Revenge of the Geek (16 page)

“Wait,”I said as something occurred to me. “Where are the toilets?”

“I’m not sure,”Dad said, looking around.

A scruffy-looking twenty-something guy wearing an I’M A HAPPY CAMPER T-shirt was passing by with a portable hibachi.

“Excuse me. Where are the bathrooms?”Dad asked him.

“The latrines are located on the other end of the camp,”the camp counselor replied.

“Thanks,”Dad said.

“Latrines?”I said. “Did he just say
latrines
?”

“I guess there isn’t any indoor plumbing. We really are going to be roughing it this weekend,”Dad said happily.

By now, Peyton was looking as horrified as Hannah and me.

“But there are showers, right?
Please
tell me there are showers,”Peyton said.

“You don’t need a shower,”Dad said. “Just jump into the lake with a bar of soap.”

“Do we know for sure that there aren’t any alligators in that lake?”I asked.

Peyton’s horror turned to alarm. “For God’s sake, Richard. We’re not bathing in alligator-infested water.”

A whistle blew. The other families began to stir—standing, stretching, crawling out of the tent flaps—and turned to head toward the flagpole.

“What does the whistle mean?”Peyton asked.

“I think we’re supposed to meet the program director,”Dad said. “We should go see what’s going on.”

Twenty minutes later, Dad, Peyton, Hannah, and I were sitting uncomfortably on the ring of logs, surrounded by a dozen other families. There was a lot of variation in the ages of our fellow campers. Some of the family groups consisted of all adults—parents in their sixties or older, accompanied by adult children. Others had kids younger than Hannah and me. Oddly, everyone—everyone but Hannah, Peyton, and me, that was—seemed really excited about being there. I wondered whether they’d all found out about the complete lack of indoor plumbing yet.

Our group leader stood in front of us, beaming.

“Welcome to our Family Togetherness Weekend at Happy Camper Campground,”he said. “I’m the head happy camper, Chaz Lundgren. Feel free to call me Chaz.”

He didn’t look like a Chaz to me. He wasn’t slick with gelled-back hair and a tight black T-shirt. Instead, he was short and stooped, with thinning gray hair that he wore back in a stringy ponytail. He wore a lime green I’M A HAPPY CAMPER T-shirt tucked into pleated jeans.

“We’ve been running these Family Togetherness retreats for over ten years. And I think the program just keeps getting stronger. Families come from all over Florida to attend our retreats. Our goal this weekend is to bring you closer together as a family. We have a series of activities planned that will hopefully challenge you to work together, rely on one another, and, ultimately, learn to trust one another more,”Chaz continued.

Chaz had an odd, lilting way of talking, as though he were sure that he was being incredibly persuasive. The effect of this was undermined by a slight lisp and a tendency to emphasize every fourth word, regardless of whether it made sense in the context of what he was saying.

Hannah and I exchanged dark looks. Camping was bad enough. Being forced to participate in a series of planned group activities was an extra layer of awful.

“I’m going to divide you into groups,”Chaz continued. “Group One will participate in a series of trust-strengthening exercises, such as Feeling Charades and role-playing exercises. Group Two will cook a meal together. And Group Three will be the first to attempt the rope course!”

Peyton murmured, “Rope course? I don’t think so!”

But my Dad gave her a quelling look, and Peyton fell silent. She still looked mutinous, though.

As luck would have it, we were assigned Group Three.

The rope course turned out to be an obstacle course, consisting of a long series of rope ladders, rope swings, and large wooden structures we had to climb over. Everyone had to wear helmets, and our individual scores were tallied in one family score. Considering that I was allergic to any activity that made me sweat, and Peyton and Hannah were loathe to engage in anything that might result in a broken nail, I didn’t rate our chances of winning as very good. Dad was enthusiastic, but he wasn’t particularly athletic. Worse, the course—as explained by Chaz, who had accompanied us out there, along with his bullhorn—was set up so that we were forced to help one another out. For example, the first team member who made it over a climbing structure was supposed to assist his or her team members over. Likewise, the rope swing was nearly impossible to maneuver on your own; you needed a team member to hold it steady for you while you climbed on.

