered,
looking away.

“Have you just been
sitting in here the whole time?”

She shrugged.

“What are you really
doing here, Mia?”

She remained quiet for a
minute before looking over to meet my questioning gaze. “It’s Parents’
Weekend,” she admitted softly. “Since mine couldn’t be bothered to show up, I
just didn’t really feel like hanging around the campus with all the other
freshmen and their families.” She averted her eyes, but I could tell she was
embarrassed about sharing that.

My chest tightened for a
moment, and ignoring her presence here suddenly didn’t seem possible. “You
hungry?” I asked her. Her brow furrowed slightly, but she nodded her head. “I
was just about to cook some pizzas. You don’t have to stay cooped up in here.
Why don’t you come out and we can eat and watch Tv or something.”

“Okay,” she said,
seeming relieved, and then she hopped up off the bed and followed me out toward
the living room. I made a detour into the kitchen to throw the pizzas in the
oven before joining her. Surprisingly, she was on the couch with my controller
in her hand, looking through my game stats.

“You play?” I asked her
doubtfully.

“Well enough to kick
your ass if you’ve got another controller,” she grinned up at me. Her cockiness
caught me off guard for a moment before I laughed.

“Oh, you’re on.” I
retrieved a second controller and handed it to her, taking mine back. I got it
set up for multiplayer, almost feeling bad for how I was about to slaughter
her. I wasn’t one to go easy on someone, not even a girl, especially not after
she’d talked smack.

Fifteen minutes later, I
was sitting on the couch in stunned silence, holding my controller and
wondering what the fuck had just happened.

“It’s okay, don’t feel
bad Chris. You did pretty well. You almost had me there at the end,” she smiled
patronizingly and patted my back while I just glared back at her. She hadn’t
just won, she’d annihilated me. More than once, and she was lying when she said
I almost had her at the end.

“Who the fuck are you?”
I asked her incredulously. “I almost never lose at that game.” I couldn’t even
remember the last time I lost. I was good. Video games were my thing, besides
drumming. All of the guys played, but none of them played as much as I did.

“I had to have something
to do every time my mother grounded me to my room. And she grounded me a lot,”
she said with a playful smirk and amused twinkle in her eye.

“Well shit, do you play
any other games?”

“Bring on whatever
you’ve got,” she challenged, but before I could swap games, the timer on the
oven beeped.