Rebuilding Stone (The Stone Brother Series Book 2) (7 page)

I’m here at Lani’s place, feeling thankful that Kerrigan
agreed to meet with me. I knock softly on the door so I don’t accidentally
startle anyone. Ari answers the door, and I can tell she has been crying.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“Kerrigan wants me to go back home.”

It’s not a bad idea
,
I think to myself, but I am thankful Ari is tough and willing to stick up for
her sister. Crying girls make me very uncomfortable. I pull her in for a hug
because I hate seeing her like this.

“She just wants you safe, that’s all.”

“I know. Thank you.”

“Where is she?”

Ari points to the bedroom. This place is nice. Security
isn’t great, but it’s better than some of the downtown Chicago apartments. It’s
also on the fourth floor.

Without knocking, I walk in to Kerrigan’s room. She is
sitting up with her knees to her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs.
She's crying, and I want so badly to reach out and comfort her.

“Kerrigan?” I whisper to get her attention.

She looks up quickly and asks, “What are you doing in here?”

“Ari told me where you were,” I reply. “You told me to come
by later.” I can tell she is trying to relax. I make no movement. I don’t want
her to feel like a cornered animal.

“You can sit over there.” She points to a wooden chair in
the corner. I walk over and sit down.

“What do you need from me, Kerrigan? I want to help. Tell me
what I can do.”

“All I want is for all of this to be over. To feel safe. To
feel like my friends are safe.”

“I’m trying. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.”

“This isn’t about you, Maddox. Don’t blame yourself. I
stayed. God, I’m so stupid. Why did I stay, Maddox?” She starts crying. Crying
Kerrigan makes me want to fight the world.

“You’re not stupid, Kerrigan, and you’re not alone. I
believed he was abusing you. I just couldn’t do anything because you never
complained.”

“He was a cop. Who would I complain to? Besides, you
would’ve been in danger too. I couldn’t tell you.”

“I would’ve protected you. I would’ve helped you. I hate
that you stayed because of me. Talk to me.”

Her eyes are searching the room. I know she is deciding to
either lay it out or run.

“Please,” I whisper in encouragement.

“He was jealous of you,” she says. What? Why? I tried to
respect him in the beginning.

“What do you mean ‘jealous’ of me?”

“During sex,” she clears her throat, “he’d ask me if I was
thinking of you. If I didn’t answer fast enough, sex became very painful.” That
sick fuck. I want to go to the station and ram a baton straight up his
ass.
 

“I wish you would’ve talked to me.” I don’t know what else
to say, and saying what I’m feeling would only scare her.

“It wasn’t your fault,” she says. “Maddox, can I ask you
something?”

“Anything, Kerrigan.”

“Why?”

“Why what?” I ask.

“Was it because you’d be embarrassed to introduce a
bartender to your perfect parents? Your perfect life? Why wasn’t I good enough?
I’m only asking because I need to know what people really think of me.”

Hold up. I know what she is asking but I’m not following.

“Kerrigan, I don’t know what to say.”

I watch as she stands up, goes to the window, and looks out.
I can hear her try to quieten her sobs. I have to do something, so I walk over
to the window and place my hand on the small of her back. She flinches but
doesn’t say anything.

“It’s alright, you don’t have to say anything. I mean I
understand not wanting to take a bartender home to your parents. I just wanted
to know, so thanks for confirming.”

Maybe she and Molly never talked about our family.

“Kerrigan...” The emotions are stuck in my throat. I try
clearing it before I start again. “If I had parents, I would be proud to take
you home. My actions that day had nothing to do with you and everything to do
with me.”

“Where are your parents? I bet they were proud of you.”

I let out a laugh. She is so far off the mark. I realize now
why Kerrigan stayed. She puts herself down without even being aware. I can hear
it in her voice.

“My parents aren’t proud. My parents are evil. I can relate
to you to an extent. My father was a very abusive man. My brothers and I took
daily beatings, but we never said anything because we were afraid we would be
put into the foster care system. We didn’t want to be separated. My mom is
alive. One day, when I was two years old, my dad had taken Evan and Noah out
fishing. She left me alone in a dark house and never came back. My dad blamed
me.”

Maddox looks at the floor after his revelation. I know this
look because I wear it often. It’s one of shame. I make the connection now.
Where I shut men out to keep them from seeing me, he became a nameless man to
many women. Not getting close but feeling wanted. This is probably a mistake,
but I need to do this. I wrap my arms around him. It’s an act of forgiveness.
At first, he doesn’t return the hug, but after he realizes I’m not backing off,
he engulfs me in a bear hug. I feel his arms hold me tightly. He smells
intoxicating. He nuzzles his head into my neck, and I can feel his warm breath
on my skin as he quietly speaks.

“I love you, Kerrigan.”

