Authors: Helena Hunting
“
There’s a trail up here; it leads to the water. It’s private, and we can talk without any interruptions. Make sure you stay on the trail; there’s tons of poison ivy out here.”
“
I’m immune, but thanks for the warning.”
“
Immune? How do you know that?”
“
I fell in a patch when I was a kid. Nothing happened.”
“
Wow, that’s lucky, isn’t it?”
“
Yeah. Real lucky.” The kid I was with had to go to the hospital. He was covered in the rash.
Sunny’s moving so fast it’s almost a jog.
“
Is the running necessary?” My balls, which are in way better shape now than they were this morning, still aren’t perfect. All the movement is making them achy and itchy. Also, seeing Sunny’s boobs a few minutes ago has given me a semi.
“
What? Oh. No. Of course not.” Sunny slows to a brisk walk. “Are you limping?”
“
I’m fine.”
“
No, you’re not. Is this because of the spider bite?” Sunny takes it down to a stroll.
“
It’s a lot better, way less swollen than it was.” I don’t need to tell her about having it drained. I’d rather leave that memory in the discard pile. “Don’t worry about me. I’m full of antibiotics and antihistamines. I’m good to go.”
“
I can make you an antiseptic compress when we get back to the cottage.”
“
Sure, if you think that’s gonna help.” Who am I to say no if Sunny wants to make my balls feel better?
A minute later, the trees end at the edge of the lake. Far away on the opposite shore are boathouses and more “cottages” bigger than most homes. It’s incredible excess and peaceful at the same time, apart from the hum of boat engines. Sunny sits on a fallen tree close to the water and pats the spot beside her. I straddle it so I’m facing her. Birds tweet overhead. All we need is some cheesy music and a unicorn trotting by to make it perfectly romantic, apart from the fact that we’re mad at each other.
She tucks her hair behind her ear. If she remembers our conversation from last night, and I believe she does, then she knows she’s not alone in her anger.
I still want to run my fingers through her hair, though. I want to forget about talking and make her feel good instead. The last time we did this,
I
was apologizing. This time it’s different, not so one-sided.
Sunny shifts around to face me as well. She’s only wearing a bikini, so the bark can’t be all that comfortable on her ass. I take off my shirt, fold it in half and offer it to her. She lays it on the log and sits.
I lean forward and rest my elbows on my thighs. “Let’s deal with the issues.”
“
Lily doesn’t think I should date you.”
I already know this. Sunny said so last night. “What do
you
think you should do?”
“
I don’t know, Miller. I’ll be honest; I was done last week before you showed up at my house . . And then we—” Her cheeks flush. “It changed things. And then there’s Kale being the way he is. I’m confused.”
“
Are you saying you want to get back together with that guy? Last night you were hiding from him.” There’s this feeling in my throat, as if someone’s putting pressure on my windpipe.
“
Kale and I are just friends.”
“
So what’s the confusion about? I get that you and Lily are close, but she shouldn’t make your decisions for you.” I believe Lily has Sunny’s best interests in mind, even if she’s making my life more difficult.
“
It’s not just her; it’s Alex, too.”
“
Your brother hates me because I broke his nose.”
“
That’s a very small part of why he doesn’t like you, and you know it, Miller. He still thinks you’re only interested in me to get back at him for dating Violet.” She picks at the moss-covered bark.
“
Obviously that’s not true. You have to be able to see that now.”
“
Was that ever part of your plan?”
“
Was what ever part of my plan?”
“
To sleep with me and dump me?” Her throat bobs with a thick swallow.
This conversation is hard. It hurts in a way I don’t expect that she’s been seriously worried about this. “Is that the kind of person you think I am?”
“
Lily thinks—”
My frustration gets the better of me. “Who fucking cares what Lily thinks? She’s not in this relationship with us. She hasn’t even given me a chance, as far as I’m concerned. All she’s done is look at what’s on social media and taken it as gospel. In all the time we’ve spent together, have I ever given you the impression that all I want you for is a fuck?”
“
No, but—”
“
But what, Sunny? How many more times do I have to apologize for things that are outside of my control? I got bit on the balls by a damn spider trying to get in touch with you.”
I take her hand in mine before she can start with the hair twirling. “I’m not gonna lie; I was pissed at Waters for fucking my sister in the locker room. At the time, all I knew was that he had the same bad rep that I did, and I thought he was playing my sister. Like he thinks I’m playing you.” I look up at her. She’s nervous, like me.
“
I never would’ve coerced you into bed to get back at him. That’s just assholey. But I also didn’t think it would be all that bad for him to know how it felt to have someone he didn’t like go after his sister.
“
I was gonna buy you some drinks and make sure you got home okay. But when we started talking, you were fun, and sweet, and gorgeous—and you weren’t all up on my dick three seconds after we were introduced. I knew I wanted to see you again, even if Waters was going to be on my ass about it. It would’ve been easier to say
screw it
, but that wasn’t what I wanted then, and it isn’t what I want now.”
Sunny’s quiet for a long time. “I think in the back of my mind I’ve worried you had ulterior motives when it came to being with me.”
“
You thought that, or Lily and Waters made you believe that?”
“
I don’t know. Both, maybe?” She peeks up with watery eyes.
