Practice Makes Perfect (30 page)

“And you don’t think I’m strong enough for him?”

“Not if you can’t forgive his mistakes. He’s going to make them all his life.”

“Maybe he needs a woman who will let him run her life.”

Lynne smiled wistfully. “He’s almost thirty-nine years old. If he needed that, he’d be married by now.” She stood. “I’m sorry this didn’t work out with you and Ian. I thought, initially, you were good for him.” She sighed. “He’s really a wonderful man, but he isn’t perfect.”

Perfect
.

Jade’s words came back to her.
You expect everybody to be perfect, Paige...Beck makes mistakes like the rest of us
.

After Lynne left, Paige thought a long time about what her sister and Ian’s mother had said.

o0o

WHEN PAIGE WALKED into the conference room the next day for their meeting with the state board, Ian had to turn away from her and catch his breath. He didn’t expect the bolt of pain that shot through him at just seeing her. She looked as bad as he felt.

When he’d regained his composure, he took a seat at the opposite end of the table and studied her surreptitiously. Her hair was pulled back in a gold clip; it was limp, instead of vibrant. Her light-blue skirt and top seemed to settle uncomfortably on her stiff body, and it was obvious she hadn’t been sleeping.

“Good morning, everybody,” he said.

Carol, Cindy, Marcus and Elliot all said hello. Paige just stared at him. When she didn’t say anything, Elliot got up and walked to the end of the table. He bent over and said something to her. She shook her head. Then he took a seat next to her and squeezed her arm. Ian had to look away from the sight of another man comforting her.

Just then the representative from the State Board of Health came in, and the meeting got under way. The air crackled with emotional electricity the whole time. Paige stared down at the papers Ian had given out, and somehow he suffered through the meeting. It took a little over an hour, but seemed interminable. When the guy was finished and bade them goodbye, everybody rose but Ian and Paige.

Ian’s head snapped up when he heard Elliot say, “Come on, Paige, I’ll buy you a cup of coffee.”

“Actually I’d like to talk to Paige for a bit.” Ian fingered the envelope he’d found waiting for him this morning on his desk. Its message had poleaxed him, and he’d chided himself for thinking things couldn’t get any worse. “I’m sorry, but this can’t wait.”

After murmuring something to Paige, Elliot left, closing the door behind him. Paige and Ian were alone together for the first time since their split five days ago. “You don’t look good, Paige.”

Still seated down the conference table, she faced him. “Neither do you.”

“Yeah, well, this is tough.”

He thought he saw tears in her eyes. Just wait.

Removing the envelope from his pocket, he stood, strode to the end of the table, pulled out a chair and sat down. He grasped her hand. Up close, she looked even worse. The smudges beneath her eyes were dense.

Still, she didn’t try to free her hand, in fact, gripped his.

“Something came this morning.” He cleared his throat. “We have to deal with it now.”

She glanced down at the envelope. “What is it?”

“The foster-care papers for Sammy and Suzy.”

Her grip on his hand tightened.

“We...” Again, he cleared his throat. “We wanted the babies as soon as we were married. I pulled some strings and got the papers fast-tracked.” He shrugged. “Too fast, I guess. We’ve got to tell them right away what we’re going to do.”

She laced her fingers with his. “This is too hard, Ian. I can’t do it.”

“I know. For me, too.” His voice sounded like sandpaper on steel.

When she met his gaze, her eyes were wet. “If we say no, somebody else gets them?”

He spoke around the huge lump in his throat. “We’re saying no, Paige. I don’t want to marry you just so we can have Sammy and Suzy. It wouldn’t be good for them to have a mother who doesn’t trust their father.”

Tears leaked from her eyes and ran down her cheeks. He leaned over and pulled her head to his shoulder. His own eyes misted. “I wanted this so badly,” he whispered into her hair. “You. These babies. Some of our own.”

“Me, too.”

“God, this hurts.”

“I know.” He kissed her hair and let her head stay on his shoulder until she was in control. Finally she drew away. “Let me have the papers, okay?”

“Why?”

She stood and held out her hand. “I don’t know. I just want them.”

He handed her the envelope. Staring up at her, he couldn’t believe this was the end of it.

“I’m going out for a while.”

“Well, I only came in for this meeting. I’m heading back to the lake this afternoon.”

