Authors: Joan Jonker
Near to tears, Sadie ran through the open front door and fled down the street. Her eyes blurred, she turned into the main road and was running as though she had wings on her heels. She didn’t see Harry standing at the tram stop until he stood in front of her and put his hand out to bring her to a halt. ‘Hey, what’s the big hurry?’
Sadie tried in vain to pull her arm free. ‘Leave me alone, Harry, I don’t want to talk to yer.’
Harry saw a tram approaching and knew if he didn’t catch it he’d be late for his date. But there was something about Sadie that told him she was in trouble, so he let the tram go. ‘Come on, what’s wrong?’
They began to walk slowly past the shops. ‘I’ve had a row with me mam and dad, that’s all.’
‘What have they done now?’
Sadie was too ashamed to tell him the truth; she’d never tell anyone. ‘I asked for sixpence off the shillin’ they owe me and it started a row.’ Anger flared, bringing words to her mouth she really didn’t want spoken. ‘They can spend money in the pub, but they can’t give me what they owe me. And they won’t fork out for food or clothes for their children. Our poor Jimmy’s got no shoes to his feet, but do they care? Do they heck.’
Harry cupped her elbow. ‘Have you no money, Sadie?’
‘I haven’t got a bean to me name, but I don’t need any until I get me pocket money on Saturday. It’s just that I wanted to buy meself something and I needed that money they owe me.’ She waved her arm. ‘Just look at the state of me! I feel ashamed not havin’ any decent clothes or shoes while me mate, Brenda, always looks so smart. I feel like Orphan Annie when I go out with her.’
‘I’ll give yer the sixpence yer need, Sadie, and yer can buy whatever it is yer wanted it for.’
Sadie shook her head. ‘No, I’m not takin’ any more money off yer, it wouldn’t be fair. After all, why should you give me money?’
‘Because I want another kiss off yer. I’ve forgotten what the other one tasted like, so yer can remind me.’
‘I’ll give yer a kiss, Harry, but I’m not charging yer.’
‘No, that’s no deal.’ Harry thought briefly about the girl he was supposed to be meeting. She wouldn’t be very happy next time they met at the Grafton, but the relationship wasn’t serious anyway. ‘If I went into a shop for something I wanted, I’d have to pay for it. I want a kiss off you, so it’s only right I pay for it.’
Sadie sighed as she glanced down at herself. Why not take what was being offered? She was desperate for clothes and she’d never get them if it was left to her parents. Out of her shilling a week pocket money, she had to buy a pennyworth of chips every day for her lunch. So with the one night she went out with Brenda, which was the only pleasure she got, all her money was spoken for. ‘Okay, Harry. When shall I meet yer?’
‘What’s wrong with now? We’re almost at the park gates.’ He didn’t give her time to refuse, and as he was leading her forward he was telling himself he was only doing it to help her out. But a little voice in his brain told him that was a load of rubbish.
They went to the same clearing between the trees, but this time Sadie was nervous. And although she had nothing against Harry, she blamed her parents for bringing her down to this. She shouldn’t have to sell herself to buy a brassière or a second-hand dress.
Harry lifted her chin. ‘Cheer up, Sadie, it’s not that bad.’
‘It is, Harry! I can’t wait to get away from that house. Away from the misery and the dirt, from being skint every week and always looking like a tramp. But most of all I can’t wait to get away from a mother and father who are not even kind to their children, let alone love or cherish them.’
When tears threatened, Harry pulled her close. ‘In a couple of years yer’ll be earning enough money to buy yerself all the things yer want. Then yer won’t have to worry about yer family. An’ yer can take it from me that
this
friend of yours, Brenda, no matter what she wears, she could never look as pretty as you.’
Like a child reacting to comfort and kindness, Sadie buried her head in his shoulder. And when she fixed her vivid blue eyes on him, he put his arms around her to give solace and sanctuary. But her slim waist and the thrusting breasts he could feel through the thin material of his summer shirt caused his tummy to do a somersault and his heartbeat to quicken. Back off, the little voice in his brain told him warningly. She’s a lot younger and more inexperienced than the girls you usually knock around with. So he moved back, leaving a space between their bodies. ‘I’ll have me kiss now, Sadie, if yer don’t mind.’
The lips that covered hers briefly were as soft as the touch of a butterfly, and Sadie opened her eyes to look at him questioningly. ‘Is that it?’