Hearing her say that is like taking a stick to the throat. “What else do I need to do to make you believe you’re the only one I’m interested in? You gotta stop thinking the absolute worst about every picture you see, especially when you already know how easy it is for things to be misconstrued, Sunny. I can’t police what goes out there, or stop the bunnies and the way they react because of how things were in the past. What I can control are the things I say and do when it comes to you. At some point you’re gonna have to put some faith in me.”
“
It’s hard when the pictures keep showing up, even when you’re not at parties.”
I nod. “For me, the hardest part is dealing with how my past impacts my present, and how it affects you.” I can’t change anything that’s already happened, and that sucks. “Is that why you went camping with Lily and your ex, even after we made up?”
“
It’s not the only reason.”
“
Convenient how you left out the part about how you and Kale were together for four years.”
Her head snaps up, eyes wide.
I answer the question she doesn’t ask. “I talked to Vi after you left. I was concerned, obviously, about you spending the week with him. I wanted to know what I was up against.”
“
Up against?”
“
That dude is walking around with a divining rod in his pants aimed at you.”
“
It’s not like that. Our relationship has always been difficult. He’s Benji’s best friend. We have to see each other.”
“
You want honesty from me? Well, that goes both ways, sweets. Are you sure you’re not looking to get back together with Bushm—Kale? You two looked cozy in all those pictures he posted this week.” We might as well get it all out now. It’s strange; I expected her to be the one getting angry, but here it’s me.
Sunny bites her lip, white teeth pressing into plush pink skin. I miss her mouth. I miss everything about her even though she’s right in front of me. Maybe this is what love is. If so, I’m not sure I like it all that much. This feels like I’ve taken a puck to the balls, except it’s hurting from the inside out instead.
“
I don’t want to be with Kale.”
“
Does he know that? You strung him along this week for what? To see whether you still had feelings for him? To make me jealous?”
“
Do you have any idea what it’s like dating you? Do you know how often I have to defend why I’m with you? How many times I’ve checked my own stupid social media to find someone has tagged me in a picture of you with another girl?
“
Has it ever been me posting the pictures?”
“
No, but it makes me look stupid for being with you when there are pictures of you with someone who isn’t me all the time!”
There’s the anger I’ve been waiting for.
“
People assume you must be sleeping with them because that’s what you’re known for doing! Sometimes it’s hard not to question whether it’s true. And then there was the one yesterday with the girl who
looked
like me. So the answer to your question is
yes
, Miller. I
want
you to be jealous, because that’s how I feel all the time when I’m not with you. Happy now?”
“
No. It doesn’t make me happy; it makes me feel like shit. That was a group shot with counselors at the camp. Not a party. There was nothing illicit happening.”
“
I know that.”
“
Do you? It sounds to me like you think as soon as the camera was gone, me and that chick got naked—people standing around, spider bite, and all.”
Her gaze is fixed on the log. She’s fidgeting with her hair. “She looks like me.”
“
She was a counselor at the camp. She’s
not
you.”
I shift closer until my knees are on either side of hers and I’m inside her personal space bubble. “How are we ever going to make this work if you can’t trust me to do the right thing?”
“
I’m scared,” she whispers.
I tip her chin up until her eyes meet mine. “Of what, baby?”
Her chin trembles. “Of how I feel about you.”
Her vulnerability is exactly what I need. I might not know what I’m supposed to do here, but I’ve seen enough of those chick flicks, thanks to Skye and Violet, to have an idea of what could work. Besides, I like those movies. I’ll never tell anyone, though.
I place my palm on her cheek. Then I do what they do in movies. I brush away her tears with my thumb. It’s not that effective. Mostly it’s just spreading the wetness around. I do the same thing with the other hand, but the tears are already sliding down her cheeks, so now my palm and her entire face are damp. Also, it’s not making the tears stop. In fact she starts crying harder.
“
Why do you have to be so sweet? Why can’t you be an asshole?”
“
You want me to be an asshole?” Women are confusing when there’s more than sex involved.
She makes a noise somewhere between frustration and maybe a snifflish laugh. Then she moves closer and buries her face against my neck so I can’t wipe away her tears anymore.
I wrap my arms around her, not too tight because I don’t want to crush her, but enough that she has to know I don’t want to let her go. I press my nose into her hair. She smells more like the outdoors than her shampoo, and there are few pine needles stuck in there, so I rest my chin on top of her head and hold her.
I get why she’s scared. I feel the same way. It’s not horror-movies scared, or spider-bite-on-my-balls terrifying, but an inside kind of fear. This is what it’s like to really care about another person, I realize.
“
I’m sorry I’ve been making you jealous. It wasn’t intentional, but I get it now. Seeing all those pictures of you with Bush—Kale this week drove me nuts. And not being able to talk to you, not knowing what was going on made it even worse. I didn’t like the way I felt, and I don’t want to make you feel that way.”
I feel the warmth of her breath on my neck as she exhales and snuggles in closer. She slides her hands up my arms. I’m acutely aware of how little clothing she’s wearing and how much I want to touch her, all over her mostly naked body.
I drop my head as she lifts hers. Her fingers dance across my lips.
“
Are we done talking?” I ask.
She nods.
“
Are we okay now?”
“
I think so.”
She leans in, clearly waiting for me to kiss her. I have a couple more questions first.