She nodded.

He had to look away. “Fine, call me about this. Soon, though.”

“All right.” She got to the door, and he prayed she’d leave. She didn’t need to see him lose it, too.

“Ian,” she called from the doorway.

He didn’t look at her. He couldn’t. He pretended to make notes on the legal pad he held. “Mmm?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, baby, me, too.”

Finally he heard the door close. And none too soon. Like a man who’d lost everything that mattered to him in the world, he put his head down on the conference table.

o0o

“HI THERE, little guy.”

Sammy’s face lit up.

“He recognizes you.” Mrs. Barker, the foster mother, grinned. “He recognizes Dr. Chandler now, too. When do you think you’ll be taking him, Dr. Kendrick?”

Paige swallowed hard, felt the envelope in her white coat edge into her hip.
Tell her. Tell her you’re not taking them
. “I don’t know exactly, Mrs. Barker.”

“Oh, okay. Well, I’ll just let you visit.” The woman left and Paige sat down in the rocker with Sammy.

Safely ensconced in the room, Paige took the bottle Mrs. Barker had prepared and brought it to Sammy’s lips. She watched him latch on and stare up at her. “How am I ever going to let you go, buddy?”

The baby sighed, but continued to suckle.

I don’t want to marry you just so we can have Sammy and Suzy. It wouldn’t be good for them to have a mother who doesn’t trust their father.

She rocked the baby. “How am I ever going to let him go?”

No words of wisdom from Sammy.

“Maybe one of us could adopt you, sweetie.” She smiled weakly. “Ian would make a great father. He and Scalpel would hover over you, but they’d let you be your own man.”

She thought of Ian heading back to the lake. “He’d teach you to swim, and boat, and water ski.”

She thought of him with Mary Ellen. “He’d teach you to be fair, and kind, and understanding.”

She thought of him in bed, touching her. “He’d teach you all about girls, how to make a woman feel that she’s the only person in the world for you.” Paige’s voice caught on the memory of Ian’s tender ministrations.

“He’d be a better parent than I would. He’s fun, and flexible, and carefree most of the time.” She raised her chin. “But I’d balance that. I’d teach you responsibility, hard work. Not that he doesn’t have those traits.”

Lynne’s words came back to her...

He’d be a hard man to live with. He’s so arrogant, so confident, so pushy. He needs a strong woman to keep him in line
.

“But I’m more practical. You need both, Sammy. So does Suzy. She needs to learn how to deal with all the problems society throws at women today.” Paige sighed. “Still, he’d be good for you both. He’d—”

Wait a minute. What was she saying here? That she’d trust Ian with Suzy and Sammy? She loved these babies, and she’d trust Ian to raise them? “Oh, God, little guy,” she said. “What am I
doing
?”

Sammy, of course, didn’t answer. But he did let go of the nipple and, though she knew he was really too little to react, he seemed to give her the biggest toothless grin she’d ever seen.

o0o

AFTER A HARD RUN Ian meandered along the lakeshore with Scalpel. “What the
hell
is that woman up to with those papers?” he asked the dog.

Scalpel barked. He didn’t understand women any better than Ian did.

Ian had gone back to Hyde Point with some vague notion of trying to hash things out with Paige. Then he’d gotten the notice about the foster care and had been completely immobilized. And Paige had been so overwrought he hadn’t known what to do.

She’d left, and he’d come back here. What a mess things were. He stared out over the lake—its glistening surface had always soothed him. He thought of his parents and how they loved the lake. And how they’d died on it.

Life was short. You never knew when it would end. The dog nuzzled him. It seemed so foolish to waste time arguing.

“Thing is, Scalpel, I know she can forgive me. She’s got it in her.” He threw a stick and watched the dog fetch it. “But she needs reassurance.” He thought about her and Elliot Emerson. “Maybe if I get some counseling...I can be a stubborn SOB.”

Scalpel barked loudly.

“Well, you don’t have to agree so fast.” He walked farther. “I can change, though. Maybe if
I
tell her I’ll get help for my controlling streak.” He sighed. “I’d do anything to get her back.”

He started to feel better. He wasn’t going to let her go that easily. He wasn’t going to let the babies go. It was true what he’d said about not wanting to be together just for the kids, but at the same time, if they refused the foster care and adoption now, it would be too late when he and Paige finally came to their senses.

