Saving Ever After (Ever After #4) (31 page)

Mia

The ballroom
was seemingly organized chaos when I pushed the doors open and stepped through.
At least two dozen people were moving about, set to different tasks, turning
the already beautiful ballroom into a pale pink, ivory and charcoal dream. Some
of them were familiar faces, some were obviously hired hands. There were people
on ladders, wrapping, draping and hanging. Other groups were arranging and
decorating tables and chairs.  A sound system was being set up and tested in
one corner, increasing the noise level of the room. A few wandered, overseeing
and directing.

Even with so
much going on in preparation for tomorrow’s ceremony and reception, it took me
all of two seconds to zero in on the sandy haired guy with his back to me,
tying chair bows. I froze in the doorway and all that courage and self
confidence I’d built up, slipped away.

I felt like
my feet were glued to the floor. My hands felt sweaty and suddenly my throat
was dry and my heart was beating out of control in anticipation. I was seconds
away from turning around and fleeing when Jax, bless her perfect or completely
horrible timing depending on how you want to look at it, spotted me. Her face
lit up and she exclaimed, “Mia!”

Chris’ head
shot up and he whipped around, searching for me.

Warmth.

Calm.

Peace.

One look.

That was all
it took. His tender gaze met mine and everything else left me. I took a step
forward and almost tripped in my heels, but managed to get one foot in front of
the other and then, holy shit, I was moving toward him. Then he took a couple
steps and suddenly the distance between us was disappearing even faster. I
swallowed thickly, the warm, bubbly feeling giving me courage to keep moving.

Then he was
right in front of me, hands stuffed in the pockets of his dark washed jeans,
looking slightly awkward, but so unbelievably perfect, even better than I
remembered. Even the most vivid memories of him that I’d been carrying with me
for months couldn’t actually contain how beautiful he was to me. His hair had
grown out slightly and brushed over the tips of his ears, curling at the back
of his neck, but other than that he was exactly the same. He was Chris, my
Chris, with those soft blue eyes, brightened by the cobalt button up tucked
into his jeans.

“Hi.” The
low, rich tone of his voice washed over me leaving pleasant feelings in its
wake.

“Hi.” I bit
my lip and clasped my hands in front of me to keep from fidgeting.

“Hi.”

“You already
said that,” I laughed softly and he smiled.

“I did,
didn’t I?”

“You did.”

“Then I
guess I should probably try saying something else, shouldn’t I?”

“You could.”

“I’m not
exactly sure what to say right now, but you look good, Mia.”His eyes traveled
down from my head to my toes and then back up. “So beautiful,” he said softly,
almost to himself.

“That
works,” I grinned stupidly and he chuckled.

“And yet it
doesn’t seem like enough.” He got serious. “I feel like there’s a lot we both
need to say, and I don’t even know where to start.”

Neither of
us got the chance to start anywhere, because Sadie popped up interrupting.

She hugged
me briefly and then looked at us both regretfully.

“I hate to
be a bridezilla and do to this to you guys, because I know this has been a long
time coming for both of you.” Her words were the only indication anyone had
given me that Chris had maybe been waiting just as anxiously as I had for this
moment. “But we only have fifteen minutes before we start running through the
ceremony. I don’t want to be here ‘til midnight and there are still fifty
chairs that need bows and twenty tables that don’t have their center pieces.
Can you two make it through dinner?”

We both
looked at each other for a moment, I saw my longing matched in his eyes, before
he broke eye contact and nodded at Sadie, “Sure. I’ll get back to the bows.”

I wanted to
follow him, to say I’d help do bows if it meant being near him, but instead
Sadie pulled me toward where Jaxyn was arranging and placing centerpieces, her
new baby bump finally showing. Last time I’d seen her she’d only just announced
that her and Ky were having another baby, and that was over a month ago. Sadie
left me in her capable hands and then went to make sure everything else was
going smoothly.

“You going
to make it?” Jax asked me playfully, noticing that I had stopped paying
attention to her instructions and was staring at Chris again.

“Sorry,” I
muttered and then watched her put together the arrangement and tried to copy
it.

“It’s
alright. This must be pretty intense for you?”

“Yeah. I’m a
little overwhelmed, and afraid,” I admitted.

Jax had
visited me in treatment a few times and come to Seattle to see me twice since I
completed it. We’d talked a lot. She’d been the only one to see the truth of
what was going on between Chris and I all along, even when we didn’t. I guess
she’d known him long enough to know when something was different. She was also
the only one who just accepted my feelings for him, without questioning or
doubting it when I said I loved him. Her advice and support had meant as much
to me as anyone else’s.

“Why are you
afraid?”

“It’s been
six months. That’s a long time. A lot can change in six months,” I told her as
we worked side by side. “I’m not the same. I doubt he is the same. I might have
blown any chance I had. Or what if I’ve just built it up so much in my head,
believing that it’s this intense, unbreakable thing between us? What if
whatever we had or have isn’t strong enough, what if it just sort of fades or
doesn’t work out? What if he’s not the one?”

“Ah, the
elusive
one
,” she chuckled softly.  “I’m going to tell you a couple
things that will hopefully help you. First,
everything
has changed. For
the better. You have come so far, and grown so much. You are stronger in every
way and you’ve been taught a hard, valuable lesson. You now realize what you
have and what matters most. Chris has also had to wake up and figure that out.
You’re now both in a place where you can admit things that you couldn’t six
months ago. At least I’m pretty sure he’s ready to admit some things.” She
grinned and if she hadn’t kept going I would have spent the next fifteen
minutes trying to figure out exactly what she meant.

