Redemption: Alchemy Series Book #4 (5 page)

But in all this time, we'd never "cleared the air" and I wasn't sure how much clearing he was looking to do.

"Was there anything in particular you wanted to share?"

"It's not in my best interest to kill you. Likewise, killing me might have some of the same inherent risks."

He tilted his head toward me with his last words, still acting nonchalantly, as if there were nothing amiss about discussing our mutual destruction.

But
, more importantly, he confirmed what Burrom had thought. Whether it was true or not, there were now two different voices expressing a concern over possible repercussions if I were to be killed. I didn't tell him I'd wondered if his death might have the same negative ramifications.

"What did you have in mind?"

"I think that we can mutually exist - perhaps even be of use to each other, from time to time."

I stepped back quickly when he reached into his jacket.

He stopped moving instantly. "I just wanted to offer you a gift of peace, is all." He stood paused, not out of fear but consideration to my alarm.

At my nod, he continued to reach within his pocket. As his hand withdrew, I saw a long red velvet case. He held it out to me and my curiosity got the best of me. I reached forward and took it.

Prying it open, I was stunned by the ruby bracelet lying on velvet.

"This is a peace gift?" I looked back up at him.

"Fit for a queen," he said. "Thirty carats set in platinum."

"I got the distinct impression, on several occasions, that you found me beneath you." Yes, I had a chip on my shoulder. Actually, make that present tense. I
have
a chip on my shoulder. Dealing with him in the past had grown it to an unhealthy size. I'd managed to shrink it down, small enough that it wasn't screaming attitude. But this, after the way he'd treated me in the past - the scorn with which he dealt with me, I couldn't quite rise above. Sometimes it's more fun to roll around in the mud than rise above.

"Like I said, I might have underestimated you." I watched his eyes rove over me again. "You know, you could be quite attractive
, if you did something with those clothes."

"Is there anything else?" I tucked the bracelet in my pocket, wondering when I'd ever have an occasion to wear it. A truckload of gas might have warmed me up to him more.

"No, I think that about sums it up."

"Fine. I'm agreed. There will be no aggression from my side. But, from now on, if you want to discuss anything, you will give me three days
’ notice, delivered by a single human, that you are entering my territory. I will, of course, offer this person safe return."

"And you will do the same?"

"Yes."

He stopped walking, as did I.

"I find these terms acceptable."

"I'm so glad." I said it was such an exaggerated graciousness I was sure he'd realize the insult
, but instead he smiled, oblivious.

"I'd offer you my hand but I doubt you'd take it. As I said, you seem a bit savvier than your mother ever was." He tilted his head to the side and squinted his eyes. "I'm surprised with your human emotions you haven't taken one of these opportunities to question me about her."

His eyes were deep and penetrating, as if he could discover my secrets by simply staring. I was fairly certain that wasn't one of his abilities, especially since he missed my mockery. If he had an idea of what I really wanted to do to him, I doubted he'd be offering me gifts.

I wouldn't explain that a part of me was bursting with curiosity. I refused to give him any satisfaction. I shrugged, smiled and turned my back on him, as if I had nothing to fear. 

"I'll assume you can find your own way home," I yelled as I left him standing there.

"I anticipate this to be a long and interesting relationship, Josephine," he hollered back and let out a deep throaty laugh that filled the air.

***

It had taken supreme control to keep from shivering while I was with the senator but I'd managed. Walking into the penthouse, I felt like it was going to take forever to thaw out. As the magic changed the casino, it at least had pity enough to supply fireplaces in the rooms that had been robbed of heat. The penthouse
was one of the last areas to lose modern heating but it finally lost the battle, the vents covered by stone one chilly afternoon. At least we could still find wood for fires.

Dark and Dodd were already sitting on the couches in the living room when I arrived. I think being in the penthouse made them feel closer to Cormac
, somehow, and I liked the company. I still hadn't told either of them the truth but kept the lie going that Cormac was to return.

As I warmed my hands near the raging fire, I filled them in on the most recent visit from the senator. After he started to come regularly, I'd felt it was best that they knew. If I disappeared one day, I didn't want them to think I'd abandoned them.

"What's that?" Dark asked, looking at the back of my pants where I'd forgotten I'd shoved the bracelet case. I dug it out and tossed it to him. "Token from the senator."

He lifted it out of its velvet and dangled it in the air.

"Whoa, those are high quality," Dodd said. Even with just the light from the fireplace the warm glow of the rubies showed the silk of the large stones. "I knew it."

"You knew what?"

"That's it, I get your next fresh fruit ration," he said to Dark.

"Knew what?" I repeated.

Dodd sat smugly while Dark explained. "Dodd bet me the senator had a thing for you."

"No
, he doesn't." I hoped.

"Oh, yes
, he does. I, of all people, know what a man after some tail is like," Dodd said, laughing boisterously now. "He's not stopping by to just chat with you this often if he doesn't want in."

I ignored that he was laughing at my expense. It was the first time I'd heard him laugh at anything in months and it lightened my mood.

That was until they started their Cormac game.

"If Cormac was here, he'd kick his ass," Dark said, more to Dodd than me.

"He wouldn't have to. He's so badass the senator probably wouldn't come visit her at all," Dodd replied.

I kept my face toward the fireplace as they continued the,
if Cormac was here
game. I'd been listening to it for months and it seemed to get worse with each passing day. Cormac's pedestal was getting higher, and the taller it got, the thinner my patience ran.

