Authors: Nathan Adams
CHAPTER THREE:
The Dawson's ranch had not had a person set foot within it since the brothers had left. Mr. Lauden, as Johanna still called him, had been in Neiman's Hollow for two weeks. Most of the time he spent in town, much to Johanna's chagrin. He made use of the empty office above the post office until the rest of his furniture arrived from Boston. The train would bring the large things to the depot in Jessup, the next town over.
Prior to receiving this job, Johanna had things all planned out. She would find a way to take part in the match race with her mare, Pepper. Her only challenge at that point was to pay the minimal entry fee and to find a male person to sign the entry form for her. She had combed over the instructions with great detail, ensuring that she had understood the wording. It plainly stated that the signing-off party to the entry form had to be a man. It did not state, however, that the person on the horse had to be a man. Johanna had chuckled for days over the apparent oversight, the tiny loophole that would allow her to take part in the race.
But this new job complicated things. She saw far less of Mr. Lauden than she would have liked and spent the majority of her days in the company of Mrs. Ferrington. The small stipend gave her enough money to put aside for the race's entry fee, so that part was taken care of. At their own farm, Sara began to take over the chores, tending to the animals and preparing the meals. Johanna's time became consumed with her position. She needed to find a way around that, figure out how to get the signature and find a way to make it to the race on the day of the town festival.
Caleb was a delight, though. She never before had experienced much time around a baby. She had no idea they could be so much work all at once. If he was fed, then he needed to be burped. Once burping was completed, his diaper needed changing. If he squalled after that, Johanna was tasked with carrying him in her arms pacing the nursery, all the while trying to figure out what ailed the child.
"That's a good one, he is," declared Mrs. Ferrington on one such a day. "I've seen children the like that would never stop squalling."
"Oh?" Johanna replied.
"You've a good touch with him." She waved her finger toward Johanna and gave her a knowing glance.
"Have I? I would not have thought so. I've never had much of a desire to have children. Sara's the one with the mothering instinct."
"Don't be so sure about that, Johanna. You might know more than you believe."
Johanna puzzled over the words. She had never considered herself maternal. She dreamt of working with animals. Maybe that was a form of mothering, perhaps?
"Reese tells me that his furniture and office things are to come on the next train through Jessup."
"Is that so?"
"It is. And that means he would soon be taking the Dawson's ranch."
"What exactly is it that he does? I mean what was his job before, in Boston?"
"He was a bookbinder."
"A what?"
"A bookbinder. He makes cloth and leather covers for books when they are printed. It is quite an art."
"What is he going to do now that he is here?"
"Well, he has Caleb to take care of now. But I think he wants to bring books to Neiman's Hollow. Perhaps keep a small library in the town. Make his services available to the people who live in town."
Johanna had never thought about such a possibility. She had attended school until just last year, and she had taken pleasure in her studies. Aside from riding with Pepper, reading was one of the few joys that she missed. In the evenings, she took comfort in trailing her fingers over the verses in the pages of her mother's Bible before saying her evening prayers. The next time she had a chance she would have to ask Mr. Louden about his library idea. Much to her surprise, the day came sooner than she expected.
The following morning when Johanna arrived at the Ferrington home, she saw Mr. Lauden, with the help of Mr. Ferrington, placing the crib on the back end of the carriage. Mrs. Ferrington stood at the edge of the porch holding Caleb, who she then handed off to Johanna.
"What's going on?" Johanna asked gently swaying the cooing child.
"His machine arrived. He wants to take residence at the Dawson's ranch from here on out, to set up his office."
"I see."
Mr. Lauden turned and waved to Johanna with a wide smile, showing off his straight white teeth. Once more, Johanna felt the blush creeping into her cheeks. She returned the smile but dropped her gaze as soon as she did so. The effect of being around him was something she was not accustomed to.
"What's troubling you, child?" Mrs. Ferrington asked, peering into Johanna's eyes.
"I don't know. It just seems a bit inappropriate perhaps. Me, alone on the Dawson's ranch with him in the same house. What will people think?"
"Never you mind that. You are the nursemaid. That's all. It is perfectly right. The child is his ward after all. It is only right that he should hire a woman to care for it."
"I suppose you are right."
