Chapter 30
Slade
“You just have to be clear on what you want in the beginning and stand on it.”
The music in the car was pumping, and although Shannon was riding shotgun, Slade still felt alone. Losing Markee had shortened his patience, and he couldn’t wait to get his hands on Randy. It was a good thing he was hiding, because he had plans to dismember him while he was still alive and feed his body parts to the sharks.
His mind was still on the funeral when she ran her hand up his thigh. He looked over at her. “I’m not feeling that shit right now.” He stopped at a light. “I’m driving.”
She snatched her hand away. “Since when are you not feeling getting your dick sucked? You would do it five times a day if I could stand it.”
“You just love saying stupid shit, don’t you?” He pulled into traffic. “I can’t never get you to act like a lady.”
She threw her weight back into her seat, pouted, and crossed her arms over her breasts. She didn’t care if she was the in-between girl. She wanted to be with him, so she would do whatever she could to keep him. But it bugged her out that unless he was about to nut, she always seemed to be irritating him. “Whatever you want, Slade. You’re the boss.” She sighed. “Anyway, where we going out to eat?”
“I was thinking we could grab some steaks.” He looked over at her. If there was one thing that could be said about Shannon, it was that she was sexy. The jeans she wore hugged her thick thighs, and her waist was virtually nonexistent. She wasn’t no Farah Cotton, but she was a great substitute. “Why, you wanted something else?”
“I’ll take whatever you give me.” She laughed, happy he was willing to compromise. “So,” she said as she rubbed his thigh again, “when you gonna make me your girl?”
He turned the music down. “You playing, right?” He looked into her eyes as he steered his truck. When she didn’t crack a smile, he said, “Wait, you’re fucking serious?”
“Why wouldn’t I be? I don’t suck your dick and let you treat me like a fuck toy just for fun. I do it because I like you, and someday I want you to take me seriously.”
“I thought it was about the bread I put into your pockets. Now, if that ain’t enough, I don’t know what else to tell you.”
“And I appreciate it—”
“Well, you better start acting like it, Shannon,” he said in a voice that rocked her core. “Because I told you I’m not trying to be in no relationship.”
“You mean you not trying to be in no relationship with me. If I were Farah, it would be all good.”
Just the fact that she uttered her name plagued him with guilt. “How come whenever I turn around, you talking about Farah? Are you that fucking insecure that you can’t even exist without knowing how I feel about her?” He paused briefly. “I’m not going to keep justifying where you stand in my life, versus what I feel about her.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that I will always love Farah. It means that you will never measure up. And it means that if you mention her name again, just once, I’m pulling this truck over and throwing you the fuck out.”
Slade didn’t relax until he made it to the restaurant and had two glasses of Hennessy in his system. Suddenly, when he looked over at Shannon, she didn’t seem so irritating. In fact, she looked beautiful as she silently sipped her soup.
“What you over there thinking about?” he asked, hoping she wouldn’t ruin the night. “You been quiet ever since we got here.”
She released the spoon and it clinked against the inside of the bowl. “I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I guess I can’t believe that I’m sitting at the table with somebody like you.” Shannon sipped her Moscato. “I ask myself over and over, why me? And I want to know so badly what I can do to make you happy. I just don’t know how.”
“What you mean, somebody like me? I’m just an average nigga.”
“Slade, you may be a lot of things, but average you’re not.” She looked him over. “I mean, look at you. You have the height, that sexy chocolate skin, and even that scar on your neck. Girls like me don’t normally find themselves in the company of niggas like you.”
“You a bad chick, Shannon. I can see a rack of niggas wanting to get with you. You just have to be clear on what you want in the beginning and stand on it.”
She shook her head because it hurt her feelings that he was talking to her about other niggas. In her mind, it meant that he would never be serious about her. “Naw, they never like bitches like me, except if they’re trying to fuck. I guess you can relate, since that’s all you want, right?”
He sipped his liquor. She was a beast at finding ways to bring up the topic of commitment. “Yeah, a’ight, Shannon.”
