Rock n Roll Babes from Outer Space (16 page)

‘I think we can work with it, though,’ mulled Doll, sitting down at her drum kit. Within minutes, they were bashing away at their instruments and ‘Hangar 99’ began to fly. They all began writing songs after that. In their lyrics they sang of their frustrations with the patriarchal planet, of the joy of coaxing chaos out of order, of rocket-ships fuelled by desire and other yoonal themes.

Their abductions of Earthlings, meanwhile, continued apace. Their abductees included both male and female, old and young, able-bodied and infirm, beans of all sexual persuasions and bents. And, hoowah, were some
bent.
They were so bent that they had to sleep in circular stairwells. And that was
before
the girls got to them. In the great classroom of Earthling sexuality the girls were on a steep learning curve. They’d dispensed with the long introductory getting-to-know-you spiel and tended to whack the beans straight into the chamber. It didn’t seem to make much of a difference to them. The babes didn’t automatically tie them down anymore, either. In fact, some of the Earthlings tied
them
down. A number of them, like Larry, had begged to stay on. With a few exceptions, Memocide didn’t seem all that necessary.

Lati yawned again and turned to go. ‘It’s been real, groovers, but I’ve got to go. “Happy as Larry” reminds me—I have to take him over some panties I’ve been wearing for the last two days.’ It hadn’t taken long for the girls to suss out why Earthlings wore underwear. It was so much fun to play with! Especially after a few days.

Doll took a step closer to Baby and smiled sweetly. Baby found this a disconcerting if not downright frightening sight. Doll? Smile? The girl had
fangs.
‘By the way,
Baby?’ Doll said. ‘I just want to tell you how much I appreciate your leadership, and how much I love you and care for you. Your friendship means so much to me. I want to give you a big hug.’

Enduring the hug, Baby squinted at Doll suspiciously. ‘What are you on now, Doll?’

‘Oh, just a little pill the last girl gave me. I think she said it’s called an ooky.’ Doll slapped the side of her head. ‘An ekky. Jeez, this language chip is driving me crazy. I think it must have a wire loose. There don’t seem to be any cybernetic workshops listed in the Yellow Pages either. God, they’re primitive here.’

Complaints, complaints. You’re having a good enough time, though, aren’t you, Doll?

Yes, God.

Doll rolled her eyes at Baby.

I saw that, Doll.

Yeah, yeah, big boy. Sit on my face.

I don’t think that would be a very good idea, Doll. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy it. But I’d hate to see your face afterwards. It’d be spread from Perth to Pluto. Not a pretty sight I’m sure. So do we have anything more to say about My handiwork? My precious Project Earth?

No, God. I love you, God, she added.

Watch it with those pills, Doll. You’re losing your edge.

Yes, God.

I’ll be off then. There’s a cute little nun calling to Me from some convent in Belgium. I think I might go present her with a vision. What do you reckon—a vision or voices? Or maybe a miracle?

An instant later, He was gone. He didn’t even wait for her answer.

Boy does He give me the shits sometimes, Doll
thought. Makes a girl really want to get into, oh, I dunno, satanic metal or something.

Revor tapdanced into the room, plopped down on Baby’s foot and nuzzled her ankle with his elefentine nose before sucking each of her toes in turn. ‘Iggywiggywiggy. Iggywiggywiggy. Nf nf.’

‘What’s with him?’ Doll looked alarmed.

‘I think he’s lovesick,’ Baby observed. Funny that. She sort of felt the same way herself. Despite all the sex and fun they’d had with other Earthlings since their abduction of Jake, which, though just a few days earlier, already seemed a very long time ago, she felt strangely disconsolate. In the classic Nufonian manner of expressing dejection she spent an inordinate amount of time nuddling sofa cushions and licking the ceiling. A medley of love songs played in her brain.

Love? That was ridiculous. She was a hardcore rock chick, she reminded herself, not some sentimental Susan. What she felt was, oh,
curiosity.
Lust. Inter-special pheromones. Whatever. Certainly not love. Probably not love. ‘What do you think, Rev? Time to go back to Newtown?’ Revor rolled onto his back and paddled the air slowly with his feet.

Jake lay on his back on his mattress, paddling the air with his feet, and staring out the window above the bed at nothing in particular. It was Thursday. Not that time had much meaning for him anymore. No, Jake was
over
time. Space, on the other hand, now
that
had heaps of potential.

Unobserved in the doorway, Torquil watched, bemused, for several minutes. ‘Uh, Earth to Jake, Earth to
Jake,’ he said finally. ‘Beaming you down, dude.’

Jake rolled his head to the side. ‘Torq. My man. Or is that Trist? What’d you do to your hair?’ Torq, who was wearing extremely wide jeans and a very narrow t-shirt with the word ‘Sportsgirl’ across the chest, had unknotted his hair and re-dyed it. It stood up in frightened clumps, as though trying to escape his head in all directions at once.

‘Torq. I reckon green’s the colour of the hour. What are you doing anyway?’

‘Exercising,’ Jake replied. ‘It’s like riding a pushbike, but better for you. No traffic. No stress.’ He turned his head from side to side, stroking the air with his hands. ‘
And
you still get to wave at all the cute girls. Except, unlike in real life, they always wave back.’

‘You’re a very strange boy,’ commented Torquil appreciatively, as Jake’s foot caught on the piece of Indian fabric that served as a makeshift curtain and the cloth came tumbling down over his face. Jake groaned, his limbs stiffened and he tumbled rigidly onto his side.

