Redeeming Love (49 page)

When he came in at the end of the day, he was thoughtful. He watched her clear the dishes. “You’re very quiet,” he said, coming up behind her and putting his hands around her waist as she poured hot water over the dinner dishes. He brushed her braid aside and kissed her neck. “What are you worrying about? Elizabeth?”

“Miriam.” She felt his hands loosen. Turning, she looked up at him. “And you.” When he blinked and said nothing, she brushed past him. He caught 341

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her and turned her firmly around to face him.

“You have no need to be jealous, though I suppose I’d be grinding my teeth if Paul came ’round and asked to talk with you privately.”

“That’s not likely to happen, is it?”

“No. I suppose not.” He wished he had left Paul out of it. “The point is, I love
you.”

“And you’re not in the least tempted by a girl who worships the ground you walk on?”

“No,” he said, not denying Miriam’s affection. “But I’m more a big brother to her than anything else.”

Angel felt petty. She loved Miriam dearly, but seeing them together had hurt. She looked up into Michael’s eyes again and couldn’t doubt he loved her. He made her weak with it. Relaxing, she gave him a rueful smile. “Is she all right? What’s wrong?”

“She’s unhappy. She knows what she wants, a husband and children of her own, but she isn’t sure how to get it. So she wanted a man’s opinion.”

“Well, I’m glad she didn’t go to Paul,” she said before she thought better of it. She turned back to the dishes. Paul would take a sweet, innocent girl like Miriam apart with his mockery.

Michael was silent.

She glanced back at him and knew she shouldn’t have said anything against his friend. “I’m sorry. It’s just that.…” She shrugged.

“She needs a husband.”

“Yes,” she agreed, “but he’s going to have to be something very, very special.”

His mouth curved. “You love her, don’t you?”

“She’s the closest thing to a sister I’ll ever have. Maybe that’s why it hurt when I saw the two of you holding onto one another.”

“I don’t hold her the same way I hold you. Want to see the difference?”

Breathless and laughing, she pushed free. “You’re all soggy now. Go read so I can finish my work.”

He took the Bible down and sat before the fire with the book resting in his lap. He bowed his head, and Angel knew he was praying. It was a habit of his, and she no longer taunted him about it. That great black book was 342

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almost falling apart, but he looked upon it as something bound in gold and containing priceless jewels inside. He never read it without praying first. He told her once that he didn’t read until his mind was open enough to receive.

She didn’t know what he was talking about. Sometimes his words, though plain English, made no sense to her at all. And then he would say something wonderful that filled her with warmth and dawning light. She was the blackest night, and he the starlight piercing it, creating an unfolding pattern in her life.

She finished her chores and sat beside him. He was still silent. She put her head back, listening to the crackling fire, and waited. When he finally read, she was drowsy and content. His rich, warm voice was like dark taffy, but what he read surprised her. It was the story of a bride and groom and their passion for one another. He read for a long time.

Michael put the Bible back on the mantel and placed another log on the fire. It would burn through the night and keep the cabin warm.

“Why would a virgin bride play the harlot for her husband?” Angel asked, perplexed.

Michael glanced back. He’d thought she was sleeping. “She wasn’t.”

“Yes, she was. She danced for him, and he was looking at her body. From the feet up. In the beginning, he was looking into her eyes.”

He was amazed she had listened so carefully. “He took joy in her body, as she wanted him to, and she danced to arouse and please him.”

“And your God says it’s all right to entice a man?”

“It’s all right to entice your husband.”

Her expression clouded. She hadn’t meant just any man, but he was well aware of how well trained she was at enticement. “What if they think it’s enticement just because of the way you look?”

Michael nudged the log further back with his boot. “Men are always going to stare at you, Amanda. You’re beautiful. There’s nothing you can do about that.” Even John Altman had stared at her in the beginning. And Paul.

Sometimes Michael wondered what went through Paul’s mind when he saw her. Did it flash back to what happened between them on the way to Pair-a-Dice? He pushed the disturbing thoughts away. Dwelling on them raised doubts that tormented him.

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“Does it bother you?” she asked.

“What?”

“When men stare at me.”

“Sometimes,” he admitted. “When they’re looking at you like an object and not a human being with feelings.” His mouth tipped ruefully. “Or a wife in love with her husband.”

She turned the wedding ring on her finger. “They never look at my hands, Michael.”

“Maybe we should put the ring in your nose.”

Glancing up, she saw his teasing smile and laughed. “Yes, or a large one around my neck. Maybe that would keep them away.”

A long time later, as Michael lay sleeping beside her, Angel listened to the night breeze stirring the wind chimes outside the window. The ever changing melodies were soothing.

The new hay smelled sweet beneath her, sweeter still because it was partly due to her labor that it was there. She and Michael had harvested the hay together. What grueling work! She had been so fascinated watching Michael swing the great scythe in wide, smooth strokes, dropping the golden grasses.

She raked it into piles, and they pitched it into the back of the wagon to be taken and stored in the barn. The animals would have hay through the cold winter months.

Everything Michael did had purpose. She thought of her own life and how meaningless and miserable it had been before him. Her very reason to be alive now depended on him. And Michael depended on the earth, the rains, the warmth of the sun. And his God.

Especially his God.

I’d be dead by now if Michael hadn’t come back for me. I’d be rotting in a shallow, unmarked grave.

She was consumed with gratitude and filled with an aching humility that this man loved
her.
Why, of all the other women of the world, had he chosen her? She was so undeserving. It was inconceivable.

