She eased her aching feet back into her heels and walked out of the Ladies, putting on an act that she was fine, but feeling light-headed and jittery. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jez beckon her over to the table where he was sitting with Angel, Cal, and yes, it definitely was him,
Sean
. He was in a dark suit and Tiffany felt even more foolish in her fancy dress.
She pretended she hadn’t noticed and went and sat with Oscar (dressed as a snowman) and a cute young assisant director called Robbie (dressed as Rudolph). She made sure she was sitting with her back to Jez and his party, drank more champagne, chatted away and tried to ignore her racing heart and the memory of the last time she had seen Sean … and that kiss.
By now she was feeling pretty drunk; she was getting that spinny-headed feeling, which didn’t improve when Oscar left and Robbie suggested they have some tequila shots at the bar. Through her drunken haze Tiffany registered two things. 1. that it probably wasn’t a good idea, and 2. Robbie seemed have taken a bit of a shine to her. She based 2. on all the meaningful looks he kept giving her, and by the way he was sitting so close to her, hanging on her every word.
‘Great idea!’ she exclaimed and leaped out of her seat, wobbling precariously in her heels. Robbie put his arm around her and they walked – she hoped she walked, most likely she staggered – to the bar, where they both perched on bar stools. It took Tiffany two attempts actually to get on hers.
Three shots later and the drunken haze had turned into a drunken fog, but she drew the line at licking salt from Robbie’s hand before downing the shots, which was what he suggested.
‘Oscar tells me you’ve got a really cool place. It must be awesome to live so centrally.’
Was he hinting that he wanted to come back? Dream on, Rudolph.
‘Well, it’s not actually mine, it’s Angel’s.’ Tiffany was having difficulty getting the words out. The third shot had been a shot too far. She was also having difficulty focusing. She squinted. There seemed to be two Robbies talking to her.
He grinned. ‘Good to be so well connected, I guess. Another shot?’ Two Robbies held up two glasses.
‘I think she’s had enough.’ Sean had joined them.
‘Who are you, mate? Her dad? The night’s only just getting started, Grandpa.’
What the hell! Tiffany turned and looked at Sean. ‘He’s right, I’ll decide when I’ve had enough.’ At least she thought that’s what she’d said, but judging by the look on Sean’s face, it hadn’t come out quite like that. ‘And what about saying hello? Isn’t that what friends are supposed to do? I haven’t seen you for over two months but how typical – the first thing you say to me is a criticism!’
She jabbed her finger at him and nearly fell off her stool. Sean reached out to steady her.
The two Robbies seemed to realise that Tiffany and Sean had issues and slunk away.
Sean sat down on the stool next to Tiffany and slid a glass of water in front of her. ‘Get this down you, you’ll thank me for it.’
Tiffany pursed her lips. ‘No, I’m going to have another shot.’ She waved her hand in the direction of the barman, but just as he was coming over, Jez appeared. ‘Tiffany Taylor, I think it’s high time we got you to bed.’
‘Ooh, what an offer – a threesome with a gay elf who fancies the pants off the boy with the dragon tattoo, and the boy with the dragon tattoo who just wants to be friends.’
Shit, did she really say that?
‘I wanna another shot! It’s Christmas! I won’t be told what to do by an elf and a control freak!’
Sean nodded at Jez and the two of them put their arms round Tiffany and lifted her off the stool.
From then on everything became a series of disconnected images flashing through her head. Sean putting her coat round her, and leading her to the taxi while she continued to protest. Sitting down next to Jez in the taxi and then leaning against him, head on his shoulder, wanting very much to stop the spinny feeling and go to sleep. Closing her eyes.
Jez shook her awake. ‘Tiff, we’re at your place. Come on, I can’t carry you upstairs. I’m a gay elf, remember, not a fireman!’
Tiffany managed to open her eyes and stagger upstairs to her flat, where all she could do was kick off her shoes, wriggle out of the angel wings, slip out of her dress and collapse on the bed. She vaguely heard Jez urging her to drink some water, and telling her that she was a terrible slut for not taking off her make-up, and then she passed out.
