Promise Me (28 page)

Funny how the mind works, mine automatically starts thinking the worst and worry that something might have happened to him. Maybe he took his motorcycle and got into a horrific accident.
Calm down, Sabrina... maybe he's just running late and had a really busy night.
That's what I try to tell myself when I nervously pick up the phone and call him hoping he's okay and not laying in a pool of blood somewhere in the middle of the street.

Anxious doesn't even begin to cover how I'm feeling as his phone rings. When the call actually connects and I hear his fumbling to pick it up, relief washes through me. But that relief is short lived and quickly replaced by heartbreak.

"Hello," Ava says groggily.

My heart hurts in response to her voice answering his phone at this time of night. I'm finding it difficult to say even one word to her. In the few seconds of hearing her, the walls around my heart, that I so diligently had constructed over the years and demolished for him, build back up to rival that of Fort Knox.

"Is anybody there?" She asks, forcing me to acknowledge her.

Somehow, I find my voice. It sounds weak and barely audible even to me. "Is...Is Tyler there?"

"Yes." She pauses and I hear Tyler's low, sleep filled voice in the background. When she tells him to go back to bed, I know I've heard more than I ever wished to hear in a lifetime. I'm still frozen, stock still when I hear a rustling on the line.

"Sabrina."

I wish that I didn't love the sound of my name rolling off his tongue so easily. The same tongue that's been doing God knows what with Cruella tonight. My stomach turns at the thought and I think I'm really going to be sick when he starts talking again. Tyler's voice is slightly slurred but there is absolutely no doubt that it's him.

"How is Alex?"

I'm so caught off guard by his question since I'm still trying to wrap my head around Ava answering the phone to begin with. What could Alex have anything to do with this? I'm still in shock and lost in thought when he speaks again in a more biting tone.

"Your date with Alex… how was it, baby? Did he treat you good?"

"I don't know what you mean, Tyler."

"Did things not work out with him and you want to go
slumming
for old time's sake again?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Was that what this was between us, Sabrina? Because if it was nothing, I wish you would have told me a hell of a lot sooner."

Ava says something in the background to him but I can't make it out clearly. Then I hear another quick noise that sounds as if the phone has been dropped.

I feel Ava's evil smile across the line crawling over my skin when a lone tear escapes my eye and she asks, "Is there something else you needed, Sabrina?"

I hang up, further humiliation not necessary and my heart goes on official lock down. Quietly, sobs start to leave my throat and I cover my mouth to silence them in an effort to not wake Julia. I curl up into a ball on the couch, overwhelmed by the pain that is all consuming and my mind flying in all kinds of directions.

I'm not sure what just happened. Does he really believe that I've been seeing Alex all this time? How he can think that after what we've shared together hurts me even more. Perhaps I should have brought up Alex to him, but since it stopped almost as quickly as it had started it didn't seem important. Especially since I've made it perfectly clear that he is all I've ever wanted. Willing myself to somehow magically transport back to a few hours earlier when everything was perfect, I stay that way, crying silently in the dark until sleep starts to claim me again, asking myself the same question over and over… Why?

"
Wake up, girlie."

My eyes slowly open and adjust to the sunlight streaming into the living room. I feel slightly disoriented with my surroundings until I hear Julia's voice again coming from the kitchen.

"Did you fall asleep out here?" She asks.

I throw my legs over the couch and rub the heels of my hands against my eyes in an effort to wipe the memory of what happened last night out of my mind. When I peel my hands away, I hope upon hope that it worked, but like hitting a rewind button on a DVD, it's all still there. It wasn't a nightmare. It all happened. Tyler was with Ava last night and effectively smashed my heart into smithereens.

"You better start getting ready," Julia says while slamming a cupboard closed, "it's getting late."

If I open my mouth to answer her I'm sure that the crying jag to follow will never stop. Right now, my silence is keeping everything contained under the surface. The pain of losing any chance I may have had with Tyler leaves me utterly speechless for fear of having to actually come to terms with it. I'm just not ready to do something like that.

The vibration of my cell phone on the coffee table jerks my head to stare at it. I can tell from where I'm perched on the edge of my seat that Tyler is calling and the restraint I had on my tears lets loose. I'm not prepared to hear his voice, let alone hear what he has to say after the accusations and assumptions that he so casually tossed around last night. I wrap my arms around my stomach while tears cloud my vision until the ringing stops. Only a temporary reprieve, since as quickly as the ringing had ceased, its starts back up again.

"Aren't you going to answer him? I'm sure loverboy wants to say good morning to you." Julia is now standing directly behind the back of the couch and the ringing stops again.

When it starts back up immediately, Julia walks from behind the couch to sit beside me. I keep my eyes instead trained on the phone as it vibrates, not able to look at her yet. From the corner of my eye I see Julia put her coffee cup on the table and go to make a grab for the phone.

I sound panicked when I say to her, "Don't touch it."

"Sweetie," she says, "you're acting really strange. What's going on?"

When the ringing stops this time and he doesn't call back, I officially lose it. My body convulses with heavy sobbing as the pain infiltrates every single part of me. I feel Julia wrap her arms around me, pulling me towards her and start to rock me like a child. I don't know how long I stay that way, but she doesn't say a single word until the phone rings again.

