Authors: Cara Dee
A pinch of mirth tugs at his mouth, yet he keeps beating himself up. He also keeps staring at my hand, and just as I'm about to remove it from his knee, he traces an index finger along my knuckles.
Sure as hell not removing it now
I've barely even tried to deny my attraction to Flynn. I'm all bark and no bite with my bullshit about not repeating my mistakes. I already know where this is heading for me, and it's only been a week.
Sooner rather than later, I will push too far, and Flynn will give me the same speech I've heard in the past.
Truth be told, I know how I wanna push him, too.
Maybe it's best to get it over with.
"You know the video section on your site?
?" I keep my voice low and stare, entranced, at the patterns his finger traces on my hand. It's a ghost of a touch, yet I feel it everywhere. I catch his nod in the corner of my eye. "It's hot. I watched some of them."
His path down my middle finger falters slightly, but he picks it up right away. Finger by finger, my knuckles, the dip between my thumb and forefinger, the fine hairs on the top of my hand…
"I created that part for those who don't live in a major city," he says softly. "Same with the live webcam shows. Not everyone can travel to watch somebody else." He draws an invisible line across my wrist. "As long as it's legal and voyeurism is the theme, they can upload any kind of video." The pad of his thumb joins his quest to map out my hand. "It's one of my favorite sections."
My eyes flash to his face, and I'm not disappointed. His cheeks heat up.
Then I turn to the TV instead, 'cause if I'm doing this now, I don’t wanna see his reaction.
"I've been thinking about…you know…becoming a more active member."
the nail in the coffin, I reckon. "Maybe I'll upload one of those videos."
"Oh?" It sounds like his breath hitches there.
The moment becomes charged as hell, but it's impossible to read his face when I'm not looking at him. It feels…sensual, like foreplay, but I've mistaken the please-don’t-tell-me-what-I-think-you're-about-to-tell-me silence for a please-make-the-first-move silence before.
Flynn makes a quiet clearing sound in his throat. "I thought you said voyeurism wasn’t for you. I
you said it."
I did tell him that, but that was before I realized how sexy it can be. "I guess I've changed my mind about a few things. Like with those videos."
My eyes close and I swallow against a bout of nausea when Flynn eases away on the couch.
Not again. Please, fucking hell, not again.
"You, ah…you would need somebody to film you, yes?" Flynn inquires.
I open my mouth, then snap it shut again.
He said what?
"Um." I side-eye him; he's stiff as a board and pretending to watch the movie. "Yeah…yeah, I suppose. Yes."
He nods slowly. "I'd k-keep it strictly professional, so…I mean, if-if you're interested, I could help."
Oh, I'm fucking interested, all right
Now I wish I knew more about the…is it a fetish? I guess it is to some. Regardless, I wish I knew more about it now. Do they only get off on watching people they're attracted to? Or is it
in the watching, regardless of the subject?
"Would you upload it under your own username, or could this be another viewing of…me?" Flynn continues in a rush. "If you'd let yourself be filmed as FTW, I would offer compensation, naturally."
I curse internally. Of-fucking-course he sees this as an opportunity to let his members see more of him. The chat log from when we were at that hotel was full of requests to see more. Flynn wants to accommodate them.
I gotta remind myself that Flynn hasn’t kept his sexuality secret from me. It was there in his profile, and he spoke loud and clear about changing it simply to keep it mysterious to his members.
"I honestly don’t care who I do the video for—or as." That’s the truth. "But I don’t want money. No compensation. It makes me feel cheap."
Flynn's head whips around, his eyes wide. "That wasn’t my intention. Crap, Cory, that’s wasn’t my intention at all—"
." I smile to show I'm truthful, 'cause I am. "You have nothing to worry about. I did it for the money the first time. I'm not gonna lie; I wouldn’t have agreed to anything without pay. But it's different now. Okay?"
He narrows his eyes at me, dubious.
"This time, I'd do it because I want to," I add.
