Rock and Roll Never Forgets (The Rock and Roll Trilogy) (13 page)

In your eyes I know heaven,

It
’
s what makes this life worth livin
’

The lighting was just right; light from the fans’ lighters could be seen throughout the crowd from their lighters. They liked the song. It was obvious, Beth loved the song
.

When he finished singing, Beth stepped down from the stool and Andy brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. The cheers from the crowd were like thunder. One of the crew grabbed the stool as she started to walk off the stage. Suddenly, Mark hit a drumbeat with every step she took. She stopped, turned to look at him, questioningly. He paused, and the audience laughed. She began again. He did too. She took smaller steps, and Nathan began playing lighter notes on the keyboard. Now Beth was laughing. Andy started to move toward her so she stopped and waited for whatever came next. Suddenly, Stretch and Nigel began playing some loud notes that Beth hadn’t heard before and Andy started singing about
“
that girl’s fine behind.”

That girl
’
s fine behind

It
’
s got me

Sssssstutterin
’

As she’s movin’ again

A sway, a strut

But, but, but…

I love her butt…

Beth laughed and quickly exited the stage. The crowd was on their feet clapping and whistling. The guys quickly wrote a new song using the words the photographer said to Andy, and this was how they decided to debut it. Roddy met her with a hug as she exited the stage. They shared a laugh with Dina, who knew all about it.
Traveler
was hot everywhere they went.

~ ~ ~

From Chicago it was frantic, harried, but the road beckoned, and four more weeks brought them to Cedar Rapids, Minneapolis, St. Paul, Bismarck, and into Canada. It was so crazy that at times a crew member would write the name of the city on a piece of cardboard and raise it for Andy to thank the city they were in.

They were making their way east in Canada for shows in Toronto, Quebec, and Montreal for two weeks. After Canada they would have a few days to rest up and then head to Europe after the holidays. During this time Roddy was working to get everything in place for that leg of the tour
.

Their pace left them all exhausted, and in much need of the scheduled down time. The drain was starting to take a toll on all of them; there was tension, some bitchy, petty squabbles, all because they were just tired. Beth decided with Christmas around the corner and with everyone on edge, she’d go home until the break. This would be her first time traveling with them out of the country, and there was much to do. Andy would head to Florida to celebrate Christmas and have a few down days and they would leave from there.

She’d been home, busy preparing, packing and planning for the very exciting time ahead. As always, when they were apart, the routine of their nightly phone conversations continued. Only Andy seemed tense and preoccupied, grouchy, and moody. Beth played it off as the fatigue of months on the road. He was tired, ready, and in need of the break.
Traveler
hadn’t been on the road for this long since she’d known him. Getting away for a few days would be good for them both.
Her brother Ethan and his wife Angie were about to have a baby,
and she was happy to be home
for the big event
.

On Friday morning the phone rang. It was Roddy.

“Hey,” he said. “You OK?” It sounded funny to her when he asked.

“Yeah! Why wouldn’t I be?” she laughed, but the long silence on the other end said something was wrong. “Roddy?”

“
I’m sorry Beth…”

“Sorry? Sorry for what?” she asked, more than puzzled. “Roddy?”

“
Beth…” he said, f
ollowed by a long pause. “I don’
t want to tell you this.”

“
Roddy! What? What is it?” Panic surfaced, her mind raced trying to imagine what was going on.

“Andy left for Europe early this morning,” he said.

“
He left? I don't understand, he’s supposed to come here. What happened?”

“
I don’t know all the details, Beth. I only heard that he left with someone else. Another woman…” he said with pain in his voice.

She heard his soft whisper of a voice, but those words;
“
another woman” rang in her head like a big bell.

“
Beth?” 

“
Who?” she whispered in disbelief.

“
I don
’
t know. I just heard it myself. I arrived here late last night to have the guys asking me what was going on. You know I’d been in Houston, to take care of some stuff before we leave, I just got back. I haven
’
t been able to reach him. The guys don’t know much either. They said he just left, they asked around but no one knows. I don
’
t know yet, Beth.” He was mumbling.

The sentences ran together in her brain. She was struggling to breathe
.

“I left a few things behind that I figured would get into Andy
’
s bag when he came here. Can you please gather them up and get them to me if they are still there?” she said with a calm that scared her.
“
There can’t be much.”

85

Rock and Roll Never Forgets

Chapter Twelve

B
eth wanted nothing more than to crawl in bed, hide from everything and everyone, but her family was gathering that evening for dinner. She plodded through the day, making herself stay busy, dressed, put her best face forward, and went to them praying, hoping… There was a new baby in the family to celebrate, and she hoped it would be the distraction she needed
to
get through the evening.

November 20, 1981 ~
Another woman…
It rumbled through my head over and over.
Who? How did this happen? What happened?
My thoughts filled with questions, but no answers… my heart was heavy, full of hurt and pain like I
’
ve never felt before. Broken… I prayed prayers for the strength to function.

