He took her by the elbow and led her into the bedroom, pushing slightly and forcing her to sit on the bed. He propped himself in the doorway and crossed his arms. “This 70
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doesn’t have anything to do with you driving home. It has everything to do with Adam, and you giving him a chance. He’s a good guy. Shit, he’s a great guy.”
“Wonderful. You date him.”
Nate flashed a quick glimpse of teeth. “Not my type. And besides, he’s only got eyes for you.”
Nikki snorted. What a crock of shit. But it didn’t matter if he did have eyes only for her. There was still the issue of his lifestyle and she didn’t know how she felt about that.
She crossed her arms in a defensive gesture. “I don’t think you know your good buddy, Adam, like you think you do. If you really knew what kind of guy he is you wouldn’t be pushing like this.” She shook her head, sorry for Nate because he so overestimated his friend. “You have no idea what you’re suggesting.”
It took Nate several minutes to respond and the longer he looked at her the more his gaze felt like lasers slicing through her. She squirmed from the intensity of his stare and the silence began to roar.
Not good
.
He scrubbed his hand across his face and sighed. “Yeah, I do know what kind of guy he is.” He paused for a moment, maybe for effect, or maybe to give her time to absorb the full scope of what he was implying before he dropped the big bomb. “And he’s exactly the kind of guy you need.”
Nikki’s mouth dropped open and she stopped breathing. She’d heard her brother’s words but they weren’t speaking the same language. She’d been trying to tell him his friend got off on dominating women. What was he telling her? And what the hell did he mean, he’s exactly the kind of guy she needed?
She dropped her arms and gripped the edge of the mattress. She didn’t make decisions about who she dated based on her brother’s opinion, but this conversation seemed to be about more than dinner and a movie. She leaned forward, thinking maybe if she got closer she would understand better. Articulating each word she said, “Tell me what kind of guy you think he is. And tell me what kind of guy you think I need. And why.”
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She’d always found his lopsided grin cute and endearing. Now she found it annoying and disconcerting. Like… Well damn, like Adam’s. “I know Adam is a Dom, and a damn good one.”
She jerked her gaze up to his.
He knew?
“I also know you’re like a bulldozer with the guys you date. Adam isn’t going to let you push him around and you need someone like him. Someone stronger than you, to help you with the load you insist on carrying by yourself.” He threw out a hand to cut off her impending argument. “This is as far as I’m going into your personal life, but I know Adam would be good for you.”
Nikki sat up straighter and stared at her brother. After eyeing him for several minutes, she came to the only logical conclusion. “Have you been drinking? With the mandatory drug tests I know you’d never risk smoking anything, and you seem sober, but you sure as hell aren’t thinking straight.” Recognizing how tense she’d gotten, she forced her shoulders to relax and softened her tone. “You’ve always been vague about this, but how do you know him? You guys don’t seem to have anything in common.”
“I’ve known him a while. We’re part of the same BDSM group.” His smile broadened and turned conspiratorial. “He’s the one who introduced me to Amber.”
The hair on the back of her neck stood on end. She took a deep breath and swallowed hard. “Are you telling me you’re a… Is Amber a…” Her voice came out as a hiss and she was unable to finish the question, but she knew he’d understand. She held her breath and waited.
He laughed. “Yeah, I’m a Dom and Amber is my submissive.”
She blew out the breath she’d been holding and her shoulders slumped. “Well, shit.”
He laughed and uncrossed his arms, letting one hand fall to his side while resting the other on his hip. “Not sure I understand that response.”
She pushed her fingers through her hair and scowled. “It’s kind of complicated.”
“Try me.”
“Adam’s not a jerk.”
Nate looked amused but held back his laughter. “No, he’s not.”
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“Since I’ve figured out he’s an okay guy my only line of defense against him has been that he’s a Dom. Even though he told me I had a distorted view of the lifestyle.” She shifted her gaze away from Nate as she remembered the things Adam had done in an effort to back up his claim. “I still believed someone who got off on dominating women must be a major egomaniac with issues.”
When she looked back at him, the corners of his mouth were twitching. His cheek drew in as he began chewing on the inside of it, probably in an effort to keep from laughing at her. “And now?”
“You’re not an egomaniac. In fact, you tend to shy away from interviews and the spotlight and attention in general. I’ve seen you with Amber, you treat her great and it’s obvious how much you care about her. And she seems to love you just as much. That kills my theory of Doms being people with starving egos, who feed their cravings by forcing women to give them attention.”
He burst out laughing. “Adam’s right, you do have a distorted view.” He swiped a hand down his face, seemingly wiping away the laugh. “Sorry, go ahead, finish what you were saying.”
“You like Adam and, as you said, you trusted him with my life. I guess if I’m ever going to give a relationship a real shot…” She chewed on her lower lip and stared at the carpet. If this whole Dominance and submission thing wasn’t a package deal with Adam she wouldn’t hesitate. But it was and it required she wade into a deep level of trust that terrified her. She shrugged and looked back to Nate. “Maybe I should try to trust him. I know you’d never suggest I be with someone you thought would intentionally hurt me, in any way.”
All traces of humor instantly left Nate as he shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and his shoulders and arms tensed. “Damn straight. The last guy I suspected of hurting you ended up in the emergency room.”
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own idiocy had been bad enough. Having anyone else know about it would have been mortifying.
He’d been a few years older than her and an expert at charm and romance. He enjoyed racing and spending time with her family. He’d been a fan of her dad and, she realized later, had used her to get close to him.
She’d been a virgin when she met Jared, wanting to wait and give herself to the right person. She’d been such a fool to think he was the one. Graduation night seemed like the perfect time, a great way to begin the next chapter of her life. But after her graduation ceremony and dinner he’d started drinking. And kept drinking. He’d even continued to drink after they’d checked into the hotel room he’d reserved for her special night. By then, she’d changed her mind. She didn’t want her first time to be with someone too shitfaced to even remember the act.
