Sandra's Classics - The Bad Boys of Romance - Boxed Set (15 page)

‘Jessie? Jessie,
love, please, I’m sorry.’ Chad dropped to his knees beside her and caught her hands in his. ‘Don’t cry,’ he pleaded. ‘I’m not angry at you.’

But the tears would not stop, no matter how she tried. ‘I don’t know what’s the matter with me,’ she sobbed. ‘I feel awful.’

‘It’s the hypothermia,’ he said. ‘It makes you l depressed.’

‘We’re going to die out here, aren’t we? Tell me the truth, Chad.’

His hands slid beneath her and he lifted her, cradling her in his arms. ‘Don’t even think that,’ he said in a fierce whisper. ‘Of course we’re not going to die. Haven’t we been fine so far?’ He shook her gently. ‘Haven’t we?’

She nodded
. ‘I guess.’

‘You guess? Is that your idea of a vote of confidence? Here,’ he said, ‘wipe your
eyes.’ He held something out to her—his shirt, she realized—and she did as he’d asked. Then he drew her head to his chest. ‘How about showing a little faith, Miss Howard?' he said in a teasing whisper. 'Haven’t I taken pretty good care of us?’

‘I didn’t mean you hadn’t.’

‘I can’t believe you’d doubt me, Jess.’

‘Chad, I don’t.
I...’

‘I said I didn’t want your gratitude, but I certainly expect your confidence.’

He sounded so solemn. It made her feel embarrassed.

‘I know you’ve done a lot...’

‘Damned right I have. I crashed our plane, insulted your job and your city
...’

‘What?’

‘I marched you up a mountain and down a mountain, and then found you this absolutely palatial home in the finest little community in the West.’

A smile trembled on her mouth. ‘Joke all you like, cowboy. You’re the only reason we’re alive. I know how much you’ve done.’

‘I had to undress you, Jess. It was the only way.’

The sudden change in conversation caught her by
surprise. Her eyes met his and she saw that he was telling her the absolute truth.

‘It’s just that it didn’t happen quite the way I’d have liked.’

His
softly spoken words were rough with longing.

A piece of green wood spat and sizzled in the fireplace; the sound seemed to fill the cabin. She wanted to say something, anything, to fill the warp in time into which the cabin had suddenly drifted, but no words would come.

Chad's arms tightened around her.

‘I’ve made love to you in a thousand
dreams,’ he whispered.

She closed her eye
s ‘Don’t,’ she begged.

He tilted her face up to his. ‘Why not? Is it so terrible to think of me making love to you?’

She shook her head. ‘No. Oh, no. But...’

‘Don’t you know how I feel, Jessie?’ His voice dropped to a silken whisper. ‘Or is it that you don’t want to know?
’

That’s it, she wanted to say, I don’t want to know. But she couldn’t lie to him or to herself, not now, not in the still, small hours of the night; not while the wind moaned outside the tiny cabin, not when the glow of Chad’s eyes warmed her more than the flames in the fireplace.

Hesitantly, she reached out and touched his cheek.

‘Chad,’ she said, searching for the words that would explain the insanity of all this,
her fear that once she gave herself to him she would never be able to forget him and these wonderful, terrifying days…

'Jessie,' he said softly.

He turned his face into her palm and his lips burned against her flesh. It was the simplest of actions but once it had happened, once she had felt that searing kiss, she knew she was lost.

‘Chad,’ she said again, but this time the single word was a surrender.

. ‘Dream with me, Jessie,’ he whispered fiercely, as her hand touched his mouth again and then moved to the nape of his neck. ‘Feel the way it was when I kissed you.’ He drew aside the silken tangle of curls at her ear, and his lips brushed her skin. ‘Your cheek,’ he said, ‘and your sweet mouth and your throat ...’ His head dropped towards hers; she sighed as his lips touched the soft curve of neck and shoulder.

His dream was hers.

She knew it, had known it, almost from the first. He was touching her, whispering to her, and it was new and exciting, yet it was everything they had done and said to each other in a million other lifetimes.

Jessica sighed and lifted her mouth to his. ‘Tell me,’ she whispered, ‘tell me
...’

‘I lifted you into my arms and carried you to the fire.’ His hands slid down her back, searing her flesh with their heat. ‘I told you I wanted us to be able to see each other in the light of the flames, feel th
e heat of the fire on our skin. He drew her against him; she gasped as their bodies touched through the thin blanket. ‘And you said ...’ His voice was low and thick with desire. ‘You said you wanted me to make love to you, Jessie. You said you’d been waiting ...’

It
was too late to run away.

She'd run from the truth before but now she couldn't do it.
She could only sigh and touch him, and admit the truth to herself as well as to him.

