Raw Deal (Beauty for Ashes: Book One) (51 page)

When Carl left, I called my mom to see if Matt and Michelle had sent my invitation to my home address. She said a peach envelope had arrived for me that morning. I asked her to open it and read it to me. It was an invitation to the wedding.

I hung up and lay on the bed. Jace would be at the wedding. I didn’t know why, but the thought of seeing him again made something within me shift ever so slightly. I decided not to analyze it. But since he was going to be there, I was going to make sure I looked super hot, just to show him what he’d let slip through his fingers.

Chapter 58

I stepped out of the shower and was surprised to hear that someone was knocking on the front door. I walked through to the den and saw that it was past six. I pulled my towel tighter around me and went to open the door.

“Oh, hi, Shawna,” I said taken aback. “How did you know where I live?”

Shawna smiled apologetically. “I’m so sorry, Lexi. Dan dropped me off, and I asked at the security desk downstairs for your apartment number. I hope you don’t mind.”

I didn’t know whether I minded or not. I was just surprised to see her on my doorstep uninvited.

“Can I come in, or is this a bad time?” Shawna asked when I remained silent.

“No, come in.”

“Is Carl in?” Shawna asked stepping into the little hallway.

“No.” I shut the door and led the way to the den. “I can’t believe security told you my apartment number without calling to ask me, which is the usual protocol.”

“Oh. Well, I guess I’m to blame, because I was all smiling and tossing my hair.”

I laughed. “Works every time. Have a seat. I’ll just go put some clothes on.”

I went to the bedroom and put on a pair of shorts and a tank top. I dried my hair as quickly as I could then slapped on some makeup. My bruises had faded a lot, so I didn’t need as much.

“Where’s Sam?” I asked when I rejoined Shawna in the den.

“He’s still at the library. He’ll probably do another all-nighter.”

“Wow, some people are really good at this studying thing. As for me, I can barely concentrate for ten minutes at a time.” I switched on the TV.

“So how are you?” Shawna asked.

“Fine.”

“Forgive me for saying this,” Shawna said hesitantly, and I raised an eyebrow. “But I sense that you’re going through a difficult time?”

“Everyone goes through difficult times.” I’d been wanting to talk to Shawna, but now that she was actually sitting in my living room wanting to listen, I found that I didn’t want to tell her anything anymore. My issues were personal, and I didn’t need anyone getting all holier than thou on me just because they were fixed up now and I was still a mess.

“So tell me. I’m all ears. And I promise to do all within my power to help you out,” Shawna said encouragingly.

“There’s not really much to say.”

We both fell silent. Shawna looked around the room, her eyes settling momentarily on the clock. “Um, what happened to your face?”

I frowned.

“It was a bit bruised when you opened the door before.”

“I fell.”

Shawna looked unconvinced. “Really? Must’ve been pretty bad.”

Now I felt annoyed. Couldn’t she just mind her business?

“Are you okay, Lexi?”

“Yes.” I got up and went to the kitchen, wishing she would just leave.

“I’m sorry. I guess I should just go,” Shawna said, following me into the kitchen a few minutes later.

My eyes glazed over with tears, and I covered my face.

Shawna came and put her arms around me. “It’s okay, Lexi. Don’t cry.”

I sobbed into her hair, wishing I could just pull myself together and stop it, but for some reason, I couldn’t.

“Was it Carl?” Shawna asked. “Just say yes or no, and I won’t ask anything else about it.”

I nodded, and she gripped me tighter. “Don’t cry, Lexi. I’m sure you’ve already cried about it a million times. It’s time to be strong and figure out what to do about it.”

I pulled away and choked back my tears. Shawna passed me a kitchen towel, and I used it to wipe my face. “I think I’m just going to get a divorce. I just wish we’d never got married.”

“What time will he be home?” Shawna asked.

“I don’t know. He comes home whenever he feels like.”

“Will he mind me being here if he gets home before I leave?”

“No.”

“So, is it a frequent thing?”

“I thought you weren’t going to ask.”

“I know, sorry.”

I poured myself a glass of water and downed it.

“I hope he doesn’t just do it out of being drunk or anything. I know there’s never any good reason for something like this, but I hope there was some kind of reason, not just blind madness?”

“Shawna, don’t ask. You really don’t want to know.”

“I do. I’m concerned, Lexi.”

“Well, don’t be.”

“Too late, I already am.” Shawna took my hands and squeezed them. “But if you don’t want to tell me that’s fine.”

“I don’t even know where to start.”

“Start from the very beginning.”

I grunted. “Let’s go back to the den.”

I told Shawna about how Carl and I had dated in high school and broken up until we met again at college. I told her about Dan and Hawaii and getting pregnant and not knowing whose it was. I told her about my abortion and the string of lies I’d told Carl, and about how he’d found out about it.

She was quiet when I finished. “So I guess I can’t really blame him for anything, I brought it all upon myself with my lies.”

“Oh, Lexi.”

“I want a divorce.”

Shawna was quiet. I wondered what she was thinking.

“By the way, before I forget,” she said eventually. “I hope everything is okay with Professor Jackson?”

“Why?”

“Just the way you sounded this morning. I know what he’s like because one of my friends got caught in his web last semester.”

“Oh,” I shrugged. “Well, it was just stupidity. I’m not caught in his web or anything. I don’t even know why I did it. I actually don’t cheat on Carl, but last week, I think I just snapped.”

“He needs to be reported.”

“Well, I’m as much to blame as he is. I didn’t have to go his condo; he didn’t force me.”

“He’s still out of order,” Shawna said. “Dan was going mad about it. After you left, he wanted to go to his office.”