Harry gave a crooked grin. ‘I thought yer’d had enough excitement for one night without me givin’ yer one of me famous smackers. I’m known all over Liverpool for me smackeroos, yer know. If yer went down to the Grafton now, yer’d see a long queue outside and they wouldn’t be waitin’ to get into the dance, oh no – they’d all be waiting for me. It’s even been known for the police to have to come and restore order.’
Sadie giggled. ‘Go on, yer daft ha’porth! Yer’ll be telling me next yer pay them all sixpence.’
‘Not on yer nellie!’ Harry realised it was the very first time he’d heard her laugh. Smile, yes, she always had a smile for him, but never a hearty laugh or giggle. ‘I think we’d better be making tracks. I was on me way to meet someone when you came along.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry, yer should have left me! Go on now, I’ll make me own way home.’
‘I’ll walk with yer to the top of Northumberland Street.’ Harry glanced sideways, wondering how to put into words the thoughts running through his mind. He didn’t want to spoil the fragile friendship there was between them, but her parents didn’t seem to care about her and she was so vulnerable. There were a lot of unscrupulous
fellows
around who would take advantage of her. ‘Do yer go out with lads, Sadie?’
She shook her head. ‘No, I only go out once a week and that’s with Brenda, me mate from work.’
‘With your looks, I’m surprised they’re not around you like flies around a jam jar.’
‘Oh, I’ve been asked out, but I’m not interested. Even if I was, I haven’t got any decent clothes to go out on a date.’
‘If yer do, then be careful. There are some fellers who are only out for what they can get.’
‘I might not know much about life, Harry, but I do know something about men.’ Sadie’s tone was bitter. ‘Me dad taught me the hard way, and I wouldn’t trust one of them.’
‘Hey! Present company excepted, I hope?’
‘Yeah, course it is.’ Sadie gave him a push. ‘Go and meet yer friend.’
Harry handed her the sixpence he had ready in his hand. ‘Saturday night, half-eight, I’ll be waiting at the tram stop for yer. An’ I want to know what yer’ve bought yerself.’
Sadie was about to object but she closed her mouth on the words. There were scarecrows better dressed than her, and she was fed up looking a sight. ‘See yer Saturday, Harry.’
The children were all in bed when Sadie got home, and there was no sign of her father. Not that she expected to see him; she knew he’d be propping up the bar in the pub on the corner. Her mother was sprawled out on the couch reading the
Echo
and she only raised her head long enough to throw her daughter a dark, menacing look. Sadie sighed, knowing her life was going to be made unbearable from now on. And what for? Just for telling the truth! Perhaps she should have told her mother years ago, but even at such a young age she knew she’d get no sympathy from
that
quarter. Lily Wilson was besotted with her husband and would believe only what she wanted to believe. But
as
she was forced to spend every night except one in the house, Sadie knew she couldn’t stand being ignored. So she broke the silence.
‘What’s our Jimmy going to do about shoes?’
Lily looked up, her face sullen. ‘What’s it got to do with you?’
‘I was only asking, Mam.’
‘Yer can ask away, but I don’t have to answer yer.’ Lily put the paper down at the side of her and leaned forward. ‘You just listen to me, yer little faggot, and listen good. If yer ever open yer bleedin’ mouth about what yer said tonight, so help me I’ll swing for yer. Did yer hear what I said?’
‘Oh, I heard yer, Mam, I’m not deaf. It’s you that’s deaf, because yer want to be. What I said was the truth, and if yer were any sort of a mother at all, yer’d be worried. Because what he did to me he could have done, and still be doing, to our Dot and Ellen. Haven’t yer thought it funny that bath night has been changed from Friday to Saturday … the one night I go out? Does he offer to be the good father and bath the girls for yer? And does he still send yer to the corner shop on a message to get yer out of the way?’
The telltale look in Lily’s eyes told her daughter all she needed to know. Her father was abusing the other two girls like he had her. ‘What a fool yer are, Mam, and what a lousy mother. I’ve had me suspicions for a few years, because of the way our Dot behaves. She’s far too advanced for her years, and if you haven’t noticed the sly looks that are passed between her and me dad, then yer must be blind as well as deaf.’
Lily moved quicker than she had for years. She was upon Sadie before the girl knew what was happening. But even though the look of hatred on her mother’s face frightened her, she stood her ground. ‘Go on, Mam – hit me if yer dare.’
‘I’d like to break yer bleedin’ neck, causing all this trouble.’ Lily’s hands were clenched into fists ready to strike, but her daughter’s defiance held her back. ‘Yer’ve
made
it all up, yer little faggot, there’s not a word of truth in it. And while yer live in this house yer’ll do as yer flamin’ well told and keep yer mouth shut.’
