Project Jackalope (9 page)

I grinned. “He’s a jackalope.”

Can I just mention how much fun it is to spend an afternoon arguing the jackalope/animal hybrid question with Agatha? Because that’s all we did. And I don’t care how many times you tell me there are no such things as jackalopes, or how many different scientific theories and formulas you throw at me. If it looks like a jackalope and quacks like a jackalope, it’s a jackalope.

The fact that the jackalope was lying on its back on the floor singing campfire songs wasn’t helping her argument either.

“How did you teach him ‘Happy Trails’?” Agatha asked after the argument had finally petered out.

“I didn’t,” I said, chucking the empty bourbon bottle into the trash. “Campfire songs are in his blood. You can look. It’s on Wikipedia.”

“Hmm,” Agatha said, watching the jackalope wave a lazy paw in the air. “Hmm.”

I checked my watch. “We should get going if we’re going to meet Twitchett. I’ll get him back in his suitcase.”

“Maybe we should just leave him here.” Agatha put her wig and beret back on.

Not to be a Negative Nancy, but that sounded like the world’s worst idea. “We can’t leave him here. Isn’t the whole point to return him to Twitchett?”

Agatha just humphed at me and readjusted her beret.

“Agatha, he’s a cute little guy, but we can’t keep him hidden forever. And leaving him alone seems like a bad idea.” I’ve heard about maids at hotels, always wanting to come in and tidy up. I wasn’t going to have their blood on my hands.

Agatha shrugged. “Yeah, okay. But we’re not handing him over unless it’s really Twitchett.”

“Trust me, it’ll be him. He distinctly said the words ‘Señor Slappy.’” And that’s not the kind of thing that slips out by accident.

I’d considered trying to lose Agatha somewhere before the meet-up at the zoo until I realized that even if I did, she knew both the time (three o’clock) and the place (zoo). Even if she didn’t know the specifics, it’s not a big zoo; she’d figure it out. Besides, if I didn’t trust someone, I’d totally lose it. So I went ahead and told Agatha the whole story about Señor Slappy and what Twitchett had said on the phone. Once she got done rolling around on the floor laughing like an idiot, she agreed that that was probably where we should look for him.

It was definitely easier packing a happy, singing jackalope than a crabby, anxious one. All I really had to do was flop Jack into the Dora suitcase and step aside while he let loose with a megaburp. I hesitated before zipping him up. It was probably the last time I was going to see the little guy. My last look at a mythical creature. I swallowed hard and zipped the zipper. The last thing
I needed was to get sentimental. Especially over a tiny killer I couldn’t keep anyway.

Agatha eyed the suitcase critically. “I should’ve gotten you another backpack,” she said. “That thing is way too distinctive.”

“Yeah, too late now,” I said. “Besides, in just a little while, it won’t even matter anymore.”

“I guess,” Agatha said. But she still was giving the Dora suitcase dirty looks. I don’t know why. I was the one toting it around looking like a loser.

We headed out, just like we were regular hotel patrons, which I guess we were, but wow, it felt weird.

The woman at the front desk gave me a confused wave as I went past, and the tuxedo guys even held the door for us. I could get used to this.

It was only about a ten-minute walk to the zoo, so before we knew it we were sitting on a bench, watching Señor Slappy target his next victims.

The sea lion pool is in the middle of the zoo, and it’s one of the prime attractions. Most of the sea lions were
doing laps underwater, only surfacing to blow snotty water around. But Señor Slappy was hovering near the edge of the tank, doing his best to smile at a woman with two little daughters. They didn’t suspect a thing.

Señor Slappy was going all out, rolling on his back and waving his flippers, doing his best to be the cutest darn sea lion on the planet. And it was working. The mom with the daughters was laughing and getting closer and closer to the railing—the railing that was right up at the edge of the water. This was going to be good.

“Any time now,” Agatha said, scanning the area. She didn’t seem to be paying attention to Señor Slappy. I looked around too. For a second I’d forgotten what we were there for.

I just wished Twitchett would show so we could get this over with. I was going to be sorry to say goodbye to Jack, but sorry in a “Yeah, see ya” kind of way and not in a “We’ll write every day” kind of way. The last thing I needed was some stinking jackalope hanging around all the time, even if he could help me skip out on curfew for
the rest of my life. But still, I had a twinge or two. I’m not made of stone. I tried to make myself feel better by thinking about Twitchett’s reward.