‘Yes,’ she whispered, ‘I have been. I’ve been waiting all my life, for you, Chad
...’

She moaned softly as his mouth sought hers. His kiss was
tender, and then it deepened. His tongue touched hers; the faint rasp of his shadowy beard felt like a thousand tiny caresses against her skin. Her lips parted beneath his; when finally he drew away from her, she was breathless.

‘I’ve
dreamed that I kissed you until tasting your mouth wasn’t enough,’ he murmured. His hand slid across her back and she caught her breath as his fingers splayed along her ribs. ‘That was when I undressed you, Jessie. I stripped away everything that separated us, all the layers, darling, all the superficial barriers, until there was nothing between us and we were only a man and a woman falling in love, and my hands and my mouth took the whole night to learn every part of you.’

She wound her arms tightly around his neck.

In some dim, still-functioning corner of her mind, she realized she had known all along it would come to this.

He was like no one she’d
ever imagined, yet he was the man for whom she’d been waiting. There would never be anyone else, and no one who had come before mattered.

She sighed as his hand slid over the blanket between them, following the outline of her body. He murmured her name again, and then the blanket rustled and dropped to her waist.

The heat of the fire was warm on her skin, but Chad’s hands were warmer still. She closed her eyes as he touched her breasts, marveling at how such a gentle caress could set her senses ablaze.

‘You’re so beautiful, Jessie,’ he whispered. ‘I tried not to think that before, when I undressed
you.’ He bent his head; she caught her breath as his lips found her breast. ‘Do you want me? Tell me you want me, love. Tell me ...’

‘Yes,’ she whispered with abandon, ‘yes.
I want you. Oh, I want you. Chad, Chad…'

She lay back against the blankets, sliding her hands up his chest, tangling her fingers in the dark mat of hair,
marveling at the rapid thud of his heartbeat under her fingers.

His skin was like fire-warmed silk; the muscles seeming to come alive beneath her touch. She lost herself in the soft sounds of pleasure he made as she touched him, and then, with a fierceness that surprised them both, she pulled his head down to hers.

‘I love you,’ he whispered. ‘Jessie ...’

The words made her heart soar.

Everything would work out. She was sure of it. They had been meant to find each other; they couldn't possibly lose each other, now that they had.

‘
And I love you,' she said softly. 'With all my heart.'

He smiled and she thought how
beautiful he was. Everything about him was beautiful: his scent, his whispered words as he caressed her. He had invaded all her senses. It was as if he had become the world, the sun, the moon, the firmament in which the stars blazed forever.

‘Is this what you want?’ he murmured, touching her, kissing her, exciting her beyond rational thought. ‘Tell me, Jessie. Tell me
what you want.'

'You,' she said fiercely, 'you, you, you…

She wanted to tell him she would love him forever, that even if the real world reclaimed them, she would be his.

But his hands were touching her everywhere, learning secrets not even she had known, and it was too late to talk.

It was too late to think.

A
nd then Chad was inside her, and the world spun away.

Jessica
ran her fingers through her tousled hair.

The ends curled lightly around her fingers, clean and smooth from being washed yesterday morning with a tiny sliver of soap she’d dredged out of the bottom of Chad’s backpack.

She tucked her hair behind her ears and then brought it forward again. It needed cutting, she thought idly, wondering how it looked at this length.

It was strange, not knowing what you looked like after ten days. Maybe it was better not to know when you had no make
up and only an exceedingly odd assortment of clothing to wear.

She buttoned her blouse and then slipped a sweater over her head. Chad said she looked beautiful but then, he might be just a bit prejudiced. He liked her hair this way, he had said, and she’d laughed and said she liked his beard.

Sometime during the long, dark night, she’d been awakened by the gentle rasp of his face against hers. The feeling had made her shiver with pleasure.

Chad had felt her tremble in his arms and he’d whispered her name and shifted lower in their cocoon of blankets
, and they'd made love again and again.

They had been lovers for five nights—and five days, she thought, recalling the long, lazy hours they’d spent before the fireplace while a light snow fell outside.

Lying in his arms, loving each other with words as well as with their bodies, had brought their relationship a level of intimacy she’d never dreamed possible.

She knew more about him than she had ever known about anyone. When she kissed his beard-roughened face, she was not just kissing Chad O’Bryan, the man—she was also kissing the
little boy who had cried for days when his pony broke its leg in a chuckhole. And he knew things about her no one else knew. Little things, like how she’d despaired on her tenth birthday when she came down with the chicken pox and how her mother had gone ahead with her party anyway, holding it in the back yard, just outside her bedroom window, and how good she’d felt when she saw all the kids just outside the glass.

The long days and nights seemed to encourage an exchange of half-forgotten
stories and honest feelings. There was no need for the kind of superficial chitchat that often passed for conversation back in the city.

