Real Vampires Know Hips Happen (42 page)

“I’ve got news for you, Jerry. I’m scary as hell too.”

“Oh, really.” He picked me up, holding me close as he strode to the bedroom. “Lucky for you, I like a challenge.” When he tossed me on the bed, we both were smiling.

“I’m not giving you up, Jerry. Whatever she tries, she’s not running me off.” I reached for him, more than ready to forget everyone but him.

“Stubborn and scary too. What more could I ask for in a woman?” He came down on top of me, his body fitting perfectly against mine, just as it always did. “Guess we were meant to be, Gloriana. Now I think we’ve talked enough, don’t you?”

My answer was to kiss him.
Meant to be
. I heard thunder and the bed actually shuddered beneath us. Of course we were. I inhaled his scent, dear, mine. No one was going to come between us. No one.

Read on for a special preview of
Gerry Bartlett’s next novel

Real Vampires Know Size Matters

Available December 2013 from Berkley Books!

We’d
been invaded.

You can do this. Suck it up. Attack. Use your powers.
Instead I leaped up on the sweater table, shaking and screaming along with the mortals in the shop.
No. Get down, Gloriana St. Clair, and face the enemy.

Weapons, I needed weapons, and I sure as hell wasn’t using my fangs this time. I glanced around. The two women perched on the chair next to the dressing room were no help. Their shrieks could have broken glass. Three more women crouched on the counter in front of the cash register. More mortals, totally useless, though one swung an umbrella at the horde of invaders. Impressive compared to me.

I tossed a sweater at one. Stupid. Didn’t even slow it down. I was a failure. A wimp. I couldn’t quit shaking and couldn’t force myself to get off the table. If a god from Olympus attacked, I’d be right in his face, toe-to-toe. Or another vamp. Bring him on. But whoever had planned this invasion had found my weakness. I thought I heard one right there, on the table, and moaned, horrified.

Mice! Dozens of them. Even Achilles had his heel thing. Glory St. Clair has hers. I don’t like anything that’s creepy or
crawly. Now my reputation and the business I’d built from nothing were in shreds along with my pride. Would you shop where you saw mice? I’d have joined the stampede for the door myself if there’d been time.

My clerk Lacy, a were-cat, was in Kitty Heaven, running around like a starving woman at an all-you-can-eat buffet. She whipped past me with a smile on her face, making sounds too gross to think about.

“Oh, God, there’s another one!” The brave soul on the counter with the vintage umbrella slashed at the floor, knocking a mouse toward the door. That got the logjam there cleared with a chorus of screams.

I heard a smack near my feet. “Lacy, what the hell are you doing?” I gagged and realized I was going to have to whammy every mortal in the place.

“Glory, relax. I’ve got this under control.” She held up a brown bag that rustled ominously. “There must be dozens of them. I wonder who sent them. An early birthday present from Mom?” She scrambled after a dark shadow that streaked across the floor. “Naw. She knows a stunt like this could get me fired.” She glanced at me.

“She’d be right.” I didn’t want to know what had made that streak on her cheek. Lacy was a natural beauty, red hair, porcelain skin. She dressed in the vintage clothes we sold here and looked like a model in them. Tonight the seventies bell-bottoms and tie-dyed tee were taking a beating.

“Well, not Mom. These are feeders. For snakes, that sort of thing. Someone brought them in here. Planted them. There goes another one.” She dove and disappeared under a dress rack.

I heard a crash and a mannequin bit the dust. The women who’d been balanced on the chair had made a run for the door but were tangled up in a dress display.

“My God! My God! Get it off of me!” Loud sobs then the sounds of my mannequin being used as a sledgehammer.

Obviously I had to suck it up or we’d have mass hysteria on our hands.

