“But you love them,” Lizzie said.
“It’s the birthday panic. Just hold the status quo until you’re used to being thirty,” Crystal advised.
Zoe had avoided answering the girls or her men on what she would do or how she felt. Lizzie was such a romantic. Zoe’s heart wanted one thing while her head wanted another. “I need to talk to them first. It’s not only up to me. They might hate me for walking away after New Orleans.”
“It’s only been a couple of days. Needing a break isn’t dumping them.” Lizzie shook her head. “Go. Tell them what’s in your heart. You’re over thinking things.”
“I doubt I’ve thought it through enough. At the beginning, it was just fun and sex. They deserve better.” Zoe could take a broken heart, but hurting them would haunt her. If the relationship needed to end, she had to do it today.
“They deserve you. They want you. Do you honestly want to leave Lucky Springs? Because you won’t be able to face them if it doesn’t work,” Crystal said.
Zoe’s gut clenched in agreement, but she shrugged. “I can be a professional.”
Lizzie and Crystal shared a look.
“Well, I’ve still got headhunters looking for jobs for me. For all of us. Do you want to be at this small company forever? Even if it expands, it won’t be like working in a big city where you have options.”
“I like it here. Shreveport was even sort of big for me. This is perfect. I like my job. Ash is here.” Lizzie shrugged.
Zoe glanced at Crystal. “Every place needs accountants. When the market picks up, you can get more money and better titles, but not if it’s a one-company town.”
“She could do people’s taxes. There are lots of little businesses here. She could be the town CPA,” Lizzie countered.
Crystal smiled. “I’m actually putting in for a promotion to Manager of Accounts Payable. We’ll see how it goes.”
“I hope you get it. That’s my point, Crystal. You’ve always had ambition. Lucky Springs is a bit limited. A promotion looks good on your resume, but do you want to get tied down with romantic entanglements?” Zoe asked.
“I don’t usually have that problem. We’ll see how the job market goes. Don’t make your choices by committee vote, Zoe. We’re all different.” Crystal sipped her coffee as if the matter were closed.
“What are you going to do?” Lizzie asked.
“Something will turn up, and I’ll be able to start fresh. Just like when I was a kid.” Zoe shrugged and realized her family patterns found her even when she thought she’d ditched them. “I’ve got to go.” She dumped her cup of tea in the trash and hurried to the conference room before it was too late.
“Good luck!” Crystal called.
* * * *
When Zoe walked into the conference room, the men were already seated. They didn’t jump up to hug her or even say anything right away. The tension in the room made her want to run.
She sat down to feel less attention on her, but it changed nothing. “So how have you guys been?”
Jar looked down. Owen and Cam shared a glance.
Don shook his head. “Like you care. Say what you want to, and let’s get on with it.”
They were mad at her. Her stomach churned, and the room almost spun. “I’m sorry I didn’t return your calls. I needed time to think it all through. I think it’s only fair. We got into this thing so fast.”
“We said it could be physical fun and nothing more. Just be honest,” Owen said coldly.
Zoe was glad they remembered that!
“Thank you, I appreciate that being brought up. First, let’s get through the business. The powers that be were thrilled with the results of the tradeshow and they want us to go back again next year and do a couple more as they turn up. They’ve set up a time for the consulting group to come in and see our operation so they can better share it with their clients.”
“We did well. Our supervisor talked to us. We know. Let’s get to what’s important.” Cam leaned back in his chair.
“Okay, I know we talked about it being just casual fun when it started, but it never quite felt that way. I was as swept away as anyone, but everything happened so fast. After the trip to New Orleans, I needed some time away with my thoughts.” Zoe looked at Jar who’d been quiet so far.
“That’s fair, but we all deserve to have some input,” Jar said.
“You’re right.” Zoe nodded. “Anything you guys want to say?”
“I want to hear what you have to say first.” Owen folded his arms.