She had never been very good at that kind of thing anyway; sometimes, standing around at one of the agency’s parties, she played a
silent little game, trying to decide if the next man who approached her would talk first about the newest political scandal or the latest foreign film.

She and Chad talked about silly things, too. They laughed at the same jokes, believed in the same world-wide concerns…

But they had differences between them, ones that were reminders of the different worlds from which they came.

The different worlds to which they would return.

There'd been a vivid reminder of that, yesterday.

They'd gone for a walk.

It was late;
the sun was setting over the mountains, turning them to purple, and lilac.

Suddenly, dark brown smudges had appeared at the end of Main Street, vivid against the snow.

‘Chad, look,’ she’d whispered, deer! Aren’t they beautiful?’

‘Yes, they are.’ They’d watched the graceful
animals for a few minutes and then he cupped her shoulders and turned her toward him. "Go back into the cabin, Jessie.'

'Why?
Where are you going?'

‘I
want to get a closer look at the track those deer use.’ She’d looked at him questioningly and finally he'd taken her hands in his. ‘Winter’s coming on more quickly than I’d expected,’ he said softly. ‘And that means we’re going to need meat soon.’

‘But we have meat. The fish, I mean. You said there are plenty of them in the creek
.’

He shook his head. ‘The creek’s going to freeze over completely before long. That’s going to make it harder to catch anything. Besides, fish don’t provide enough fat.’ He drew her to him and slipped his arms around her. ‘Winters are pretty grim here, Jess. We’d never make it eating nothing but trout.’

He was right. She knew he was and she knew her reaction to the thought of killing the deer was illogical.

Still, her eyes skidded past him to the window and to the
animals.

‘I understand,’ she said slowly. ‘But those poor
deer...’

‘You don’t understand,’ he said roughly. ‘I’m not going to let us die.’

Her eyes met his. ‘I don’t want to die. But—'

'
Then start being a realist.’

She looked at him
. 'That's not fair. I am a realist.'

‘No,’ he said sharply, ‘you aren't. The deer upset you, but that commercial your agency was supposed to film at Eagle Lake didn’t.’

She had drawn back, startled by the roughness in his voice. ‘What are you talking about? That was a commercial for coats ... Her words
had trailed off like smoke. ‘Fur coats,’ she'd said, and shuddered. ‘I—I guess I never thought of it that way before.’

‘If you take an animal as part of the food chain, you’re only doing what every other creature on this planet does to survive. And we are going to survive
. I swear it.'

Jessica sighed and added some wood to the fire. She was convinced Chad would, indeed, get them out of the mountains.

He was the most determined man she’d ever known. And yet, and
yet...

She bent down and stirred the fire with a stick until the flames sprang up again.

She had almost told him she had no desire to leave Coleman’s Creek.

Of course, she hadn’t said it—it was a crazy thought. She had a life and a career to go back to. So did he
. He’d talked about how much he wanted his grant to come through. If it did, he’d be able to go to Alaska for another six months and study his wolf pack, and she’d probably never see him again.

Unless he asked her to go with him, she thought suddenly. Unless
he asked and she said yes...

‘That’s crazy, Jessica Howard,’ she murmured aloud. ‘Crazy
...’

The door swung open and cold air swirled into the cabin. Chad came into the room laughing, stamping snow from his feet. ‘A little strange, OK. But never crazy, Jessie.’

She smiled as she crossed the room towards him. ‘I was just telling myself you’d get here eventually and that I wouldn’t have to eat the empty skillet for breakfast.’

‘Breakfast wasn’t terribly co-operative this morning,’ he said with a quick grin. ‘It took a while to come up with bacon and eggs for two, but here it is, all cleaned and ready to cook.’

‘Good,’ she said, carefully taking the fish from him with two fingers. ‘That’s just the way I buy bacon and eggs at the market.’

‘Is the tea ready? I’m freezing.’

‘It’s ready, master,’ Jessica said, laying the trout in the skillet and shoving it into the hot coals at the rear of the hearth. ‘I wouldn’t want you to freeze to death.’

His arms slipped around her waist and she leaned back against him.

‘Aren't you glad I taught you the treatment for hypothermia?’

Jessica
laughed. ‘You’re insufferable,’ she said.

‘I’m just trying to teach you everything I know about survival
. And I’ve been told that I’m a pretty fair teacher.’

‘Where’s your modesty?’ she teased.

Chad grinned and turned her in his arms. ‘I meant a real teacher.’

‘Sure,’ she said, smiling up at him. ‘What did you
teach? ABCs to wolves?’

‘Biology, Miss Howard. To freshmen and sopho
mores at NYU.’