Maybe he should blackmail her with that fact.

No, that kind of behavior was what had gotten him into hot water with her in the first place. Dan’s words came to him.
I find groveling helps
. He’d be honest, discuss his feelings openly and not give up, no matter how much he had to grovel.

As they neared the cottage, Scalpel halted abruptly; his ears went up. “Hey, boy, what are you—Scalpel, wait!”

The dog darted up the slope to the cottage. At the bottom of the stairs, he stopped, turned and barked at Ian.

“What the hell?” Ian jogged the rest of the way and caught up to Scalpel. “What is it, boy?”

Scalpel grabbed the hem of Ian’s damp T-shirt with his teeth and started to drag him up the steps.

“Scalpel, buddy, what is...”

The question trailed off when he saw what had excited the dog. Stretched out in a lounge chair, her arms over her head, was Paige. Fast asleep. “Shh, boy, don’t wake her yet.” Scalpel quieted and they climbed the rest of the steps silently.

Before he went to her, Ian sucked in a breath and looked up at the cottage.
Hey, Mom and Dad, if you’re watching, please help me do this right
. He crossed to Paige and sat down.

She looked even more worn-out up close. Her hair had escaped the clip, and he smoothed it back from her face with loving fingers. The soft rise and fall of her chest told him she was deeply asleep.

Leaning over, he brushed her forehead with his lips. “Hey, Sleeping Beauty, wake up.” He chuckled. He knew now he was no Prince Charming.

Paige didn’t stir.

“Wake up, lady. I need to talk to you.”

After a few more kisses, her eyes opened. She smiled at him the way she used to when they awoke together. “Ian.” Her lids drifted shut again and she sighed. Then her eyes snapped open. “Oh! I—” She looked around. “I fell asleep.”

His knuckles trailed down her cheek. It was warm and smooth. “You’re exhausted.”

“I needed to see you.” She grabbed his hand, kissed it, brought it to her heart.

“I needed to see you, too.”

She sat up and studied him

He looked weary sitting there on the edge of the chaise. His mouth was bracketed with lines of stress. He was sweaty—he must have been running—and his eyes were sad. She blurted out, “I love you, Ian. I’ve been so wrong.”

“Paige, I—”

She put her fingers to his mouth. “No, let me finish. I went to see Sammy today after I left you. As I was feeding him, I realized I’d trust him and Suzy with you, even if we couldn’t have them together.”

Ian’s jaw dropped. She hoped he recognized the significance of the statement. In case he didn’t, she told him. “It hit me then. If I could trust those tiny babies with you, I could trust my heart with you.” She kissed his hand again. “My life.”

“Oh, honey.”

“I need help dealing with this trust issue. And I need to make some decisions about finding my daughter. I don’t know what I’ll decide about that, but I’ve asked Elliot for some names of counselors.” She raised her eyes to the sky. “I should have done this long ago.”

His grin was star bright. “Can I talk now?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I’d just decided the same thing. That I’d been wrong to expect so much of you. That I need some help in dealing with this control streak of mine.” He gripped her arms. “I never admitted that before, never saw it as a problem until we got together. But it is a problem, and I’ll work on it, baby, I promise.” He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Just don’t leave me, please.” He felt her crying and drew back. “Why the tears, love?”

“Ian, you didn’t have to tell me all that. I told you first I’d compromise. You could have kept what you’d decided to yourself.”

Smiling sadly, he shook his head. “I told you that you could trust me, Paige. I don’t want to win, here. I just want us to be together. To work this out.”

“I do, too.”

Scalpel barked. Ian glanced at the dog. “So does he.”

As if called, Scalpel scampered over and licked them both until she and Ian were laughing.

Ian inched around and maneuvered them until he and Paige were scrunched in the lounge chair together, with the dog at their feet. They sat that way for a while, just reveling in each other’s company.

“We’re going to have a wonderful life, Paige,” he finally said.

“Mmm.”

“Let me tell you about it.”

She turned her face into his chest. “No, don’t tell me. Let me be surprised.”

She felt Ian’s deep sigh. As she snuggled into her soon-to-be husband, she realized she wasn’t afraid of surprises anymore. Together, and trusting each other, she and Ian could take anything the world threw at them.