“You have got to be kidding me,”Hannah said, standing with her arms crossed over her bebe tank top. “There’s no way we’re going to be able to do this.”

“Not with that sort of attitude,”Dad said. “There’s no
me
in
team
.”

His optimism was really starting to annoy me. And, from the expressions on Peyton’s and Hannah’s faces, Dad was having the same effect on them.

“What does that even mean?”Hannah said. “There’s no
me
in
team
? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“And it’s not even true. If you take away the
t
and the
a
, and switch around the
m
and the
e
, you do have
me
,”I said.

“Richard, I
really
don’t want to do this,”Peyton said. She adjusted her helmet, trying to get it to sit more comfortably on her head. “And this helmet is going to ruin my hair. I just had it done yesterday.”

“Will you all please stop complaining?”Dad said. “Come on—this is going to be fun.”

Chaz blew three sharp, shrill blasts on his whistle. He was enjoying the power of having a whistle just a little too much.

“Okay, teams. Line up,”Chaz said through his horn. “Does everyone know what the rules are?”

“No,”Hannah, Peyton, and I said in unison. Unfortunately, we were drowned out by an enthusiastic chorus of yeses from everyone else, including Dad. One of the other teams—a peppy couple in their seventies who were attending the camp with their children and grand-children, all of whom were wearing matching purple T-shirts emblazoned with the slogan YES, WECAN—started cheering so enthusiastically, they drowned out Chaz’s last-minute tips.

“What?”Hannah yelled at me.

“I have no idea,”I yelled back.

“Three, two, one, GO!”Chaz yelled. He blew his whistle again, and everyone but us began racing toward the first obstacle, which was a rope ladder. The purple team got there first and began scaling up it. We were the last team to arrive, and by the time Peyton, Hannah, and I had walked over, Dad was already at the foot of the rope ladder, waiting impatiently for us.

“Come on, come on,”he said.

“Richard, I really don’t think I can do this,”Peyton said. She looked worriedly up at the ladder.

“Of course you can! Come on—start climbing, girls,”Dad said.

Hannah and I both tentatively started to climb. Dad jumped on right behind us, and Peyton slowly brought up the rear. I could hear her swearing under her breath the whole way up. At the top of the ladder there was a platform that connected to another platform via an extremely rickety wooden bridge, which twisted and turned when you stepped on it. The rest of the teams had already scrambled across it and were on to the next challenge, which was a rope swing.

“Is this even safe?”Hannah said, after putting one foot on the bridge to test it and quickly withdrawing it. “What if we fall?”

We both peered down at the ground below, which looked very solid and very hard.

“I think that’s what the helmets are for,”I said.

“I’d rather have a net,”Hannah said.

Peyton arrived on the platform beside us, puffing from the effort.

“Where’s Dad?”I asked, surprised that Peyton had made it to the top before my dad had.

Peyton actually smiled, which was unusual for her at the best of times, much less under the current circumstances.

“He’s stuck,”she said.

We all turned and looked down the rope ladder. Dad’s foot was stuck in the rope ladder. He clung to the ropes, red-faced and wild-eyed, while Chaz—who still had the bullhorn tucked under his arm—attempted to untangle him.

“I’ve never seen anyone manage to get their foot stuck before. How did you do this?”Chaz said, grunting with the effort.

“Go on without me,”Dad shouted at us. “We can still win.”

Hannah and I looked at one another and were overcome by a fit of the giggles. Even Peyton couldn’t resist joining in.

“I’m totally not going over that,”Hannah said, pointing at the twisty bridge.

“If we leave now, we can drive to Hawks Cay Resort and see if they have any rooms available,”Peyton said.

Hannah and I both cheered this suggestion. The three of us turned and climbed back down the rope ladder, taking care to avoid stepping on my dad.