‘
New York University? In Manhattan?’ He nodded and she tilted her head to one side. ‘Really?'

‘Sure. Didn’t I tell you I’d done some teaching between grants?
NYU was one of the places that liked me a lot. Told me they’d take me back if ever I decided I wanted to make a career out of teaching.’ He grinned at her. ‘Surprised?’

‘Jessica shook her head. Surprised wasn’t the right word, she thought. Delighted
, was more like it. Thrilled, maybe or, heck, ecstatic!

Her cowboy didn’t have to ride off into the Alaskan sunset after all

. ‘Are you telling me you can get a job teaching right in New York? Why, that’s wonderful.’

‘It would be if I wanted it. I’ll probably take it if my grant doesn’t come through but, God, I hate the thought. Stuffy
lecture halls, crowded classrooms, schedules to meet...’

‘But it’s a good school, isn’t it?
’

‘Sure, it’s a terrific school. But I don’t like the idea of spending my life in a classroom. Besides, I have a better idea. If I get my
grant...’

‘Your grant,’ she said slowly. ‘You mean, you’d rather go to Alaska.’

‘Of course.’

She felt
an unreasoning anger flush her cheeks.

‘Well, then, I hope it comes through,’ she said stiffly, moving out of his arms
.

Chad reached
for her. ‘Hey,’ he said, ‘what did I do?’

‘
Breakfast's ready.’

‘
Wait a minute…’

‘It’s more than ready. As a matter of fact, it’s charred. Sit down,’ she said, setting the skillet on the table. ‘I’ll get the tea.’

Chad watched her as she crossed the floor. ‘Are you ticked because I said I want that grant?'

‘Angry? Why should I be angry?’

‘I told you I prefer field work. The guys in the classrooms are doing an important job, but they can only teach what somebody else discovers.’ He pulled the stool closer to the table and sat down. ‘I didn’t become a wildlife biologist because I like test tubes and chalk, Jess. Don’t you understand?’

Jessica sat opposite him and stared at the charred trout. Yes, she understood. What had got into her, anyway? Chad was a maverick; she’d known that from the start. He wasn’t about to give up a life he loved for her. If he did, the cowboy she’d fallen in love with would disappear under layers of tweedy academia.

Suddenly, it all seemed so simple.

She’d had the same crazy thought before, but she’d shoved it aside.

But what was so crazy about it? His career was established; hers hadn’t really begun yet. It was a lot easier for her to walk away from New York than it would be for him to walk away from his work.

Besides, where she spent her life wasn’t half as important as who she spent it with. All she needed was Chad. Her fork clattered to the table and she took a deep breath.

‘Chad, listen. I’ve been thinking about Alaska ...’

'
It’s more than Alaska,’ he said. She looked at him as if he’d just said something in Greek. ‘There are lots of places I want to see, other animals I want to study. Wild dogs, for instance. Jackals ...’

‘Jackals,’ she said tonelessly.

‘Yeah. I spent my senior year on internship in Africa with Ian Douglas. He was doing a study of lions ...’

Jessica shoved her chair back from the table and got to her feet. ‘Africa,’ she repeated evenly. ‘Not Alaska.’

A bewildered expression settled on Chad’s face. ‘No, of course not. Anyway, I did some preliminary work on jackals. In fact, when Douglas asked me to go to
Brazil.’

He jumped as she slammed
the kettle on the table.

‘Sorry,’ she said stiffly. ‘It must have slipped. Let me get this straight, Chad. You went to Brazil and Africa
...’

‘Well, I hadn’t decided the area I wanted to investigate for my Master’s thesis, so I went along with him. He was doing a study on jaguars. And then I decided to do my work on wolves ...’

‘And that’s when you went to Alaska.’

He shook his head. ‘Actually, I went to Isle St Royale first.’ Chad's eyes sought hers. ‘Damn it, stop looking at me that way!’

‘What way?’ she asked, amazed at the calmness of her voice.

‘The way you looked at me on the plane,’ he said roughly. ‘As if I were some other form of life. Look, I’m trying my damnedest to tell you something. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but you’re making it hard as hell.’

There was something in his voice, a twisted, rough edge
.

That same rough edge was in her heart.

Of course, he was trying to tell her something! Did he think she was dense? Reality lay beyond Coleman’s Creek—that’s what he was telling her.

Dream w
ith me, he’d said, and she had…. Except, dreams weren’t real, not even if you wanted them to be with all your heart and soul.

What
was
real was that their dream hadn’t ended yet.

And she
would hang on to it as long as the world let her.

‘I know what you’re trying to tell me,’ she
said. ‘You don’t have to spell it out.’

‘But we’ve got to talk about what happens after we get out of here, Jessie. I want you to understand
...’