Roping the Rancher (Harlequin American Romance) (10 page)

“I’m not sweating.”

“Liar.”

“You’re such a gentleman.”

“Have you forgotten about how I came to your defense at Halligan’s?”

“That was then. This is now.”

He nodded toward her and smiled. “That’s better. See, you’re almost next to Babe and you’re still breathing.”

She hadn’t realized that as they’d talked, she’d moved closer to him, and thus, to the horse. The man could make a nun feel comfortable in a strip club.

He slipped the bridle on as he explained important things she needed to know about horses. Never stand directly behind one. Don’t duck under the animal’s neck. Go around him so he’s not startled. “The best place to stand is by the horse’s shoulder where you both can see each other.”

She started to relax. The horse seemed pretty calm.

“When you’re leading a horse, make sure
you’re
the leader. You move first. The horse follows you.” Then he held out a rope to her. “Here’s the keys.”

She wasn’t sure she was ready for this, but if she couldn’t get near a horse, she couldn’t be part of Ryan’s therapy. Needing Colt’s reassurance that she could do this, her gaze sought his.

“Trust me. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Her heart tripped. Heaven help her, but she believed him. That’s the kind of man he was. When he gave his word, it meant something. Not like most of the people in her life. In her life? She had a handful of friends, but would they be there for her if she asked? More like she had close colleagues, and in her business, a promise meant something could be counted on unless things changed or a better deal came along.

Hand shaking, she took the rope from him. “What do I do now?”

“Start walking to the stall door. She’ll follow.”

You can do this. Don’t let fear rule you.

Muttering the phrases like a mantra, she started walking. The pony fell in step behind her.

“You’re doing great.”

Colt kept offering encouragement, and she made it through the stall door. As they walked down the hallway to the arena, the pony’s hooves clicked on the cement floor like a drumbeat. A sense of accomplishment bolted through her as they left the barn and entered the arena. Her breath came out in a soft rush. She glanced at Colt. “I did it.”

“You sure did.” The pride in his eyes drilled into her. The man made her feel as if she could do anything.

For the next hour they worked together. She led Babe around the arena and Colt gave instructions as he would during a therapy session. They talked about various situations that could come up.

“I’m feeling comfortable with Babe, but what about Chance? He’s so huge.”

“We screen our horses and they go through training, too. People don’t realize, only one out of fifteen horses works for a program like this. What I’m trying to say is, the animals in my program are the safest horses a person can be around.”

She’d take his word for it.

As they walked back to the barn, Colt said, “If you really want to understand what Ryan’s going through and get over your fear, you should get on a horse. You’d realize what great animals they are.” He opened the arena gate for her to lead Babe through. “You and I could go riding some day.”

“Riding?”

“More like walking through the national park like the tourists do. We could make an afternoon of it. Stop along the way and have a picnic.”

She froze. As if him asking her to go riding hadn’t thrown her enough, he’d gone on to explain. He couldn’t be doing what she thought he was doing. She knew that, but had to ask. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

Chapter Eight

Colt hadn’t meant to ask Stacy out. The words asking her to go riding jumped out before he considered what he was saying. He almost winced. Obviously he’d botched the invitation, since she wasn’t sure he’d asked her out, but now that he had, maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing.

He’d been strung tighter than a barbed wire fence since he’d kissed her. Hell, since they’d met he found himself thinking about her at the oddest times—sitting in the carpool lane waiting to pick Jess up or while he tried to write grant proposals. The fantasies were getting so bad this morning he’d taken a cold shower to get his body under control.

He needed to get her out of his system. If he spent time with her, got to know her, he’d see she wasn’t any different than he expected—a fancy city woman. He’d see she’d never be happy in his life. He’d see how much her career meant to her and how much she loved California. Then she’d quit driving him insane. He would be able to stop dreaming about her. He’d quit imagining what it would be like to make love to her.

“I don’t think us going out would be a good idea.”

From the look of almost horror splashed across her face now, he wished he could take back what he’d said. In an effort to salvage his tattered pride he said, “Did you hear me mention the word
date?
”

“No.”

“I offered to help you get over your fear so you could understand your brother’s therapy better and because it would help you do a better job in your movie. Think of it as research.” He couldn’t believe he’d said those words with a straight face. God ought to be striking him with lightning for that whopper.

“Since my character doesn’t need to ride a horse or even sit on one in this movie, I think I can call it good with what I’ve done today.”

“Not even if I put you on a horse that’s so old she couldn’t do more than walk if I lit a fire under her? It can’t get much safer than that.”

“I’ll pass.”

“Chicken?”

“Absolutely. The closest I’m getting to a horse is being Ryan’s sidewalker.”

That was probably for the best. He’d finish her training. They’d see each other around town and at Ryan’s therapy. Fine with him.