This all took place just as a new entertainment broadcast was ramping up.
Entertainment Tonight
was a new television show to inform the curious public of just such celebrity news events. She could see that she would probably have to deal with whatever this was publicly.

Kimmy came to Beth’s parents’ home later that evening, Beth called her as soon as Roddy shared the news. She gave Beth that casual hug that said, “I love you”, but didn’t let on that anything was wrong. Beth worked hard to keep her emotions in check. The TV wasn’t on so she thought, and prayed again, that maybe she could get through the day without having to talk about something she herself had just learned.

When she was ready to leave, Kimmy hugged her and whispered
in her ear. “I’ll meet you at the condo
.”

Beth arrived to find the message light on the answering machine flashing. She ignored it. She didn
’
t want to hear any of them. She sat at the kitchen table and focused on breathing.

Breathe in, breathe out,
’
I kept telling myself. It was suddenly like a normal function needed instruction on what to do to sustain life. Focusing on that allowed me to keep the other thoughts from being forefront… but they still lurked just below the surface… waiting…

Kimmy arrived and let herself in. She had a bottle of wine that she opened and poured them both a glass, but said nothing. Beth sipped and let the alcohol course through her body. She was shivering with nerves and the wine seemed to bring warmth. She was a mess. Kimmy was the best kind of friend. She asked no questions. She went to the answering machine with a pen and paper and played the messages.

“
Dina, someone from
Entertainment Tonight
,
a reporter from
People
,
and a guy from the local TV station; I thought your number was unlisted. How do they get through? Your mom, Roddy, he will be here in the morning, two hang-ups… your brother Michael, and Mark,” she said when she returned to the table.

“Please just unplug it,” Beth begged her.

“
No, I
’
ll be here for a while. I
’
ll answer it, return a call or two,” Kimmy said. She walked behind Beth, leaned over her, and put her arms around her neck. It was a comforting gesture and Beth reached up and patted her hands. No words, just the embrace of two good friends. They sat in silence for a long time.

Michael called again and Kimmy talked to him. She told him to call the others and let them know Beth was OK. She then returned Dina’s call. The two of them talked for a really long time, Dina expressing her own shock and dismay. She told Kimmy that Nathan called her and he was very angry at Andy, they all were. But he was more worried about Beth
.

Lane called to check in, Kimmy explained what was happening and told him that she was staying there. Still, there was no conversation. Beth had nothing to say
.

Kimmy crawled in bed with Beth, and they shared talk and tears, just like they had done so many times through the years, but there wasn’t much sleep.

Saturday morning, they were having coffee when there was a knock at the door. Kimmy rose to answer it, letting Roddy in. He sat a suitcase down, and Beth rose, without saying anything, to take it to unpack. It was only the things she
’
d left behind in Canada, just a small part of what she would still need to retrieve. Beth reached for the handle, Roddy reached for her hand. With a doe-eyed gaze she looked at him. She swallowed hard and tried to blink back the tears at the rims of her eyes, anxious to escape.

November 21, 1981 ~
I will not cry… I won
’
t! I repeated the words over and over in my head. I can
’
t… if I start, they will never stop…

“
How did this happen? How could I be so blind?” she asked Roddy.

He hugged her.
“
Not blind Beth, no one knew. I found a message he left me after we spoke yesterday, after he was already gone.” He paused as if searching for what to say next and then said,
“
I don
’
t know what to say Beth, I didn
’
t know.”

“
I only left last week. I just talked to him the night before.” She turned to walk back to the table, suddenly feeling weak. Kimmy took the suitcase to the bedroom to allow them to talk, alone.

“
He sounded stressed, tired, anxious maybe, but I certainly didn't suspect this,” her voice trailed to a faint whisper.

They sat quietly for a while. Beth finished the coffee in her cup and went to the coffee pot for more. She was trembling. Roddy rose and took the pot; he poured them both a cup and then returned to the table. He sat across from her, reached over, took her hand, and held it for a long time.

Finally he spoke and his words sucked the life out of Beth
’
s already tired body,
“
It
’
s Claire.” That was all he needed to say. He told her again that he didn
’
t know. She believed him. He was her friend too
.

He asked her, “What can I do? What do you need me to do Beth?”

“Can you help get my things? It seems they are everywhere, Galveston, the chalet…” she was mumbling.

“Is that what you really want?” he asked.

Beth sat there just looking at him for the longest time. Of course that was what she wanted. What was he thinking? He sadly told her that he would.

It was Claire that Andy left with. Claire Ferguson… Roddy told me that he knew it was nothing permanent, but I couldn
’
t get past
‘
now
’
to think about that. All I could think about was that
he left me behind. Three years…

Beth knew of her. She’d seen pictures of Claire in magazines when she was just a fan, when she was curious to know more about him. Andy talked about her briefly. She had been his girlfriend for a while, but that was before, way before.