‘So dead,’ moaned Jake from underneath his shroud of maroon paisley. ‘Remember that line from
Tank Girl
? I’m
so
dead.’

Torquil shook his head. ‘If I didn’t know you better, dude, I’d think you were in love or something.’

Jake wrestled off the cotton and propped himself up on an elbow. ‘Hey Torq.’

‘Hey Jake.’

‘Do you think they’re really aliens?’

‘Well, Lati’s outta this world.’

‘Seriously.’

‘Seriously, I think we’ve got to stop taking so many drugs,’ said Torquil. ‘We didn’t even remember to get their phone numbers before they disappeared on Sunday night.’

Jake sighed, flopped onto his back, and returned his stare to the ceiling. ‘Nice day,’ he commented mournfully.

‘Exactly,’ concurred Torquil. ‘Spring has sprung and Trist and I are going swimbos. You coming or what?’

‘Dunno. I’ve just had my exercise.’

Torquil scanned the clothes mountain. ‘Jake. You are lazy as.’ Hoicking up a pair of swimmers with a toe, he kicked them over to where Jake lay. They landed on his face. ‘Get yer gear on. Ready for blast-off in ten.’

Jake peeled the bathers off his nose and rolled towards the wall. ‘You guys go without me. No, don’t. Go with me. No, go without. With. Without. Oh, I don’t care.’ He rolled back and hauled himself up on his elbows. ‘Which beach you going to?’

‘Just Bondi.’

‘All right, all right. I’ll go. Just this once. But don’t say I never did nothin’ for ya.’

‘Uranium.’

‘Check.’

‘Titanium.’

‘Check.’

‘Samarium.’

‘Check.’

‘Praseodymium.’

‘Check.’

‘Californium.’

‘Check.’

‘Valium.’

‘Check.’

‘Kryptonite.’

‘Check.’

‘Coke n Sprite.’

‘Check.’

‘Iron supplements.’

‘Check.’

Qwerk frowned and ran his eyes over the list one last time. That should do it for the food supply. ‘All the beings can take their own nuts, bolts, and other snack foods.’

It was only a matter of days now before they’d be ready for blast off.

On Friday, George arrived home to find the babes troughing down in the yard. ‘Watch the skies,’ he saluted.

The girls squinted up into the sun. ‘For what, George?’ asked Lati.

‘Just a joke,’ George apologised. ‘There was this movie,
The Thing
? It was about an alien carrot monster that fed on human blood. That was the last line of the film.’

‘Oh,’ exclaimed Doll, ‘They’re revolting. We’ve never had much to do with them, really.’

‘Sorry? Didn’t have much to do with what?’

‘Alien carrot monsters.’

George took this on board. ‘You wouldn’t, though, would you?’ he remarked, shaking his head.

‘Mind if I do?’ Baby had picked up a battered mould in the shape of a trout and raised it to her lips.

‘Help yourself,’ nodded George, lugging over a portable computer and depositing it at her feet. He grinned. ‘Here. Why not make it fish and chips?’

Doll picked up a tool with a sharply angled arm and flying saucer-like top. She flicked the switch just under the
bend in the handle. It whirred into action for a moment and then died. She hit it again, but whatever life it once had was gone now. Turning it over, she read the words Breville Multi-Reach embossed on the side. She took a small bite off the top. ‘Weenie beenie!’ she cried. ‘
Oh yum!
’

The others looked at her. ‘What’s that, Doll?’ Baby asked.

‘Dunno,’ Doll answered, turning the tool over in her hands. ‘But it’s got the most fabulous garnish.’

Lati looked up from where she sat nibbling on a clock radio. ‘What’s wrong, George?’ George was blushing so badly that his scalp glowed and his ears had turned quite red.

‘Nothing,’ he mumbled, bending over and ostriching among the gadgets. The vibrator had been his late wife’s, God rest her soul. He wasn’t sure how it had ended up in the yard.

Baby inserted a finger in her mouth and pulled out a keyboard space bar that had wedged between her back teeth. She was too wrought up to eat much. ‘You two ready?’ she asked, trying to mask her excitement at the thought of seeing Jake again.

Lati could see how anxious Baby was. She felt like winding her up a bit. ‘What’s the hurry?’ she taunted. ‘I want to to finish this first.’ She held up a mobile phone and began, very slowly and deliberately, to suck the keys into her mouth one by one. Then she extended the phone’s antenna and pushed it back in again, extended it and pushed it back in again.

Baby was starting to grind her teeth. ‘Must you?’

‘Just tenderising,’ Lati retorted.

‘Cut the crap, Lati.’ Doll was longing to see Saturna and Skye. She snatched the remains of the phone from
Lati and popped it in her own mouth. ‘There,’ she crunched. ‘Let’s go.’

‘Thanks for the feed, George,’ said Baby.

‘Anytime,’ nodded George. He really wanted to talk to them sometime about the end of the world. What they knew about it. He was sure it was getting very close. In that morning’s newspapers, the government had declared that it was removing all Aboriginals from the land as a final solution to the Native Title problem. It was going to eliminate youth unemployment, meanwhile, through a program of forced labour on public works, primarily the building of casinos. Overseas, an entire nation that had once been part of the Soviet Union had managed to blow itself up with nuclear devices before anyone had even learned to spell its name. And astronomers were plotting the course of the mega-asteroid 433 Eros, which was beginning to look unstable in its orbit. A spokesman from the London Observatory assured the public that Eros presented no immediate danger, but they were keeping an eye on it.