Raining In My Heart (Book One of the McKay's) (4 page)

Cade
had taken her virginity that night but she doubted he noticed as she barely let out a groan, and they were so intoxicated with making lo
ve
. By the time
Cade
had tantalized and kissed her into oblivion, she was lost to the moment. Cade had been the perfect first lover, as he had her on fire f
or him in minutes with his slow
drugging kisses and a tension stretched to the wire.
He had taken the time to be a good lover, and she'd never forget how easily losing control could be.
As long as she lived she'd never forget how wonderful that night had been.
And she'd never had a night like that since.

She grimaced, not even with
Jim
, for they hadn't made love yet.

Cade
hadn't apologized for
that night
.
In fact
,
he hadn't even let on that he was
Cade
.

After that night
,
she was so shocked, so ashamed that she had slept with
Wade
's brother she couldn't do anything but run.
He must have thought she was so easy. And she had been. So much so it shocked her.
She couldn't live with her father's admonishments, nor
Wade
's teasing. She'd made a fool of herself.

Instead, she'd
spent the next summer with an
a
unt, for she was pregnant. But there was no way she c
ould tell Cade they had a daughter together
, and the deepest, darkest secret of all was that she'd never slept with Wade
, the man she thought she'd loved
.

Over and over she played that night in her head, it always came out the same,
Cade
had been the perfect lover, and he hadn't embarrassed her either.
There were no words of regret.

Pride
had kept her silent, all these years.
It was her mistake
;
she couldn't lay blame on Cade.
She'd left and hadn't come back.
Faced now with a few startling realities, she admitted to herself it wasn't her father she'd been dodging all these years, it was Cade
and her responses to him
.
How could she have been swept into his spell so easily? And once she discovered her own mistake, why hadn't she stopped
Cade
. The truth was, she hadn't wanted to stop
him
.

He'd never known what a force he held over her, after that night.
For the undying truth of the matter was, she'd blatantly made love back to Cade that night, and she'd never get him out of her mind or heart again.
Her good sense told her it was useless.

What would he do if he knew that
Kellie
was his daughter?
The thought terrified
Julie
, and yet she knew deep down he had every right to know.
Deep down she wanted to tell him, but feared for herself if she did. Losing
Kellie
would devastate her.

Now faced with all the truths, she saw things more clearly and regret washed with guilt over her actions of long ago. She knew she had no right to not tell Cade, but so many years had passed and things must have changed in his life too.

"My God, he's still as compell
ing as ever," she mumbled aloud as Cade and
Kellie
began to turn away and walk down the hill.

Maybe he was married, had a family of his own. She had
no
right to ruin his life now.
She'd have to wait and see how everything played out before she opened her mouth to him.

Besides,
that was water under the bridge, she was a big girl now, and she was certainly o
ver the
Weston
men
, her carat diamond on her left hand told her that.
And yet even as she stared at it, it felt cold and unfeeling on her hand.
She'd never made love to
Jim
, and she was engaged to him.
No…the only man she'd ever made love to was Cade Weston.

Still
,
there was a strong basis for marriage with
Jim
;
she just couldn't remember what it was at the moment.

Jim
seemed far removed from today.

Kellie
would have a good father, one that could provide for her in t
he style in which
Julie
thought necessary.
That's how she'd rationalized her feelings, but everything seemed to be unraveling now
, leaving her little control over her own fate
. Her fath
er dying had changed everything, and there was a cold realization that nothing would ever be the same again.

"Where is everyone?"
Jul
ie
called to Cade
looking about the yard, trying to ignore the rush of heat up her cheeks
when
Cade
turned to look at her
.

"In the house.
You're a little late."
His eyes flitted up and down her resting on her lips.

She sighed heavily
;
for a brief moment, she suddenly understood what she had missed
for
so long.

"So
rry, I was lucky to get off
enough
time
to come out here.
Especially since the funeral is tomorrow.
"

Cade
nodded
.
"
Just g
lad you made it.
They are in the den."

"The place looks great. Are you the ramrod now?"

"Nope, that title
still
goes to my brother,
Wade
." He grinned.
"You remember him, of course?"