However, Jared decided she wasn’t allowed to change her mind. Despite being drunk, he was still stronger than her and had been able to hold her down and take her virginity anyway.
She’d never wanted anyone, especially Nate, to know about that night and how she’d allowed things to get so out of control. Hoping for a small miracle, that that night remained her secret, she cautiously asked, “What are you talking about?”
He turned and looked out the bedroom window. “I don’t know what Jared did to you and I don’t want to know. I’m still afraid I’d kill the son of a bitch if I knew the whole truth. The day after your graduation, I knew something was wrong. For days you kept to yourself, staying mostly in your room. And I heard you crying a couple of times.”
When he turned around to face her again, his brown eyes were dark and narrowed and any intelligent person with an ounce of social skills would recognize the warning flares being fired. “I finally found him downtown about a week later and confronted him.
Let’s say the answers he gave didn’t make me very happy. By the time I got finished with him his friends had to scoop him off the ground and throw him in the back of his truck. I found out later they’d actually driven him straight to the emergency room and claimed he was in some sort of bizarre accident.”
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She launched off the bed and threw her arms around his neck. “I love you.” It didn’t take away the pain and shame she’d lived with all these years, but it made it a little easier knowing Jared hadn’t gotten away with it completely.
Nate laughed and enveloped her in a bear hug. “I love you too, Sis. Very much.”
After a few minutes, he took her by the shoulders and held her at arm’s length. “And I want to make sure you understand something else.” His tone and expression were serious.
“I love Amber. Hell, I adore her. If we had a regular vanilla relationship, it would be great. Having the type of relationship we do makes our bond even stronger. She doesn’t submit to me because I demand it. She does it because it fulfills a need she has and it’s a gift she gives to me. She turns herself over to me and allows me to hold her body, heart and soul in my hands. I cherish her submission for the gift it is and I always treat her with love, respect and dignity.”
Frustrated, Nikki blew out a breath and pushed her fingers through her hair. Okay, her view of Dominance and submission was warped. She still had one more problem—
the other woman. She’d admit to being a spoiled brat, the center of the universe to the men in her life—at least until Amber came along—and she wasn’t about to make it a habit sharing now. She also didn’t want to contribute to another’s hurt by seeing Adam when she knew he was involved.
She folded her arms and sighed. “I am attracted to Adam, but there’s one other problem. What about his girlfriend…or girlfriends?”
Nate drew back as if she’d slapped him and looked at her like she had three heads.
“He doesn’t have a girlfriend. He wouldn’t be pursuing you if he did.” He shook his head in disbelief. “Don’t you ever give anybody credit for being a decent person?”
Her shoulders stiffened and she raised her chin. “He told me he had a date the night before we came here.”
Nate blinked several times before breaking into a mischievous smile. “You’ll need to ask him more about it. But I can assure you he doesn’t have a girlfriend.”
A knock sounded on the door, causing her to jump.
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“That’s Adam,” Nate said, heading out of the bedroom. “I’ll let him in and you can decide if you want him to stay, or if you want to send him back on the plane with me.”
As he got to the bathroom door and started into the kitchenette, Nikki grabbed his arm. “I’m scared, Nate.” She hadn’t meant to blurt it out quite like that, but she had and she couldn’t take it back now. Her previous submission to Adam had been coerced, and because of extreme horniness she’d caved. She didn’t think she could go into the situation, knowing she’d be expected to turn herself over and give him total control of her body. She started to shake and tears burned her eyes again. “I mean I’m really, really scared. I don’t think I can do this.”
Nate pulled her into a reassuring hug. “You put yourself into a race car that goes two hundred mph. You can do anything you put your mind to. You have to decide what you want. Do you want to give Adam a chance, or do you want to send him away?”
She sniffed into his shoulder. “Racing’s different. I’m in control of the race car.” She pulled back from him, laughing through her tears. “In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t give up control easily.”
“No shit.” He slung his arm around her shoulder and put her into an affectionate headlock. “Don’t send him away simply because you’re scared. Be honest with him about everything you’re thinking and feeling and he’ll work through it with you.” He dropped a kiss on top of her head and let her go. “I’m going to let him in and see how Mama’s doing while you decide what you want.”
Nikki wrapped her arms around herself and returned to her bedroom where she flopped down on the edge of the bed. A million thoughts whirled around her head. She didn’t know how to slow any of them down, sort them out or work through them in any kind of logical order.
Instead of trying to work through them in her mind, maybe she should listen to her heart. There, she had no questions or doubts. She wanted Adam and in the very depths of her soul she believed she could trust him the same way Amber trusted Nate.
Nate reappeared in the doorway and with a cock of his head and the raise of an eyebrow asked for an answer.
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She swallowed the elephant in her throat and barely managed an affirmative nod.
He broke into a pleased smile. “Go easy on him, Nik. He cares a lot about you.”
She nodded numbly but his words didn’t register. She was too busy trying not to throw up. She watched him walk through the kitchenette and into the salon, out of view.
After a brief conversation with Adam, the coach door opened, the steps creaked as Nate went down them, and then the door closed.
The soft snick of the lock clicking into place screamed its warning.
They were alone
.
Her stomach flip-flopped before bottoming out. She squeezed her eyes shut as the churning reached a fever pitch and an all-too-familiar fire flared in her chest. She gasped, struggling to pull air into her lungs as her hands grew clammy and sweat broke out on her neck, forehead and upper lip.
Get a grip.
She forced herself to pull in slow, even breaths. She wasn’t afraid of Adam. It was knowing she wouldn’t be in control that left her panicking and terrified.