“As for
whether or not he’s your one, I guess that’s for you to decide Mia, because
it’s not fate or destiny or soul mates or any of that magical crap. Love isn’t
magic or even a feeling. It’s a choice. It’s that moment right before he leans
down to kiss you and you look into his eyes and know that you’re his choice. That
out of six billion people in the world, he saw you, really saw you, and said ‘Her,
that one’s mine.’ And you choose him back. Every single day you make the
decision to wake up and choose him again. There is no human relationship that
is truly unbreakable, because life can be messy and hard and unfair and people
are imperfect, but if you love him, you just keep loving him. All the time.
When it’s easy, but especially when it’s not. You fight for it, you work at it
and you never stop choosing him. That is all you can do, all any of us can do,
but I think that you might find that it’s worth it. That he is worth it.”

Letting her
words soak in while we finished the centerpieces, I knew I wanted that. I
wanted that more than anything. There was so much uncertainty, but also the
promise of a future that would be almost more than I dared hope for. I knew I
was willing to fight for it, hell I’d been fighting for it for six months. I
wasn’t about to give up now. I just had to hope I would be able to get everything
out that I needed to say to him and not freeze up again under his intense gaze
when I finally got the chance.

My
impatience made it torture when we had to line up for the rehearsal part of the
evening. Spade was at my side as the best man, but he was not who held my
attention. I was so close to Chris and yet the slow ticking hands on the clock
were tormenting me as we practiced the procession down the aisle over and over,
getting the timing and the music right, and making sure Ace’s niece and nephew
had their duties as ring bearer and flower girl down. I don’t know how many
times we actually walked down that aisle and then back out, but when the over
caffeinated wedding coordinator called it a wrap, I wanted to shout,
finally.

The brief
moments of eye contact, stealing glances at each other, it was killing me. So
many months spent working up to this moment and I just wanted to get it over
with before I lost my nerve and the courage to say what I needed to. I wondered
if I could get away with skipping the dinner portion of the night.

Before I
could even think of grabbing Chris and sneaking away somewhere private to talk,
my father was placing his hand on my back and leading me away to the dining
hall. He smiled down at me and it was almost enough to erase my disappointment.
Things were definitely good between us. After finishing my treatment, I
temporarily moved in with Dad at his new condo. He’d given up living out of the
penthouse at work after he and mom sold the house and made the divorce final.
His work habits were still something he was working on, but he tried to make
sure he was home every night so we could eat dinner together, something that
took a little getting used to at first, but then quickly became the part of my
day I looked forward to the most.

“How’s my
girl doing tonight?” He leaned down and whispered. Dad and I talked about a lot
of things these days, but I still wasn’t comfortable talking guys with him.
Still, he knew what tonight meant to me, and like almost everyone important in
my life, he worried about anything that might cause me to backslide.

“I feel
good, Dad.” It was true. Nervous, anxious, scared or not, I knew I was okay and
more importantly, would be okay.

He smiled
and nodded and continued to lead me to our table. My eyes scanned the section
of small round, reserved tables, seeking out Chris’ seat, but he wasn’t at any
of the tables yet.  Before we could take our places at the table marked with
our names, we were intercepted by Grandma Helen, who looked surprisingly tame
in her simple black dress and low heels. I hadn’t faced her since Thanksgiving,
but every trace of doubt and worry about what she now thought of me was
eradicated before it even had the chance to take root in my mind, when she
pulled me away from Dad and threw her small but strong arms around me.

Then she
pulled back just enough to look me in the eyes and speak softly, but firmly. “We
all make damn foolish choices sometimes, but it’s how we pick ourselves up
after life puts us on our asses that matters. I’m damn proud of you girl, for
not staying down, but you better never put yourself or any of us through that
again, you hear me?”

“Yes, ma’am.
I promise I won’t.”

“Good.” And
that was that. It was forgiven and forgotten, in the past where it belonged. I
loved her more for that. Not everyone had afforded me that kind of grace. After
I was admitted to treatment and the scandal went public, my mother made another
appearance. She actually showed up at the treatment facility. For all of two
seconds I’d let myself hope that it would be the moment we set things right
between us, but I knew better. She had nothing supportive or encouraging to
say. I’d walked away from her mid rant, not looking back, only ahead. Her words
had been ugly and sharp, but they didn’t have the power over me that they used
to.

Grandma
Helen’s eyes twinkled at something over my shoulder and a subtle grin touched
her lips as a large hand came to rest on my shoulder. I didn’t have to look behind
me to know who it belonged to. My body instinctively reacted, shuddering
slightly under his warm touch. I breathed in deeply, turning to face him.

“I don’t
know about you, but I don’t think I could eat right now,” he spoke softly.

“Me neither.”
Food. Who needed that?

“Want to take
a walk outside?”

My head
bobbed once and then his hand slipped into mine. Grandma Helen winked as we
made our exit from the dining hall. We crossed the lobby of the large, Orcas
Island resort and pushed through the doors that took us out into the cool,
evening air.

The sun was
dropping low on the Puget Sound and the lavish resort offered the perfect view
of the waterfront sunset. We weren’t the only guests outside, taking in the
view, but we found a quiet spot at the water’s edge, partially concealed by
trees.

With the sun
quickly disappearing, my knee length dress and light cotton sweater offered
little protection from the chill, but nothing could make me leave that spot
where we stood, our hands still entwined, watching the soft orange and yellow
light diffuse on the water and fade into the approaching night.

“This is
okay?”

I pulled my
eyes away from the water and found Chris watching me as intently as I’d been
watching the sunset. His eyes dropped to our joined hands, looking for
reassurance.