Rebel McKenzie (20 page)

“Miss Rebel, what kind of act are you gonna do?” he asked when I bounced over to him.

I didn't answer. The two glasses of milk I had earlier collided with the RC I'd just chugged. Would those breathing exercises pay off? I sucked in a mouthful of air like an opera singer, opened my mouth, and let 'er rip.

“ConnecticutMassachusettsVirginiaSouthCarolinaNorth CarolinaGeorgiaNewHampshireNewJerseyNewYorkMaryland DelawarePennsylvaniaaaaaaaaaa—”

I was running out of oxygen. My lungs felt like old balloons. Squinching my eyes closed I pretended I was a zeuglodon (the gigantic sea-dwelling mammal) battling a prehistoric shark. The shark pinned me to the rocks, moving in for the kill. The shark could stay underwater longer than me.…But wait! There was a tiny bubble of air tucked in one corner of my lungs.

I pushed it out, along with
“RhodeIslaaaaaand!”

I did it! I finally belched all thirteen colonies! I was so excited, I hugged Mr. Randolph.

“I burped out the thirteenth colony!” I said gleefully.

Then I cut my eyes over at the judges. They were actually laughing! The judges were supposed to be serious. They must have
loathed
my act. I didn't stand a chance.

Mr. Randolph pulled a baby-blue handkerchief from his pocket and mopped his forehead. “Well, folks, we have enjoyed a
variety
of acts today. Let's give Miss Rebel a big hand!”

Not too big, I thought, squelching back to the line.

“That was dis
gust
ing!” Bambi said. “I knew you'd flake out.”

Mr. Randolph glanced at the judges. The woman judge held up one finger.

“Folks, our esteemed judges are in a pickle. They are flat-out stumped by the array of beauty and talent here today! They've requested a short intermission so they can discuss the fine qualities of each of these young ladies. Take a break, y'all. I'll holler when they're ready.”

Bambi, Lacey Jane, me, and Rudy sprinted off the stage.

Bambi ran immediately over to her mother. “Oh, my poor little Kissy! She's drowned! And it's all that nasty cat's fault!”

“You're welcome,” I said acidly.

Lynette gave Doublewide to Rudy. “Whatever possessed you to stuff that cat in my tote bag?” she said. “And drag him out onstage in the middle of the
pageant
?”

“He can do a trick,” Rudy said, squeezing his cat. “And it's better than some of the acts I saw.”

I couldn't argue with him there. Doublewide peeing on a pretend toilet seat was way more entertaining than hearing “Tomorrow” sung so bad you wished it would never come.

Miss Odenia hugged Lacey Jane. “You did a beautiful job! I took pictures so your father can see how you dazzled everybody.”

“Thanks,” Lacey Jane said. “But Bambi is still pretty stiff competition.”

“We'll see.” Miss Odenia gave a mysterious smile.

I looked down at my wet, dirty skirt. Even if Bambi wasn't disqualified for wearing a pageant dress, nothing was as bad as being covered in straw and cat fur. I wouldn't even get last place.

“Folks, may I have your attention!” Mr. Randolph's voice boomed over the loudspeaker. “The judges have reached a decision. Please return to your seats!”

After a scramble, the audience was reseated, and the Violets were once again lined up onstage.

I caught Lacey Jane staring at me, and gave her a salute. With that talent act and her interview, she was a shoo-in.

Mr. Randolph bent down as the woman judge handed him a folded piece of paper. He unfolded it, then looked out at the audience.

“After all that excitement, I can't stand another second of suspense, can you?”
So get
on
with it
, I wanted to yell. “The judges had a difficult choice. They said it was
very
close between two young ladies. Both gave outstanding performances. But one went beyond the call of duty in conduct befitting—” He stopped, tangled in his own sentence.

Bambi nudged me and smirked. “He's just trying to make one of the other girls feel better.
Not
you.”

Making a big show of unfolding the paper and holding it at arm's length in front of his face, Mr. Randolph cleared his throat dramatically.

Then he boomed, “The winner of the third annual Better-Off-Dead Frog Level Volunteer Fire Department's beauty pageant, Violet category
is
…”

I held my hand out to Lacey Jane, ready to be the first to shake it.

“…Rebel McKenzie!”

I
shook my head like I was trying to knock water out of my ears. Did Mr. Randolph just say
my
name?

The Chanel-Winter-Baylee-Shelbylynns squealed and hugged me. One of them jabbed me with her baton, so I know they weren't really thrilled I'd won.

Lacey Jane ran off the stage as soon as my name was announced.

“Wait!” I called after her. “It's a mistake!”

“Darn right it's a mistake,” Bambi said, her frozen smile so brittle you could cut glass with it. “I've been robbed!”

