Queen of Song and Souls (35 page)

"You are a Tairen Soul," Rain replied. "Most of your abilities can be explained by that fact."

"But not the warrior's skills."

Ellysetta hadn't touched another blade since lunchtime, half-afraid of what other deadly skills and disturbing revelations might come if she did. All afternoon, she'd felt the curious and speculative gazes of the Elves—and even her quintet-—upon her. Once more, she had become an oddity, a mystery, a puzzle to be solved, and she hated it.

"It occurred to me that the High Mage could be a swords-master and that I know how to throw a blade because he does," she confessed, when Rain didn't answer immediately. "But he wouldn't know the Cha Baruk, would he?" The tiny jewels that lined the riverbank like sand crunched beneath their boots as they walked.

“It is unlikely," Rain said. "
Chadin
train for three hundred years before they stand in the Dance as you did with Gaelen this afternoon."

"So then you do think Gaelen's right?"

"I don't know what to think," He stopped and turned to take her arms. "
Shei'tani
, I can see this troubles you, and I know my reaction earlier is partly to blame. Believe me when I say that any horror you sensed was not directed at you but rather at the idea that the Mages might have discovered how to manipulate truemating."

"Rain..."

"Here, feel for yourself." He took her hands in his, and her acute empathic senses—heightened further by their
shei'tanitsa
bond—could detect his sincerity. "No matter how your soul came into being, it is still the soul—the only soul—that calls to mine. And I would have it no other way." He brushed a curling tendril of hair back behind her ear. "
Ver'reisa
ku'chae.
Kem
surah
,
shei'tani."

She did not doubt him. With his skin touching hers, his emotions as clear as words on a page, she could not. Still...

"But what if the next skill I discover isn't something good, Rain? What if it's something horrible?"

He gave her a smile so sad it nearly broke her heart. "You're speaking to the man who scorched the world, Ellysetta. There is little even a Mage could do that is worse than that."

"Rain..."

He bowed his head and resumed walking. "I do not pretend to understand how or why you can do most of the things you do. I merely accept all that you are, and wait for the day that you can do the same."

That was the crux of the matter. Rain struggled every day with his guilt at what he'd done, just as she struggled every day with her fear of what she one day might do—and not even just what she might do if the Mage claimed her soul. She was beginning to think Mama had been right to fear Ellie's magic and try to rid her of it.

"And if that day never comes, Rain? If I never can accept what I am?"

"You will. You seek answers to the questions you hesitate to voice—even though you fear what those answers might be. I see it each time you discover some new, unexpected talent." He reached up to stroke a hand through the thick, unbound curls spilling down her back. "You insist on thinking yourself a coward, when you are braver than any woman I've ever known. And though I do not much care for the Elves, there is no one better than Hawksheart to unravel the mysteries of your past and reveal the possibilities of your future."

"Our future," she corrected. He'd taken to doing that these last days since the Eld attack .. . talking about events to come as if he wouldn't be there to share them with her.

"Our future," he agreed.
For what little time we have left.

"'What little time we have left'? Why do you keep saying things like that?" When he didn't answer, she stopped walking. "What's going on, Rain? I know you're not thinking of returning to the war without me, because I won't be left behind. We're stronger together than we are apart. I thought that was already settled."

"Ellysetta ...
shei'tani..."

He reached for her but she brushed his hand away. "Don't 'Ellysetta
shei'tani'
me. Talk to me. Tell me the truth."

"I always tell you the truth."

"
Nei
, you don't. You never lie, but you don't always tell the whole truth either. You simply don't talk about things you don't want me to know."

He opened his mouth, then wisely shut it again. "I do not want to worry you unnecessarily."

"Silence when I know something's wrong worries me more."

He lowered his eyes. The thick black lashes formed shadows on his cheeks in the moonlight and shielded the lavender glow of his eyes. "We are at war, Ellysetta. Much can happen. I am the Tairen Soul. I will lead each battle, and the Eld will make me their primary target."

"And none of that is any different than it has been since we left the Fading Lands."

He sighed. "Something is different." He gazed out at the river. The crystals lining the riverbed refracted the silvery moonlight, making the water dance with pale rainbows. "I am different."

"How so?"

He bent to pluck an oval crystal from the bank and rolled the stone slowly between his fingers.

"Rain?" she prompted.

With a swift flick of his wrist, he sent the crystal skimming across the river's surface. Each time it touched the water, a splash of bright color lit up and rippled out in concentric rings. When the stone sank, he turned a somber gaze upon her. "The bond madness has begun."

For a moment, her heart stopped beating. Her mind emptied of all thought, leaving only a disorienting buzzing. The world itself seemed to freeze for several long moments. She swallowed and licked suddenly parched lips. "H-how can you be sure?"

“I am sure.”

"But how? What makes you think it?"

"The signs are beginning."

"What signs?”

"A moment ago, you heard my thoughts. I did not send them in Spirit, but you heard them nonetheless."

"Perhaps that's a sign of our bond becoming stronger."

"
Nei
. Our bond is strong—stronger now than it ever has been—but you cannot enter my mind at will until the union is complete. You heard my thoughts because I am losing the ability to keep them contained. It is one of the first effects of bond madness."

She frowned. "How can you be so sure that's what it is? Nothing else about me—about us—has followed Fey conventions. Why should this be any different?"

He smiled sadly. "I am sure. Each moment of the day, I make a conscious effort to keep from broadcasting my thoughts. I have been doing so since the first battle at Orest. If I stop..." He closed his eyes. And just like that his thoughts were in her mind. Not on Spirit, not backed by power, and not because she was making the effort to hear them. They were just there, as clearly as if he'd spoken them aloud.