It takes a couple minutes, but he seems to relax. "I'm still sorry, but all right. I believe you."
That closes the subject. For the moment.
We watch the last of
, even though we've barely paid attention until now. But I'm not done pushing. I want this over and done with before it'll be more difficult to walk away. Before I develop deeper feelings for Flynn.
, I can't handle the tension anymore. It's possible Flynn hasn’t noticed; he appears engrossed in the movie, but even if the tension is one-sided, it's fucking there.
"Yes?" His quick reply tells me maybe he hasn’t been
into the movie.
I let out a quiet chuckle. Fuck. "I was thinking, that—uh, video? You wanna help me out soon?"
"Incontestably, yes." He sits up straight. "Now?" I cock my head, probably searching for something that isn't there, but I can't help but wonder…or
… "What I mean is, your video will undoubtedly be a smashing hit on the site."
Is that really all there is to it, though?
I'll get my answer soon enough.
"Right. Yeah, now sounds good to me." I watch as he shuts off the TV. "You're the expert; any advice on where I should be?"
Flynn speaks while he fiddles with the remote in his lap. "I would say it depends on if you want to show your face or not."
That gives me pause. Strategically thinking, if I show my face, he'll be closer. I'll be able to see him. But I'm not keen on the idea of having my face on the internet. Not in this case. Then again, I can always change my mind before it's posted. I can ask for a do-over where I keep my face turned away.
"I'm not hiding." And ain't that the truth.
By the time tonight's over, I'll have his rejection, and then it's up to him to decide if he wants us to remain friends.
The simple words,
"I want you"
sit at the tip of my tongue, but the last time I said that… Let's just say ending up in the ER because of a broken nose hurt less than the expression on my former friend's face.
That leaves a twisted version of show-and-tell.
Tell-by-showing might be more accurate.
"There are several options." Flynn's Adam's apple bobs as he glances around the dimly lit living room. "You could sit right here on the couch, and I could come up behind you. You could have your eyes closed; that way, the viewers will go along with the idea of your not being aware of me and the camera." I nod with his words, getting turned on. The air feels thicker. "I could also pretend to be hiding there." He points toward a window and the curtains that touch the floor. "Behind the drapes, I mean." Pulling up my right leg, I bend it to rest my foot on my other knee, effectively hiding my growing cock. These gray sweats would hide nothing. "There's something else too, but it would probably make you uncomfortable."
"Oh yeah?" I raise a brow, doing my best not to blatantly eye-fuck him. "Like what?"
His gaze flicks to mine quickly, but it's gone just as fast. "Perhaps I ought to show you instead." He stands up. "Let's go to my bedroom."
This is just getting worse and worse
I admit it, you know. I'm gay. I'm sick of this fake life I've built. Yesterday I caught Dylan lying about his homework, and I felt like the biggest fraud when I lectured him on the importance of speaking the truth.
It's been months, yet I can't stop thinking back on the mini vacation I had with my boys in London. It was a taste of freedom.
Hope you're well,
Trapping my hard-on in the waistband of my sweatpants, I follow Flynn through the apartment until he comes to a stop in the hallway.
"I would go with a guest room, but…" He hesitates with his hand on the door handle. "I'll leave the decision to you, but in my room, there's a great place for a voyeur to hide." That said, he opens the door to reveal a room bathed in dark blue and white.
Unlike the hallway, kitchen, and living room, the floor in here is covered with a soft carpet, something that's common in the States but almost a religion in England.
My eyes fall on the large bed in the center of the eastern-facing wall; meanwhile, Flynn walks over to an old wooden desk by the opposite wall. But other than that, there isn't much furniture. The same kind of arch-shaped windows like in the living room take up the northern wall, and a closet fills the space to the right side of the door.
Instead of nightstands, there's a shelf above the headboard with a few photos and an ancient-looking alarm clock.
"I can hide under here." Flynn has my attention again, and I turn to see him pointing at the space underneath the desk. "Since the bed isn't very high, I think it could be a good angle."
