Authors: Angela Snyder
I hesitate, but only for a moment before plastering a blank look on my face. Allison ratted me out to Nathan and my father. A few days ago I would have been elated that she told our father, but now I'm going to have to do some backpedaling to quench the situation before it can escalate any further. "Nothing, Dad. I just ---." My voice falters. "None of that matters right now. All that matters is that you're okay."
"Avery," he says in a reprimanding tone. "If something bad was happening, you would tell me, right? You would come to me?"
I nod, unable to say the lie out loud. There is no confiding in my father or trying to enlist his help now. My chance of doing that is over. Nathan showed me his power and his will to ensure I stay with him. There has to be another solution that doesn't involve my family. I can't be responsible for anything that Nathan might do to them because of me.
I wrap my arms around him and hold him tight, trying to control my emotions. "I'm just glad you're okay, Dad," I whisper against his chest.
"Me too, sweetheart. I don't want to leave my girls just yet. I'm not ready."
*
MAX
I stare at my cell phone. No calls. No texts. Nothing. No word from Avery. I stare at the television screen as the news story about her father comes up once again. Maybe she is so absorbed with that right now that she hasn't even thought about me. I know that I haven't been able to stop thinking about her, but I don't have anything else on my plate right now.
I'm worried about what happened when Nathan returned home. If he hit her again, I don't know if I'll be able to control my actions. I can't stand seeing her anything but happy. I need to figure out a way to get her out of the situation she's in. I know we shared a connection this past week that could never be replicated. It's a one-of-a-kind feeling, and I want to feel it always with her.
Sighing, I turn off the TV. I'll see Avery at the hospital tomorrow. This weekend has been a living hell without her. I got so used to having her in my arms that I now feel lost without her. I feel like a piece of me is gone, and I can't wait until we can be together and I can feel whole again.
AVERY
I carefully climb out of my car Monday morning. I adjust the sleeves of my cardigan in the reflection of the window and stare at the frown on my face. My lower lip trembles, and I'm on the verge of tears. The weekend was a nightmare, and I am physically and emotionally drained from it. It was extremely difficult to even get out of bed this morning. And when I saw the fresh bruises littering my skin, I nearly had a breakdown.
It's amazing how Max was able to almost erase my past with just one week of being with him. I almost forgot what it was like to be sad all the time. I almost forgot what it felt like to be abused. Almost.
I'm in a fog when I walk into the hospital. People say
good morning
to me, but I barely hear them. The anxiety medication I'm taking again is clouding my thoughts, but it's the only way I can stay sane. Without the pills, I wouldn't be able to cope with my life right now.
"Avery," a voice says.
"Good morning," I say like a robot.
"Avery," the voice says again.
I'm about to say good morning once more, but then I feel a hand gripping my arm. I'm suddenly pulled into an empty hospital room. With a hushed voice, Max begins to ask a million questions. "Are you okay? I heard what happened to your father on the news. I haven't been able to see you or talk to you in almost two days. I've been going insane. What happened when Nathan got home? Did he hurt you?" The words come flooding out of his mouth, and I can hear the fear in his voice. He's scared. He's scared for me. And he has every right to be.
"I'm fine," I answer. "Everything is fine."
"What happened with Nathan? Did he hurt you when he got home?"
I stare at the floor, refusing to meet his gaze. I'm not going to lie to him, but I don't want to tell him the truth in fear for what could happen to him.
"Why won't you talk to me, Avery? What happened between Friday night and today to make you act like this?" He reaches out and attempts to drag my sleeve up my arm.
"Don't!" I cry, rearing back. "Don't touch me!"
"Did he hurt you?" he asks, seething.
His hands are reaching for me again, but I push him away. Suddenly, he pulls me into his arms and holds me. I fight against him, but he doesn't let me pull away. "Please don't push me away, Avery. Please. I can't bear it," he whispers into my ear, and I can hear the desperation in his voice.
My resolve slowly deflates, and I stop fighting him.
"Tell me what I can do, Avery, and I'll do it. I'll do
anything
."
And therein lies the problem. Max would do anything to help me, even if it meant him getting hurt in the process. And now I know the true extent of the power Nathan has. He would undoubtedly hurt Max…maybe even kill him. And I would never forgive myself if anything happened to him. I squirm out of his arms, and this time he lets me go. "You can't help me! Don't you see, Max? You're only going to get hurt if you try to help me."