Bambi's mother agreed. She stood up and yelled, “I demand an accounting of the judge's scores!”

“Sit down, Mimsie,” Miss Odenia said. “Rebel won fair and square.”

“C'mon up here, Rebel McKenzie,” Mr. Randolph said, beckoning to me.

I walked forward, my knees rubbery. Mrs. Randolph teetered across the stage on her little-bitty feet. Anita followed, carrying my prizes.

“Congratulations, my dear,” Mrs. Randolph said, standing on tiptoe to kiss my cheek. Then she handed me a plastic termite.

“Here are your winnings, Rebel McKenzie,” Mr. Randolph boomed. “First, a model termite from BetterOff-Dead Pest Control and Bridal Consignment. Remember, folks, when you have bugs or an unused wedding dress, think of us!”

Next, Mrs. Randolph gave me a large pink envelope.

“From those fine people at the 7-Eleven—
Oh, thank Heaven for 7-Eleven!
—a gift certificate for one Slurpee every day for thirty days! And a
check
for two hundred and fifty
dollars
!” Mr. Randolph exclaimed. “What do you think of that, Miss Rebel?”

“Great,” I said weakly. If today had been yesterday, I would have snatched the check, run home, and packed my duffel bag for Saltville. Now I felt like Rudy's inner tube after Doublewide clawed it.

“Okay, Mama, do the honors!” Mr. Randolph stepped back.

Mrs. Randolph draped a wide pink ribbon over my shoulder. Printed in red letters was miss frog level volunteer fire department, violet category—sponsored by better-off-dead pest control and brid—Apparently the sash writer ran out of room.

Then Mrs. Randolph picked up a glittering rhinestone tiara from the velvet pillow Anita held. She stretched up to put it on my head.

“Miss Frog Level Volunteer Fire Department, Violet Category!” Mr. Randolph bellowed, and everyone clapped again.

And then it was over. The Violets were hustled offstage so the Roses could make their entrance.

At the bottom of the steps, Bambi got in one last dig. “That tiara doesn't fit you.”

“And I suppose it was custom-made for your big fat head?”

Suddenly I was surrounded by people.

“I'm so glad you won!” Viola Sandbanks said. “You put Mimsie Lovering's hoity-toity nose out of joint!”

Palmer Sandbanks threw her arms around me. “Rebel, you made us all so proud! Alvin and me cheered the loudest. Did you hear us?”

When it was Lynette's turn to squash me in a hug, she said, “You always do things your way, don't you? Sometimes it works.”

Rudy jumped up and down, tugging my sash. “Rebel—Rebel—Rebel—!”

“What, Rudy?” I said.

He pulled me down to give me a sticky kiss. “You were the best one!”

“Thank you!” I gave him the plastic termite. “I have to go find Lacey Jane.”

But Miss Odenia, who'd been standing to one side, said, “Let her go, Rebel.”

“But she was so upset! And she should have won, not me! That's why I changed my talent.” Tears burned my eyes.

She put her gloved hand on my shoulder. “Come take a walk with me.”

Away from the others, I began to cry. “I wanted her to win! I really did!”

“I know,” Miss Odenia said. “Lacey Jane knows it, too. She'll be okay, Rebel. That girl has been through a lot, but she's starting to come out the other end. She'll be just fine.”

We sat down on a bench by the Ferris wheel. The ride was stopped, and the cars rocked gently. From the very top car we heard a girl shrieking in fear and delight.

“Quit it!” the girl yelled to the boy next to her. “Don't move!” The car swayed, and she laughed.

Miss Odenia tilted her head back, watching them. When the ride shuddered to life again and the cars zoomed toward earth, she smiled.

The tiara slipped, and I reached up to catch it. The combs scratched my scalp. If it wasn't for Miss Odenia, I wouldn't have learned to pivot turn or talk about something besides myself.

I couldn't give Lacey Jane the title of Miss Frog Level Volunteer Fire Department, Violet Category. But maybe—just maybe—I could try to make somebody else happy.

We put Miss Odenia on the noon Greyhound to Richmond. Her friend Ercel Grady would pick her up there and take her to Terrapin Thicket.

Everyone gathered at the bus station in Red Onion—me, Lacey Jane, Rudy, Lynette, Viola Sandbanks, Palmer, Mr. Beechley, Mrs. Maybelline Randolph, and Bambi's mother (Bambi was at a singing lesson).

Miss Odenia kissed each of us twice, then climbed on the bus and took her seat. Her navy gloved hand waved at us through the window till the bus was gone in a cloud of choking brown smoke.

