Authors: Glenna Maynard
Now I know I am on the right track. Bending down I take the picture in my hands, studying
it I see her arms wrapped lovingly around the bump in her midriff. This must be her pregnant with Sarah. Red is smiling,
was she happy with Benji? Did she lie to me about him; was she playing me?
Nah, I can't believe it.
A quick search through all the rooms doesn't turn up anything else, but this picture, I grip it bending the edges, this proves Benji was here and hopefully Sarah too.
After canvassing the neighborhood and turning up empty, I know that there is nothing more to be done in this town. As much as it pains me to say it, there is nothing more I can do here, after putting in a call to Romeo to have LL reach out to her girls in Chicago for information I hit the road again.
**
Another city, another nameless whore sucking my dick, everything looks and sounds the same, and yet I can't get that feeling again. The feeling I had with Red, that feeling that made me feel alive, like I mattered. She loved me despite all the ugliness that I carry with me both inside and out. Red didn't care that I had murdered hundreds, that I wasn't capable of giving her a white picked fence, with sunshine and roses, she loved the gritty and rawness I gave her. That love she gave me in return was motherfuckin' beautiful; and that's what keeps me going—what keeps me pressing forward night after night in search of the one thing I promised her, a good life for Sarah.
"What are you doing?" I look over and this whore has the nerve to be parading around the room in my cut, no one touches my cut.
"Don't you think I look hot?" She smiles a wide a toothy grin, her auburn hair frames her tiny face. She straddles my lap as I toke on my joint and offer her a hit. Her pussy grinds over my dick.
"I think you had better take it off."
"Why is that," she coughs, blowing smoke in my face.
Wrapping my fist through her thick mane, I growl in her ear, "Because I am through with you." Shock at my brutal honesty registers on her face, her playful smile fades. "Sweetheart, you didn't think one roll in the sack would get you a brand did you? You did that's real cute and all, but you aren't top bitch material. In the future, you may want to think about learning how to suck dick better. I've seen better action out of a fucking Hoover."
Her hand goes up and she hesitates giving me a chance to grab her wrist before she makes the mistake of smacking me. With my other hand I help her shrug off my cut, her perky little titties don't do a damn thing for me. A tear pricks in the corner of her eye, "Don't take it personal, you aren't my type." I smack her on the ass as she grabs her clothes off the floor. "I prefer my women with some curves on them.
" I take a twenty from my wallet on the nightstand and throw it in her direction, "here get ya a cheeseburger, might help with them curves."
"You're a real asshole," she spits
her words at me as if she can insult me.
"Never said I wasn't." I laugh as she slams the door with
unnecessary force.
My
phone rings and it's Foxie's name showing on the screen, don't want to talk to her, but I answer in case it has to do with Baby.
Grim: Speak to me.
Foxie: When you coming home?
Grim: Can't rightly say, something wrong?
Foxie: Nothing other than the usual shit. I was thinking of you. What are you doing?
Grim: Breaking hearts, nothing new
.
Foxie goes silent on the other end of the line, not sure what she expects of me or wants from me. She knows there will never be anything between
us; I don't know why she tries to force something that isn't there. Sure I care about her, but that's just it I care for her, don't love her. Besides, she is my best friend's wife.
Grim: Is
that all, you heard my voice. I'm fine. Got shit to do, tell the kid I'll bring her a present when I roll back through
.
The line goes dead without another word from Foxie. Time for some
shuteye I have a long drive tomorrow, heading to Nevada, got a tip that Benji has a cousin out that way.
Southern Alabama
Sarah
We have been in Alabama for almost a month now, and got a real nice place to stay. We live near the coast. Daddy has even been letting Betty take me to the beach some. He is being nice and it is weird. He and Uncle Squirrel even hung me a tire swing. Diablo says I can't go back to school, says it just isn't safe yet. Our neighbor let Betty and I use her car to go into town. Betty bought me a new bathing suit and a bra; she made me promise not to tell daddy, said she had some money put back just for the occasion.
Daddy and Squirrel are working for a new club, says they are really going to make some money now. They have a garage out behind our new house, I don't know what they do in there but it can't be good if they have to have masks on to go inside.
I think Betty and me are getting more free time because they have to spend so much time out back, I am not complaining though, going to enjoy it while I can. When it comes to my daddy, you never know how long his moods will last.