The first sign of bond
madness is a Fey's inability to keep his
thoughts private. He broadcasts them. First in moments of weari
ness or vulnerability, but then more frequently,
until he cannot
stop what is in his mind from spilling out. The next sign is diffi
culty controlling his temper, so he is swift to
Rage. Then comes
loss of control over his magic
.

She clasped her hands together to stop their shaking. "How long?" She could barely force out the question. "How long do you have?" She loved him. She loved him more than she ever knew she could love someone. More than she loved Mama and Papa and even more than she loved the twins. In their few short months together, he'd become the foundation of her existence, the Great Sun that shone light on her world. She could not even contemplate the thought of a life without him.

"Not long. A few months, if the gods are kind." Swaths of straight, silky black hair brushed his cheek as his head drooped. "The war and all the souls I still bear upon mine will speed the madness. You saw yourself how quick I was to Rage that night the Eld attacked. I've been testing my control of magic since then, too. If I don't focus enough, my weaves don't spin as they should." He looked up. "Bel suspects the truth, but I would rather none of the others know until I can no longer maintain my control."

She tried to assimilate what he was saying, while her mind worked frantically to think of a solution, or at least a way to slow the progression of his madness until they could complete their bond. "I could try to heal you—to heal your soul as I healed the
rasa."

He shook his head. "
Nei
,
shei'tani
. My soul is yours to heal, but only through the completion of our bond."

"But Rain—"

He pressed fingers to her lips. "Shh.
Las
, shei'tani. Shei’tanitsa bars you access to my thoughts and to my soul until you accept me into yours. Even if it did not, I know what it cost you to heal the
rasa
. I bear more death on my soul than Gaelen did when he was
dahl'reisen,
and I remember what it did to you when, you touched him. Not even to save my own life could I allow you to go through that again."

"So you'd rather
die
than let me try? Rain!"

His jaw clenched in unyielding lines. "I would die a thousand times over before I let you suffer one-tenth of my torment— especially on my behalf."

"And what do you think I'll suffer when you're gone?" she cried. "I
love
you, Rain."

"And I love you, but there is only one cure for the bond madness. Without that, there is nothing to be done." He took her hands. "Let's not waste our time fighting a battle that cannot be won. Instead, let us concentrate on winning the one that can."

Ellysetta wanted to protest. She wanted to force Rain to let her at least try to heal him. But he was so certain it would not work—and so unwilling to risk hurting her—that she knew he would not be budged. She pulled out of his grip and stared blindly at the river.

He regarded his empty hands and sighed.

For several chimes, they stood there in silence, watching the river flow by. A fish leapt into the air, its scales shining like blue jewels in the moonlight. It splashed back into the water, and ripples of purple, green, and pink flowed out in vivid color.

Rain was the first to break the silence. "Farsight told me the Elves call this the river of true dreaming," he said. "Apparently the crystals in the riverbed absorb the light of the moons and the Great Sun and convert it into some sort of magical energy that Seers use to better understand their visions of the Dance. He suggested we might find a swim...enlightening." He offered a coaxing smile. "I'm not at all fond of Elvish mysticism, but I confess I thoroughly enjoyed the last time we swam in magical waters."

She turned to glare at him. "You tell me the bond madness has begun. You refuse to let me try to heal your soul in order to prolong your life, and less than five chimes later, you're thinking about mating?"

White teeth flashed in a rueful smile. "I am your
shei'tan.
No matter what other thoughts may occupy my mind, the idea of mating with you is always among them."

When she did not respond to his humor in kind, the small smile faded, replaced by sober, unflinching honesty. "There is enough sorrow and danger in our lives. I am the Tairen Soul. Even without the bond madness, how long we will have together in this life has never been certain. Mage Fire or a
sel'dor
bolt could take me in the next battle. Would you have us spend what time we have bewailing our fate or would you rather we drink every drop of happiness we can from each moment we have together?"

He was right. Their lives could be cut short at any moment. How could she waste even a moment of the time they had now mourning a future that might never happen? Tears shimmered in her eyes. "Rain .. ."

"Ssh.
Nei avi.”
He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her tears away, then took her mouth in a sweet, slow, tender kiss that robbed her of all regret. When he pulled back, his lips curved in a slow smile, and in ancient, courtly Feyan, he said, "So, shei'tani... wilt thou swim with thy beloved in a river of dreams?"

Her lips trembled. He was dying now because of her, because she could not complete their bond. And yet, as his skin touched hers and his emotions flowed freely into hers, she could not detect a single trace of remorse or regret or blame. He loved her unconditionally, even if that love would lead him to his death.

She blinked back the tears he would not have her shed. Never could she have loved anyone more. Never had she felt more undeserving of him. "
Aiyah
." She stood up on her toes and found his mouth with hers. "
Kem’san
.
Kem'reisa. Kem'shei'tan."
She murmured the words against his mouth between kisses and sang them to his soul across the threads of their bond.
"Ke vo san.
Rainier Feyreisen. I love you."

His eyes glowed warm lavender.
"Te ke vo, shei'tani,"
he answered. "For the rest of this life and every other life that follows." He kissed her thoroughly. "No matter what happens, never doubt that. No one—mortal or magic—could be happier than I am to be your
shei'tan
."

She managed a slightly watery smile and treasured the small surge of joy it gave him. That reaction gave her the strength to thumb away her tears. "Veli, Rain. Let's find out how magical this river really is."

She spun a quick weave of Earth to shed her leathers and steel, and dove into the water. A kaleidoscope of color lit up around her as she cut through the current, and she surfaced in an explosion of shimmering pink and blue light. Her feet settled on the crystal sand of the riverbed, and a tingle rippled through her body. Oh, yes, there was magic here.