Back at Grandview Estates, we all trooped to the 7-Eleven. I treated everyone to a Slurpee (mine was free). After buying Miss Odenia's bus ticket, paying Mr. Whistle back for the pageant registration fee, and buying eight Slurpees, I had twenty dollars and sixty-one cents left from the prize money.

In the pet section of 7-Eleven, I found a catnip mouse for fifty-nine cents and bought it for the Wonder Cat.

Afterward everyone went their separate ways, leaving me, Lacey Jane, and Rudy with nothing to do. We wandered over to the vacant lot by the sewer pipe.

“I hope Miz Odenia's having a good time,” Lacey Jane said. The sun glinted off my tiara. She was using it for a headband.

“She'll be back at the end of the summer,” I said, nudging a pebble with the toe of my flip-flop. I thought I saw the imprint of a trilobite, but I was wrong. Miss Odenia would have all kinds of exciting things to tell us when she came home.

I glanced around for Rudy, who was where he wasn't supposed to be, as usual. “Rudy, get away from the sewer!”

“Seee what I founnnnnnnd!”
he belched.

“What? Talk right!”

Ever since last night, Rudy couldn't stop burp-talking. His father had finally called. Rudy scampered to the phone, sucked in a deep breath, and burped,
“Hey, Daddy! How's Mud Hooogggg?”

We could hear Chuck's laughter on the other end. Lynette had said, “Rebel McKenzie! You taught my baby to talk and burp!”

I was giggling too hard to care. Rudy was pretty good! But then, he had learned from the Master.

Now Rudy ran over. He grabbed one of my hands and one of Lacey Jane's and tugged us over to the sewer pipe.

“Looook!”

He pointed at a box turtle scaling a hill of dirt. It was the oldest, most beat-up turtle I'd ever seen. Its legs and neck were leathery as an old suitcase, and its shell was nicked and scarred.

I squatted down. With my keen paleontologist's eye, I made out very faint red marks on the back of the turtle's shell.

“Check this out.” With my finger, I traced the ghostly letters.

EG + OM

Lacey Jane stooped so fast, her tiara tipped over one eye. “Rebel! It's Miz Odenia's Marriage Turtle!”

“Job? It can't be.”

“It
is
,” Lacey Jane insisted. “How did it get here?”

“God brought him on his cloud,” Rudy said.

“I doubt it.” I touched the turtle's rough shell. His toenails scrabbled in the dirt, trying to get away. “Remember when the trucks brought the carnival rides? They were from Midlothian. Miz Odenia said it was close to Terrapin Thicket.”

Lacey Jane sat back on her heels. “The turtle got picked up with the carnival rides. And rode all the way here! But—he's so
old
!”

“I want to keep him!” Rudy said, picking up the turtle. The turtle pulled his head inside his shell but his legs churned like he was swimming in the air.

“No, Rude. Job is going home. Did you forget what my book said?”

Reluctantly, Rudy set the turtle down. The shell remained closed. “Uh-oh. I musta hurt him.”

“He's just waiting for us to go away,” I told him.

Lacey Jane looked at me. “You know what this means?”

“Miss Odenia won't be back. Ever.” It wasn't scientific, but there was no other explanation. Nothing about this summer had turned out like I'd planned.

“We're still here,” Rudy said, as if reading my mind.

“Yep. So we are.” I stood up and wiped the sweat from my upper lip. We
were
here. Right now. Today.

The leaves of the trees at the edge of the vacant lot shivered with the faintest stirring of air. Was it?—yes, it was.

The first cool breeze of the summer.

August 9


Dear Skeeter,


How are you? Cleaned any ditches lately?


Here is your $20. I got it winning a beauty pageant! Can you believe it? That's over, and I'm a paleontologist again (the Ice Age kind, not the dinosaur kind). I'm working on a dig at the sewer pipe. So far I haven't found much. But you never know, do you? Next summer I'm going to the Kids' Ice Age Dig in Saltville.


Rudy (my nephew, yes, I'm an aunt!) is with me. He looks for box turtles. He has a baby one in a pen in the backyard and feeds it hamburger. Doublewide (the cat) stuck his nose in the pen, and the turtle hissed at him! Doublewide jumped a mile. It was so funny!


Lacey Jane (next door neighbor) comes, too. She works on her Girls Without Mothers Club. Right now she is drawing uniforms. All the members will wear pink ball gowns. I myself think that is a bit much. Miss Odenia (another neighbor) was going to be the head one of the club, but she went home. So Lynette (my sister) will run it.


Warning! A girl named Bambi (trouble on a stick) is coming to your prison! She heard youall wear navy jumpsuits, which she says is a fashion foepa. (That's French for mistake.) Tell the Warden to lock the doors! That girl will make you wish you were never born.


Don't spend the money in one place! Haha! Have a great summer!


Your friend,


Rebel McKenzie