Claire was from Houston, too. She was a cover girl in the early ‘70s and still did a lot of modeling. They met when
Traveler
played at the Grand Opening of a local car dealership. She was one of the models there to help showcase the cars. She and Andy dated for several years and then she surprised everyone, left Andy and ran off to marry a photographer.

But they were over. She and Andy were over. What happened that it started up again? When did it happen? Roddy explained that she was doing a modeling shoot in Montreal and ran into Andy in t
he hotel. But what after that…?

~ ~ ~

The pace of their recent schedule had taken a toll on all of them, but Andy began to feel restless and anxious. He was in a relationship that was starting to mean way too much to him and he didn
’
t know how to handle that, or if he really wanted to.

After a show in Montreal he needed an escape. The guys had all gone in for the evening. Beth was home for a few days, and Andy was alone. He went to the hotel bar for a glass of wine. He was sitting there, thinking, pondering, wondering… He heard the bartender call “last call” and raised his glass for one more. He felt a light finger drag slowly across his back. He looked up. In the mirror behind the bar he saw Claire behind him. He turned around to speak. She was standing so close. She pulled him into her and kissed him. He responded, and knew that she was someone who could make it easy for him to stray
.

He loved Beth, but he believed that she wanted more than he was ready to give. And there was Claire, beautiful, sexy and making herself very available. His restlessness led him into her arms, into her bed and the next morning, led him away with her.

He knew with Claire there would be no commitment. There would be no ties. There would be no long-term anything. He thought that was what he needed. As he boarded the plane with her he thought again of Beth. He knew it wasn’t right, but he knew Roddy would handle it. Roddy handled everything. And away they went.

As soon as the plane landed in Paris Andy knew he’d made a mistake. Being with Claire was never good. It was sexual, that was the only thing that had ever been good in the two and a half years they were together before. He quickly realized that wasn’t what he wanted anymore. He knew it would be volatile, they would argue, and fight, they always had
.

A short time with her and he knew he’d made the biggest mistake of his life. He realized how important Beth was to him, how much he loved her, but the damage was
already
done, and he wasn’t sure how to fix it. It caused a strained relationship within the band. The European leg of the tour was tense. No one was happy with Andy, especially Roddy. They were all being a strong front for Beth, because they loved her. He tried to talk to Dina and she told him to “figure it out.” But he honestly didn’t know how.

~ ~ ~

Beth went into hiding, rarely leaving her condo. Some days she barely made it out of bed. She wasn’t eating and it was starting to show. Everyone worried. She didn’t take phone calls, and only returned those from her closest circle. Shortly after the first of the year Andy began calling. She didn’t acknowledge the calls. They went to the answering machine and were then deleted
.

One evening Kimmy and Lane were there and the phone rang. Kimmy answered it. She walked into another room with the phone. Beth could hear her talking, noticed the tone as Kimmy tried to keep a sense of calm. She tried, but it was loud and clear. Beth figured out, quickly, that it was Andy. Kimmy told her he’d called her before. Finally, she returned to the room.

“He wants to talk to you,” she said. “Just do it and get it over with,” she continued, not covering the phone, to assure Andy could hear her.
“
He said he needs to explain,” Kimmy continued.

January 8, 1982 ~ With a calm I didn’t even know I was capable of, I took the receiver. No quiver, no shake, no yelling…
“
Go to hell,” I told him, and hung up.

~ ~ ~

Beth had been home two long, painful months. She was miserable. She received many requests for comments on ‘them’, but continued to say nothing. The
Rolling Stone
article Norton Edwards did on Andy ran as scheduled. She never saw it. He tried to contact her through Roddy, to talk about what happened. But she declined that request, as well. She had no intention of wearing her heart on her sleeve for the curious world
’
s benefit.

She spent her days trying to plan a path to move forward. She looked into school to finish her degree. With the inheritance money from Nana she could do it and still be OK. The next session would be starting in the spring and she felt like she needed a plan to get on with her life, a life without Andy.

To keep busy until she had everything in place she spent her days watching her beautiful new niece, Kira, while her sister-in-law
Angie
went back to work. It filled a gap, and kept her out of sight.

The bond that Beth and Roddy developed grew stronger. He was a good friend. He called often ‘just to talk,’ to check in on her, to make sure she was doing OK, or see if she needed anything. Dina did the same, calling almost daily.

Phyllis called early on and told Beth that she was sorry,
“Andy doesn
’
t know what he’s done,” she told her
.

Roddy pretty much handled everything for her. She talked to him about getting out of the chalet in Colorado, but he told her to wait. “It’s a good investment.” Pops agreed. So she waited. Dina went out there for a few days and sent some of her personal things. Needa sent whatever was left in Galveston.
Beth
was moving on.