It was extremely fortunate that she wasn’t filming the next day as she woke up with a shocking hangover. Her head was pounding, and she kept thinking she was going to be sick. But the physical symptoms weren’t the worst of it … The worst of it was remembering that she had seen Sean. She had seen him and had been vile to him, not that he didn’t deserve it … he did deserve it for his ‘let’s be friends’ comment. But she wanted to have the moral high ground. Not for him to have seen her drunk, dressed as a slutty angel. She might just as well have photocopied her bum. And she had a vague recollection of saying something appalling to Jez …
She pulled the duvet over her head, and let the feeling of shame wash over her. It was only around four
that
she was finally able to drag herself out of bed and the first thing she did was phone Jez. She had an apology to make.
‘I can’t quite remember what I said, but I know it wasn’t good. And I’m sorry, Jez.’
‘Oh, enough already! It was funny and also intriguing. What did you mean when you said that Sean only wanted to be friends? Is there history between you two that I don’t know about?’
Tiffany was too hungover to be able to lie convincingly. ‘You could say that, but as I said, he only wants to be friends.’
‘Now hold it right there, missy! If you are going to be divulging the details of your relationship with the boy with the dragon tattoo, I have to see you face to face. Get yourself in a taxi up to mine and I’ll take you out for egg and chips. It is the only reliable cure for a hangover.’
An hour later they were sitting in a café just off Islington’s Upper Street. Jez had insisted Tiffany should eat before she told him anything. Now she was sipping a strong cup of sweet tea and finally feeling human again.
‘So?’
‘What?’ Tiffany played dumb.
‘I didn’t just ask you here to watch you to eat two fried eggs, bacon, beans and chips, and two slices of white toast.’
She could do without the rundown of what she’d just eaten …
‘There’s nothing much to tell.’
Jez scowled. She wasn’t going to get away with not saying anything.
‘OK, I admit it, I’ve fancied Sean for ages, but he doesn’t feel the same way about me.’
Jez held up a hand. ‘Now hold on there, I want full and frank disclosure.’
In a way it was a relief to tell him about her feelings for Sean. Jez had quickly become such a good friend it had felt strange keeping this secret from him. ‘But he just wants to be friends,’ Tiffany rounded off her story. ‘Just friends.’
‘I’m not so sure … he’s always been very protective of you. Take last night. He didn’t have to rescue you from Rudolph the Randy Reindeer, but he did.’
‘He would just see that as doing his job. He wouldn’t want me to cause any problems for Angel. Anyway, he’s got a girlfriend. Erin.’
‘I don’t even know if he’s seeing her any more. And maybe he only started going out with her when you got together with Raul …’
‘I got together with Raul because Sean said he wasn’t interested, that he didn’t have room in his life for a relationship, and because he thought it was unprofessional!’ Tiffany had raised her voice during this outburst and half the diners stopped eating their fry-ups, riveted by the exchange.
‘As if Angel would mind! I know how much she likes and respects Sean. God, the man’s an idiot. Then again, I can just imagine him being all manly and self-sacrificing. Wanting you, but not letting himself …’ Jez got a dreamy look in his eyes.
Tiffany clicked her fingers to get him back to the present. ‘So what do I do?’
‘For once, I have absolutely no idea. But I’m sure I’ll think of something.’
Tiffany did not share his optimism.
Back home she curled up on the sofa and watched
The Holiday
, needing complete escape. And clearly some kind of release as she was still crying when her phone
rang.
Raul. Why was he calling her now? They had exchanged a few texts since September. After asking her how she was, and how work was going, he paused.
‘I wanted to tell you something.’ He sounded slightly nervous.
It was a no-brainer. ‘You’re engaged to Holly?’
‘How did you know?’
‘Lucky guess. Congratulations. I’m really happy for you.’ And she genuinely was.
‘Thank you, Tiffany. I wanted to let you know before the press finds out. And tell me, have you got together with the one you love?’
She sighed, ‘No, but it’s OK. I’m sure I’ll get over him.’
‘Ah, Tiffany, so good at giving at advice to other people. Don’t you think it’s time you took a leaf out of your own book and told him how you feel? What do you have to lose?’
But Tiffany couldn’t imagine telling Sean how she felt. He had rejected her once and she wasn’t going back for more punishment. No, come January, her New Year’s resolution was to forget all about Sean Murphy.
‘
I HAVE GOT
some major goss for you!’ Jez declared. Angel had just finished filming the show and she and Jez were alone in the dressing room. Tiffany had dashed off to meet one of the contributors.