“I’m serious,” she continued, tossing her wine up, leaving only a droplet in the glass. “Can I ask you something? Before you say yes, I want an honest response, even if you think it will hurt my feelings.”
“Don’t say you can take it if you can’t.”
“I promise I can take whatever answer you give me. I’m tired of being lied to, and I know, no matter what, you do care about me. Even if it is only a little bit.”
He sat back in his chair. “Okay, give it to me.”
She exhaled. “Can you tell me why you would never take me seriously? As a girlfriend? I don’t want you to beat around the bush, Slade.”
He gulped his Hennessy and flagged the waiter over for another glass. “I’m gonna tell you this because contrary to what you believe, I do like you. A lot.” When his drink came, he took a slow sip. “I could never see you as wifey because of how you got down when we first met.”
Her eyebrows rose and she was confused. In her mind, they had a great night, which ended with his dick in her mouth and her friends fucking his brothers. “Are you talking about when you picked me and my friends up and took me to your cousin’s house?” She paused. “Because I thought everything was cool. As a matter of fact, you said that was the only reason we still kick it.”
“You right, you did hook me up, but what I’m talking about is
how
you and your friends got down when you came over my cousin’s place.” He paused. “If you wanted to be wifey, you had to carry yourself that way.”
“So you saying you’ll never be with me like that because I sucked your dick on the first date? Even though that’s what you wanted me to do and you liked it?”
He shrugged.
“That’s so fucking wrong, Slade. If that’s how you felt, why didn’t you tell me while I was doing it?”
“It’s not my responsibility to express what you want for yourself.” He pointed at her. “
You
gotta put it to niggas how you want to be treated, or else you’ll be taken advantage of.”
“So you’re admitting that you took advantage of me?”
“I’m being real with you, Shannon. That’s what you asked, remember?”
“Wow, you never really know a person.” She took his glass and drank the rest of his Hennessy. “At least you being real.”
“I’ve always kept shit real with you. You just figuring it out now.”
Slade knew she was talking, but suddenly he could no longer hear her, because across the room was the woman he thought about every day, hugged up with
another
nigga. Since it wasn’t even the same dude, he was confused.
What is she, some kind of freak?
The six foot five inch dude had her wrapped in his arms like a scarf, and she was smiling so wide her teeth sparkled.
“Excuse me for a minute, Shannon.” He stood up.
Shannon grabbed his hand and said, “Slade, please don’t leave me. We came together.”
He shook her off and approached them. When he was close enough to breathe on both of them, he asked, “You look like you’re really enjoying yourself, Farah.”
Farah almost tripped over her feet when she saw him. “Nobody’s asking you, Slade.” She focused back on Jake and Coconut, who were both grilling Slade.
“Farah, what are you doing with this nigga? Wasn’t you just pinned up with another dude the other night? Don’t you got shit to take care of back home?”
Farah looked in the direction he came from. When she saw Shannon, she frowned. “What I’m doing over here is none of your business, but it looks like you having yourself a good time too.” She laughed to herself. “You love fucking the consolation prize, don’t you?” She looked at Shannon, who was grinning from ear to ear. Part of her wanted to snatch her face off, but the other part wanted to remain cool. Besides, he was the one pressing her out, not the other way around.
“My man, not for nothing, but I’m having an evening with my ladies right now,” Jake said to Slade.
Prior to him opening his mouth, Slade forgot he was even there. “Your lady?” Slade laughed. “Nigga, I think you feeling yourself right about now. Back up before I embarrass you.”
“I think you feeling yourself,” Jake persisted. “And if you don’t step the fuck away from the table, there’s going to be a situation.”
Farah, wanting to save Jake from a beat down, interfered. “Jake, please let me handle this alone.”
“Naw, baby girl, this nigga way off beat. It’s time for me to set him straight.”
When he put his finger on Slade’s arm, Slade gripped it and bent it backward. He didn’t stop until he heard the pop of his bones.
