Authors: T. R. Briar
“It’s locked,” he grumbled.
“Levi, I can explain why we had to come home first,” David stammered, fumbling for his keys.
“I don’t care. You’re just going to lie again!”
The key was already in the lock before Levi even finished speaking, and David pushed the door open to let the child run inside, not willing to argue.
“If you’re hungry, I bought a few candy bars at the shop,” he said. “They’re in the cupboard.”
“David, what have I told you about feeding him junk food?”
Levi turned when he heard his father’s voice, and Rayne appeared from around the corner. He was wheelchair-bound, his left arm cradled by a sling, chest still wrapped in bandages, and he looked tired, but otherwise cheerful.
“I see David brought you right home from school. Good thing too; if you’d stopped by the hospital, I wouldn’t have been there.”
“Daddy!” Levi exclaimed, running up and hugging his father.
“Careful now,” David cautioned him. “Can’t have you breaking him now, can we?”
Rayne pushed the wheels of his chair forward. He hadn’t quite gotten the hang of it, but he was better than this morning, when he’d only been able to roll around in circles. David had installed a one-arm drive onto the chair, so he could propel it with a single hand while his other one remained in a cast.
“That looks fun,” Levi said “Can I ride in your chair some time?”
“Not while I’m using it, you can’t.”
“What about while you’re sleeping?”
Levi’s question was innocent, but Rayne stopped short in his tracks.
“If it’s night time,” he murmured, “then you should be in bed as well.”
“Are you all right, Rayne?” David looked up from the pile of mail he’d picked up. “Levi, take care not to tire out your father. Don’t you have some reading exercises to do?”
Levi picked up his book bag and carried it to his bedroom. “But we can talk later, right?”
“Yes, Levi, as much as you want,” Rayne said.
Levi smiled and closed his door.
“He was very upset when he thought he wasn’t going to see you today, you know,” David remarked.
“I gathered as much,” Rayne said. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate the affection, but—”
“I know. You’re tired and you need as little stress as possible. I’ll try to keep him from asking too many questions, until you’re better.”
“Wonderful. I’ll be in the study then.”
“Study? You’re supposed to take it easy. I won’t have you overdoing it drafting contracts or whatever it is you do.”
“No worries. I just need to look something up; it has nothing to do with work. Shouldn’t take me more than twenty minutes.”
He wheeled his way over the threshold of the unused room they’d made into a study. Rayne used it for office work, but David used it as well, and the bookshelves that lined the walls contained a mix of both legal journals and medical textbooks, along with some non-work related tomes. A pair of worn out armchairs sat off to one side around a small coffee table, another folding chair leaned against the wall, and a single desk and office chair were stuffed into a corner of the room, supporting a computer, printer, phone, and fax machine. Rayne rolled into the room and flipped the computer on. He moved the desk chair out of the way, moved in front of the monitor, and started typing with his good hand as the browser loaded up.
David poked his head into the room. “Rayne, I’ve put the tea on, do you want any?”
“In a moment. I’ll be right out.”
Once David had left, Rayne finished typing out the word “Gabriel Baines, New York,” and hit enter, watching the screen load with search results. Deep down, he almost hoped to get back nothing. It would be the proof he needed that he’d been experiencing nothing more than a recurring nightmare.
But the results made his heart freeze, and for a moment it almost stopped beating. Right there, on the screen in front of him, was a directory of state government in New York, and there was Gabriel Baines, both in name and face. Rayne fumbled for the mouse to search further, but his shaking hand knocked the device off the desk, leaving it hanging by its cord above the floor. Unable to move his eyes from the screen, from the face of that man, he fumbled towards where it fell, pulling it up by the cord and setting it on the desk.
Gabriel didn’t look exactly the same. Unlike the man Rayne had met in the dark muddy plain, here he looked very clean, with his hair combed back, wearing a pressed suit free of tears and mud. He also looked much less tired in the photo, leading Rayne to wonder if it had been taken more than four months ago.
He combed over some of the other results, and was surprised by what he saw. News reports, and articles, detailing the man’s dubious political career. Investment fraud, accepting bribes, deregulating business practices that favored corporate connections, legislation that clearly helped line his own pockets, and accusations of assault. Standard stuff for someone in politics, really.
David popped back into the room. “Tea’s ready. Are you almost finished?”
“Yeah, won’t be more than a moment.”
David’s curiosity had gotten the better of him, and he entered the room and stood beside Rayne, looking at the monitor. “What are you up to anyways? A politician? What’s so interesting about him?”
“Nothing!” Rayne yelped. “I, that is—it’s nothing. I heard someone at the hospital mention his name, and I thought I’d look him up.”
“Oh. All right then, no need to get worked up.” David walked back out the door. Rayne felt quite stupid. It wasn’t like this was something to hide. Nobody would believe the truth anyways, and looking up a random name, there was nothing wrong with that. Still, knowing this man was real made him feel a little sick. He tried to convince himself it was still a coincidence, that he’d just seen his face in the paper, or heard his name around the office. There was no evidence he’d actually met this man in his dreams.
“Rayne, you coming?”
Rayne pushed his wheelchair out from behind the desk and rolled into the kitchen, picking up the teacup David had poured out for him.
“Find everything you were looking for then?” David asked.
“Yeah. Nothing worthwhile. Wasn’t much point in looking that man up after all.”
“I see. And how are you feeling now?”
“Very tired.”
“Really? With all that sleeping you did at the hospital?”
“Between the drugs and the pain—no, I haven’t been sleeping well at all.”
“I’m sure once you’re back in your own bed, you’ll sleep more soundly.”
“Maybe,” Rayne set his cup down. “But I’d rather not sleep anytime soon.”
“You have to. Your body won’t heal if you don’t rest.”
“I can’t. I just—You don’t know how hard this is for me.”