I am in the kitchen helping Betty cook dinner; it feels almost like having a real mom and a real home if it weren't for daddy and Squirrel. "Betty can I ask you something?"
"As long as it isn't something you know you aren't supposed to be asking, your daddy has been in a good mood. Let's try to keep it that way." She continues pressing the patties for burgers.
"Did you come in my room last night?"
Betty stops her work abruptly and takes as deep breath. "No child, what gave you that impression?" She is looking at me with concern, but trying not to show me my question makes her nervous. Betty has never been very good at hiding her emotions.
"Maybe I imagined it, but late last night I heard a noise and there was someone standing at the foot of my bed, but I couldn't make out who it was. It was too dark. You don't think it was Grim, do you? Daddy says he got too close this last time."
"No baby, if it were him we'd all be dead. I want you to do something for me, are you listening?" I nod so she will continue. She gets a real serious look on her face. "If anyone comes into your room again, I want you to scream as loud as you can, and if that doesn't stop them, here take this." She reaches me a steak knife. "I want you to put this under your mattress where you can reach it right quick, but don't hurt yourself."
"Okay Betty," I do as she says and I take the knife to my room. Not sure how she thinks this could keep Grim away, but I'll do what she says.
"I wish that door of yours had a lock, I'll see what I can do about getting you one." Betty says when I come back into the kitchen. Uncle Squirrel comes into the house for a shower so I don't continue the conversation. It's none of his business and I still get an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach when he looks at me.
Daddy comes in shortly after Squirrel and he and Betty go outside to put the burgers on the grill while I stay inside to get the french fries made and make a salad. After Squirrel gets out of the shower he joins me in the kitchen, he comes over to me and stands too close behind me. The smell of his cologne is overwhelming. He places his hand over mine, "here you are cutting it wrong let me show you." I freeze when his tongue brushes over my ear while he is talking to me. He is trying to guide my hand and show me how to chop onions, but I cannot move. My mind flashes and I can feel him pressing his weight on me and I am crying. I feel like I can't breathe, my chest is constricting and growing tight with panic. The room feels like I am on a tilt a whirl at the carnival, but I can't see anything.
I come back to when I feel the blade of the knife graze my finger. Squirrel is sitting at the table reading the newspaper and I am at the counter alone. Betty comes rushing over to me, grabbing a paper towel and wrapping it around my finger. She looks between me and uncle Squirrel but she doesn't say anything. Daddy finishes dinner while she bandages my finger. I can't believe he didn't get angry. He finished fixing the food without a word, even let me eat by myself in my room when I said I wasn't feeling well.
After dinner, I pull out the latest book Betty has given me to read. This one about a princess in Victorian London who can see ghost and communicate with the dead, the main character is a teenager and she is in love with a ghost. This story is tragic and heartbreaking, but I cannot put it down. I keep reading until my eyes begin to blur and water.
Later in the
night, I awaken to that eerie feeling as if I am being watched, I rub my eyes and that is when I see him. Before I can scream a rough hand clamps over my mouth. I think back to what Betty told me and try to reach my hand down and slide it under the edge of the mattress. "Looking for this," Squirrel's rancid breath penetrates my nose as he holds the kitchen knife and waves it in front of my face. "Don't be scared Sarah. I just want to show you how much you mean to me. I will always protect you. One day I will take you away from here and you will be my wife." I try very hard to bite his fingers but I cannot get a hold of him.
Tears are fighting to fall down my face, but it seems the harder I try not to cry the more he enjoys my fear. "Now if I let go of your mouth, you got to promise me you'll keep quiet, ye hear me." I nod into his hand. "If you scream, I will hurt you, and I don't want to do that, I just want to make you feel good." My tears stop and I accept my fate.
His hands begin wandering my small body and I retreat within myself and begin to sing...
One two Grim is coming for you, three four had better lock the door, five six had better tuck you in tight, seven eight never mind it is too late...
Squirrel continues to come into my room almost every night for the next three years, he threatens to kill Betty if I dare to say a word, I don't doubt that he would so I keep my mouth shut like the good girl that I am...
Part 2
Chapter 6
Drag Creek Kentucky
Grim
Tonight calls for a celebration, I just returned home after another six months on the road. The past three years have been the same—me on the road searching for Sarah and life at the Roadhouse moving on without me while I am stuck being haunted by the past. Baby is now in middle school and hates me now more than ever. Can't rightly blame the kid, I have become a stranger to her. And with each passing year, she turns more into the spitting image of her mother. Seeing her is so damn hard and having to face Foxie after breaking her heart repeatedly is even harder. Her and Slim have officially separated and I think a part of her has hoped that I would step up and claim her, but it ain't going to happen. They are still legally wed; she isn't going to give up her title as the prez's old lady to Wild Cherry without another man ready and waiting to claim her.