* * *

T
HAT
NIGHT
C
OLT
sat at the kitchen table with Jess and tried to find the words to talk to her about what she’d confided in Stacy earlier. Damn, parenting was hard work and seemed to get more difficult as she grew up. He’d thought figuring out why she was crying as a baby was tough? That didn’t come close to talking to her about sex, dating and her mother running off on them. They’d discussed her mother leaving before, but when Jess said she was fine and understood her mother leaving wasn’t her fault, he left things at that.

Because he hadn’t really wanted to deal with the truth and her pain. Or his. But he couldn’t do that any longer.

Never one to go around the fence when he could open the gate, he decided on the direct approach. “I heard what you said to Stacy about the last conversation you had with your mom. Why didn’t you tell me about it?”

“You were eavesdropping?”

“No. I came into the barn to meet her for our training session and heard you talking. I was going to let you know I was there, but then I heard what she said and stopped. She said pretty much what I would’ve. I figured you needed to hear that from someone else. Your mom knew you loved her. If she were here, she’d tell you she knew you didn’t mean what you said. She wouldn’t want you feeling guilty over it.”

“You really think so?”

“Absolutely.”

“I was so mad at her, and I never got the chance to take back what I said.”

“Stacy was right. You’ve got to let it go.”

“Why did she have to leave town? If she’d stayed here...”

Jess’s words trailed off, but he knew what his daughter had been about to say.
If she’d stayed here she would still be alive.

If he’d said Lynn could come back that day she might still be alive, too, but that’s something he’d have to live with. He wouldn’t burden his daughter with that. “I’ll be honest. I think she was searching for something and she didn’t think she could find it here.” His hand covered his daughter’s smaller one. She laced her fingers with his and held on so tight his fingers started to go numb. “I don’t want you thinking it was your fault she left.”

Lynn wanted the freedom she’d have had if she hadn’t gotten married so young and had a baby right away.

He never felt as if their decision caused him to miss out on life. He’d already decided to go into the Air Force and getting married didn’t change that. Lynn had felt differently. She’d planned on going to college. When she tried attending later when Jess was a toddler, juggling motherhood, classes and studying with a husband who wasn’t always around proved too much for her. He’d mentioned her trying again a few years later when Jess went to elementary school, but Lynn hadn’t been interested.

“Your mom left me. I truly believe when she was more settled, she’d have asked you to live with her if you’d wanted to.” He wasn’t really sure about that, but his daughter needed to hear the words, and he figured God would forgive him for that lie. “Then you would’ve had the opportunity to tell her you didn’t mean what you’d said. Fate took that chance away from you.”

“I miss her so much some times, especially when I hear friends talking about all the stuff they do with their moms.”

Nothing he could do could ever change that. There were events in a girl’s life she wanted to share with her mother—picking out a prom dress, planning a wedding, the birth of her first child—and Jess would have to navigate those milestones without her mother’s guidance. He recalled Reed telling him while he was in Afghanistan how he’d taken Jess shopping for a dress for the Spring Fling. The experience still gave his brother nightmares, and he’d been forced to call Avery in as a reinforcement. That’s the best Jess would ever have—stand-ins for her mom.

That’s what angered him most about Lynn’s leaving, what she’d left her daughter alone to deal with.

“I wish I could tell you that will get easier, but I’m not sure it will. Things will happen in your life, and you’ll wish your mom was there to share them with you.”

“I’m just so glad I have you.”

“But it’s not the same,” he said. “When you’re missing your mom, it’s okay to talk to me about it.”

“I know it hurts you to talk about her.”

He’d tried to keep his daughter from seeing how much, but apparently he hadn’t done as good a job as he thought. “I don’t need you to protect me. It’s not your job. I loved your mom. She was a big part of my life. We had some wonderful times together and the best thing we ever did was create you. I don’t want to erase that part of my life. Got it?”

He needed to let go, too. Of his anger at Lynn for leaving him with such an awful mess to clean up. Of his guilt for the fact that she’d been so unhappy with him she’d felt the need to leave town and had gotten herself killed. Of his grief over the death of the love of his youth.

“Now since we’re talking about you feeling the need to protect me, what were you thinking when you asked Stacy what was going on between her and I?”

“You haven’t dated in forever.”

When she emphasized the last word he cringed. “That’s right. Dinosaurs roamed the Earth when your mom and I were dating.”

“You’re a great guy, but Stacy’s used to Hollywood actors.”

Ouch. When his daughter thought he couldn’t compete with the guys Stacy normally dated that really hurt. “While I get to get to give your dates the third degree, you are to stay out of my love life.”

“What love—”

“Don’t even say it.”

He didn’t need to hear his fifteen-year-old daughter say he didn’t have a love life. He knew the fact all too well.

* * *

D
ESPITE
THE
SUCCESS
of her training session a few days earlier, Stacy’s nerves started getting the best of her as she drove to Healing Horses.

“You don’t have to do this, you know,” Ryan said, his face etched with concern for her.

She released her death grip on the steering wheel and flashed him a tight smile. “I want to.”

“No, you don’t. I can tell because that’s your too-big smile again.”