"Sabrina, what happened?"

I raise my head when the ringing stops and go to clean my face, which I'm sure is futile at this point. Julia's small smile at my poor attempt makes me almost laugh out loud. She tugs on the sleeve of her robe and wipes my tears. Afterwards, she takes the other sleeve and shimmies it over her hand then goes to cover my nose with it.

"Blow," she commands.

"That's gross," I say between a hiccup and a sob, "I don't want to ruin it."

She raises an eyebrow in warning and I'm in no mood to fight over this, so I blow my nose on the sleeve of her robe.

"Do you think you can talk now?" She asks carefully and I nod in preparation.

Like tearing off a band aid, I let the words fly out of my mouth. "I think Tyler might have slept with Ava last night."

Her eyes grow wide as she covers her mouth with her hands in utter disbelief when my cell phone vibrates again. This must be what having an out of body experience is like as curiosity gets the better of me and I answer it. I don't say hello. I don't say a single word to him. My breath hitches and I know he can tell I'm crying.

"Sabrina."

Somehow I had hoped that all of it was just my imagination, but hearing him say my name laced with remorse confirms it all. The little composure I had gathered long enough a few minutes ago disintegrates.

"Baby, I'm sorry."

"I... I... ca... can't." I barely finish that incoherent sentence when Julia rips the phone out of my hand.

"You fucking, no good, piece of shit, cocksucker," she pauses to take a breath and I can tell Tyler is trying to get a word in edgewise.

"Who am I?" She shouts, "I'm your worst fucking nightmare! I'm the best friend who's going to tell your 'baby' to never talk to you again." Julia glances over at me when I scramble to the far end of the couch while I hear him again trying to say something to her. "Ha! Nice try asshole. Go fuck your whore now with a clear conscious and don't bother Sabrina again. If you do, I swear I will get on a plane so fast and personally plant my foot so far up your ass that you'll taste leather in your fucking throat for a week."

She ends the call and chucks the phone with enough force that it skips across the coffee table like a skipping stone across the water. It lands with a thud, face down on the far side of the living room. She turns on her side and scoots over to me then reaches out to wipe my face again.

"I'm so sorry, sweetie," she says full of concern. "What can I do for you?"

I shake my head, bringing my feet underneath me, "Nothing. I think I'm just going to stay home today."

Julia sighs thoughtfully. "Do you want me to work from home today and keep you company?"

I think about it for a second and realize that as much as I love Julia and everything she's done for me, I really want to be alone today.

"I'll be okay by myself," I say, "I just need to call work and let them know I won't be in."

She says okay and smiles weakly one last time then disappears into the hallway. She returns a moment later with a box of tissues, placing it on the coffee table then quickly changes her mind and puts it on my lap for easier access.

When she leaves the room again, I quietly tip toe over to my phone, grab it and hurry back onto the couch. I scroll through the contacts and call the gallery, keeping my fingers crossed that no one will answer this early.

"Good morning, may I help you." Sarah's chipper voice makes me curse in my head that the girl is so goddamn punctual sometimes.

"Sarah," my voice cracking and I quickly clear my throat before I continue. "It's Sabrina. I'm not coming in today. Can you please let Alex know that I'll be monitoring my email from home instead?"

"Are you okay? You sound awful." She's clearly fishing but there is no way I'm sharing anything with her unless I want all my business to be on a billboard any time soon.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," I say quickly back to her. "If you need me for anything just shoot me an email, okay?"

"Okay, feel better." I hang up not wanting to expel further energy on moving any part of me, even my lips.

Julia comes out a few minutes later dressed for work with a blanket tucked under her arm. She pulls it out as she approaches me on the couch and unfurls it. I recognize this ratty thing from our college days. I didn't even know she still had it.

"This is my lucky blankie," she says seriously and I look at her funny before she explains. "Don't laugh. This blankie has helped me through many a break up and I'm entrusting you today with its magical powers."

I let her throw the blanket over me while I stretch out on the couch and sink in as deep as possible into the pillows, wishing they could swallow me up whole.

"Get some rest, sweetie. If you need anything... I mean it,
anything...
call me, okay?"

I snuggle with the blanket and say yes as she gives me a sympathetic once over before turning around and gathering her things to leave for work.

I don't even bother with the television and have no concept of how much time has gone by when exhaustion finally overtakes me. A vibration from underneath me coaxes me to open my eyes. On any other day, I would go digging through the cushions to see his text or pick up his call. Hell, this time yesterday I was busy having a mini text war with him. How stupid am I? For all I know, he could have been sleeping with her this entire time.

When the phone vibrates again, I can't take it anymore and sit up to find it. I yank it out from the far cushion that my feet are propped up on to see that I have four texts from Tyler. Why I am such a glutton for punishment, I have no idea, but I do the dumbest thing possible and read them all in order.

9:06 AM - I never meant to hurt you. Please call me.

9:28 AM - Baby, please talk to me. I know I fucked up bad and need to explain.

10:02 AM - I'm going crazy over here, please call me back.

10:08 AM - I would give anything to hear your voice, please call me.