Slim lives in the clubhouse with Wild Cherry while Foxie stays out of the way, she no longer helps run the Roadhouse
, instead she has gone into business with LL running a whorehouse for the club. I hate seeing Foxie whore herself, but isn't nothing I can do about it.
I am so damn tired of this never-ending cycle, it is time for me to give up the search for Sarah, and the girl is nearly sixteen years of age by now. Won't be long til Baby will be in high school herself.
I have to accept the fact that I have let Red down and broken my promise to her. The time has come for me to do what I should have been doing all these years—raising my girl and being a father. Don't like the thought of Foxie's lifestyle influencing Baby. The Fox's Den is not a place I ever want to see my daughter. Foxie swears that she only works there during the day when the kids are at school, but fuck, Rebel and Striker are about to graduate, she can't tell me those fucks don't know what goes on around here. That is another thing; I don't like them boys spending so much time alone with Baby. I know what goes through a guys mind at their age; I don't care if they treat Baby like their sister. The fact that she isn't their blood is all the proof I need to make sure I keep her away from them now.
After I clean up I ride over to the cabin to see Romeo and LL, they just had their first child not too long ago.
"Don't know how you do it man; I could never let my old lady work in a whorehouse." Their new baby girl is swinging in one of those baby contraptions, looking so content.
"Easy brother, she don't take any clients, she just runs the shit, and it's good fucking paper."
"I hear you, how's things around here?" I cross the room and take a seat in the rocking chair closet to the door. Romeo has done good for himself. He and LL seem real happy; they fixed the cabin up real nice. Never would know they run a moonshine distillery out of the basement. Looks like any other fishermen's cabin turned home.
"Shit has been good; things are running smoothly, Slim seems to have calmed down without you in his ear trying to run shit from the sidelines." Romeo winks, I know he is just giving me shit. Slim and me settled our issues after I returned from
Chicago, we had a sit down meeting. He put all of his cards on the table. He explained that he hooked the Disciples up with the Rejects to get Hook off of our back. He said it was the only choice he had at the time other than a blood brawl over territory and money. I understand now that he was acting on the best interest for the club.
"I need you
r help with something." It is the real reason I really drove over here, I wanted to see the kid, but I need help getting Baby away from Foxie and her boys.
"Name
it; you know I always got your back Grim."
"Need you to hire Baby to help with your kid, tell her you and LL need a sitter. I want to get Baby away from spending so much time with those hellcats of Foxie and Slim
's."
"No doubt brother, Baby is growing up fast, and she sure is attached to them boys. I'll do what I can. They are over here a lot though, helping me and learning the business. However, I will do my best. Are you home for good now?"
"Hope so brother, I sure hope so."
**
"Baby, I am coming home for good. I want you to move home with me. We can redo your room; I will paint it any color you like. Just tell me what ya want and I'll get it."
"Just don't expect me to call you dad." She gives me a half smile, and it causes a faint hairline fracture in my dark heart. It feels as though I have blinked and the past thirteen years have gone by in the amount of time it takes a person to blink.
"So show me to my room, so I can start designing it, but I am not moving in until it's finished and I know you are really home."
"Fair enough."
I can't really blame her now can I?
I haven't been around much. But I am hoping to change that and make things right with her.
"One more thing..." Baby is looking at me with a sneaky grin on her face.
"Yeah, what's that?"
"You have to tell Foxie." Fuck, I am not looking forward to having this conversation with her. Baby runs to her room laughing, she already knows I am in for an ass chewing.
Peering in her doorway of her room, I ask, "Got a color in mind? We can take the truck to the hardware and get whatever you want."
Baby is spinning around in circles with her arms stretched out. "What are you doing?"
"Getting a feel for the room, I'm waiting for it to tell me what it wants to be." Kid is weird, but she is mine, must be the gypsy in her from her mother. Abruptly she stops twirling, "yellow, lemonade yellow with pink and blue floral accents."
Sounds ugly to me but if that is what the kid wants, that's what she will get. "Alright I'll pull the truck around, you be making a list of what you think you will need."