“I’m sorry, Maddox,” I say, backing away from him. “I’m not
even close to being ready for a relationship.”

“Don’t be. What you just gave me is more than I’ve been
given my entire life.” His lips graze my neck when he says this. It stirs
something in me that I haven’t felt in a long time.

“I hope you don’t give up on me, Maddox. I’m not ready, but
I want to be.”

“Never. I’ll be who you need me to be, Kerrigan, I promise.
If you need a friend, a shoulder to cry on, or a lover, I’ll be it.”

“Thank you.” I don’t know why—because it’s just going
to stir up the want in me—but I kiss his cheek. After I’m done, he does what
he did the night of the Officers' Ball. He runs his thumb down my
cheek—it's the only gentle pleasure I've ever been given.

“Good night, Kerrigan,” he says as he walks out the door.

Over the last couple of months, I started going to therapy
sessions twice a week. They are helping, and I know I’m on a long road to
recovery. I’ll never be completely healed, though. I think the biggest things
that are holding me back are the looming trial, and that Aaron, once again, is
out on bail.

Slowly though, I am gaining back my independence. I’m
working with Molly as a receptionist at Dr. Chaney’s office. It’s nice having a
job I can feel proud of. Ari and I moved in together. It’s a one-bedroom
apartment, which is all we can afford right now. At first, I was worried
because there is no security, but we are both happy to have a place of our own.

Maddox and I have grown closer. The biggest change between
us is that we can be ourselves with each other. At first, he tried to temper
his language, but not cursing was killing him. Cursing doesn’t bother me. Heck,
I’ve worked in a bar most of my adult life. It was the tone and the aggression
behind his words that bothered me. But I know it’s just him and he can be a bit
of a hothead. In return, he accepts my insecurities, and he’s there to reassure
me when I need it. I’ve noticed he isn’t dating anyone or sleeping with anyone,
at least, to my knowledge. Even though I’m not ready for anything more right
now, I am hopeful it can happen—one day, soon.

I’m having dinner with Molly tonight, but first, I have a
meeting with Evan to go over my testimony for the upcoming trial. I hate
reliving my time with Aaron, but each time that I do, I learn something new
about myself, and it gets a little easier.

I’m sitting in the Monroe & Stone Law office building.
It’s located in a beautiful skyscraper off Michigan Ave. The view is amazing.
Every time I visit Evan, he tries to make me feel comfortable. Usually when he
has clients waiting for him, he has his secretary just call them into his
office. She always rolls her eyes at me, but when Evan comes out of his office,
she is smiley and overly helpful. Probably because when it’s my turn, he not
only comes out to get me, but he also walks over and takes my hand and leads me
in. It’s weird because the Evan I know—the Evan everyone knows—is
an arrogant bully, which is why I assume he is so successful.

I hear the door open and I look up to see Evan, who looks
troubled. This isn’t good. When he looks at me, he smiles a reassuring smile. I
can tell it’s forced, though.

“Kerrigan, come with me.”

“Is everything okay?” I ask.

“It will be. I promise.”

“Evan, am I in trouble?” I can feel him tense up.

“Would you like to go out for lunch today?” he asks.

“Sure, if you don’t keep me waiting and talk to me.”

“In the car.” He puts his arm through mine and leads me to
the elevators.

When we get to his car, he opens the passenger door and
helps me inside. I don’t like this. Nervous Evan is something to be feared.
When he gets in the car, the questions start flowing from my mouth.

“What’s going on?”

“A couple of things. Kerrigan, I want you to know, all of
this is typical. We knew to expect accusations from Aaron.”

“Okay. What is he saying?”

“Well, he is saying you have a habit of accusing men of abuse.”
Evan says through his teeth.

“What? I’ve never accused anyone of anything.”

“I know. He brought up the high school incident. His
attorney knows you never pressed charges, but it will make it look like you
have a history of false accusations.”

“Evan, please, you can even ask Alani. She knows I have
never accused anyone. I never spoke of it. Well, I did talk to Aaron about it.”

“Alani?” he asks.

“Lani. Sorry.”

“Alani,” his eyes brighten when he says her name. It makes
me wonder….

“Yes. That was the reason she got into investigating. She
wanted to help victims. She got the yearbook out to show Missy the guys she
remembered. She then asked Missy if she could identify any of them. Missy
started shaking when she got to one picture, but she couldn’t identify him. She
keeps close tabs on those men. I told her to leave it alone because one guy in
particular is very dangerous.”

“Great. That’s just awesome.” His hands tighten on the
steering wheel.

“What else?” I ask.

“Another woman came forward, which is good for us. She left
a message with my answering service yesterday. She moved away, but she’s
willing to testify if we can do it by video conference.”