“What are you doing? You’re going the wrong way!”Dad said frantically.

“Mr. Bloom, you have to stop moving around so much if I’m going to get you free,”Chaz grunted.

Once Hannah, Peyton, and I were all safely on the ground, we unbuckled and removed our helmets. I hadn’t realized how hot my head had been until the helmet was off. I lifted my hair into a ponytail to cool off my neck, while we watched Chaz’s continued efforts to free Dad.

“Why don’t you take his shoe off,”I suggested. “It might be easier to get his foot out.”

“I already thought of that,”Chaz said, sounding aggrieved. “But his laces are triple knotted. I can’t get them to budge.”

“I didn’t want them to come undone in the middle of the race,”Dad explained.

“What are we going to do about Richard?”Hannah asked. “He’s not going to want to leave.”

“He might, after this,”I said.

“He can either come with us, or stay here in his tent. But I’m officially done with camping,”Peyton said crisply. “Come on, girls. Let’s go pack up the car. Maybe Richard will be free by the time we’re ready to go.”

Chapter Seventeen

E
ven though Dad grumbled loudly that we’d hijacked his plans, we ended up having a really nice time during the rest of our stay in the Keys. Peyton booked us into a villa at Hawks Cay Resort, and we spent the weekend lounging by the pool and eating delicious things in air-conditioned restaurants. And even though the trip didn’t go exactly as my dad had planned, I thought his goal had been achieved. By the time we arrived back at the beach house in Orange Cove, we might actually all have grown a bit closer together. Peyton had even smiled at me when I teased Dad about getting tangled up in the rope ladder.

As soon as the car was unloaded, Hannah headed to her room, announcing that she had clients she needed to touch base with. I had a weekend’s worth of homework to catch up on—and I wanted to do so without constant interruptions from Hannah keeping me updated on how her clients’weekend dates had gone—so I threw my backpack in Bumblebee’s trunk and headed to Grounded.

The coffee shop was more crowded than usual with Orange Cove High students, as well as the Geek High crowd. I wasn’t the only one who’d gotten the bright idea to study there. Luckily, I was able to get a table by the window. I pulled out my cell phone and called Finn.

He answered his phone with “Yo.”

“Have you done the physics homework yet?”I asked.

“What do you think?”

“I think it’s highly unlikely that you’ve done it,”I said.

“Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner,”Finn said.

“But you’re going to do it, right?”I said.

“Doubtful,”Finn said. “But I like your optimism.”

“Forrester said that he’s failing anyone who doesn’t maintain at leastaCaverage on their homework,”I reminded him.

“Yawn,”Finn said.

“Come on. Meet me at Grounded and we can do it together,”I said temptingly. Science had never been my strongest class, but Finn always aced it with minimal effort.

“You suck at physics. What’s in it for me?”Finn asked.

“My friendship and undying gratitude?”I suggested.

“What else?”

I considered this. “How about a piece of chocolate cake?”I suggested. Grounded had a decadent six-layer chocolate mocha cake with chocolate ganache frosting that Finn was addicted to.

“I want three pieces,”Finn said promptly.

“Two,”I countered.

“Deal. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

While I waited for Finn to arrive, I got out my physics book and set up my laptop, and then reviewed the assignment. My heart sank. It was impossibly long and complicated. Maybe I would have to bribe Finn with three pieces of cake in order to get him to help me through it. I started rereading the chapter. Ten minutes later, I heard my name.

“Hi, Miranda.”

I looked up. Nora was standing there, smiling down at me.

“Hey, Nora. What are you doing here?”I asked.

“I just talked to Finn. I called him for help with the physics homework, and he said you were meeting over here to go over it. Do you mind if I work with you guys?”Nora asked.

Actually, I did mind a little. I liked Nora, but lately she seemed to be turning up everywhere I went. But I didn’t want to be mean by making her feel like she wasn’t wanted.