Shawna grinned when I didn’t respond. “You still like Dan.”

“Yeah,” I admitted. I told her about what he’d said to me on Saturday evening when he brought me home. “If I’d known how he felt, I wouldn’t have married Carl.”

“You have to stay away from him,” Shawna said warningly. “Let Professor Jackson be the only incident on your cheating record. Don’t add to it.”

“Carl cheats on me,” I protested.

“Two wrongs don’t make a right.”

“Well, who says it’s not right?”

“God.”

“I don’t believe in God.”

“Doesn’t matter, you still have the conscience He gave you, and you know deep down that cheating is not right.”

“I thought about God a lot last week,” I confessed. “But I don’t know if I really want to be a Christian. Basically, I’m at a point where I’m open to anything that will sort out my miserable life, but I want to be sure that I won’t be wasting my time, that God will definitely help me. If He’s there.”

“He is there, and sure He’ll help you. I was a lot more messed up than you.”

My eyes filled up. I didn’t know if there was a God or not, and here I was hoping He would help me. What if He was just a myth?

“Lexi, I struggled with believing that God exists too. I struggled with the fact that there are so many religions, so how do you know which one is right? In fact, I started trying to study all the religions so that I could choose whichever one seemed like the truth.”

Now there was a thought. “Oh, right, so you can just choose? Cool, because I might go for something a bit more exotic.”

“No.” Shawna smiled. “Jesus is the only way. You can only come to God if your sins are dealt with. Jesus decided that instead of you taking the consequence of your sin in hell, He would stand in your place and take the consequences for you.”

I nodded. I was willing to try just about anything, but I hoped all this was true. “Okay, but can I just ask. Will God change Carl because I’m a Christian, or will Carl have to become a Christian himself?”

“When you become a Christian, you can pray for Him to change,” Shawna explained. “And you can also pray for him to get saved too, which will be even better.”

I considered it for a moment. All my friends that had got saved had changed for the better, and they all seemed pretty happy with their decision.

“So do you want to accept Jesus’ death on your behalf?” Shawna prompted.

“Yeah, what do I have to do?” I asked feeling weird. Getting saved was the last thing I thought I’d ever do.

“You have to be sure that it’s a commitment you want to make because it’s very serious. I think I need to explain it to you a bit more. Where’s my Bible?” Shawna opened her purse and pulled out a Bible. “I’ll have to get you one of these.”

“Actually I’ve got one somewhere.” I went to get the Bible that Jace had given me. I didn’t know why I brought it to college with me. I never read it and I’d told myself I never would, but I had packed it all the same.

I returned to the Den and Shawna had already written out a list of Bible verses that she wanted me to read when she left.

“Right, let’s do this,” I said bouncing onto the sofa.

“Are you sure, Lexi?”

“Anything that will change Carl and make my life worth living is worth doing.”

Shawna smiled patiently. “Lexi, becoming a Christian is so much more than having your problems solved. You get saved because you realize how wretched you are and how much you need God. All the blessings and other things are just bonuses.”

“Oh, yeah?”

Carl chose to arrive home at that moment. We heard him open the front door, and moments later he staggered into the den and flopped onto the couch. He was so drunk that he couldn’t even walk straight. He squinted at us.

“Maybe I should get going.” Shawna put her Bible in her purse and handed me the list of Bible verses she’d written.

“I’ll walk you out,” I told her. I went to get my flip-flops then I walked her outside to the parking lot where she called a cab.

“So, are you ready for your exams?” I asked.

“I’m getting there. Sam is such a great help in that area. I hate studying, and he makes me study.”

“That’s nice.”

“Lexi,” Shawna said giving me an earnest look. “I want you to seriously consider what I’ve said this evening. Please let me know if you have any questions.”

“I will.”

Shawna’s cab arrived, and she hugged me and promised to pray for me and Carl.

I went back to the apartment. Carl was still on the couch. “Who was that?” he asked, his voice sounding slightly hoarse.

“Shawna.” I retrieved my Bible and the list of verses that Shawna had given me and went to the bedroom to read them.

I read about how I was a sinner and how the only righteous person was God. No matter how I tried, my own righteousness was just like filthy rags if I didn’t accept Jesus. I read about how much God loves me and about Jesus’ death on the cross. When I finished, I read the note Shawna had written at the end. She had listed four steps to salvation. I had to acknowledge that I was a sinner, confess my sins, repent and forsake them, and accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.

Carl burst into the room. “What are you doing?”

“Reading the Bible.”

Carl sniggered. “Hallelujah.”

I ignored him.

“I’m changing my name to a ‘J’ name,” Carl informed me. “You wanna know why?”

“Not really.”

“Well, it’s because you seem to like guys with ‘J’ names. First Jace, now Jan. If I call myself Jack or John, maybe you’ll stop cheating?”

“Yeah, maybe.” I assumed he meant Dan not Jan.

Carl’s cell phone rang, and he left the room to answer it. When he returned, he paced the room. “I looked up that number plate today, and guess what,” he began smugly.

“What?”

“It wasn’t listed. So that made me know that whoever it was that brought you home on Saturday was someone filthy rich. I was convinced it was Dan, or Jan, as you saved his number on your phone, but of course, I needed to be certain.”

My heart skipped a beat. How did Carl know that I’d saved Dan’s number as Jan?

“So guess what happened?” Carl laughed harshly. “When I got to college today, I went all around the three campus parking lots, and lo and behold that car was parked in the executive section. I waited for three and a half hours for the owner of the car to come, and guess who it was. Dan Jan! And he was with that redhead girl that just left.”