But I am glad, so glad he did. And I’ll never again do anything to make him
sorry. Oh, God, I swear.…

A sweet fragrance filled the darkened cabin, a fragrance that defied defin-344

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ition. She filled her lungs with it, so heady and wonderful. What was it?

Where did it come from? Her mind whirled with words and phrases Michael had read to her over the past weeks and even before that, words she thought she had never heard but had somehow found their way into the deepest part of her, somewhere inside, a place she’d been unable to close off.

And then a still, quiet voice filled the room.

I am.

Angel sat up abruptly, eyes wide open. She looked around the cabin, but there was no one there other than Michael, who lay sleeping deeply beside her. Who had spoken? She felt fear sweep through her, and she trembled with it. Then it was gone, washed away, and she was calm again, her skin tingling strangely.

“There is nothing,” she whispered. “Nothing.” She awaited an answer, not moving.

But no answer came. No voice filled the stillness.

Angel lay down slowly and curled as tightly against Michael as she could.

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Twenty-six

Give sorrow words;

the grief that does not speak.

S H A K E S P E A R E

September came swiftly, and the corn was ready for harvesting. Michael drove the wagon between the rows and left it there. He and Angel broke the ears from the stalks and tossed them against the bang board so they dropped into the wagon bed. Soon the corncrib was full.

The Altmans gladly came to help shuck corn. It was a good excuse to get together and have some fun. They all sang songs, told stories, and laughed while working. Angel’s hands blistered, and she cut them on the shucks, but she had never been happier in her life. The mound of golden ears grew about her, and she felt a sense of pride in having a part in it. There was more than enough for seed next year, and their own supply for cornmeal was replenished as well as having plenty to sell at market.

When the shucking was finished, Elizabeth sat in the shade and sipped herbal tea Angel brought to her. She was rounding nicely, her cheeks glowing with healthy color. Angel had never seen her look so well or lively.

“Do you want to feel the baby kick?” Elizabeth asked and took Angel’s hand. She placed it on her swollen belly. “There. Did you feel that, Amanda?” Angel laughed, amazed. “John wants another boy,” Elizabeth said.

Angel grew wistful as they talked. Elizabeth patted her hand. “Your time will come. You’re young.”

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Angel didn’t reply.

Michael and Miriam walked up the hill together to see about little Ruth, who was swinging. Elizabeth watched them with a faint frown. “She quotes Michael like gospel. I’ve been so hoping she would fall in love with Paul.”

“Paul?” Angel looked at her in surprise.

“He’s young and strong and very good-looking. He works hard on that place of his, and he’ll make something of himself. I asked Miriam what she thought of him, and all she would say is he told her his wife was very pretty and he missed her. He hardly looks at her when he comes over to help John.” She sighed. “I suppose he’s still grieving. Too much so to notice a pretty young girl just the right age for him. And Miriam is—” She stopped as she realized what she was about to say.

“In love with Michael,” Angel said.

Elizabeth blushed. “She’s never said so.”

“She doesn’t have to, does she?”

Elizabeth wondered what damage she had done with her wandering thoughts and tongue. Sometimes she spoke with as little wisdom and tact as her children. Why hadn’t she kept silent about her concerns? Amanda was too easy to talk to. “I’ve wondered,” she admitted, seeing no way to avert the subject now. She wondered especially today, watching Miriam walk away with Michael and seeing how her daughter hung on his every word. Was Michael aware of her affection? How could he not be? Miriam never could hide anything.

Elizabeth touched Angel’s hand. “Miriam would never do anything about those feelings, even if she does have them for Michael. She adores you, and she’s a good girl. She’s no fool, Amanda.”

“Of course not.” Angel watched Michael come down the hill with her friend and thought they looked very good together. They both had dark hair and were beautifully made. They had so much in common. They both believed in the same God. They loved the land. They both embraced life with zeal and joy. They gave their love without condition.

She saw Miriam loop her arm through Michael’s and laugh up at him in easy camaraderie. Angel’s heart contracted with a sharp stab of jealousy, but it was quickly gone, overcome by an overwhelming sadness. She watched 348

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Miriam’s face carefully as they came closer.

Elizabeth was dismayed, seeing how Angel watched her daughter. “I’ve been a fool,” she said miserably, sure she had destroyed her daughter’s friendship. “I should never have said anything.”

“I’m glad you did.”

Elizabeth took her hand tightly. “Amanda, Michael loves you very much.”

“I know,” Angel said, smiling bleakly. What good would it ever do him?

“And so does Miriam.”

Angel saw how distressed Elizabeth was and put her hand over hers. “I know that, too, Elizabeth. You needn’t worry.” Next to Michael and Ruthie, she loved Miriam better than anyone in the world. Not that she didn’t also love Elizabeth. What she felt was too consuming to share.

Elizabeth’s eyes filled with tears. “And now I’ve ruined your trust in her.”

“Not at all.” Oddly, Angel knew her reassurance was true. She felt secure in Michael’s love. But what of Miriam? Even more unsettling, what of Michael’s dreams?

Angel tried to push the disturbing thoughts away.
Michael knew what he
was getting. He said so himself. So it’s not my fault if he doesn’t get everything he
wanted. Like children.

Angel looked at Elizabeth’s abdomen and then turned her head away, pretending the grief inside her didn’t exist.

Michael went to visit with Paul and was gone most of the next day. Angel wondered what he had gone to talk about and what Paul would have to say to him. She was working in the garden when Michael returned. She made no move to go out to meet him. He swung down from his horse and strode toward her purposefully. Putting his hand on the support post, he swung over the gate and caught hold of her. Pulling her into his arms, he kissed her thoroughly. When she was breathless, he relaxed his hold and grinned down at her.