“Ladies, please, calm down.” At least I wore boots as I jumped in front of them, staring into first a pair of brown eyes, then blue. I had them mesmerized in a second. “You are fine, the store is fine. There are no mice, just a little game we’re playing with discount coupons.” I shivered as a mouse ran by and I kicked it toward Lacy. “Here’s a twenty-five-percent-off coupon for your next visit. We’re closing for some minor repairs. Mugs and Muffins next door has great coffee if you want to wait. We’ll reopen in about thirty minutes.” I snatched coupons from behind the counter then tugged them both to the door, dodging even more mice.
Planted
. I had a feeling I knew who’d done it.

I got those two out then went back for the three hugging their knees near the register. Ignoring Lacy’s crows of triumph as she claimed more victims, I got the last customers whammied and out of the shop, coupons in hand. Finally, I hopped on the counter myself and waited for Lacy to finish.

“Whew. That was amazing. I bagged at least three dozen.” Lacy grinned, her mouth smudged with something I didn’t want to think about. “Whoever pulled this stunt must have cleaned out a pet supply store.” She stapled the wiggling bag closed then pulled out a wet wipe from the container under the counter and cleaned off her hands and face. Lacy glanced at me. “You okay?”

“Not really.” I sighed. “Had your dinner break?”

“Um, yeah. Sorry about that. I got a little carried away. I need to clean up the floor too.” She laughed. “Hey, I’m a predator. Think how you’d act if someone came in and offered you that negative blood type you love.”

“I get it.” I swallowed, not sure I wasn’t going to hurl. “Thanks. You saved the shop.”

“No problem. But I can sniff out a mouse a mile away.” She wiggled her nose. “They weren’t here yesterday. I wonder who…”

The phone rang before I could answer her. “Vintage Vamp’s Emporium, the best store on Austin’s Sixth Street.”

“Really? Is it? I heard it just closed.” The female voice was full of satisfaction. “Mice infestation. Disgusting.”

“Who is this?” I jumped off the counter, pretty sure I already knew.

“Is this the owner? Gloriana St. Clair?”

“Yes. And is this the woman who thinks she can win Jeremiah Campbell back? Mel?”

“How did you like my little gift?” There was a throaty chuckle. “Did you scream? Of course you did.”

I bit my lip, refusing to answer. Had she been in here? Seen me make a fool of myself? Damn it, if I’d known…What could I have done differently? Dematerialized and damn the consequences.

“Give him up, Gloriana. Or I will run you out of business. Leave town and leave him to me. It’s the smart play.” The line went dead.

I stared at the receiver, tempted to throw the cordless across the room. “Are you kidding me?”

“What?” Lacy had a mop in her hand. “Who was it?”

“A woman Jerry used to be with.” I carefully set the phone back where it belonged. Killing it wouldn’t help. It was the woman I wanted to tear into pieces. “Clean up and I’ll reopen. I’m not going to let that bitch ruin my business.”

“It’ll take a minute.” Lacy didn’t move. “Tell me about this woman. Mr. Blade has an old flame? What’s going on? She sent in the mice?” She dipped the mop into a bucket of sudsy water that reeked of pine cleaner.

“She wants Jerry back and thinks running me out of business and out of town will do it. This was just her latest trick. I’m surprised she didn’t use magic.” I quit breathing. I hated that pine smell. “She’s a voodoo priestess, Lacy. Have you seen anyone in here who looks like she might be into that?”

“Voodoo? Don’t know. How do they look? Would she be wearing a caftan and a turban, have a scary vibe? Carry around a bottle of Love Potion Number Nine?” Lacy shook her head and began mopping. “That would be too easy, Glo.”

“You’re right. All I know is that Jerry says she’s beautiful”—I made a face—“with dark skin, black hair and unusual gray green eyes.”

“Bet you loved that description.” Lacy shook her head. “You know her name? I’ll watch for her credit card.”

“Good idea. Melisandra Du Monde.” I sighed. “Of course she’s beautiful. I need more info on her. I’m calling Jer right now. This mouse thing is just her latest in the war on Glory.”

“Latest? What else has she done?”

“There have been a few accidents.” I headed over to turn on the ceiling fans to air the place out and dry the floors faster. “I realize now that they were her work. Remember I told you that big shelf in the back room fell on me?”