Yeah, to see right up my ass
I glance from the desk to the bed, thinking that if I lie down there and spread my legs, I know exactly what Flynn has the perfect angle for.
I nearly snort, but I'm too horny and anxious.
"Okay." I nod with a dip of my chin and fold my arms across my chest.
For a moment, I just stare at Flynn as he gets ready. I'm more than a little surprised to see him pulling out a real video camera from his desk, because I'd been expecting him to use his cell phone. Don’t all fancy phones have good cameras these days?
I'm sure mine's the only exception, the old piece of shit.
"Could you sit down at the foot of the bed, please?" he asks, busy with the camera. I do as instructed and sit down, my hands clasped casually in front of my crotch. "I think that will be good." He sets the camera on the edge of the desk. When a red light flashes on, I'm pretty sure he's filming, but I have no clue how to start. "I'll leave that there for now," he mumbles to himself. Rounding the desk, he joins me by the bed. "We should remove the bedspread."
All right, then
. We take one side each and fold the thick fabric. Flynn's all business while I'm lost. I can't see past my lust-filled haze, and my heart keeps picking up speed.
"I feel like I should warn you." Flynn stares at his feet as he takes the folded bedspread and places it on the floor. "You've said it yourself, it's a natural reaction, but I want to apologize beforehand regardless. I will most likely get another erection—"
." I didn’t mean for that to be out loud, or for my eyes to grow as wide as saucers. I didn’t mean for all the air to escape my lungs, either.
Losing. My. Mind.
"I'm sorry." Flynn bites the inside of his cheek and shrugs dejectedly. When he folds his arms and cups his own elbows, he looks…vulnerable. Smaller. And he refuses to face me. "If you want, of course I can just leave the camera there on the desk and make myself scarce—"
"Fuck that, Flynn." Instinctively, I step forward to place a hand on his shoulder. "Should I apologize for being hard, too?"
"What? No." He frowns, finally looking up at me.
Christ, he's fucking beautiful. Those green eyes reel me in like nothing else. "Why not?" I ask, tilting my head.
It dawns on me that I'm willing to lay it all out there, if only to make him feel at ease. It would give him the upper hand, but maybe I don’t care. Maybe his comfort is more important than my dignity.
"Because—because you're aroused by being filmed." He says that as if it's obvious. "It's not about the guy behind the camera for you."
On the contrary
All along, I've feared I've been transparent—that my desire for Flynn has been visible from the damn moon. And now…now I wonder if I've missed something in his behavior, too, because he's clearly done that with me.
With his admission, hope seeps into me. Unless I'm reading
much into things, but I doubt it now. The way he phrased himself…it's as if it isn't only about watching, but also about watching
"Are you sure about that?" I take another step, the sound of blood surging through my veins increasing. If I haven't been transparent yet, I'll change that right now. Flynn will be left without a single doubt. "Would it be horrible if it
about the guy?"
His lips part and his apprehensive gaze flicks between my mouth and eyes. "I, uh…" He swallows. It's quickly followed by a slow flush spreading over his cheeks. "Is it?" he croaks.
I nod slowly as my hand glides from his shoulder to the back of his neck. Inching closer, I shiver at the sight of his eyes darkening with want. My free hand comes up to shape itself to his jaw, and the hope overcomes me when he closes his eyes and turns his head to press his lips to my palm.
That’s it. It's all I can take. I close the last of the distance, and as he tilts his head my way again, I capture his lips with mine. In return, he fists my shirt with trembling hands, and I think both our groans are sounds of surrender.
I move my lips against his, our tongues meeting tentatively at first, but that doesn’t last long. I need to feel more of him, so I let my hands move down his taut body and under his T-shirt, my fingers teasing the skin over his hips. Flynn gives a moan of approval and deepens our kiss.
Spreading my fingers, I slide my hands up his abs, ribcage, and chest. In response, Flynn lifts his arms, silently telling me to remove his shirt.