She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I know we all have very different backgrounds. No parents are perfect. I thought I was over my mom’s weirdness with my career and education that I was different, but I’ve been battling my instincts to move on. To run when things got too serious.”
“You’re going to run from us?” Don chuckled.
“No, I’m not. My head wanted to move on. To go to a big city where I could go from job to job or apartment to apartment. Bounce around when things got too comfortable. That’s how I was raised. As soon as I got in a routine, my mom changed it all. The group was too stable.” They had no clue how much they meant to her or how scary it was in her world.
“We’re too stable?” Jar asked.
“For me. Even when things weren’t perfect, it was amazing. I don’t want to leave. I want a family and an address that doesn’t change for years. I want to know every nook and cranny of Lucky Springs and this stinky old factory. That’s what my heart wants, but my head is afraid I’ll screw it up, that I’ll ruin it and have nowhere to move on to because the town is so small.”
“It’d hurt less to move on now,” Owen filled in.
She nodded. “It would, but I don’t want move. I’m trying to change my routine. Does it make sense? You were bounced around as a kid.”
Owen nodded. “It does. But I settled down in stages with Jar. Moving to Lucky Springs sort of fell into place. I wouldn’t change a thing, but I understand the fear that it’ll all vanish one day.”
“I don’t want to lose this. I don’t know why I got so emotionally off-balance in New Orleans or the last few days, but I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to let you down either. You can’t let me follow my mother’s bad example. There’s no way I’ll be a single mom or a nomad dragging my kids around.”
“Mom?” Don asked.
Cam held up a hand. “Kids?”
Jar smiled. “Are you telling us something? Because we used protection all the time.”
“No, no. I mean, I don’t know anything you don’t, but I do want kids eventually. That’s the thing. We have a lot to sort out before I do something monumental like move in. I don’t want it to be a joke where I move back in with the girls in a few months. In a town like this, I’ll be a laughingstock. If I can’t be anonymous, I want to be respected.” Zoe wanted to do it right if she did something like this.
“So you want kids?” Owen smiled.
“I never did until you guys.” She rubbed her head. “I won’t move any kid around or leave them with babysitters all the time.”
“Sounds old-fashioned. Are you going to bake pies and be a soccer mom?” Don teased.
“If we all agree it’s what we want, I’m sure we’ll figure out a schedule. We can work out the details somehow when it happens.” Zoe got the odd urge to take a pregnancy test just in case. They had been careful, but her nausea and light, dizzy feeling hadn’t disappeared even though the men were still talking to her. She really wanted one of those plain bagels she’d turned down this morning.
“So should we all vote or something?” Cam asked.
“Maybe we should? To make sure we’re all on the same page. It’s not just moving in. Are we all willing to make this a commitment? Really give it a try?” She mentally crossed her fingers and waited.
Jar smiled. “Stable commitment is what I’ve been craving. I want a family. The truth is I didn’t realize how much I loved you and the group dynamic until you went away. I know it’s fast, and a couple days apart may seem meaningless, but it’s not the same without you. I’m in.”
Owen bit his lip, and Jar reached over to take his hand under the table. Jar had been worried he’d ruin things with his need for love and acceptance. Still, he knew Owen had been worried it’d all fall apart.
“There are no guarantees. We can’t promise forever. No one can these days.” Owen shook his head.
“No one can promise we won’t drop dead tomorrow or have a mental breakdown in ten years. It’s about here and now. Do you want to be with us and give everything we’ve got to make it work, or does it feel wrong?” Cam leaned on the table. “No one can answer for you.”
Zoe smiled. “There’s no wrong answer either. We have to be honest, or we’re doomed. I know it’s unusual, but I think maybe it’ll give us an edge.”
“An edge?” Jar asked.
Don nodded. “Sure, we know we’ve got issues to deal with. Some young couples go in thinking it’ll be easy because they love each other. It’ll all just happen like a dream. We know it’s going to be work. Five people means different issues will come up. All the personalities will conflict at some point. Jealousy and competition aren’t out of the question with salesmen especially. But we’ll know that going in, and if we’re honest, we can handle it like adults.”