This is good news, right? Then why is Evan so upset? He
knows that abused women are usually the ones on trial, while the abuser looks
innocent. He’s the one who has stressed this to me.

“Why are you worried, Evan?”

“Aaron’s lawyer is going to offer a plea deal for us. I’m
not sure what he will be asking for yet. I just want you to know that I’ll
stand by you in whatever decision. It’s not fair that women, who have been
abused the way you have been, have to take the stand and be put on display as
if you did something wrong. Kerrigan, you need to keep in mind, Aaron is a cop
and has no criminal history. I don’t know their defense yet, but it’s possible
he could walk.”

“What would you do if you were me?” I ask.

“I’d roll the dice. I’d get my day in court. I’d stand up to
the person that hurt me the way he hurt you.” Evan smiles at me.

“Alright. We fight then.” I reply, feeling more confident
than I have in a long time. I’m getting my life back.

I’m in Kerrigan's life, and right now, that’s all I care
about. She is trying to start over, but I can tell she isn’t close to feeling
safe. That’s what I hate the most. I want her living with me. Although she and
Ari share an apartment together, it still makes me nervous. Kerrigan is in no
shape to defend herself, and Ari is naive. I’m going to ask them to start
taking self-defense classes. I know that will give Kerrigan courage and open
Ari’s eyes. Tonight, Kerrigan is having dinner with Molly. I feel safe knowing
that she will be at Noah and Molly’s. I haven’t slept well, so I will catch up
on some much needed rest.

When I arrive home, my neighbor, Donna, meets me. She is
possibly the only female friend I’ve ever had. She has pretty red hair and snow-white
skin. I’ve never tried to hook-up with her because she lives in my building,
and I don’t need that complication. My home is my escape from life.

“Maddox, when you get inside, can you check your water
pressure?” Donna asks. “This building is older and something is constantly
breaking.”

“Sure,” I reply.

“Thanks!” Donna replies. She then asks, “How is the Kerrigan
thing going?” I’ve talked with Donna on a few occasions trying to get a girl's
perspective. Her advice is always the same—
”Just be there for her.”

“Better. I’m starting to see a little of the woman I once
knew.”

“Good. You give me hope that men can actually be loveable.”
She laughs.

We walk into the apartment and check the water. It’s fine
here. After talking for a few more minutes, Donna goes back to her place, and I
go to lie down. My thoughts are with Kerrigan, just like every other night.
Tonight, though, they are calm and filled with the hope that we are closer to
our forever.

As it got closer to dinnertime, I don’t feel like going out,
and I try to cancel on Molly. Of course, she kept pushing me to come over, and
now, I am here at her house. Noah is working so it makes this visit easier.

The Stone Brothers aren’t men you can completely relax
around. Noah is always so serious. He always looks annoyed. He doesn’t like to
be bothered by anything unless it’s family. I remember seeing him at the
bar—when women would approach, he’d roll his eyes and take a drink.
Maddox is cocky and gorgeous. When he looks at me, my whole body fills with
nervous energy. The good kind of nerves. Evan is probably the one I’d fear the
most. He is just aggressive. There isn’t another word for him. I like Evan and
appreciate him for all that he is doing, but there is something so mysterious
about him. I don’t want to dig any deeper because whatever he is hiding, I’m
certain it would make the boogie man look like a soft, cuddly puppy. I shiver
just at the thought.

 
Walking into
their penthouse, I remember thinking how well off the brothers must have been.
Seeing that they made a life after such abuse gives me hope that one day, I can
do the same.

“Kerrigan, I’m in the kitchen!” Molly yells. She sounds
frustrated. When I get into the kitchen, I can’t help but laugh.
Molly—who is six months pregnant, but looks to be about twelve months
pregnant—is trying to bend down to grab a spoon. Landon is crying in his
high chair.

“What do you need me to do?” I ask, trying to hide my smile.

“Can you get the spoon? I swear these Stone babies make me
feel huge.”

“Sure.” I say, while picking up the spoon. “Anything else?”
I look to the stove and see the water boiling.

“Can you hold Landon? It’s almost his bedtime, but I’m
trying to keep him awake. He is still waking up during the night.” I swallow
the nervousness, as I’ve not held Landon yet. I’ve seen him before, of course,
and he’s gotten so big. He has his daddy’s dark skin, dark eyes, and his
ability to make me nervous. Landon is the cutest baby I’ve ever laid eyes on. I
walk over to his high chair and I undo the latch. He reaches for me and keeps
saying, “Up, Up pease.” I can’t say no, so I meet his demands.

Strong is the thought that crosses my mind as I bring him
into my arms. His crying instantly stops, and he looks me in the eyes. For some
reason, tears start forming in mine. I don’t want Molly to feel bad, so I take
him to the living room and find some toys. I sit there playing with him,
longing for something like this one day. Trying to focus on this moment, I turn
my thoughts back to Landon who is banging toys together. This kid is loud. I
don’t really know how to interact with kids, but he makes it easy. I just make
noise and clap my hands when he does.

