Saving Amy (35 page)

In fact, I only reacquainted myself with the gift of sight when I heard the hiss of the bars being airlifted back above my head. I flashed a how-the-hell-could-you-do-that-to-me look at Richard and the bastard couldn’t contain his laughter.

“You’re green!” he said, his voice rich with unwelcome amusement. My stomach seemed to have found its way back inside my body and wouldn’t give in reminding me that one wrong move and it would spill everything it’d ever eaten.

Ugh.

“Okay, we’ll stick to the
baby
rides from now on,” Richard
mocked,
biting his bottom lip to suppress the laughter he so obviously wanted to let out.

“I need to sit down,” was all I could muster as I searched for my equilibrium.

“We’ve just
been
sitting down.”

“
Richard!
” I scolded because I was
so
not in the mood to be laughed at right now. Trying to breathe, walk in a straight line and swallow back vomit all at the same time was enough to deal with.

After ten minutes of deep breathing with my head between my legs I was finally able to take Richard’s ridicule without the overpowering urge to smack him in the face. A further ten minutes down the line and I even managed to laugh myself. I can honestly say a rollercoaster was the single most terrifying moving thing I had ever had the misfortune to sit in. Though, the sheer elation from making it out alive kind of made up for it.

The ride home was a good one. The atmosphere in the car was feathery light, tranquil…happy. Out of the blue, an overwhelming rush of inexplicable emotion struck me and an unexpected tear trickled miserably down my face. Naturally, Richard and his inbuilt tear radar noticed immediately.

“What’s wrong?” he pressed gently, his eyes intermittently flitting between
me and the road
. I shrugged because I was as puzzled as him. Beginning to sense his alarm however, I forced out an answer.

“I’m just really happy. You make me really happy.”

But for how long?

And there was my answer.
That
right there was why I was crying. I stared out towards the blur of naked trees as the irony of the death defying rollercoaster swiped me across the face. Suddenly, I was very aware of the definite pattern my life seemed to have developed in recent months. Like that rollercoaster, I was either flying high – soaring amongst the most exhilarating feelings of happiness, or I was crashing back down – being dragged into the black hole, into the depths of despair. There was no in-between. There was no
normal
.

At that very moment (that happy, beautiful moment) life was damn near perfect. I had the dream job I once believed to be utterly unattainable, I had a place in a family – a real life family who seemed to genuinely care for me, and most important of all…I had Richard. I was happy. So why couldn’t I shift the feeling that sooner or later it would all get pulled from under me, knocking me flat on my face? Sometimes I wondered if living was easier when all I had to expect was the worst. At least I knew where I stood.

“I’m happy too,” Richard said with a warm smile, eyes set firmly on the road.

Back in the apartment (more importantly, back in the warm) we perched on the edge of the corner suite, tucking into the six different tubs and boxes of Chinese takeout we grabbed on the way home.

“I’ve had so much fun today,” I said before biting a sizeable chunk off a spring roll.

“Me too. But then I always have fun with you.” He winked at me and it sent bashful waves of heat through my cheeks.

How does he
still
do that?

I was lying across Richard’s lap, stuffed to the brim with Chinese food. There was an old black and white movie playing on the sixty-inch flat screen though neither of us
were
really watching it – our eyes are too busy with each other. Richard was beautiful as usual, his vibrant green eyes twinkling under the ceiling lights and his auburn hair set into a windswept position from our theme park adventure.

“I love you,” I felt compelled to tell him. His lips turned up into a heartfelt smile, stealing a beat from my heart.

“I love you too.”

Richard lowered his face to mine, his sweet breath caressing my face as he brushed my lips with his, sending delicious tingles all the way through my body. Then… his cell phone rang, shattering the moment into a billion pieces. Richard rolled his eyes and then continued to kiss me. My insides were doing a victory dance.
Amy one… cell phone nil!

He twisted his fingers into my hair, clutching me closer to him. Then he shifted his body, sliding out from underneath me before rolling me onto my back and positioning himself on top – his lips never breaking contact with mine. Then another unwelcome ring flooded the air…

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” he breathed as he reluctantly pulled his lips away. “I’ll be right back,” he muttered through a sigh and then he was on his feet, heading towards the fireplace where his cell was vibrating relentlessly.

“Richard Lewis,” he barked down the line. At least it wasn’t
her
. He’d have recognised her number. “I can’t… I’m busy… well,
who’s
tonight’s on call? What about John, can he not do it…” His tone was curt (Bossy Doctor style) and he ran his fingers through his messy hair - presumably because his forearm was preoccupied raising the phone to his ear. “Well, it seems I don’t have much choice… yes… okay… tell him I want to see him in my office first thing Monday… I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

He snapped the phone shut and I sighed as he walked cautiously towards me because I knew what was coming.

“I’ve got to go into work for a couple of hours,” he said warily, like a child owning up to raiding the cookie jar. “I’m really sorry. The on call’s only gone and turned up pissed as a newt. There’s no one else to cover.” I bit my lip to stifle an immature
giggle which
was rippling its way up through my throat. “I’ll try not to be too long,” he said as he bent down to kiss my forehead. And then he was gone. Without running a comb through his fucked-up hair I might add.

Seeing as though my blissful evening snuggled up with the most beautiful man in the universe had been ruined I decided to be productive. I took myself through to the study and removed the manuscripts I’d rescued from the slush pile out of my workbag. As I started to sift through them I was interrupted by a text from Julie.

Julie: O.M.G.
I have just been asked out by the sexiest living creature
on the planet! How’s my girl? Miss U xxx

Well, it didn’t take her long to get over the love of her life. It’d only been eight days since he ‘broke her heart’. I rolled my eyes and tapped my reply.