“You’re okay with the whole focus not being on you?” Cam asked Don.
“Sounds like a vacation to me. Growing up the center of attention is more pressure than you think. I’d rather be part of a group. I’m in.” Don nodded.
Zoe smiled and looked to Cam.
He stared right at her. “You run off, and I’ll chase you down.”
She shook her head. “I’m not running. For the first time in my life, I’m not planning where I’ll go next. My only plan is for an event that’ll make my new town more fun, I hope.”
“So you’re doing a wine tasting here?” Owen chuckled.
“No, not wine. Don’t get off topic,” she said uneasily.
Jar squeezed Owen’s hand. If anyone freaked out, it’d be Owen. Growing up with feuding parents in an ugly divorce had given him a different view, and Jar could feel him seething. Two parents were bad enough, but five?
“Well, count me in, but I’m not kidding about tracking you down. My brother is a law officer for the parish. You won’t get far.” Cam folded his arms behind his head.
“Why would I ever leave?” Zoe turned to Owen. “I know this is hard for you.”
Owen rested his head back on the cushy chair. “I’m worried about the kids issue. I love you and the men. I have no qualms about a group thing, but a kid with five parents?”
“Feels right to me. They’ll never feel alone. Someone will always be able to juggle his or her schedule to make a school function or a sports event. My mom never went to anything I did.” Zoe chewed her lower lip.
“Who is the dad? Do we just not know? What if something goes wrong?” Owen stared blankly at the table.
“Would you ever treat your kid the way your parents treated you? A pawn in a game?” Jar asked.
“Of course not, but five-way sex is fun. A five-way custody battle? The courts wouldn’t know what to do with.” Owen closed his eyes. “I’m sorry to be the downer, but I see DNA tests and only one guy getting any rights.”
“We’re not roommates. We’re a family. I think there are enough of us that someone will be rational even if there’s a fight or a rift,” Cam said.
“No, Owen’s right to bring up the worst case scenario. He’s lived it. My dad couldn’t have cared less what happened to me, and I know none of you would be that way. It only makes me love you guys more that you do care. But I’m not my mom. We’re not your parents, Owen. We can learn from their mistakes. If we have kids, I think we’d be mature enough to do what’s in their best interest.” Zoe tapped her fingers on the table. “Even if it means I take a leave and stay home until they’re in school, or we each take a year off until then.”
“My parents weren’t interested in me. They didn’t want what was best for me. They wanted to use me to hurt each other. We can’t do that.” Owen shook his head.
Jar rubbed the back of Owen’s neck. “We’d never let you do that. And I know you’ll never let me be too strict because of my upbringing.”
Finally, Owen relaxed, and Jar knew his words had penetrated Owen’s tough divorced-kid armor.
“Promise?” Owen asked the rest of them.
“We’ll put you back in line.” Don winked.
“I’m the mother, so I always win.” Zoe smiled then frowned. “This is weird. We don’t need to rush into the children thing. Another year or so.”
Owen nodded. “I want kids. Don’t mistake me. I just can’t imagine a group family with kids.”
“We can create our family our way. Lucky Springs isn’t exactly the big city where we’ll get funny looks on the street. Once people know we’re a serious group, having a baby won’t be a huge deal.” Jar loved Owen, but his analytical side could be hard to fight.
“Okay, I think we can make it work. I’m in.” Owen sat back.
The tension left the room, and even Zoe looked different. She had a glow.
“Great, I brought some bagels in the break room. I’m sure half of them are gone, but I want to grab one before I get back to work. Help yourselves.” Zoe stood up.
Jar walked to her and caught her around the waist. “That’s it? Back to work?” He kissed her.
She blushed. “Well, I felt better having the talk here because it was where we started being a group. We still have jobs to do.”