“Hey, the food is ready,” Molly says. She walks over to
Landon, who takes off running at the sound of his mom’s voice.

“Okay,” I say, walking over to the table. She made lasagna.

Molly finally wrangles Landon and sits him back down. He
seems to know that food is coming because he is tracking Molly with his eyes, I
guess to make sure he gets his food.

“Sorry, it’s the one thing I know I never do wrong.” She
smiles.

“I love lasagna.” I pick up my fork and start eating. I
watch Landon as he shovels in food. It’s the cutest thing, but I worry he’s
going to choke if he doesn’t slow down.

“It’s good.” I say.

“It was the first thing I made for Noah.”

“Ah. I feel special. You only share this with the important
people,” I joke. Wait. Did I just try to find humor?

“That’s right. I hardly cook anymore. I guess you can see
why.”

“Yeah. Two babies? Two boys, that’s kind of crazy. Under two
years old, too.”

“I know. Next time I’ll get my birth control shot.” She
smiles. That reminds me, I need to make that appointment...never mind, no, I
don’t. Sex with anyone is the last thing on my mind. I want children, just not
now.

“So how are things going?” she continues.

“Better. I guess.” I hate talking about this. I hate that
people continue to see me as the abused woman. I know that’s what I am; I’m
just tired of being her. I want my life back.

“Kerrigan, I’m sorry. It’s weird for me because I want to
say the right things. I don’t want to ignore what happened to you, but I also
don’t want you to feel like we can’t have a good time either.”

“I know. It’s weird. I don’t want anyone to feel that way. I
just don’t know what I’m feeling. One minute I feel like I’m going to be okay,
and then the next, I’m a mess. I guess we just keep talking until it becomes
less weird.”

“Can I ask some questions?”

I tense up, but if things are going to get better, they have
to be talked about. I can’t bury them anymore. I can’t hide who I am or what
I’ve been through. I’m done hiding.

“Yes.”

“When did the abuse start?”

“It probably happened long before I was aware it was abuse.
I remember the first time I got hit was after the Police Officer’s Ball, though
there had been an arm grab or a small shove before that...” I feel the blood
rush from my face thinking back to that night.

“WOW. I knew from the moment I met him that something was
off. I had just met you, though, and wanted to be friends. I made myself forget
about him. I wish you had reached out. Why didn’t you leave?” Molly asked
curiously.

“I couldn’t, Molly. Doing so would have meant that I was
wrong or that something was wrong with me. I wanted to help him. I know that
sounds silly...even to me now, it does. But there were good times. I realize
now, though, that those times were only to trap me. He knew I’d remember the
sweet pillow talk and the long walks, and I did. I was hoping if he got help,
he would be the man I thought I loved.”

“Are you scared still?”

“Yes. Absolutely.” I will always be afraid.

“My offer of my parents helping you is still on the table,
if you ever need it.”

“Thanks.”
I might need
it,
I think to myself.

We finish the rest of the evening deep in conversation. Not
about Aaron, but about life, her son. As the night goes on, I realize I’m
having a good time. I’m actually laughing out loud right now as I watch
pregnant Molly try to get Landon ready for bed. He is butt naked and running
away from her. I can tell she is getting frustrated, but I can’t stand up to
help. This is too much fun to watch. I stop laughing when I hear the elevator
door open and Noah steps out. He is one good-looking man. When he looks at
Molly chasing Landon, his eyes soften and a beautiful smile crosses his face.

“Oh, thank God you’re home! Your streaker son won’t lie
down,” says Molly. Noah starts laughing and leans down to kiss Molly as he rubs
her belly. This used to make me jealous. Right now, it gives me fuel to get
better. Having this is possible.

Landon runs straight to Noah. Molly rolls her eyes because
she has been fighting him for the last ten minutes. Noah walks in, and Landon
turns into the sweet little boy. This must happen often.

“Kerrigan, it’s good seeing you. Hopefully, you’re having a
good visit,” Noah says.

“It was a good visit, and I’ve had a good time. Landon is a
hoot,” I say.

“A hoot? Oh, you wait, girl. I’m going to sit back and laugh
at you when you start having your little ones,” Molly says, still annoyed. I
can’t help but laugh.

“I’ll take Landon. You girls finish your visit,” Noah says,
as he throws a now clothed Landon in the air.

After Molly and I talk for another half-hour, it's time for
me to leave. I have a cab waiting downstairs so Molly and I say our goodbyes.
When the elevator door closes, I wait to feel anxiety or something other than
happiness.

But it doesn’t come. It was a good visit with Molly.