"I don't care about getting hurt. I only care about you," he protests.
His words cut through me like a knife to my very core. How did I deserve someone this special in my life? Out of all the darkness and torment, he is my only light. Max is so pure with a big heart, and he would be willing to do anything to protect me. And that is exactly why I need to let him go. Before it's too late. Before he gets hurt. "I can't allow you to be involved any more, Max. You need to just…you need to forget about me."
"Forget about you?" he practically yells.
My head hangs in defeat. "You need to move on. We can't be together. Not now." I swallow hard before adding, "Maybe not ever."
His hands reach out and hold onto mine for support. "Avery," he whispers. When I finally meet his gaze, he continues. "I want to help you, and I don't give a damn about the consequences. You don't deserve this life. You deserve so much more."
"It's not about what I deserve, Max. It's about reality and what I have now. And right now I am married to a terrible man with very destructive means to get what he wants. And he wants
me
. If he's willing to shoot my father, what do you think he would do to you?" The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. "Shit," I mutter.
Max's brows furrow in confusion and then his eyes narrow. "Nathan is responsible for what happened to your father?" he asks, incredulously.
I bite my lip and then release an unsteady sigh. "Don't you get it? Until I can leave him for good, there is no future for us." I pull my hands away from him. "Please. Just leave me alone," I say, barely able to speak the words out loud.
As I'm walking away I hear him say, "I won't give up on you, Avery."
My chest aches with pain as I stop walking and whisper, "You have to."
"I can't lose you. I won't," he vows.
I glance back at him one last time. I take in his every feature, memorizing his face and etching it into my brain forever. If life were a fairytale, he would be my knight in shining armor, saving me from the evil king like in Jacob's favorite book. Unfortunately, life isn't as easy as written words on a piece of paper with a happy ending. "You already have," I tell him before leaving the room.
*
MAX
After that moment with Avery on Monday morning, the rest of the week at the hospital dragged on. She ignored me in the hallways. She changed her schedule so that I wouldn't know where she was during the day. She refused to eat lunch in the cafeteria, because she knew I'd be there. And she arrived early and left early to avoid me altogether. And every night I sat on my back porch watching the house next door and dreaming about the girl who was trapped inside of it.
She stopped going to the beach every night, and a part of me began to wonder if that was because she didn't need to. What if Nathan had come home a changed man? Maybe she's not pushing me away to protect me at all. Maybe she's finally happy with her husband. That thought alone kills me and drives me crazy. I got a taste of what life could be like with Avery, and I'm not letting her go without a fight.
By Monday, I am more determined than ever. I wake up early and make sure I'm one of the first ones there for the day shift. A few minutes after I arrive, Avery's car pulls in. My hands clench the steering wheel as I think about all the things I'm going to tell her. I'm upset. I'm angry. And if she really is going to just dump me like yesterday's trash, then I have a right to know.
But all of my anger and attitude vanishes the moment she steps out of the car. She looks exhausted, broken and utterly and completely defeated. She straightens the sleeves of her cardigan, making sure they're pulled down to her hands and stares at her reflection. Her watery eyes fixate on her reflection, and I think for a moment she's going to have a breakdown right in the middle of the parking lot.
I carefully climb out of my SUV and make my way towards her. The only thought on my mind is that
she needs me
.
*
AVERY
I had been numb for so long that I forgot what it felt like to feel something. Max made me feel a lot of things. And now that I've experienced that glimmer of hope, it's hard for me to go back to the way things were. I'm no longer numb to the physical and mental abuse bestowed upon me by Nathan. In fact, I'm quite the opposite. I'm sad. I'm depressed. I'm angry. I talk back. I fight. I kick. I scream.
And in return, I get twice as much abuse back from Nathan. Bit by bit, I’m slowly breaking to pieces. And I don't know if I will ever be whole again.
I feel like giving up. I miss Max so bad it physically hurts much more than the bruises. I miss everything about him --- his dark eyes when they would look upon me with a burning gaze right before we would make love, his infectious laugh and his goofy grin. And I miss how he treated me and how he touched and kissed me like I was the most precious thing in the world.
I hate the fact that he lives right next door and that I can't even talk to him. I've watched him from the window running on the beach, pushing his body to physical extremes. If he's hurting half as much as I am, the feeling of loss must be unbearable.