"Are you ready then, Miss Johanna?" Mr. Lauden called up to her, catching her attention.
"Here," Mrs. Ferrington said. "Hand me the child. I'll give him up to you once you take your seat in the carriage."
Johanna stepped down and up to the right side of the carriage. Mrs. Ferrington held his hand out for her to step up to the bench while Mr. Lauden took his place besides her picking up the reins. Caleb was passed up to her carefully.
As the carriage pulled away, Johanna felt struck by the image they created to any outside onlooker. A man and woman with a babe in arms, traveling down the road. She blushes to think about it, how intimate a picture they made to anyone who did not know the circumstance beyond what they witnessed. She kept her eyes forward or down to the child for the remainder of the journey to Dawson's ranch.
CHAPTER FOUR:
The Dawson's ranch sat on the farthest parcel of land from the town. Johanna had always dreamt that one day she could have a horse ranch there. Approaching it now under such different circumstances leaves her feeling confused and uncertain how to act. Not to mention the strange sensation of sitting this close to Mr. Lauden. She sees the fields and the wide expanse within the fenced area, much larger than the pasture at her own home. Pepper would love it, she thinks to herself. It has been weeks since she has been able to ride, and she misses getting away.
They slow at the front, and he murmurs the command to stop the horses. He swings off the side of the seat and jogs around to her.
"Here," he says, "give me the child, and then I'll help you down."
She does so, remarking once more at the gentleness he exhibits with the infant, cradling him carefully in his strong arms. A tiny laugh erupts from the baby, catching them both off guard.
"It must be strange," Johanna says as she steps down from the carriage, "having a child all of a sudden in your life."
"I'll admit," he replies with a smile, "it did come as a bit of a surprise. But when they said he would be sent to an orphanage, I decided in that moment I would allow no such thing. My sister and I might not have stayed close, but it occurred to me that Caleb is my blood, my family. I decided to take him rather than allow him to grow up in some flea-infested orphanage."
This was the longest conversation the two of them had ever had, Johanna realizes as they walk into the house. The air felt stale and smelled of dust.
"It appears I'll be doing some cleaning after all," she said.
"You won't need to," he said, stepping through to what appeared to be the kitchen area. "Uncle Marcus is coming over this afternoon to help me place the furniture. I am sure my aunt already had the church ladies lined up with baskets of food for this poor bachelor."
"It's a wonder there are not more tongues wagging about the situation," Johanna says with a nervous laugh. As soon as she said the words, she realized she might have spoken out of turn. "Oh, I'm sorry, Sir. I meant no disrespect."
"It's quite alright," he replies. "I want you to know, Johanna, that I do not subscribe to the thought that taking care of a child is somehow only a woman's task."
"I'm not sure what you mean?"
"Let me show you. Do you mind to prepare a bottle for him?"
"All right." Johanna gathered the items from the bag sitting on the kitchen table, heating the water over the embers of the stove. She kept a wary eye on him, sitting across from her as she moved around the kitchen. Where was he going with this, she wondered. At last, she holds the warm bottle in her hand, pulling the small rubber top over the rim before reaching for Caleb.
"No, no," he says. "Give me the bottle instead. I want you to see."
With some puzzle, Johanna hands him the bottle. He takes it and peers down at Caleb. The child makes small, squally squeaks in anticipation and hunger. The presence of the bottle quiets him, and he settles in, curling his tiny fingers around the bottle.
"You see?" Mr. Lauden says. "Caleb does not mind who holds the bottle, only that he is being fed. Of course, a nursemaid would be ideal, but I am just glad he can be sustained in such a manner."
"How remarkable." Johanna noticed how the baby gazed up at the man holding him, wide blue innocent eyes offering silent thanks for being fed.
"I'll tell you the truth," he continued. "I did not want my dear aunt to hire someone to help me. I insisted that I did not need it, but she is set in her ways, as I am sure you know. She arranged the whole thing before I even arrived. I had every intention of sending you on your way, with a day’s pay for your troubles."
"What changed your mind?"
He pauses as if considering the question. His eyes land on Johanna's face and quite suddenly she feels the enormity of his gaze. She stands still waiting for his response, unsure what to do with her hands. Johanna feels as if she is staring at him. She knows this is most inappropriate, but she remains frozen in place unable to turn away.