“Ahhhh! What the fuck,” he screamed, jumping in place. “You just broke my finger!” His limp finger moved around loosely. “I can’t believe you just broke my finger!”
Slade was about to drop him on his back until Farah said, “Slade, please stop this shit. What is wrong with you? We’re not together, remember?”
“Get your shit and come with me, Farah,” Slade demanded. “Unless you want me to hurt somebody else!” He walked toward the exit without looking back.
Farah hopped up so quickly she knocked over a glass of water. If there was one thing she was certain of, it was that he was capable of everything he said.
On his heels, Slade grabbed Farah by the hand and snatched her out of the restaurant. He forgot all about Shannon until he was ten blocks down the street. Slight guilt covered him, and he texted his brother and told him to pick her up and take her wherever she wanted to go.
He responded with, I’m on it, but you gonna pay for that shit. I don’t trust that chick.
Annoyed even more, Slade threw the phone in his console and drove silently down the street.
“I heard about your cousin,” Farah said softly. “I’m sorry that happened to your family, Slade.”
He looked at her and faced the road again. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
He drove in silence for five more minutes before she said, “Can you please talk to me and tell me what’s going on?” She looked over at him. “What was that shit back there?”
“What you mean, what’s going on?” His driving grew erratic. “I should be asking why you out on nightcaps when you still haven’t found that bitch.” Slade couldn’t give a fuck about Eleanor at that moment, but he couldn’t let her know that. The only thing on his mind was Farah Cotton and losing her for good.
“You mean to tell me that all of that back there was because of Eleanor?” Farah was heartbroken.
“Yeah . . . What you think it was about?”
“Pull over, Slade, or I’m jumping out of this bitch.” She tugged on the door handle.
“I’m taking you home. You can do whatever you want once you there.”
“Slade, either pull over or I’m jumping out. I’m not fucking around.”
Calling her bluff, he said, “Then you do what the fuck you gotta do, because I’m not stopping for shit.”
True to her word, she opened the door and rolled out onto the street.
“What the fuck is wrong with this bitch?” he yelled, pulling the car over to the side of the road. His heart pumped wildly and he prayed she was okay. Once outside, he ran to the patch of grass she landed in and looked down at her limp body. “What the fuck is up with you?” He helped her up, checking her over for injuries. “Why would you just do that shit? Huh? You could’ve killed yourself!”
He embraced her in his arms and she lost control. She cried long and hard as she pulled him closer to her body. “Slade, I’m so sorry for my part in everything. I don’t know who you want me to be or what you want me to do, but you gotta stop fucking with my mind! You have to!”
He hugged her tightly and sniffed her hair. It felt so right to be with her, but wrong at the same time. “I can’t play these fucking games with you no more either, baby. I just don’t know what to do. So much shit is going on right now.”
“If you want me and I want you, what’s the problem?” She sobbed. “We’re adults, Slade.” She wiped her tears. “Let’s do this shit and not worry about other people.”
He pulled away from her and looked into her eyes. “I’m tired of living for everybody else too, but I gotta know, are you fucking that nigga back there?”
“What? N–no,” she stuttered, leaning against his chest. “It’s not even like that. He’s Coconut’s boyfriend and I was just with them while they were celebrating their anniversary.” Lies rolled off of her tongue so effortlessly she believed them.
“What about the other nigga? Back at the Lofts?” He paused. “I saw the look in his eyes when I called your name. He looked at you like I do. Are you with him?”
“No, baby, he’s just a friend.”
“Does he know that?”
“He should, but if you want, I don’t have a problem telling him.”
“Are you lying to me, Farah? Because you know how much I hate liars.” He gripped her tighter. “I can’t do the secrets no more, Farah. I’m done!” He paused. “If I find out you lying, it’s over for good. I’m putting everything on the line to be with you this time, and I don’t want to find out it ain’t worth it.”
“I promise on everything, there’s nobody I want to be with more than you. I was just waiting for you to realize that you want me too.” She stepped away from him and grabbed his hands. “But there’s something I want to share with you. Something you must know about me.”