"
Of course.
And where is he?"

"Inside, with the others."
Cade
tipped his head toward the house.
With that,
Ca
de
turned his attention on
Kellie
and put his arm around her shoulder.

"
Kellie
, don't stay too long, I want you to
meet your aunts. And t
hanks again
,
Cade
."

"All right
,
Mama
.
"
Kellie
nodded and twisted about to locate the barn.

"So you like horses
,
do you?
"
Cade
remarked
,
staring now at
Kellie
with interest and a smile.

Kellie
laughed
.
"
I sure do."

Julie
stared after them for a long moment
.
She'd never noticed how many physical traits
Kellie
inherited from her father.
The long legs, the color of her hair, but most startling,
Kellie
hadn't inherited the
McKay
eyes, she had blue eyes like Cade.
The same eyes, the same love of animals
, that same calming voice too
.

Surely after all
this time he had found someone, a
nd yet that
idea didn't make
Julie
feel any better.

Cade
smiled over his shoulder
at
Julie
and she had to admit, it warmed her to her toes.
She'd have to control those feelings too.

"Can you see she doesn't get hurt?
"
Julie
petted Dodger and moved to go inside.

"Don't fret
;
I'll take good care of her
,
"
Cade
hollered
and tipped his hat to her
once more
,
sending her a devastating smile
.

Julie
squared her shoulders, adjusted her attitude and opened the front door.
She wasn't sure of her recepti
on inside
.
Eight years, had it really been that long?

She heard voices in the other room. She followed them.

The den was the largest room in the house and seated everyone comfortably
.
Big leather couches in a huge circle with a table made from glass and horns of cattle.
Her eyes went from one to another
,
and
then she raised her sunglasses, put on
a smile and went to hug her
sisters.

"
Julie
.
"
Sandy
McKay
grabbed for
Julie
and pulled her into her embrace.
Sandy
was
a
beautiful
blonde, with dark brown eyes and
had
a tan most girls would have to work at.

Startled by the display of affection,
Julie
tried not to show her surprise.
Sandy
always displayed more affection than the others, she'd just forgotten.

"
Sandy
.
"
Julie
pulled
her
to ar
ms-
length and stared at her
sister.
Sandy
's lon
g blonde hair pulled in a casua
l ponytail swished as she moved about.
"My, but you're a woman now."

"Yes, we've all grown up
.
" Letty
walked
up to them with a smile. "Tim
e's been good to you, too, girl
. You look great."

Letty was model thin, with raven
hair and her mother's piercing brown
eyes.
Julie
saw the smile on Letty's face and the way she grabbed her to hug her took her off balance for a moment.

Julie
nodded
;
with Letty there were no pretenses of liking, they tolerated each other and that was it.
There was no hate, no bad vibes
,
they simply had nothing in common with each other
and neither bothered hiding their indifference
.
Letty was only a year
younger than
Julie
so age could have accounted for some, but the quick involvement of her father with Letty's mother was most of it.
Relieved she didn't have to display too much affection,
Julie
moved on, to greet the baby of the family,
Wendy
.

Wendy
stood in reserve, her facial features frozen,
her straight reddish
-
brown hair bounced just above her shoulders
,
her warm brown eyes narrowed on
Julie
with obvious dis
ap
proval
.
In fact,
Wendy
didn't look happy about anything.
Julie
was surprised if not shocked that
Wendy
seemed more distant that the others.
"
Julie
…"

Wendy
couldn't hide her inner most feelings from anyone, even her face mirrored a constant emotion.

"
Wendy
?
"
Julie
came up to her and took her into her arms
.
"
My God, how you've grown up.
It's good to see you."

Wendy
was a beauty now,
Julie
acknowledged as she
searched her face
.
Julie
smiled. All of her sisters were
different, all beautiful.
It startled her sometimes to think how complete
ly different looking they
were.
But why wouldn't they be, none of them had the same mother.
Except for the eyes, all of them had the dark brown,
McKay
eyes.
She'd even been accused of having them herself, but of course she was the adopted daughter so that was impossible.