A noise outside breaks the spell: the sound of an arriving carriage.
"Ah," he stands and passes the nearly sleeping child over to Johanna. "That will be Uncle Marcus come to help with the office."
"Of course." Johanna feels relief that she now has something to do, taking the baby and resting him on her shoulder patting his back.
She cares for the baby, holding him as the men bring in the crib first. She will most likely spend the day helping to set up the nursery. One of the advantages of the Dawson's ranch is the sheer number of rooms available. They had built the main homestead for the purpose of a stopover to those traveling West. But the lure of gold caught hold, and they abandoned the endeavor.
Once the crib was placed, Johanna steps into the room and lays down the sleeping child, staring down at his angelic face. To her surprise, she finds herself offering a silent prayer of thanks for bringing the baby into her life. He was such a remarkable creature, but his contentedness at the simplest things made her realize how much she had to be thankful for.
"Johanna," Mr. Lauden called from the hallway speaking softly to not disturb the child. "They have brought food. Aunt Mercy wants to know if you would help prepare it."
"Of course."
Johanna picked up her skirts and headed toward the kitchen. A little while later, they all had a wonderful meal of baked bread, fresh apples and cold chicken before the men returned to their work. Johanna found herself laughing at a story being told from his life back in Boston. She also noticed the sly glance that Mrs. Ferrington kept darting in her direction.
Not until much later that evening, when Johanna arrived back home, did she think about what Mrs. Ferrington might be looking at. It was the old lady herself who declared there to be nothing wrong with their arrangement. Johanna finally found some time to ride the meadows with Pepper, feeling the freedom of the wind through her hair and the evening sunlight casting long shadows across the fields.
"I don't know, Pepper," she says to her mare. "I feel as if something is happening all around me, something that I have no control over at all." She leaned forward pulling the horse to a slow trot. Johanna paused and rubbed the ears of her amber companion. The image of Mr. Lauden holding the baby in his arms and administering the bottle kept returning to her mind. What was it about that small action that moved her so much? And what had he meant when he said he had not wanted to hire her? Was he hinting that he no longer needed her services? He did, after all, insist that he could care for the child on his own. But that did not make sense because the remainder of the day involved he and Mrs. Ferrington putting together the office. That and she was expected to return the next day. A casual, “See you tomorrow!” had been offered by Mr. Louden when Mrs. Ferrington offers to take her home. Part of her wishes she could just ask him right out, but the scenario did not seem right to do so.
When she returns to the house, her mother sits by the hearth with her knitting curled in her lap.
"Did you enjoy yourself?" her mother asks without looking up from her work. The last thing Johanna felt in the mood for was putting up with her mother's judgment.
"I'm not sure what you mean?" she says.
"Your horse ride. Did you enjoy it? It has been a while since you have been able to. I'm just asking if you had a nice ride."
The softness of her mother's voice made Johanna realize once more that perhaps she was reacting to something that was not there.
"I did enjoy my ride. Thank you for asking."
"I know how much you enjoy it. I hope your new responsibilities do not hinder your happiness."
Johanna stopped and considered. She sits down on the rocking chair across from her mother. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course," her mother says, lowering the yarn and glancing up to her daughter.
"Did you ever want something different?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean when you married Father, was that what you wanted? Did you know it would be this? Just you taking part in something so small as taking care of a home?"
"Small?" her mother looks at her eyes blazing. "I don't want you to ever call this small."
"No, I didn't mean ... "
"When I met your father, I knew that was the beginning of what I wanted. I had not thought much about it as a young girl, but I can tell you this: I would have followed him to the ends of the earth. I suppose in some ways I did."
Johanna nods, realizing that there were things her mother could not say to her, things perhaps she herself did not understand. The rawness of his death still remained etched on her mother's face in a way that Johanna could not touch or understand. She stood and retired to the sleeping loft, hearing the soft breathing of her sister sleeping on the other side. Johanna pulled the large black bible out from under the mattress.
"Give me wisdom," she whispered to the only source she knew she had left. "Show me what to do."
She finished preparing for bed and tucked into her mattress with the whisper of the prayer still fresh on her lips. "Show me what to do."
She does not receive an answer in that moment but quickly drifts off into a deep and dreamless sleep.