It's been a week since we last talked. Max had desperately tried talking to me, but I ignored him. He'd even tried confronting me, only for me to just run away from him like the plague. I keep trying to remind myself that I'm doing this to protect him, but I know I'm hurting him --- maybe even more than how Nathan could hurt him.
I stare at myself in the reflection of my car window, and I feel broken. I honestly don't even know how I'm holding myself together anymore. Every second of every day I feel like I'm going to break into a million pieces.
I hear footsteps approaching, and I quickly dash the tears from my eyes. When I look up and see Max walking towards me, my heartbeat falters.
His dark gaze doesn't leave mine as he says, "Don't walk away from me, Avery." When I don't make a move, he runs a hand through his thick, dark hair and sighs in relief. "You don't have to say a word if you don't want to talk. I just…I just want to be close to you without you running away."
I give a small nod, and his features instantly relax. He looks worn out, tired. Dark stubble lines his jaw, and his eyes are bloodshot. "Are you getting enough sleep?" I ask.
It's the first time I've talked to him in a week, and he closes his eyes for a moment, as if savoring my spoken words. "No, I haven't been sleeping very well lately. Not at all actually," he confesses.
"Max, if this is about me ---."
"Of course it's about you," he says, raising his voice. My eyes widen, and he immediately lowers his tone. "Avery, I miss you. And it kills me to not be able to touch you or, at the very least, talk to you every day. Tell me I'm not alone here. Tell me you feel the same way. Tell me you miss me too."
My walls slowly start to crumble around me, and I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes once again. "I tried so hard to move on…to forget you…but I can't," I say, my voice breaking. "I do feel the same way, Max. It's killing me too every single second of every single day."
He reaches out and takes my hand in his. "I'm not letting you go."
I stare at our joined hands. He gives mine a gentle squeeze for reassurance. I look up into his eyes, and I find a peace there that I can't find anywhere else in this world. "I don't want you to let me go," I confess.
Max gently pulls on my hand, and I fall into his arms. He holds me, and I can barely contain my emotions. After all the pain and abuse this week, it feels so damn good to be held and comforted. The tears that I had so desperately tried to hide earlier come flooding out, spilling over my cheeks. Max strokes my hair and hushes me. "I'm here, Avery. I've always been here, and I'm not going anywhere. You were just too damn stubborn to see that."
"It's too dangerous for us to be together, Max," I whisper, but I can't seem to force myself to leave the safety of his arms. "We shouldn't even be talking right now."
He pulls back and meets my stare. "We don't know what the future holds, Avery, but we can embrace this moment. Only here. Only now. Remember?"
I nod.
He swallows hard, his Adam's apple bobbing in this throat. "Tell me you want to be with me, and we'll figure the rest out. We'll find a way to be together."
Fear keeps me from answering right away. I take a couple of steps away from him, needing the distance to think. "I want to be with you. I miss you so much it hurts. But, Max ---."
He shakes his head, stopping me. "No buts. We'll worry about everything else later. Right now the only thing that matters is that we care for each other and that we want to be together no matter what. We'll get through this, Avery. I promise."
I want to ask him how or when, but I don't. A big part of me wants to believe that everything will work out for the best. Maybe we'll figure it out. Maybe we won't, but I know I don't want to spend another minute without Max and worrying about the
what ifs
. I want him. I want to be with him. But it's not going to be easy. "I'm scared," I confess.
"Don't worry. We'll be careful. He won't find out about us," he says, as if he's reading my mind.
I close my eyes, wishing I had just an ounce of his strength and determination. "I hate that it has to be this way."
"It won't always be like this, Avery."
I open my eyes, and they lock onto his. "Promise. Promise me, Max."
"I promise," he says with all the confidence in the world. He takes a step towards me, but stops abruptly. "I want to hold you so bad right now and show you how much I've missed you." He steps back and clenches his hands into fists at his sides. "Meet me tonight on the beach. I need to see you, Avery. I need to be with you."
Hesitating for only a moment, I nod my head in agreement. "Okay. I'll meet you."
He flashes me that familiar grin of his and walks away. I instantly feel a million times better, and I know I can thank Max for that. He is like a breath of fresh air when I feel like I'm so close to suffocating. I don't know how we'll make it work, but I'm more determined than ever to try for Max…for me…for us.