‘I live in this house because I’ve got to, I’ve nowhere else to go. But as soon as I’m old enough, yer won’t see me heels for dust.’ Sadie outstared her mother. ‘Until then, while I’m payin’ yer most of me wages, I expect to be spoken to in a proper manner –
an
’ I expect a dinner on the table now and again.’ She sighed and lowered her gaze. ‘Fancy having to talk to me own mother like this. But then, yer’ve never been a proper mother to me or the rest of the kids. In fact, let’s face it, yer not even a good housewife. Just look at this place – I’ve seen cleaner muck middens! The only time you act like a wife is when me dad’s behavin’ like a dog on heat – and that’s every day. Even when the children are looking on, it doesn’t stop yer performing yer wifely duty then.’
Lily was almost foaming at the mouth. ‘Yer dirty-minded little bitch! Just wait till I tell yer dad what yer said – he’ll take his belt to yer.’
‘I’m not frightened of him any more, Mam, so please yerself. If he comes near me I’ll scream the ruddy house down an’ have all the neighbours running in. Yer see, I’m past caring – that’s what you and me dad have done to me. Since I was old enough to carry a shovelful of coal in from the back yard, I’ve been treated like a skivvy. Thanks to you and me dad, I have no self-respect and no pride. And the sad thing is, because I’ve learned the hard way that I can’t trust me own parents, I don’t trust anyone else, either.’
Sadie walked into the tiny hall, then turned. ‘I haven’t enjoyed saying the things I have, but they had to be said. I’ve kept them bottled up for too long. If you and me dad don’t want to treat me proper, then I’ll see if I can find lodgings somewhere. It’s up to you.’
‘But why can’t yer come to the pictures with me tomorrow night?’ Brenda’s eyes were wide with shock. ‘We always go on a Saturday!’
‘I know, Brenda, and I’m sorry to let yer down. But I can’t afford it, not this week. I’ve got to buy meself somethin’ decent to wear, I can’t go out in this dress every day for the rest of me life.’
‘You’re mean, Sadie Wilson. Yer know yer leaving me in the lurch. If you don’t go, I can’t go!’
‘I’ve said I’m sorry, Bren, I can’t do any more. It’s all right for you, your mam buys all yer clothes. I’ve got to see to meself – and yer know how much pocket money I get.’
‘Your mam must be the most horrible, mean woman in the whole world.’
Sadie tucked her hand into her friend’s arm. They were on their way back to work after spending their half-hour dinner break outside the chip shop, eating chips from a piece of newspaper. ‘She’d certainly be in the running, Brenda, and that’s a fact. But don’t let’s fall out, yer the only friend I’ve got. It’s just for this one week, I promise. I won’t ever let yer down again.’
‘There’s nowt I can do about it, is there? I can hardly drag yer by the hair.’ Brenda didn’t sound a bit happy. ‘Anyway, it beats me how yer can buy yerself anythin’ with only a shilling. Yer’ll only get a pair of stockings for that.’
‘I’ll have one and six, and I’ll get a damn sight more than a pair of stockings.’ Sadie looked at her friend through narrowed eyes. ‘If I tell yer something, will yer promise to keep it to yerself?’
Now there was a glint of interest in Brenda’s eyes as she stiffened a finger and made a cross on her chest. ‘Cross my heart and hope to die, if this day I tell a lie.’
‘I’ll never speak to yer again if yer break yer promise.’ Sadie wondered if she was doing the right thing, but she wanted to make amends for letting her friend down. ‘I’m goin’ to Paddy’s market – there’s some stalls there that sell good second-hand stuff.’ She saw her friend wrinkle her nose in disgust and was sorry she’d spoken. ‘Beggars can’t be choosers, Brenda, and I’m desperate.’
‘Yer’d have to be, to wear someone else’s cast-offs.’
Brenda
shivered even though the sun was shining brightly in a lovely clear blue sky. ‘Yer wouldn’t catch me doing it.’
‘I’m not as lucky as you, Brenda. I don’t have a doting mam and dad who buy me anything I want.’
Brenda was immediately contrite. She put an arm across her friend’s shoulders and squeezed. ‘Don’t take no notice of me, Sadie, I’m just upset that I won’t be going to the pictures tomorrow night. I’m a miserable bitch, aren’t I? Like a spoiled little brat, crying because I can’t have me own way. Someone should stick a dummy in me mouth.’
Sadie grinned. ‘I’ll see if I can get a second-hand one at Paddy’s market tomorrow.’