Resenting the Hero (14 page)

I sat back on my seat, defeated. Well, what had I been expecting? That she would open her eyes and jump out of bed simply because I'd told her to?

I wasn't a healer. I hadn't a clue about how the body worked. I didn't even know what was wrong with Ogawa, not really. The healers seemed to feel they couldn't lower the explanation to a level I could understand. Maybe they were right, but it was frustrating.

Sometimes an idea hit you so hard it almost hurt.

Pain plus unnatural things equaled Karish.

I dashed out of there, collecting protests from the medical staff. What did that matter? I was on a mission. So inspired, I ran all the way to the Triple S residence.

I ran through the entrance. At the foot of the stairs I came to an abrupt halt. Someone was having a party, a loud one. The music was being played expertly and at high volume. Fiddle, flute, and two drums. Immediately the little shocks began to skitter over my skin and through my muscles.

Of course someone was having a party. I bet I knew who, too. It was just that kind of day. I grit my teeth and mounted the stairs.

The music grew louder as I climbed. My heartbeat quickened to match the pounding drums. I gripped the handrail. Hold on to something and don't let go. But I had to let go to keep climbing, and despite myself my pace increased until I was practically running up the stairs.

The noise was coming from Karish's suite. Of course it was. A dozen different impulses converged on me at once. I needed to talk to Karish about Ogawa and Tenneson. I wanted to run back down the stairs to safety. And I wanted to dance. The music was of a particularly driving nature, and I felt deliciously uncomfortable.

The door was opened, music blared out, and I was pulled into a whirlwind.

I didn't know the laughing man who had me by the waist, spinning me around the room. He was a good dancer, and he had nice broad shoulders. Big hands. I liked him immediately.

Colors and laughter and music flashed around me, filling me and freeing me. I laughed, too, I couldn't help it, and I danced. It felt so good, working my muscles, listening to real music, enjoying a hard, masculine body against my own.

Then that hard masculine body was pressing into me a little more forcefully than dancing normally required, and there was something solid and ungiving at my back. It still felt good—it felt wonderful, in fact—but something in my brain woke up again. When the man kissed me I was an enthusiastic partner, but then the image of Ogawa flashed behind my eyes.

I jerked my head free. “No!” I gasped. “I have to talk to Karish.”

“Taro's occupied right now, darlin',” the man drawled. “But don't you worry. I'll take care of you.” He leaned down to kiss me again.

But I once more had a thought to hold on to. I twisted my head away. “No,” I said, much more firmly. “I need to speak to Karish.” I raised my voice. “Stop the music, please!”

The music stopped. So did the dancing. The sudden stillness was almost as dizzying as the chaos had been. Not so dizzying that I wasn't aware that everyone was staring at us. Lovely.

And then Karish was charging in, and in my current condition the way his shirt hugged his chest and stomach was just too distracting. “What the hell is going on?” Karish demanded, very much the lord of the manor ordering an accounting. He raised his eyebrows at the sight of me. “Lee? What are you doing here?”

So now I had to apologize. This day just kept getting better and better. I found myself licking my lips and wanted to cringe with embarrassment. “I'm really sorry about this disturbance, Shintaro.” Hell, was that breathy voice mine? “I felt I had to talk to you, and I didn't think it could wait until tomorrow.” I rubbed my arms once, then stopped myself.

“Well, all right, but what's with this?” He gestured at my dance partner.

“Linc assaulted her,” a bystander said.

Two of us objected to that. “It was the music, Shintaro.”

“She jumped right into it!”

Karish looked at me with too much concern. “Are you all right, Lee?” he asked, reaching out to touch me.

I flipped my hair off my shoulder, making the evasion of his hand look accidental. I hoped. I was a little off balance and I needed a bath, but aside from that I was, “Quite all right, thank you.”

He studied me for a moment longer, for of course I didn't know my own mind about such things. Then he nodded and looked at Linc. His expression wasn't friendly.

“Really, Shintaro, it wasn't his fault. Can we go somewhere to talk?”

“You're wearing your braid,” he said, without removing his gaze from Linc.

“Aye.” Of course. I always did.

“Everyone knows what the braid means.”

Linc was looking down at Karish, obviously annoyed with the melodrama. “She's at a party. One of yours. Why did she come here if she doesn't want to cut loose?”

There was a certain logic to that. And really, I had gone along with it. It was my fault for insisting on climbing up the stairs once I heard what was going on. I should have stayed away. And now I had disrupted Karish's evening, and everyone was staring at us, and I just wanted to sink through the floor. “He stopped as soon as I told him to,” I said to Karish, which was only a little bit of a lie. No harm done, and there were more important things to worry about. “Please, Shintaro. It's Triple S business.”

One more long look at Linc, and then at me, and Karish shed the aristocratic hauteur like a cloak that had gone out of style. “Michael, my love,” he said, all cheer. “If you could freshen everyone's drinks”—he was momentarily interrupted by loud sounds of appreciation from his guests—“I will be your slave forever. And my lord and lady musicians, it might be a good idea if you played a few of the milder selections from your repertoire. I think everyone's a little overheated right now.” That brought good-natured shouts of denial from his guests, but not one protested. They settled into conversation, two or three people shifting about the room pouring liquid into goblets. The music started up again, light and soothing.

I wanted to crawl into a hole, to disappear. I had ruined Karish's evening, and that of his guests. The reason was valid, but I really wished it had happened differently.

Karish touched my arm. The brief contact sent an almost painful jolt through my whole body. Still a tad sensitive from the earlier music. “Come to my room,” said Karish. “We can talk there.”