Me: I’m great. Loving the job. Can’t wait to fill u in. I’ll call u tomorrow. Love u 2
x

Julie didn’t know about the latest episode with my father. Probably because I hadn’t told her and I didn’t intend to. I didn’t want such a heavy conversation with Julie. Sometimes I think it was her wardrobe dilemmas and rants about guys that kept me sane. Okay so sane probably wasn’t applicable to me, but she kept me smiling nonetheless.

Tucking my cell into the cup of my bra (I’d changed into my purple butterfly pyjamas with no pockets) I picked up the manuscripts. I put the one about the girl murdering her father to one side - afraid it might cast a cloud of depression over my perfect day - and started reading the synopsis for what appeared to be a Young Adult love story.

So far the only fault I could find was that the pages weren’t numbered. A simple human error but that was privy to how strict Vanessa was. On my second day she condemned a submission to the slush pile just because the envelope was addressed to Vanessa ‘Hart’ instead of ‘Heart. She didn’t even open it.

Three pages in and I
was
disturbed by the intercom buzzer. I noticed on my way in here that Richard had left his keys and wallet behind on the half-moon table and hearing the buzzer, a brief flash of hope surged through me, making my pulse quicken. But then I noted the time and realised it couldn’t be him. Though it seemed like much longer, he’d only been gone half an hour.

“Hello,” I answered after making my way to the receiver in the hall.

“It’s Joanna. Can I come up?”

Not again…
My body tensed and my hands balled into fists at the unwanted memory of the last time we were alone together.

“Sure,” I said reluctantly and then tapped the button to open the main doors.

I literally shook myself off in an effort to dispel some of the
anger which
was already suffocating me. Then it came… the knock,
her
knock.
Ugh.
Grudgingly, I eased the door open, blinking like crazy to prepare my eyes for the sight of the vile creature they were about to land on.

“Richard’s not here,” I snapped, flinching at the realisation this was exactly how our last little encounter began.

“Oh, shoot.”

Shoot? Seriously? Sorry, how old are you?

“I just wanted to tell him I’ll be running an hour behind next Saturday so we’ll have to meet at eight instead.”

What!

“Saturday?”

“Yes. I’m his date for the Little Wishes ball. Hasn’t he told you?” A Grinch-like grin radiated from her smug face as she took great pleasure in revealing this information. I assumed she was talking about the ball Richard supposedly wasn’t attending - the one he was too ashamed to take me to.

“No, not yet,” I muttered under my breath. I planned to say ‘yes of course he has, we tell each other everything’ but she’d know I was lying due to the fact my jaw had just smacked into my feet.

“
Oops!
”

“Is that all?” I bit, urging her to fuck the hell off.

“Yes. Don’t worry about passing the message on, I’ll call him through the week.” Unable to tolerate the sight or sound of her any longer, I slammed the door in her nasty, spiteful, vindictive, condescending, evil, twisted, fuck-ugly face.

Shrinking back from the door I slid to the floor and wiped away my tears, setting the rollercoaster that was my life in motion.
Why would he lie to me?
Well, technically he hadn’t… yet. As far as I was aware he would be at home with me next Saturday. Maybe Joanna lied? It wouldn’t be the first time after all. But…why would she? She must’ve known I’d talk to Richard about it.

A blinding light bulb clicked on in my mind.
That’s exactly what she wants!
She
wanted
me to talk to him,
argue
with him, go all psycho jealous girlfriend on his ass - all in the knowledge that he’d probably go running straight to her. In that moment I decided to keep schtum, refusing to give her the satisfaction of causing yet another rift between us. Vivienne’s words echoed in my mind again, ‘he won’t lie to you’. Yes. If it
was
true (
please God don’t let it be true
) Richard would tell me.
Wouldn’t he?

I picked myself up off the floor and scurried back to the study to pack away my manuscripts. Then I took myself back to the safest place for me when my mind was in turmoil – bed, under the restraints of my quilt.

“Goodnight, beautiful,” I heard Richard whisper into my ear as the mattress sank beside me. It roused me instantly, awakening the fire of betrayal that crackled in my heart until I fell asleep.

“I think Joanna might have called before. Did she manage to get hold of you?” I murmured, being purposely ambiguous.

“Um, no. Joanna knew I was at work. She was still there when I first arrived.”

The conniving, devious little bitch…
It would seem she came straight here knowing full well I was alone. Just like she probably knew I had no idea about their cosy little
date
. In fact, I was almost certain the reason she came was an attempt to reignite my fucked-up-ness in the hope I’d freak out and have a razor blade party, or hook up a bag of gear – proving to Richard what a pathetic mess I was.

The whole situation kept me awake all night. One burning question ricocheting through my mind as I tossed and turned.

Was Richard lying to me? Or was she?

E
ven with everything I had endured in my short life, this had got to be one of the most difficult weeks I’d ever lived through. Lying to Richard (or withholding information) ripped through my heart every time we were together. I often wondered if it was doing the same to him.

Work had been a welcome distraction and thankfully Vanessa’s diary had been pretty crammed with out of house business meetings. Don’t get me wrong I liked Vanessa, but ever since…
that
day, she looked at me like I was about to snap in half. She delegated hardly any work my way and must’ve asked how I was at least four times a minute. Life was just easier when I was alone.

It always had been…

Richard was peeling potatoes for dinner when the revelation (
LIE
) I’d been dreading spilled out of his mouth.

“I have to work Saturday. Mark’s gone sick and there’s no one to cover.” And just like that he’d finally gone and done it. The one and only person I’d ever found the courage to trust had finally lied to me - just like everyone else.
And so effortlessly too.
His voice didn’t falter - he didn’t break eye contact.