“You’re seriously making me doubt my skills as an actress.” He was right. She hadn’t wanted to, but that wasn’t the only thing she was nervous about. She wasn’t sure how to deal with Colt now. Ever since he’d kissed her she didn’t know what was going on between them, and the other day only ratcheted up the attraction between them.

“You’re great on a movie set, but not so hot at hiding your feelings in real life.”

“I want to be there for your therapy sessions.”

“You mean in a way other than from the opposite side of the fence or hanging over Colt’s shoulder?”

She glared at her brother. “You’re never going to let me forget that, are you?”

Ryan laughed. “You’ve got to admit it. That was funny when he picked you up. You should have seen the look on your face. Talk about looking weirded out.”

“It wasn’t so hilarious from my perspective.” Being in Colt’s arms brought a variety of emotions to life along with her outrage—excitement, desire, longing. A whole lot of longing. The feelings had only grown stronger when they worked together the other day. If he hadn’t looked at her with such confidence it would’ve been easier to stay detached. If he hadn’t been so patient and so damned understanding. Dealing with him as the overbearing, take-charge Neanderthal man was much simpler. And safer.

She cleared her throat and turned to Ryan. “I think this will be good for me. In an odd way, the training and dealing with my fear of horses is helping me deal with Dad’s death.”

More than the years of therapy ever had. Little bits and pieces of the days before her dad’s accident had started coming back to her. Snippets of conversations between the director and her father about whether or not he should let a stuntman do the scene. Her dad had argued that he could handle the stunt. The director had expressed his concern, and her dad had countered with the realism would enhance his performance.

“It had to be tough being there when Dad died. I wish I’d gotten to know him.”

Over the years she’d tried to share her memories of their father with Ryan, but it wasn’t the same as him having his own. As she turned into the Healing Horses driveway, she said, “You’re a lot like him, and not just in looks. You’ve got his easy way with people, his charm. You’ve got his good heart.”

At least before the accident squelched that wonderful part of Ryan’s personality. Since they’d arrived in Colorado, she’d seen sparks of that person returning.

As she parked her car, her stomach tightened. What had Colt said?
Courage isn’t the absence of fear, but the mastery of it.

She kept telling herself that as they prepared for Ryan’s therapy. When she and Ryan stood on the mounting block as Colt led Chance in, her heart pounded almost painfully as the large animal approached. Colt’s gaze locked with hers. The confidence in her she’d seen there the other day blazed there now.
He believes in me. He thinks I can do this.

Her courage bolstered, she fought down her urge to run. Colt’s words rang in her ears.
The animals in my program are the safest horses a person can be around.
Chance didn’t even glance her way as Colt and the animal stood in front of them. “You okay?”

She nodded, too afraid to say anything.

While he stood by the horse’s head, Colt said, “Stacy, help Ryan get his foot in the stirrup. His upper body is strong. He can take it from there.”

She nodded again, but said nothing, not wanting to do anything to confuse Chance. Once Ryan was mounted, Colt led Chance forward, away from the mounting area and headed toward the arena. From her training she knew her job was to walk beside the horse. She wouldn’t need to do anything other than to watch for Ryan having balancing problems. If that occurred, she was to place her hand on his boot near his ankle. That would offer him extra stability. If that wasn’t enough she could move her arms across his thigh and grasp the front edge of the saddle.

For the next hour she walked beside her brother. The slight changes in his control and balance as they progressed through the session amazed her. After working in the arena for a while, they stopped by an area containing what looked like a bean bag game kids might play at a birthday party.

Colt handed Ryan bean bags and told him which hole in the board to aim for. Ryan had to work on maintaining control of Chance as he threw bags at the target. Though he struggled with keeping Chance still on his first attempts, Colt offered suggestions and Ryan quickly improved. When a bean bag finally sailed through the designated spot, Stacy bit her lip to keep from cheering. Not only because of her brother’s accomplishment, but from the pride shining on his face.

If only Andrea could see what a different this therapy was making for Ryan.

You can’t get blood out of a turnip. Or manufacture love where the capacity for the emotion didn’t exist. Sure, Andrea had been married three times, but the desperate need to be taken care of, not real love, fueled her actions.

The thought barreled through Stacy. Had she ever been in love? Maybe like her mother she didn’t possess the ability to truly love that way.

No, she loved Ryan. But what about loving a man? She shook herself mentally and focused her attention to Ryan through the remainder of the session. When they returned to the barn, Jess met them. She smiled at Ryan. “You’re doing great. You must’ve been a cowboy in a past life.”

“Thanks. You want to help me groom Chance?”

Once Ryan dismounted, he and Jess led Chance back to his stall and Stacy couldn’t contain her excitement any longer. “I did it, Colt. I walked beside that huge horse, and eventually I wasn’t so scared.”

“I’m shocked that you were able to be quiet for that long.”

“Do you overwhelm all your volunteers with this much gratitude and praise? Would it be so hard to toss me a bone? To say I did a good job?”