Revived (19 page)

“Move it along,” I hear Audrey say to him from the hallway. “Drool later.”

The bubble burst, Matt grins sheepishly and turns away.

The “real” gift is third-row tickets to Arcade Fire.

“It’s like an eclipse,” I say about the chances of my favorite band playing in town on my birthday. “Or a meteor shower.”

“It’s pretty awesome,” Matt says as he watches the roadies set up.

Even though I thought she was joking, Audrey did actually invite Bear to the show. I glance over at them and silently agree that okay, fine, he
does
look a little like Jake Gyllenhaal.

But
still
he’s not as cute as Matt.

“This is the most amazing birthday ever,” I say in Matt’s ear.

“You deserve it,” he says in mine before kissing my neck and leaving me with head-to-toe goose bumps.

As the opening act begins to play, when the bass and the drums and the guitar and the screaming make it too loud to hear shouting let alone my whispered voice, I say, “I love you.” I know he can’t hear me, but I put it out into the universe anyway.

And for now, that’s enough.

The next Friday, I realize that nothing can stay perfect forever.

Audrey goes home sick from school, and even though I talk to her after fourth period and she seems fine, I’m still concerned.

And then Matt and I have our first fight.

It happens after school, when I’m packing for a four-day trip to Seattle. I’m joining Mason and Cassie on their annual pilgrimage to the Northwest for Fabulous Megan’s test. They’ll poke and prod during the day, and Megan and I will have bonding time at night. As much as I love being around Matt and Audrey, I can’t wait to just “be” with
Megan. There’s something about spending time with someone who’s known you forever. It’s effortless.

Matt sits on the bed while I pack.

“It sucks that you’ll be gone this weekend,” he says.

“I know. But I’m really excited to see Megan. I haven’t seen her since last year.”

“I’ll miss you,” he says with a flirty smile that I feel to my toes. Smiling, I look back to the T-shirt I’m folding. He grabs one and folds, too.

“Hey, Dais?” Matt says. My stomach flits at the way he shortens my name. I love it.

“Uh-huh?” I murmur, folding happily like we’re an old married couple doing the laundry together.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

“It’s a favor.” Matt looks away and, strangely, I don’t take it as a warning. I’m too lost in my fantasy of us playing house.

“Anything for you,” I say. “Ask away.”

And then my fantasy crumbles.

“I want you to steal Revive.”

To say I’m caught off guard is the understatement of the century: I’m a lottery winner who didn’t buy a ticket. Except that would be a good surprise.

This is not.

I’m completely silent for at least three minutes. It
would be beyond awkward if there weren’t so many thoughts barreling through my brain, not the least of which is a question: Over these past few weeks, when Matt’s seemed to be falling for me, was it real? Or was he only buttering me up for this
favor
?

Finally, I find my words… at least three of them.

“There’s no way…” I say, my voice trailing off. Matt looks at me like he’s expecting something. Practically demanding it. I try three more: “Matt, I can’t.”

He stands up from the bed and steps so close to me that we could kiss.

“I know it will be hard, but I think if you—”

“No,” I say decisively, taking a step away from him. “No. I can’t do it. I signed an oath.”

“But it’s for Audrey,” Matt says, touching me lightly on the arm. He looks at me the way he did the night of my birthday. It makes me feel sick.

“No,” I say again. His hand recoils and he turns away from me a bit.

“Don’t you care about my sister?”

“Of course!”

“Don’t you
want
her to live?”

“Of course!” I say again, raising my voice a little. “But it won’t work on her. Don’t you remember what I told you? This isn’t the way.”

“That’s what you’ve been programmed to say,” Matt mutters. He crosses his arms over his chest.

“Matt, seriously, it won’t work. It doesn’t work on cancer. They’ve tried it.”

“So you’ve said. What did they test it on? Rats?”

“Well, yes, but they’re very good indicators—”

“Daisy, that’s bullshit,” Matt interrupts. “So, what, only you get the drug? No one else is good enough to have it, but you get it
five times
? Good thing you live with the Revive dealers.”

“Hey!” I shout. “That’s enough.” I stare into Matt’s dark eyes and wonder where the kindness went. Was it really all an act?

Feeling tears coming, I face the bed.

“I think you should leave,” I say without looking at him.

“Good idea,” Matt says bitterly before turning and slamming my bedroom door behind him.