I turned and headed toward my room,
to escape from the game, not wanting to hear any more about how the almighty Cormac would've handled it when I wanted to spew the ugly truth that he'd abandoned them. He was probably lying on a beach somewhere warm, having the time of his life.

I knew I was getting a bit carried away in my delusions
, but it had been three months. He was either dead, the thought still feeling like a fist around my heart, or doing something he deemed more important than all of us. Either way, I wasn't optimistic.

I'd almost made it out. And in five minutes from now, I was going to have wished I'd left the room just a few seconds earlier and avoided what was about to come next.

"Jo! When do you think he'll be back?" Dark asked.

I sighed and turned back to them. Maybe I should just tell them now. I couldn't keep this lie going forever. They'd eventually succumb to the suspicions as the time grew longer and longer. I was getting more and more questions about when. Why was it taking so long? Even if I could manage to stop myself from counting the days, someone would remind me of how long he'd been gone.

But I saw their hopeful faces and I lied. "I'm sure he's doing everything he can to find a suitable place." A suitable place on the beach with a cocktail and a hot little chickie serving it to him. I turned to leave again but Dodd stopped me.

"I bet you're sorry that you guys didn't get together sooner, huh? All that wasted time while you were figuring things out and then he had to leave."

I felt it coming, the sanity and calmness I kept locked tight around my natural instincts started to strain and crumble under the pressure. And I snapped. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep up this charade and protect him with my lies.

I walked back into the room and stood in front of the couch where they sat. I decided to get it out as quickly as I could.

"He didn't leave to find a new place for us. He just left." Their jaws dropped. They'd been deifying him and Cormac didn't deserve that. He'd abandoned them, just like he had me. "He never went to find a better place. I lied. I made it up to keep everyone calm."

"I don't understand," Dodd said.

The logic I'd told myself a minute ago had seemed so sound until I watched their faces go from shock to devastation. I still longed for the escape my room offered but instead, I collapsed on the sofa opposite them, not able to abandon them now that I'd ripped the blinders off.

"He was having issues with the magic changing him and he left," I tried to explain and less
en the harm I'd done. It softened it just as much as it had for me. Pulling the knife out didn't undo the stab wound. I looked at their horrified expressions and wished I'd kept my secret.

"He left us?" Dark asked in a soft
, child-like voice.

"Yes, I'm sorry." Their faces betrayed their feelings. They were crushed, and I wished I could rewind time and rip out my own tongue. I hadn't done them a favor giving them the truth. I'd been selfish. I had so much anger toward Cormac it was blinding me and corrupting my choices.

"He didn't say he wouldn't come back." I'd thought of his words that day over and over again.

"What did he say?" Dodd asked.

"That he needed to get away." I looked down at the floor as I answered, having a hard time seeing the hurt in their eyes.

"Did he say anything else?" Dark asked.

I shook my head. "I don't think we should tell anyone else about this, okay?" Telling them was bad enough. I couldn't imagine a castle full of these forlorn faces.

Dark nodded and I heard Dodd utter a soft "
Yeah," under his breath.

Dodd stood, muttered something about having to check in on Sabrina and left. Dark just sat on the couch.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"I left my people, in part because I believed in him, in his loyalty."

He hung his head, shoulders drooping. I mentally berated myself again for telling him.

"He loved you, you know that."

"Not enough to stay." He shook his head, now the one avoiding my stare.

It was hard to defend Cormac against the exact same betrayals I felt myself. But I would do it for Dark.

"He wouldn't have left if he hadn't felt like he had to. You know him; he's loyal to the bone. He wouldn't have made this decision unless he felt he didn't have a choice." I spoke the words and I wished I could believe it myself.

"Really? You think so?" His eyes darted up to me, a glimmer of hope.

"Yes." I forced the lie out and didn't look away.

"You think he'll come back?"

"I know he will." I stood, and stretched my legs, hoping I was right, if only for his sake. "Hey, why don't you crash in the extra room? I know you guys are tight in Dodd's suite."

"You sure?"

"Positive. The company would be nice." I walked into my room, Cormac's old room, and shut the door, promising myself that was the last time I'd tell the truth. This honesty crap was for the dogs. I never should have tossed out my
lie about Cormac to all and sunder
policy. I'd learned the hard way. From now on it would be lie, lie and lie some more, if it had anything to do with him. Let them figure it out on their own when he never came back.

Chapter Four

Top Dog

Dinner in the great hall was an odd affair. I didn't normally dine
there; too many eyeballs trained on me made it hard to chew. But with all the new residents, and one in particular that liked to play power games, I was trying to keep my ears open. I also wanted to see how the wolves would fall in line, or not, with Kaz as the official alpha.

There was also the spy
issue I needed to ferret out. At some point, it wouldn't work in my favor.

I feigned a great interest in my plate of warm canned peas, tuna and instant potatoes. It wasn't a pairing
I'd give much praise but, it beat out the spam and applesauce duo of last night. The brownies, thanks to a recent soar in egg production that I still couldn't quite figure out, had saved that meal from becoming a complete loss.

I found an unoccupied shadowy nook and tucked myself in. It was still early in the evening, but even during the day it was getting darker and darker in here
, with no electricity. The fireplace was piled with logs to bursting, the tops of the flames so tall they disappeared into the chimney. In normal times, you might have said the heat was on full blast.