I felt a little alarmed as I followed him. He hadn't been “occupied” in his bedroom, had he? He wasn't going to kick someone out of bed, was he? That would just be too much. But he was fully—and neatly—dressed, and he didn't seem frustrated or annoyed. When we entered his room I saw that the bed was made, and I relaxed. At least something was going right.

I sat on the end of the bed, as there was nowhere else in the room to sit. Karish sat beside me, just a little closer than I found comfortable. He started to rub my arm. I knew the touch was meant to reassure me, but I had to jerk away. “Please don't touch me!” I said, much more sharply than I'd intended. He frowned, and I hastened to explain. “I'm sorry, it's not you. I'm just a little . . .” What? Heated from the music and the dancing? I wasn't going to say that to him.

He drew back a little. “I thought you had plans with Kelly, or I would have invited you here.”

I almost laughed at that, though I didn't find it at all funny. He thought I was upset because he hadn't invited me to his party? Did he really think I was that petty? Of course he wouldn't invite me to such an affair. He'd have had to spend the whole of it watching me. A guaranteed method of sucking all the fun out of it for him. “I was at the hospital.”

“How are they?” he asked promptly, meaning Ogawa and Tenneson.

“That's what I want to talk to you about.” Time to shake off the effects of everything distressing that had happened that day and get down to what really mattered. “Do you remember what you did for Aiden after that bench dancing competition?”

He shrugged. He never liked talking about it.

“Do you think you could do the same thing for Ogawa and Tenneson?”

“I don't understand.”

“You know. Heal them.”

“I can't heal people, Lee.”

“You healed Aiden.”

He took one of my hands, and I had no natural way to avoid it and look like I wasn't trying to avoid it. If he noticed the slight resistance I put up, he ignored it. He stroked the side of my hand. “I took away some of his pain for a moment, that's all. I didn't heal him. He didn't walk away from that dance.”

Normally guilt would have made me tense up a little, but Karish's attention to my hand was making me relax whether I liked it or not. “Maybe not,” I said in an even voice, “But he's walking now.”

He looked up swiftly. “Surely it's too soon for that.”

“That's what I thought, but today he met me at the door. He was using a crutch, and he wasn't too graceful, but he was upright.”

He thought about that for a moment, then dismissed the idea with a shrug. “So maybe it's not too soon. What do I know? I'm not a healer.”

“So maybe you can't understand the full impact of what you do,” I pointed out. “Maybe you did heal him, at least a little, and you just didn't realize it.”

“And maybe you're letting your concern for Miho and Val cloud your judgment, though the gods may strike me down for such blasphemy.”

I felt no need to make my resistance subtle then, and I pulled on my hand. Unfortunately, he felt no need to ignore my resistance then, and he held on. “What are you doing?” I demanded.

“Your evening has been something less than fine,” he said. “You went from visiting Miho and Val in hospital to coming here and being assaulted by one of my guests, and I am truly sorry.”

“None of it is your responsibility.”

“All that happens in my home is my responsibility,” he announced grandly. “And I can make you feel better. And there is no one here to see you being less than stoic, so relax.”

No, no one to see, but everyone knew where we were, and I could just imagine what they were thinking. But I'd known that was how it would be, so there was no point in getting upset about it even if I were so inclined. Which I wasn't. “Will you come to the hospital?”

“There's nothing I can do for them, Lee.”

“How do you know unless you try?”

“Why don't you go and heal them?” he challenged me.

That was just stupid. “I can't heal them.”

“Exactly what
I
said.”

How irritating. “I didn't help Aiden, either.” No, I'd crippled him. “You obviously can do something that other Sources can't.”

“A minor thing. I don't heal damage.”

“As far as you know,” I reminded him. “Maybe you can do something more if you put your mind to it. And even if you can't, well, it can't hurt to try.”

He sighed. “I'll take a look at them,” he said reluctantly, “But I really have no idea what I can do. I'm not promising anything.”

Relief. “Good. Great. That's all I'm asking.” I rose to my feet, eager to be off. To be honest, I wasn't really all that confident that Karish could do anything, either. The idea that he could use his skills as a Source to heal was really rather ridiculous. But I couldn't just stand back and do nothing while Ogawa and Tenneson waited to die.

“I suppose you want me to go right now,” he said dryly.

“I know you have guests,” I began in the most apologetic tone I could dig up. But really, his colleagues should be more important than a party, even to him.

He waved a hand. “All right. Might as well show you you're wrong immediately.”

Karish made charming apologies to his guests, claiming he was off on Triple S business and promising to return as soon as he could. There were some protests, and I garnered a few foul looks, but Karish didn't let himself be dissuaded from going. Once more I was impressed. I didn't think I would have been able to withstand such heartfelt pleading.

We went to the hospital. One of the nurses pointed out that it was a little late for visitors, but Karish smiled at him, and that was the end of that. We settled at Ogawa's bedside and looked at her for a while.

Then Karish took one of Ogawa's hands in his. “I don't know what to do,” he confessed.

“What did you do with Aiden?” I asked.

He had to think about it for a moment. “Pain is like a force,” he said finally. He made a long, fluid gesture with his hand. “I let it flow through me as though it were part of a natural event.”

“Why can't you do the same with Ogawa?”

He studied her again for a few moments. I felt little adjustments within him, and I readied myself, but he didn't need my Shields. Not yet. “There is no pain there. I don't think she's feeling anything.” He cocked his head to one side, considering. “I really don't know what I'm talking about, but maybe a lack of the proper forces is the reason she's like this.”

I looked at him with surprise. “People have forces? Just like natural events?”

“Of course,” he said, as though it were obvious, as though everyone knew it. “Everything that exists has forces. Even rocks. But Miho doesn't have enough, or she doesn't have enough of the right sort, and that's why she's dying.”

So I rearranged my thinking. “Could you channel forces into her instead of out?”