Angel knew of old that Jez had a tendency to exaggerate and she probably wouldn’t even have heard of the people concerned. ‘Oh, yeah?’ She was mentally going through the list of all the Christmas presents she still needed to buy and was planning a trip to Selfridges to try and get something for Cal. Though what did you buy the man who had everything?
‘Tiffany is in love with Sean. And I am pretty sure that he is in love with her!’ Now that was major! Jez had Angel’s full attention.
‘How do you know?’ She felt slightly put out that Jez knew something about her sister that she didn’t.
‘Well, maybe love is over-stating it, but they definitely have feelings for each other.’ And Jez quickly filled her in on everything he knew. He felt OK doing this as Tiffany hadn’t sworn him to secrecy.
‘Who’d have thought it?’ Angel mused. ‘But I’ve often wondered if Sean did have feelings for Tiff – he’s always very protective of her, and he hated it when she was seeing Raul. He didn’t have a good word to say
about
the guy. And Tiffany never seemed that into Raul …’ She clapped her hands together in delight. ‘This is so romantic!’ She was a sucker for a love story.
‘It’s not that romantic,’ Jez said dryly, ‘seeing as neither of them is going to admit it to the other. They’re both stubborn, especially Sean. And he’s all hung up on the idea that it would be unprofessional.’
‘God, I can just imagine Cal being like that! D’ you remember how he didn’t want to get involved with me at first because I was his best friend’s sister? The hours I spent longing for that man! Jez, we have to do something.’
They were both silent for a moment then he said, ‘Got it! We can be like Santa’s little helpers and grant them their Christmas wish.’
‘Please don’t wear that elf outfit again … How do you propose we do that?’
‘Tiffany is coming to yours for Christmas, isn’t she? And didn’t you say that you had invited Sean for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day?’
‘They’re hardly going to hit it off together with all of us there. Especially you, Jez, you’re so unsubtle.’
‘How about you ask them to arrive a few days before Christmas, and then you could go away somewhere, leaving the two of them alone in the house?’
‘But how are we going to make sure they stay there?’
‘You could say to Sean that you’re worried about Tiffany and want him to look out for her.’
‘Then he’ll go into his “I can’t do anything about my feelings, I’m a professional”.’
‘Bugger, you’re right. This matchmaking is harder than I thought it would be. I guess all we can do is get them together, and set the scene. The rest is up to them.
Angel had certainly gone for it with the Christmas
decorations
– more was more. There were flashing fairy lights in the shrubs lining the drive, an illuminated Santa and his reindeer and sleigh climbing one side of the house, shooting star lights on the other, and a gigantic model of a snowman by the front door, which changed colour from white, to blue, to pink. Tiffany just bet the snobby neighbours loved all the flashing lights and models. It didn’t exactly scream tasteful. But it was fun, it was festive, and she adored her sister for being so over the top.
She rang the bell and Angel opened the front door. She looked glowing in a huge black fake-fur hat and matching cape, jeans, and silver UGGs.
‘Tiff, the plans have changed! Cal and I are taking Honey off to this amazing Winter Wonderland in Edinburgh to see Father Christmas. It’s a last-minute thing, we just couldn’t resist it – she’s so excited. You don’t mind being here on your own, do you? Well, you won’t be on your own as Sean will be here too. Cal’s made supper for you both, and there’s a bottle of champagne in the fridge. Help yourself to anything else you want. We’ll be back late tomorrow night.’
Sean was going to be here with her?
‘Is Sean’s girlfriend staying as well?’ Talk about putting a downer on her Christmas. Tiffany was tempted to get a taxi back to the station.
‘Oh, no,’ Angel beamed at her, ‘just Sean.’
Just Sean, who she hadn’t seen since the night of the Christmas party. Just Sean, who only wanted to be friends
…
‘And he’s staying here for Christmas. Didn’t I tell you?’
No, she hadn’t!
Tiffany would have remembered that!
She followed Angel into the hall which was dominated by the most enormous Christmas tree she had ever seen, hung with a dazzling array of glittering baubles: stars, snowflakes, snowmen, fairies, candy
sticks,
plus Honey’s own decorations, a wonky star with sequins and a paper angel (pink, naturally; Honey obviously knew her mother well), along with multicoloured flashing fairy lights. Less a Christmas tree, more a disco tree. It was sensory overload. There was a scent of pine needles, which instantly made Tiffany think of her dad and Marie and Lily-Rose, and their far more modest tree.