“You think that was voodoo?” Lacy’s eyes widened. “Crap. Maybe we should get out the holy water again.”

I smiled. “Couldn’t hurt. But that loaded shelf sure did. It weighed a ton and went over for no reason that I could see. Luckily I have good reflexes and dove under the table back there to avoid the worst of it.” I had actually broken my arm but it had healed with a good night’s sleep and lots of synthetic blood.

“That woman’s crazy if she thinks you’ll just give up your business after a few setbacks. We’ve gone through plenty before, even been firebombed. But we reopened, better than ever. And you and Mr. Blade have gone through a lot. Yet you two have been together for hundreds of years.” Lacy finished and headed back to the storeroom. “I’d better take my to-go bag and scoot. Shift’s over. Will you be okay until the night crew gets here?”

“Sure. I expect Megan in a little while. Please get that bag out of here. Are you sure all the mice are gone?” I righted the mannequin and straightened her dress.

Lacy sniffed. “All clear. Open the doors. We’re good to go. And be careful. If she really wants Mr. Blade back, she’ll go for you harder next time.”

“I’d like to see her try. A mortal? Bring it on.” I headed
for the door, surprised that most of the customers had stuck around. But we were close to Halloween and my shop had great vintage clothing and costumes. I flipped the lock.

“Come in, everyone. We’re having a sale. All furs, twenty percent off.” That got a reaction, especially since we were having a cold spell. The crowd surged inside. I couldn’t believe I had actually laughed about the crazy woman who’d sworn to get Jeremy Blade back as her lover. A voodoo priestess? Okay, maybe I could buy that. Though I’d never actually seen her, I’d smelled the evil spirits around her.

But I could deal with evil. I’d even fought Lucifer and won. You’d think a mortal would be easy compared to him. Right? Wrong. First, Luc and I were both fairly reasonable people. Who knew? But the angel of darkness actually admired my spunk. Melisandra didn’t admire anything about me. She just wanted me gone. In her warped worldview, I was an annoying speed bump on her fast track to bliss with Jerry.

Obviously she thought that once I was out of the way, he would realize she was the one for him. She’d tuned out when he’d told her to take a hike. He had even changed his address and name to get away from her. Mel wanted Jerry and would do anything to get him, even if it meant chaining him in a mausoleum somewhere until he felt the love. I shuddered just thinking about it.

Of course, picturing Jerry as a victim was ridiculous. My guy was strong, an ancient vampire. But I was more than a little aggravated that he’d hooked up with a voodoo queen in the first place. What had he been thinking? More accurately, what had he been thinking
with
? Men.

I wasn’t about to quit seeing Jerry. Jeremiah Campbell, aka Jeremy Blade, and I had been through way too much lately for me to call a halt while Mel moved in on him. Instead, I was going to show her just how not scared I was after her little trick.

•  •  •

“Gloriana,
you’ve got that look again. What are you thinking?” Jerry arrived less than an hour later. We were going to our favorite club for a little dancing, even meeting friends there. Did you expect us to keep a low profile? That would feel too much like giving in to the wicked witch.

“That I’ve got to do something about Mel.” I told him about the mouse invasion.

“I’m sorry.” He put his arm around me. “What can I do? I’ve tried to talk to her but my seeking her out makes her happy, no matter the reason for it.”

“You sure you’ve made it clear you’re done?” I could read his mind and he knew it. But I didn’t even try. We had to trust each other now. I’d come to terms with the fact that this was the man I wanted to be with forever. Not an easy decision. But this complication from his past was ruining what should have been a special time for us. I knew I’d made some big mistakes with my choice of hookups in the past, but a wacko like this?

“I said, ‘Go away, I don’t want you.’ Is that clear enough?” He held on to my shoulders, his eyes meeting mine.

“Ouch. Now you’re making me feel sorry for the bitch.” I sighed and leaned against him. “No wonder she’s acting out.”

“I made it clear that she’s not to hurt you or your business.” Jerry rubbed my back. “She swore she’d back off.” He stared down at me. “Are you sure she’s responsible—”