“Try to think of something pleasant before you nod off. You know, happy memories. Don’t let any bad thoughts enter your mind, and you’ll sleep better.”
Rayne tried to think, but his foggy memory made that difficult. Even before the accident, his younger days seemed like such a blur. The harder he tried to think, the more it made his head hurt, a throbbing pain that started above his eyes and spread through the rest of his skull.
David leaned over and guided Rayne’s arm to put down the teacup before he made a mess on the table.
“Don’t try to force it. The doctors did say to give your brain its space, after all.”
“No, I almost had it. Something—” a flicker went off behind Rayne’s eyes as a faint thought arose. “Oh yeah. My dog.”
“A dog? When did you have a dog? You never mentioned that before.”
“It was a long time ago. Before we met. But I remember it clearly—yes. He was my best friend. Loyal to a fault, a bit loud-mouthed. We were inseparable, him and me. He hated leaving my side.” In his mind, Rayne recalled spending time with this dog, cheerful, happy, playing with him out in the yard, back in his home. His old home. He hadn’t remembered that in some time, and he couldn’t recall what it looked like. The same went for the dog. He remembered the emotions, the feelings of joy. The sharp smells of the world around him, the touch of a beloved pet as he played with it, enjoying his company.
A teacup clicking against a saucer snapped him out of his reverie. David chuckled. “Brilliant. You haven’t smiled like that in years.”
The smile vanished, and Rayne’s face went back to somber.
“Stop that,” David said. “There’s no shame in being happy. Nobody’s going to think less of you—I certainly won’t. Tonight, I want you to hold onto those memories. I promise, you will have a nice, sound sleep.”
Rayne leaned back in his wheelchair. “Fine.” He decided to change the subject. “Are you working tonight?”
“Actually, I’ve got a date.”
“A date? Really?”
“Been a while, hasn’t it? I’ve been so busy working, and playing nanny to Levi, I haven’t had a chance to meet a nice girl.”
“Oh, God, I’m so sor—”
“Don’t apologize. I’m happy to help however I can,” David cut him off. “Levi may not be my son, but I’ve known him almost his entire life. Don’t you dare sit there and act like you’re burdening me.”
“So who is she?”
“Her name’s Lara; I met her last week when I stopped by the pub for a quick pint.”
“Ah—”
“Don’t worry, I had Mrs. Robins keep an eye on Levi. I wouldn’t leave him alone without supervision. But I really needed a break after everything that’s happened.”
“No, that’s fine. Wonderful, really.”
“Glad you approve. I agreed to go to dinner with her after you came home.”
“Really? Going back to her place after for a bit of fun?”
“Maybe. We’ll see how it goes.”
“Nothing wrong with taking it slow. Wouldn’t want something to go wrong.” Rayne glanced to the side, avoiding eye contact.
“There’s nothing wrong with a bit of fun,” David said. “As long as you’re careful. You were too reckless back then. And it bit you in the arse.”
“That was uncalled for. Since when was this about me?”
“I thought that’s where the conversation had turned.”
“Fine, you’re right. I was king of the fools back then. I made a prize arse of myself, and it turned everything upside-down. Happy?”
“Rayne, I’m not saying you did something wrong.”
“But it’s the point you’re making, isn’t it? You think I haven’t done everything I can to make up for my mistakes? I’m trying to make a better life for me and Levi. And look where that got me—it almost bloody killed me!” He dropped his head on the table, his good arm flopping down beside it. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“Get better. You’re no good to anybody ill. When you’ve recovered, then you can fret about the future. Maybe you can go out more, and enjoy yourself instead of obsessing over work.”
“I suppose I could date more. No—what woman would have a man in a chair? And a single father to boot. It’d be hard enough to find somebody that Levi might warm up to.”
“What about that nurse, Miranda? She’s single. I saw you making eyes at her while you were in the hospital.”
“Miranda’s nice. A little crass though.”
“Just the way you like ‘em, right?”
Rayne lifted his head enough to give David a dirty look. “Are you taking the piss?”
“Relax, it’s all in good fun.”
“I haven’t got time to fool around anymore. I have Levi to worry about, I have a career to focus on, and I’m going to have to do it while stuck in this bleeding chair. Stop undermining that.”
David exhaled, a hint of frustration in his sigh.
“What?” Rayne asked.
“It’s nothing. Just—you weren’t always this bad. I know life can bring everybody down, but you shouldn’t be afraid to let loose now and then.”
“Sorry.” Rayne’s gaze became unfocused, staring past his friend at the wall behind him. “It’s hard sometimes. I want to ease up and all, but then I start thinking of my future, and I tell myself I have to be serious. The time for fun and games is over, you know?”
“I know, but that’s not really you. Just tell me you’ll try to have a laugh now and then.”
“All right. I’ll try.”
* * *
That night, David dressed himself up in nicer clothing and left for his date, assuring Rayne not to bother waiting up.
“You need to rest; I expect you to be asleep when I get back,” he’d said. “You have my cell, and I left numbers for the neighbors, so if anything happens, you can contact somebody.”
Levi had long since gone to bed, his chores and schoolwork finished. He and his father had spent a little time together. Rayne read him a story to keep him quiet, and his son seemed happy just to be with him.
Now Rayne was alone in the flat, wheeling from room to room. His control of the chair had improved, but he couldn’t turn very gracefully. He could move quite fast in a straight line, however. At one point he’d even backed up at the end of the hall, and pushed himself down the long stretch, enjoying the slight, childish thrill of rolling at high speed down the corridor. He’d caught himself at the end though, ashamed for indulging himself like this. Even though he was all alone, the mere idea he’d done such a thing embarrassed him. He almost envied David and his son at times. They knew how to enjoy themselves far more than he did, and he couldn’t understand why.