Baby runs my ass allover town, buying pillows and lacey frilly stuff. Says she is going to redo every room in the trailer, says it needs a woman's touch. I joke with her what would she know about being a woman and she retorts more than I think, about damn near giving me a heart attack.
She pulls out a cell phone from her purse and asks me for my credit card, says she needs to order her bedding. I am more concerned with where she got that phone than giving her my card number. "Where'd the phone come from?"
"Foxie," she smiles and goes on about her business as if her having a phone is no big deal.
Yeah Foxie and I are going to have a good talk
.
I treat Baby to dinner and I have to admit it feels good to be spending time with her. Although all through dinner, she keeps checking that damn phone and giggling. She says it is a friend from school, I just hope it isn't a damn boy.
"This was fun Grim; we should do it more often." She kisses me on the cheek, can't believe she opened up to me as much as she did. Usually the kid can't get away from me fast enough; maybe this is a turning point in our relationship. I find that for the first time in years it doesn't hurt to look at her for the same reasons it used to. Before when I would look at her all I could see was her mother, but now I see my daughter, a daughter I have failed. But I am going to change that from here on out, I am going to step up and take care of my shit, no more running, no more chasing ghosts of the past.
Baby helps me pack all of our purchases into the trailer; looks like Martha Stewart threw up in my place. After getting her stuff into her room, I let her know I will get some of the guys started on painting her room this week. It will be a good job for some of the potentials.
"Well kid, it is gettin' late, best be gettin' back to Foxie's, she is probably wonderin' where ye at."
**
Foxie and her boys are having a late dinner when I walk Baby home. When we walk through the door they all greet Baby with such affection, I feel like an intruder watching them share an intimate moment through a looking glass. "Did you have a good time sweetie?" Foxie tucks a strand of Baby's red hair behind her ear and dotes on her, as a mother would do. "Are you hungry? The boys fixed tacos."
"No Grim took me out to that Mexican place out on the freeway." Baby smiles and excuses herself to go shower while the boys clear out the dinning area and go off to their rooms leaving me alone with Foxie.
"So you're back, "Foxie is looking at me with a twinkle in her eye, fuck, thought she was over this shit.
"So, um Baby is going to move home with me."
She is startled, by my words, guess that was not what she was expecting to hear. "Is that really such a good idea, I mean I know you are her father, but Baby's home is here with me and the boys."
"She's my daughter, and I appreciate everything you have done, I do, but it's time. Baby wants to live with me."
Foxie is clutching her chest in a dramatic fashion. "Well if that's what she wants, but don't you set her hopes up only to bring her disappointments. Don't you hurt her Grim." She warns me taking a step towards me. "You are real good at cutting a woman right to the bone and bleeding her dry."
I step closer to her, "I never fuckin' led you on. I was always real with you. Never promised you a damn thing."
I wipe the mascara that is running down her face with my rough fingers and she shudders. Her delicate red manicured fingers reach out and trace the tattoo I got when I claimed Red.
"I miss her, Red—she was the best friend I ever had, and I hardly even knew her." Her expression goes from sad to angry. "
I hate you Grim, I hate you so fucking much. All a woman needs is to be desired and shown a little attention you gave me a taste of you and it's not fucking fair. You have always been right out of reach. Like a dream floating so close to my heart, but I can't seem to hold on to you. You hurt me Grim, don't hurt Baby." Foxie is crying, and I wrap her in my arms and rub soothing circles on her back.
I place a kiss on her forehead and she looks up at me, and I can see the hurt in her eyes. I can see the years of heartache, brought on by the men in her life. Tilting her chin up further with my thumb, I place a soft kiss against her tear stained lips. "I'm sorry Foxie, I care about you, but I don't love you the way you deserve to be loved. I can't be that man for you. But I am going to be her dad."
"Am I interrupting," Slim clears his throat and walks into the house without knocking. He takes a long hard look at Foxie and me as if he is trying to fit together the pieces of a puzzle.
"No," Foxie steps back from me dropping her arms from my waist and wiping the tears from her eyes. "Grim here has come to take his girl back."
Slim nods in understanding, he knows Foxie and Baby have a special bond. I just hope he didn't see our embrace and get the wrong idea. I am sure he has had his suspicions about the nature of my relationship with his wife, but he has never manned up and asked me. I look down the hallway and see Baby watching us. Foxie notices her and excuses herself.