Since Revive is staying at home, we get to fly to Seattle. I’m glad about it, but something about seeing people say goodbye to one another at the security gate sets me off. I bite the inside of my cheek to hold back tears, increasingly frustrated by what happened with Matt, worried about Audrey, and concerned about Case 22 and the program overall. Once I’m through the metal detector, I tell Mason and Cassie I’ll meet them at the gate. Then I spend some time coming unglued and piecing myself back together in the privacy of the foul-smelling airport bathroom.

On the plane, I turn on my most miserable playlist and speak to no one the entire flight. In fact, I pretend to be
asleep once we’re in the air, and keep pretending through snack service and turbulence. Just before we land, I finally remove my earbuds and put away my iPod. The flight attendant says it’s okay to turn our phones back on, and I’m happy to find a text waiting from Audrey.

With fresh tears popping into my eyes, I write back:

There is a pause, then Audrey texts again:

Smiling, I type:

Audrey’s giving me something to hold on to.

I type:

But something’s nudging me, so I type:

I desperately want to be happy for Audrey, but something about the possibility of surgery now, when it’s never been an option before, makes me feel skeptical. But I don’t want to be a downer.

I put away the phone and Mason looks over at me quizzically. His tall frame is squished into the aisle seat. Despite her height, Cassie has room to spare in the middle.

“Everything okay?” Mason asks.

“I’m not sure,” I say, pressing my head against the window as we pull up at the gate, incredibly thankful that my fellow travelers are a disinterested fembot and a man who’s never been one to pry.

We check in to the hotel, have dinner, and bid one another goodnight. After posting a response to Megan’s note about my theory that Monday morning is
clearly
better than Sunday night, I check my email.

There’s nothing from Matt.

I start a movie, but it’s a romantic comedy, and all it does is make me see how unfunny my life is. I turn it off and climb into bed hoping tomorrow will be a better day. Before I turn out the lights, I text Megan.

In the morning, Mason is reading an email on his phone when I join him and Cassie in the lobby. He frowns at the text on the screen, and then shows it to Cassie.

“Interesting,” she says as we walk to the car.

“To say the least,” Mason mutters.

When we’re all buckled in, I ask what’s going on.

“God seems to be starting another lab.”

“Why?” I ask. “Isn’t the one in Virginia doing well?”

“It is,” Mason says. “It was custom made for the program in its current iteration. The only reason I can think that he’d want another one is…” His voice trails off, like he’s considering his words.

“What?” I ask.

Cassie lets out her breath sharply. Sometimes I think she gets annoyed by how much Mason shares with me. But Mason tells me anyway.

“Expansion.”

I’m still wondering what Mason meant when Cassie knocks twice on the Holloways’ door. When Megan’s mom, Alicia, flings it open, I jump in front of my parental figures to hug her. The apartment smells like the world’s best banana muffins, and instantly, I’m calmer.

They’re halcyon muffins.

I smile at the thought of the SAT word, thinking that Matt would laugh. Then I remember our fight and eject him from my thoughts.

“Come in,” Alicia says to the three of us. “How
are
you?”

She’s one of those people who are so joyful that you fall in love with her instantly. Mason beams at her—sometimes I think he has a little crush—and even Cassie reciprocates when Alicia gives her a quick side hug.

“Now, where’s that Megan?” Alicia says, looking around the open-air loft.

“Did I hear my name?” calls a lowish voice, and Megan rounds the corner from behind one of the few interior walls in the apartment. In a flowery dress, with enviable white-blond locks and the thickest eyelashes I’ve ever seen, my soul sister–born a brother is beautiful. I stifle a laugh as she overplays a silly, sexy walk; she reminds me of a Slinky. I rush her and crush her with a hug.

“Hi,” I say into her pretty hair.

“Hi,” she says, squeezing me back. “How’s my girl?”

“Okay,” I say, holding on. Megan’s strong embrace reminds me a little of Matt’s, and tears pop into my eyes. Suddenly I’m crying and laughing at the same time.

Megan lets go and steps back to examine me.

“I’d say we have some catching up to do.”

I grin, so glad to be here.

After Megan’s first day of testing, she and I stroll through Pike Place Market. Having lived mostly in smaller cities, I experience a bit of sensory overload surrounded by the crowd, but I love it. Megan and I have a tradition of buying salted caramels from Fran’s, watching the fish throwers until it gets boring, then eating crab cakes at one of the restaurants that overlook the water.

“Can we skip the crab cakes tonight?” I ask as we turn away from the fresh catch. “I feel a little sick.”

Megan grabs my hand and pulls me out of the market toward the city. We walk the block and a half to Starbucks and don’t speak until we’re both armed with caffeine and seated at a cozy table by the window.