“There he is!” Agatha jumped to her feet and pointed to the other side of the sea lion pool. (More proof that Agatha’s spy skills could use some improving.)

I peered across the pool. She was right. It was definitely Professor Twitchett.

Talk about working on your spy skills. For someone all into the whole cloak-and-dagger scene, Twitchett’s were pretty bad. He wasn’t in disguise at all—he was wearing one of his ratty cardigan sweaters and looking more rumpled than ever. And he was flat out barreling toward the sea lion pool. It was pretty obvious he was looking for me, but he wasn’t the least bit worried about drawing attention to himself. He almost slammed into a couple strolling by, and when he saw me, he yelled my name and waved. Way to be low-key, Twitchett.

And after the day we’d had, I was really not down with him being so obvious. It made me pretty jumpy. And I only got jumpier when the screaming started.

I should’ve seen it coming—after all, I’d seen Señor Slappy’s windup routine. I should’ve been waiting for the pitch. But when he caught those two kids with a faceful of fishy water, the shrieking really threw me.

Twitchett didn’t even turn a hair; he just pushed past the two dripping, screaming kids and their poor mother and hurried over to me.

He pointed at Agatha, a look of horror on his face. “Jeremy, what’s she doing here? I told you not to involve Agatha!” Like she wasn’t standing right there and couldn’t hear him.

“Because she’s the informant?” I had to know. I don’t even think Agatha heard me, she was getting so ragey.

“Yeah, wonder why, you thieving
rat fink
!” Agatha got right up in Twitchett’s face.

“Now, that’s hardly fair. Your ideas were undeveloped and rudimentary. I may have been developing a parallel theory…”

“It was my idea, and you flat-out stole it! Just like you steal
everything.
” Agatha’s spit glands must’ve been working overtime, because she sprayed everybody
within a four-foot radius. She was almost as good as Señor Slappy.

Standing around watching people fight isn’t my idea of a good time. I was definitely rethinking this whole meeting plan. I glanced around nervously. This place was way too exposed for us to get into a brawl. Somebody needed to be the grown-up here.

I pushed in between them. “Okay, I got it, you hate each other. Now shut it. We’ve got big problems here. Twitchett, what’s up with the guys in suits? They’ve been chasing us all day.”

Professor Twitchett turned a shade paler. “They have? Men in suits? They’re here?”

Talk about not making any sense. Twitchett was up for the prize.

I stared at him like he’d sprouted horns and a third eye. “Come on, Twitchett, you know that! You warned us about them! Didn’t you?”

Professor Twitchett ran his hand through his hair and looked around.

I waved a hand in front of his face. Pretty rude, I know, but I was frustrated. “Hello? On the phone? Remember? You said, ‘informant, get out?’ What was all that if it wasn’t about the Suits?” I was starting to think Agatha had the right idea. I wanted to grab Twitchett by the ratty sweater and do some serious shaking.

Twitchett gave a nervous cough. “Did they get my…my project?”

“The jackalope?”

“Animal hybrid.” Agatha glared at me.

I glared back. “They didn’t get it. It’s still safe.” I patted the Dora suitcase. “But who are those guys, Professor Twitchett?”

Professor Twitchett looked uncomfortable. “If the men following you are the men I think they are, they work for…well, I…I seem to have run afoul of the government, Jeremy.”

Well, no duh. Thanks for the news flash. “Yeah, we figured,” I said. “Who are they? What did you do?”

“You saw my project. I was very proud of my work.
I explained this all, Jeremy. In the note with the…item in question. I may have been a bit…unwise in my confidences.”

“That note got eaten,” I said.

“Just cut to the chase, Twitchett,” Agatha spat. I was glad she was getting as sick of his dancing around as I was. “What did you do?”

“Bragging. I did a little bragging. I got in a bit over my head.” Professor Twitchett blushed. “The gentlemen you met came to me with a proposal that I found unacceptable. Apparently it wasn’t up for negotiation. But I didn’t expect them so soon…”

“How did they even find out? Who did you tell?” I shot a nasty look at Agatha. Not that I thought she was a big mouth, but…

“I may have said a few things…online.” Twitchett cringed. “Anonymously, of course.”

“You did
not
!” Agatha said. “Are you a
total idiot
?”

Well yeah, I’d say so. But I thought it might be mean, so I didn’t.

“I realize now those forums were less than private, Agatha.” Twitchett glared at her. “But I didn’t know that at the time. I thought I was among colleagues. I didn’t realize they were under surveillance by DARPA.”

Seriously, I didn’t even know what that meant. I must’ve been absent the day we had our Understanding Crazy People tutorial. I tried to tell Twitchett to try speaking English, but he cut me off. “I was foolish. Very foolish. Understood. I never meant to involve you with the government, I was simply trying to hide the project from…” He shook his head. “Now, please, give me my project. I need to complete my research.” He pulled a canvas sack out of his satchel. “Please. Give me the Subject.”

A canvas sack? That didn’t sit well with me for some reason. And it sure wasn’t going to sit well with Jack. I just stared at it. And suddenly Twitchett didn’t seem any better than Mr. Jones. “I, uh…”

“You say you didn’t know the men were after us. Right? Those guys in suits? Total surprise to you.” Agatha
was staring at Twitchett with narrowed eyes. She wasn’t even looking at the sack.

I could feel the jackalope squirming in the suitcase, but I hoped that Twitchett didn’t notice. I couldn’t stop staring at that sack.

“That’s right.”

“And I’m guessing they’re the ones that took your stuff? Because all your papers are gone. Office and apartment. Am I right?”

Twitchett trembled. “My papers? Gone? All of—”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Man, you have to give it to Agatha. She was relentless. “So why did you warn us about an informant? Was that just a joke?”

“The men in suits weren’t my prime consideration, unfortunately.” Professor Twitchett cleared his throat. “I was warning you about some…other interested parties, let’s say.”

Yeah, let’s say. Let’s be as cryptic as possible when we’re being chased around town by maniacs. Good idea. But Twitchett wasn’t done.

“And I may have…well, they may have discovered your involvement. I apologize for that.”

Agatha didn’t even blink. “You apologize? For what—for being a total idiot? I mean, seriously, if there’s a spy, why keep leaving notes in the hall?”

Professor Twitchett turned three shades paler. “Notes? If you received another note, it didn’t come from me.”

Agatha just goggled at him. “It didn’t come from you.”

It was good that Agatha could process the important parts so quickly. I was still stuck on the fact that there was someone besides the Suit guys after us.

“No, it didn’t.” Professor Twitchett shook his head. “I left instructions for care, guidelines—that’s all.”

“But you’re here!” I couldn’t be quiet any longer. “The note said zoo at three. Why are you here at the zoo, at three, if the note wasn’t from you?”

“On the phone, you said…” Twitchett whispered. “You said you wanted to meet at the zoo at three…”

All of the blood drained out of his face. I had a feeling mine looked the same way. I couldn’t believe we’d all been so stupid.

“So we walked right into a
trap
?” Agatha said shrilly. She turned and stared at me with huge eyes. “It’s a trap!”

We both started scanning the area like crazy people, which is pretty much what we were at that point. And that’s when we saw them.

Men in suits. Everywhere.

I don’t know how we’d missed them before, but they’d definitely been watching us. They’d managed to clear out all of the regular zoogoers and they’d moved into prime positions to catch us. I didn’t see a direction that would be safe to run. Apparently my spy skills are just as lousy as everybody else’s.

“Give me the Subject, Jeremy.
Now
!” Twitchett said, grabbing my arm and lunging for the suitcase. I yanked my arm away angrily.

“Push off, jerk,” I said, shoving Twitchett back as hard as I could. Boy, did he make the wrong move. Nobody pushes me around like that and gets away with it. And I’ll
tell you, I sure didn’t spend the day protecting that little stinker just to dump him in some cruddy sack like a piece of garbage. Reward or no reward, we were out of there.

Twitchett stumbled back, glared around at the men in suits, and then took off running.

I looked at Agatha. “So now what, Einstein?”

She gave a barky laugh. “Now? Meet up afterward at the room. But now, just RUN!” She took off in the opposite direction from Twitchett, her beret slipping back on her head.

I turned to run in a third direction, because I figured if we all split up, they couldn’t catch all of us. And that’s when I realized I was the lousiest spy of all. Because while I’d been yapping with Twitchett, one of the Suits had crept up behind me. He was only about ten feet away. And he had something in his hand. It was a…well, it looked like a flashlight.